NCIS: Post-Traumatic
by AnonymousNCISFan
Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation. (Spoilers for Season 15)
1. Chapter 1 - The Icebreaker

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Author's Notes: It's been painful to watch the Gibbs/Abby relationship slowly fall apart over the last season and a half of NCIS. Gibbs seems so cold and distant, and now never interacts with Abby – who has been with him for almost 20 years and has been completely loyal, protective and loving. They haven't been in one scene together (in person) since Season 15 began (10 episodes as of this writing). There has to be a better explanation…wouldn't mind if the writers picked this up and ran with it. Just trying to fill in a huge plot hole. Feedback is much appreciated!**

 **Chapter 1 – The Icebreaker**

 **January 3, 2018**

 **Bethesda Naval Hospital,** **Office of Dr. Grace Confalone, licensed therapist**

"So…who'd like to get us started?" Dr. Grace Confalone said with a sigh, trying to break the tension that was floating thickly in the air. She sat in a chair across from the couch, where Leroy Jethro Gibbs and Abby Sciuto - two of the best people she knew - sat on opposite ends, refusing to make eye contact.

Doc Grace, as Gibbs affectionately called her, had been meeting with him on a weekly basis since his return from Paraguay, but lately she could tell he was holding something back. It took several sessions, but he finally confided that he and Abby had been having "a hard time" lately. Gibbs refused to explain further, saying she ought to be talking to Abby about it. Doc Grace agreed on one condition – that Gibbs be there too.

"Like couples counseling?" Gibbs scoffed. "Been there once or twice. Don't think so, Doc."

"It's not the same – she's not your wife; or did you two sneak off when no one was looking?" she said with a smile. Gibbs winced and arched an eyebrow, shaking his head.

"It's not like that," he whispered.

"I know," she said, growing serious, "but from what you're telling me, this may be the only way to make things right."

Yet now, in the present moment, Doc Grace was having her doubts – seeing the two of them together, but not together, awkwardly avoiding the other's line of sight, told her something deeper was going on.

It was going to be a difficult session; not that the good doctor had never dealt with similar situations in the past, but this was different. They were not a married couple – not even lovers – though one could argue the depth of their relationship surpassed many who'd been under her care.

"OK…" she continued after being met by a solid minute of silence. "Let's try this. I'm going to take a wild guess and say this isn't work related."

She watched as their body language shifted, their eyes darkened. She had her first answer – this was something personal.

"Good, not a work thing. Now we're getting somewhere…but I can't help you if you won't tell me –"

"I didn't ask to be here," Abby spat, standing up nervously and pacing in the corner. "I don't see the point. And I don't need you getting in my head with your psycho-babble."

Gibbs gave an annoyed eye roll, shaking his head and continuing to look away. Giving Gibbs a "cool it" glance, Doc Grace stood up, approaching Abby.

"Hey," she said softly, "I'm not the enemy. We've talked before and –"

"That was different!" Abby replied, meeting her gaze. "And confidential."

"And I would never breach that trust, you know that."

Abby looked away for a moment, then back. "Well, maybe I don't want to talk about anything with him right here…"

"We can meet privately if you'd like, Abby, but you're both here because you each expressed a desire to reconcile whatever it is you're holding onto."

Abby swallowed, trying to blink back her tears as she dropped her voice to a whisper. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I don't think this can be fixed."

Gibbs sighed heavily, obviously agitated. "Damn it, Abby, can ya just sit down and stop acting so childish?!"

Abby took a step back and wavered at the sound of his raised voice, turning away. "You don't want to understand," she sighed softly, a tear running down her cheek.

"I _what_? Why do you think I'm here? I'm tryin', but you won't even talk-"

"Since when did you want to talk?" she rasped, still refusing to look at him.

"Since now, OK?!"

"Just stop…stop yelling…it doesn't always have to be so difficult…"

"OK, OK," Doc Grace said, holding up her hands. "Let's dial it back a bit. Abby, you've known Gibbs for what, almost 20 years? That's a long time to work with someone day in and day out. Was it always, as you just said, so difficult?"

Abby flashed back to the many times she and Gibbs would banter or use sign language, remembering the joy she found in being the only one who could make him smile.

"No," she rasped, sitting back down and gripping her left hand with her right, pressing her thumb into her palm. Gibbs glanced over and recognized the motion.

"It's OK, Abbs, we're just talkin'," he said softly, trying to reassure her, giving her a worried look.

Doc Grace noticed the shift in his tone. "Where did that come from, Popeye?"

Gibbs nodded toward Abby's hands. "Always does that when she's scared or anxious." Abby continued to look down and wring her hands, lost in thought, as if she hadn't heard anything Gibbs said.

"And how does it make you feel that she's doing that now?"

Gibbs looked down, swallowing. "Not good, doc."

"And why do you think she's acting like this now?"

Letting out a long breath, Gibbs narrowed his gaze. "'Cause she's scared of me."

Doc Grace raised an eyebrow. "Might say lots of people are scared of you, Gibbs. Always thought that was part of your … thing. But this…this is different, isn't it?"

"She was never like this, even when…" Gibbs flashed to when Abby found out he had murdered Pedro Hernandez, the drug dealer who killed his wife and daughter. That look in her eyes - the fear, the anxiety - it only lasted a short time, but now…now it was there all the time, whenever he was around her.

"It's my fault," Gibbs whispered sadly, taking a good look at Abby for the first time in months. She still had that far away look in her eyes. Both of them noticed she was tuning out the conversation.

"Why do you say that?" Doc Grace asked while continuing to observe Abby.

"My gut."

"Could you elaborate on that, Gibbs?"

"I'll try, doc, but I'm not really sure what happened…"

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	2. Chapter 2 - A Sinking Feeling

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 2 – A Sinking Feeling**

 **July 2017**

Staring out the window at NCIS headquarters, Gibbs took in the familiar scenery, his own image providing a stark contrast to the brightly lit buildings and peaceful waters below. He couldn't help but look at himself – something he hadn't done in months – as he tried to re-acclimate to being back.

When he saw Bishop, his heart welled with pride. He'd questioned her judgment after the Kai Chen case, and the choices she'd made, but she proved herself as a solid leader over the past two months.. She was also the same age as his daughter would've been and he couldn't help seeing Kelly in her. The exchange was short but heartfelt, and for some reason he no longer felt the need to play the stoic marine.

Sitting at his desk, Gibbs found his father's ID bracelet - which he hadn't worn in almost 10 years - and put it back on. For the first time in a long time, he allowed the tears to come as he leaned forward, feeling gratitude to be back home. The phone at his desk rang, startling him out of his thoughts, and he picked up out of force of habit.

"Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs!" Abby exclaimed over the phone and he winced at her overzealousness.

"Yea, Abbs," he rasped. He fingered his father's bracelet as she continued.

"Bishop just texted me that you're back! Thank God! I mean, it's so good to hear your voice again, I didn't know if…" her voice cracked and he could hear her trying to recover, to be strong for him. "I'm…I'm at McGee and Delilah's place. You should come over. Everyone's gonna be here – it'll be like a family reunion!"

"Not tonight, Abbs," he whispered and knew she could hear the waver in his voice.

"OK…well, when you get home, I left you some stuff in the fridge. I know you hate eating healthy but you have to get your strength back and it's important to maintain a nutritious balance of –"

"Thanks, Abby, I got it."

He could tell by the sigh in her voice that he was frustrating her with his short remarks.

"OK, well, the house should be pretty clean … I took care of it while you were…you know…"

"Getting tortured?" Gibbs replied flatly, regretting his response almost immediately. Abby's voice tightened.

"Gibbs, I didn't mean-"

"I know. Gotta go," Gibbs rasped, feeling unwanted panic rising in his chest. He heard Abby draw an unsteady breath, knew she was probably near tears, but couldn't bring himself to talk anymore.

"I…I could come over tomorrow to see if you need anything and-"

"No," he replied a bit too quickly. "No, Abbs, I'm fine. Really. Been a long trip. Just need some time."

"Sure," she said in a small voice. "Let me know if you need anything."

"OK. Night, Abbs."

Gibbs hung up before he could hear her reply. He knew he was a first-class bastard for being so abrupt with her, but he simply didn't have the energy to be strong for her right now. And he didn't want her to see him like this – beaten, weak and on the verge of tears. When she looked at him, she saw a hero. When he looked at himself, he saw only a broken man. He wasn't sure if he could play the part she needed him to be ever again. And because of that, he'd hurt her.

"Still a bastard," he whispered to himself as he turned off his desk light and headed for the elevator.

 **January 3, 2018**

 **Bethesda Naval Hospital**

 **Office of Dr. Grace Confalone, licensed therapist**

"I didn't think you were a bastard."

Gibbs and Doc Grace looked up suddenly from their conversation. Abby had been sitting quietly as Gibbs detailed their first encounter after he came back from Paraguay.

"Welcome back, Abby," Doc Grace said. "Where were you?"

"Just thinking…happens a lot. McGee once said my mind is like a pachinko machine, and I think he was right. It's like my brain can't shut off, and there's all these memories and knowledge bouncing around. I get distracted."

"That's understandable. A person with your IQ – what is it, 145? – there's bound to be a lot going on in that beautiful mind of yours."

"Beautiful," Abby half-laughed. "I don't know if I'd call it that."

"I do," Gibbs replied with a half smile, trying to ease the tension. Abby glanced up at him, then back down.

"Of course you do," she sighed. "This brain has helped you solve 1,023 cases over the past two decades."

"Well yea."

"And that's all it's good for, right? Solving cases."

"Abbs-" Gibbs started, but she cut him off, imitating him.

"'Get to the point, _Abbs_. In English, _Abbs_. Nothing too deep, _Abbs_.'"

"Hey, all I was sayin' –"

"Gibbs," Doc Grace interjected, "I never thought I'd say this, but please stop talking for a minute." Gibbs raised his eyebrows. "Abby," she continued as she turned toward the forensic scientist, "the first thing you said in about 10 minutes was that you didn't think Gibbs was…well…"

"A bastard," Abby answered.

"Yes. But now, it certainly seems you're harboring some sort of resentment towards him."

"I'm a person of many contradictions, Dr. Confalone," Abby asserted.

"It sounds to me like you both may be putting a great deal of pressure on each other. Professionally…. Personally... Tell me, Abby, do you have a different version of that first encounter? Is that what led us here today?"

Abby leaned back. "No…no he got most of it right. I was hurt, but I knew he'd come around because he's Gibbs, and deep down he's a good man."

"So what I'm hearing," Doc Grace observed, "is that you're willing to tolerate some, let's say, neglect, or even being taken a bit for granted because you care so much for him?"

"Maybe… I don't know. He's been kind of distant for awhile." Gibbs winced at her words, but knew there was truth to them. "But," Abby continued, "that's not why we're here."

"Then why are we here today?" Doc Grace asked, knowing Gibbs was about to ask the same question in a much gruffer manner.

"Because Gibbs is right. I am afraid."

"Of what? Of Gibbs? Of being overlooked by him?"

"Of what they did to him…"

"The rebels in Paraguay?"

"Abbs, just tell her. It's OK. I want to hear you tell it."

"Tell me what?" Doc Grace asked, confused.

"Gibbs…I _can't_ ," Abby said in anguish, meeting his gaze. "What if she tells the director? What if they decide you're not fit for duty and they take your job from you? I can't let that happen. I wouldn't eight years ago and I won't now."

"OK, hold on, let me catch up here," Doc Grace interjected. "Abby, hypothetically speaking, did Gibbs do something to you that he doesn't remember?" Abby looked at the floor, silent, biting her lip.

"Abbs, you tell her or I will."

"You don't know-"

"I know enough! Been eatin' at both of us for months. Want the truth. All of it. I _need_ to know."

"But Gibbs-"

Doc Grace stopped her, reaching over to place her hand over Abby's. "You trust me, don't you?"

"I trust you to do your job, which might cost Gibbs his."

"Let me be the judge of that. Gibbs is right – he deserves the truth. It's the only way to move forward."

Abby gave a defeated sigh and swallowed. "OK. The truth, then…"

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	3. Chapter 3 - Bete Noire

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 3 – Bête Noire**

 **October 23, 2017**

 **Abby's Lab**

"Well, Bert, looks like it's just you and me closing up again," Abby said sadly as she turned off her music and patted the head of her stuffed hippo. Turning to her desk, she opened the top drawer and pulled out a forensic evidence envelope. She brought it to her chest for a moment, contemplating her decision. With a determined look, she placed the envelope in her bag, powered down her "babies" (the machines she counted on each day) and stepped into the elevator.

The roads were slick as Abby drove through the streets of Alexandria in her 1931 Ford Coupe Hot Rod. She'd taken this ride many times after work, but this one felt different. Her gut was churning, but after weeks of waiting, she couldn't stand the silent treatment anymore.

"Here goes everything," Abby sighed as she parked in the familiar driveway. Deciding to leave the envelope in the car for now, she walked to the front door and tried it. McGee told her Gibbs had begun locking his door, but she hadn't truly believed it. To her surprise, he was right – the door was locked. Abby knocked timidly. No answer.

"Probably a sign," she whispered to herself, turning to walk away. As she crossed by the flowers she had planted and nurtured during his absence, a heaviness settled in her chest – whether it was anger or a deep resolve, she wasn't sure.

Abby had given a large portion of her heart to Gibbs long ago. She had been completely loyal, offering nothing less than her best to him. Granted, she'd made mistakes (and so had he), but they always made things right. Yet now, it seemed none of that mattered. Gibbs appeared bent on avoiding her, never coming down to the lab, turning down her every invitation to visit, as if he was the only one hurting. She had given him space, time to process what had happened. She also overheard a number of colleagues – even Ducky and McGee - commenting on how much "sunnier" Gibbs seemed – happy even. Happy without her, she thought. She couldn't help but be bothered by the sudden distance.

Turning on her heel, Abby walked purposely back to the front door, keys in hand. She didn't care if she was invading his privacy – he was probably in the basement working on his boat anyway. It was time for her to confront him, to air things out. No more silent treatment. Finding the right key, she unlocked the door and walked inside. It was time to get things back to normal – or as normal as they could be.

"Gibbs?" she called out, met with darkness and silence. Closing the door, she scanned the living room, making out his figure on the couch. He was sleeping.

"Definitely did not expect this," she whispered, her anger abating as she walked over to see the light from the bay window highlighting the side of his face. She could make out a scar on his forehead, his injured ring finger draped over his chest. It began to hit, what he'd been through, and she sat down next to him. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she softly brushed the hair off his forehead, leaning forward to place a kiss on his scar.

"No!" Gibbs cried, his right hand grabbing her wrist while his left wrapped around her throat. He pulled her to the other side of the couch and straddled her in one smooth motion. Caught completely off-guard, Abby's free hand pushed against the one that was choking her and she felt herself losing consciousness. Gibbs' eyes were open, yet seemed unseeing – a dark blue terror she had never witnessed. He was still dreaming, she realized, and if she didn't do something soon, he was going to kill her.

"G-gibbs," she gasped, but could barely make a sound. He released her wrist to get a better grip on her throat. She didn't want to hurt him, but if she didn't act fast he would be in a position to break her neck.

Remembering a move Ziva had taught her, Abby wrapped her arms around Gibbs, pulling his torso down to her body, holding him tight, then trapped his left foot with her right leg. She quickly wrapped her right arm around his left, getting an overhook. With all her might, she kicked up her left side, the force turning him over and toppling them both off the couch and into the coffee table.

"Ugh!" Gibbs groaned as Abby pushed away, backing to the wall, still sitting on the ground, trying to process what had happened. When she saw him begin to move, she grabbed a hardcover book that had fallen to the floor in a last-ditch effort to defend herself.

"What…the hell…" Gibbs moaned, getting onto his knees and grabbing the couch. When he didn't move towards her, Abby realized he thought he'd just fallen off. "Not again," he grumbled, sitting back on the cushions, leaning forward and shaking his head. As he looked up, he caught Abby in his gaze, the light casting shadows over her face as she sat curled up against the wall.

"Abby?" His voice was gravelly, his expression one of both surprise and concern to see her there. Abby was coughing and rubbing her throat, trying to catch her breath. "Abbs…hey…what - are you OK?"

Abby flinched and backed away as Gibbs moved toward her, kneeling in front of her on the floor.

"Hey…Abbs…it's OK…just tell me what-" Gibbs stopped as he noticed a trickle of blood running down the side of her forehead. He reached to touch the spot, but she moved away. "What happened," he rasped, losing his breath at the sight, the reality of what he may have done beginning to hit him.

"I'm fine," she replied in a strained voice, getting up quickly. Gibbs stood, but gave her space as she walked to the kitchen, wetting a paper towel in the sink.

"Don't look fine…Abby…did something…did I…"

"Are you hurt, Gibbs?" she asked tersely, refusing to look at him as she cleaned the blood off her face. She knew she'd hit the corner of the table on her way down but didn't want to alarm him.

"Fine, Abbs…just sore…not sure from what. Maybe you can tell me?"

"Not how I imagined our first face-to-face," Abby half-laughed, subtly checking her pulse as she continued to face the sink.

"Not answering my question…you remember I do this for living."

"Look, Gibbs, nothing happened, OK. Just an accident."

"Then why are you gasping for air? Let me look-"

Gibbs turned on the kitchen light and stood beside her as she finally faced him. His expression fell as he noticed the red marks around her neck and the small gash on the top of her head.

"You were having a bad dream," she said softly, looking up at him. Anguish and regret flashed across his face. As tears began to well, Abby turned and quickly headed to the front door.

"I shouldn't have come," she rasped, briefly catching her reflection in the glass of the door.

"Abby, wait," Gibbs called, following her. "Just tell me…"

"Shouldn't be much bruising," she rasped, referring to the marks on her neck. "Marks shouldn't last more than a day. Think I have a shirt that can cover this."

"God, Abbs-"

"And head wounds always look worse than they are – probably just a scratch. Looks like it's along the hairline so no one will see…"

"Abby, stop. Did I…God, Abbs, you know I would never-"

"I have to go," she rasped, swiftly opening the door and running down the driveway to her car.

"Abby, wait!" Gibbs called out his front door as he watched her pull away.

Abby drove around the corner, then stopped by the curb. Getting a closer look at herself in the rearview mirror, she felt the weight of what had happened hit her. Gibbs had almost killed her. And he didn't even know it. She closed her eyes as the tears fell. She heard her cell phone ring in the distance and knew it was Gibbs. Sighing, she picked up, knowing he'd come after her if she didn't.

"Gibbs please, I can't-"

"Promise me you won't drive home tonight."

"What? I can-"

"Whatever happened...need to know you're safe. Don't think you should be driving right now."

"So what, you want me to walk, Gibbs?"

"Called you a cab. Should be pulling up in five minutes."

"Wait, how do you know where-" Looking in the rearview mirror, Abby saw his truck parked 15 feet behind her. Of course he'd followed her.

"Just do this, Abbs…for me. Promise to have your car at your place by morning. Maybe then we can talk about-"

"Fine, I'll take the cab, but I'm not talking about this…not until _I'm_ ready, OK?"

"OK…you always know what's best for Abby," he replied, and she could hear the sadness in his tone.

They both sat in their separate vehicles until the cab arrived. As Abby got out of her car, she caught his gaze one final time and saw something else she'd never seen – fear.

"So much for getting things back to normal," she thought to herself as she entered the cab and watched his truck disappear in the distance.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES:** This chapter takes place just before the episode _"Fake It Till You Make It."_ In Abby's first scene, you can see she is wearing a dress with a high collar, and seems somewhat emotional. I'd like to think there was more going on than just her response to Reeves being in AA. This will also tie into subsequent episodes in an attempt to explain/expound upon Abby's behavior (and Gibbs'). Stay tuned!

 _SIDE NOTE: If you are interested in the "move" Abby used to free herself, the inspiration came from a YouTube self-defense video entitled "How to Fight Someone On Top of You."_


	4. Chapter 4 - Crucial Conversation

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 4: Crucial Conversation**

 **January 3, 2018**

 **Bethesda Naval Hospital**

 **Office of Dr. Grace Confalone, licensed therapist**

Abby was standing by the window, staring out at the traffic below, clutching her right hand in nervousness. Retelling those frightening moments at the hands of one of the most beloved people in her life had shaken her. She couldn't face Gibbs as she recounted the terror she felt, the pain, the fear. In one sense, it had been good to get it out, but now she worried what Doc Grace's response would be.

"Abby," Doc Grace said softly, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Gibbs was still seated on the couch, eyes fixed on the floor, one hand over his mouth. He'd guessed at what may have transpired that night, but actually hearing it, hearing Abby tell it, had caused a deep heaviness in his chest. He felt sick. He had told Doc Grace about the dreams, about waking up in weird places in the house or on the floor. It was one of the reasons he'd begun locking his door at night. However, the reality that he unwittingly hurt someone he loved had him rethinking his newfound happiness over surviving Paraguay.

"Abby," Doc Grace said again, more urgently. "Are you still with us?"

Abby blinked quickly, as if hearing her for the first time. "Um…yea," she rasped, wiping away the tears that had fallen. Doc Grace handed her a tissue. "Is, um…is Gibbs in trouble now?"

"You're worried about him," she stated in reply.

"His job means everything to him…I think you know that," Abby whispered, meeting her gaze.

"I don't see any reason for Gibbs to stop doing his job," she said reassuringly, giving a glance back at Gibbs. "Though I do wish this had been brought to my attention sooner."

"Don't be mad at Gibbs…he didn't know…well, he didn't know everything."

"No, she's right," Gibbs said, looking up. "Shoulda told ya sooner, doc. Just didn't know how."

"It's not your fault, Gibbs," Abby said quickly, still unable to look at him. "You were asleep and I should've known better…I mean, I've read lots of studies about PTSD and how this can happen…I just…I really missed you…"

"Abbs," he said gently, standing up to walk over to them both. "Look at me…Please."

" _Gibbs said 'Please',"_ Abby thought to herself, processing the oddity of it. He rarely said that word – it was right up there with apologizing. It was enough to finally make her turn towards him. As their eyes met, Abby's fears fell away, replaced by sadness and a hint of confusion.

Gibbs was frowning, nose red, face flushed and wet with tears. He made no attempt to hide it. His eyes bore into her as she watched a tear well and trail down his cheek. She'd never seen him cry before. It shocked her.

"All I ever wanted was to keep you safe," he said, his voice cracking. "I let you down."

"Gibbs-"

"No, I…I should've kept you safe from _me_."

"No, Gibbs," Abby rasped, walking past Doc Grace to get to him, grabbing his hand. "I don't care how dangerous things get – at work, at home. It hurts more not to have you in my life."

"It shouldn't," he said sadly. "You shouldn't rely on me on so much, Abbs. It's not healthy. It's not good for you. _I'm_ not good for you."

"How can you say that after all this time?" Abby asked in frustration. "You _know_ what you mean to me. Losing my father when I was 13 was bad enough…losing my mom 12 years ago was almost worse. But now I have to lose you too? Because of a bad dream?"

"Not just that," Gibbs continued sadly. "Because of your brothers, because of the team, and because I couldn't live with it if anything happened to you, especially 'cause of me."

"Gibbs, it's not-"

"I think about Alejandro Rivera every day," he continued, his voice strained as he mentioned the son of Pedro Hernandez, the Mexican drug lord who killed Gibbs' wife and daughter. One of Gibbs' hardest moments was when Abby - through Rivera's manipulation - found out Gibbs had murdered Hernandez, and after the report on her findings was "lost," watching as she refused to resubmit the information or the evidence. "I think about how Rivera threatened you," Gibbs continued, "How he did it 'cause _you_ were protecting _me._ How I can't always be there to protect you."

"He's in jail, he's not-"

"Didn't stop him four years ago," he replied, reminding her of how Rivera, despite being in jail, had managed to hire people to kill him.

"I can take care of myself – have for a long time," Abby said strongly, still gripping his hand. "Is this why you've been keeping your distance, even before Paraguay?"

"Part of it," Gibbs sighed, pulling away and wiping his face. He walked back to the couch and sat down in exhaustion. Abby followed, sitting close to him. Doc Grace decided to lean against her desk and observe, feeling almost uncomfortable to be witnessing the exchange.

"Look, Gibbs, I know we've lost a lot of people over the years – a lot of family – but you're strong and I know you would be OK no matter what happens."

"Not as strong as you think."

"Please, Gibbs – you barely batted an eye when Ziva…" she stopped herself, her voice catching at her friend's name and the reminder of her death. "And then Tony leaving…Gibbs, you're better at this than I am. Hell, you're a pro."

"Stop saying that!" he yelled.

"Why?! It's true! You never want to talk about it – you never talk about any of it. Because _you_ move on. You build your boats, drink your Bourbon, hide in your basement. And you move on."

"You don't know everything."

"I only know what you tell me, and that's not much. We're all gonna die, Gibbs – I know that. But you can't protect yourself from it by shutting people out."

"I almost killed you," he growled, fighting back tears.

"But you didn't. Look, I promise not to sneak up on you anymore, OK? I just want things to go back to how they were. I want _good_ back."

"Abby," he sighed, looking up at her. "You look at me, I can see fear in your eyes. I know you're still afraid of me. And I don't know how to fix that."

Abby shook her head. "Maybe the memory does scare me – but what scares me more is what they did to you, what got you to that point. And that you might've lost your job because I wasn't smart enough to walk away."

"My job?" Gibbs half-laughed.

"Gibbs, when it was happening," she swallowed, gripping his hand, "In that moment I saw the entire thing play out – what would happen after. I saw the crime scene tape, the investigation, how you'd be raked over the coals by the higher-ups – even Vance. We've both seen what happens when the blame has to land somewhere. Accident or not, you could've lost your badge, your gun, your purpose. I couldn't let that happen."

Gibbs shook his head, looking up at her. "My job… _that's_ what you were worried about? _That's_ why you fought back?"

Abby nodded, confused at his reaction.

"Wanna know what I've been thinking?" Gibbs asked, smiling grimly.

"Of course I -"

"I was thinking, what the hell would I do if I woke up and you were lying there dead?" His eyes darkened as he barely got out the words.

"Gibbs-"

"Think I'd just call it in? 'Grab your gear, McGee, we got another dead body.'?!"

"No, I-"

"'Cause of death, Palmer? No, let me guess, broken neck. Any suspects, Bishop? Oh, wait, those would be _my_ print marks bruised on the throat.'"

"Gibbs, stop-"

"Worried about _my job_? _You_ need to worry about _you_ , Abby, not me!"

"I'm sorry, can I make a suggestion?" Doc Grace interjected, noticing that the conversation was going in circles. Gibbs silently raised a hand, gesturing for her to go ahead. She took that as a sign to continue. "We've been talking a lot about your problems – and don't get me wrong, that's a _very good_ thing - but maybe it's time we use these thoughts to focus on finding some solutions."

Doc Grace sat back down in her chair as both Gibbs and Abby leaned back into the couch. "Any thoughts?" Abby asked hesitantly, still feeling conflicted.

"I have a few," she replied, "but what I'd like to do might require some compromise for you both."

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	5. Chapter 5 - Ground Rules

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 5: Ground Rules**

 **January 7, 2018**

 **Gibbs' Basement**

"Can tinker all you want, Abbs. Think that engine's had it," Gibbs said as he sanded the side of a new cabinet at his workstation. He had on his protective goggles, his red Marine hoodie and a pair of old blue jeans.

"Oh ye of little faith," Abby asserted, screwdriver in hand as she assessed the old lawn mower parts. Dressed in blue coveralls and converse sneakers, along with her trademark pigtails, Abby focused intently on the job at hand, a small smile on her lips. "Lasted through the summer – she's been good to me, and I'm not givin' up on old 'Bessie' yet."

"Bessie?" Gibbs repeated, smirking. "Didn't know my mower had a name."

"Oh, she's totally a 'Bessie,' Gibbs – time-worn but tough, just needs a bit of TLC and she'll be good as new. Promise."

Gibbs shook his head. Abby glanced up in time to see him grinning as he continued his work. It felt like a stolen moment that she treasured more now than ever. After talking out some of their issues with Doc Grace last week, they were both following through on the doctor's orders. More accurately, she had given them a set of rules – since both seemed to take so well to that type of structure. Both Gibbs and Abby had come to agree that the new rules actually seemed to be working, even if getting through them was like pulling teeth…

 **January 3, 2018**

 **Bethesda Naval Hospital**

 **Office of Dr. Grace Confalone, licensed therapist**

" **Rule #1** ," Doc Grace said, holding up her index finger. " **At least once a week, spend time together doing something mutually enjoyable**."

Gibbs sighed in frustration and Doc Grace took notice. "Geez, Gibbs, we're only on number one and I sense you already have an issue?"

"Don't think she needs to be spending more time with me – should focus on her own life."

Abby looked down sadly. "I have a life, Gibbs," she whispered. "Always did. You're just upset things didn't work out with me and Burt."

"Didn't' say that."

"You don't have to say it, Gibbs. I know you set us up, that you want someone to be there to protect me – honestly, he was like a younger, hot version of you in a lot of ways and…"

Abby trailed off as both Doc Grace and Gibbs raised their eyebrows at her. "I mean, OK, not that you're not hot in your own way as someone who's … advanced in years and…Oh, screw it. Look, Gibbs, Burt is a good guy, but it just wasn't right. I'm not McGee and I'm not Tony…I don't like labels and I love being able to help people in my own way. That doesn't mean I don't have a life. I just want you to be part of it. Unless…unless you don't want to be."

"Didn't say that either," Gibbs replied, his voice rough with emotion.

"Well, Gibbs, you haven't _not_ said it," Doc Grace pointed out. "I'm hearing that you want her to be safe, and that's understandable. We all want the ones we love to be free from harm and pain, but there are no guarantees. And I'd wager that _you_ value other things – such as protecting and serving others – as more important than your own safety. So what this really comes down to is whether you're willing to accept the risks we all take when we care for someone, or let your fear win out."

"Fear?" Gibbs huffed, feeling defensive and vulnerable.

"Yes, Gibbs, fear. Abby said she's willing to try and overcome her fears about the incident you both experienced. Now it's up to you – can you move past the fear of losing her?"

Gibbs looked to Doc Grace, then to Abby. He didn't need to say anything to her – she saw the pain in his eyes. Abby grasped his hand, trying to encourage him.

"Gibbs, let me ask you another question," Doc Grace interjected. "These past few months, and from what Abby's indicated even before that, you've distanced yourself from her. Isn't that, in some way, losing her, too?"

"Never really thought about it like that."

"And it seems your withdrawal did the very thing you didn't want it to do – she was hurt."

"I know," he said quietly, gripping Abby's hand tighter.

"And it would follow that your assumptions about what she needs may have been, maybe, a bit off-base?"

"No good at this, doc," Gibbs replied, wiping a hand over his face, feeling uneasy.

"Did you ever think to ask Abby what she needs?"

Gibbs looked down, silent.

"Or," Doc Grace challenged, "do you think you know better?"

Gibbs simply shrugged. "Don't all parents?" he replied as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

Up until that point, Abby had been growing frustrated with his responses, though she wasn't surprised he was living up to his "functional mute" reputation. But when she heard Gibbs admit out loud – finally – what she meant to him, even in a roundabout way, it caused her heart to swell, her face softening.

"Aww, Gibbs," she rasped, wrapping her arms around him for the first time in what felt like years.

Taken by surprise, Gibbs drew in a sharp breath, just barely catching himself from falling off the couch. Yet far from being annoyed, Gibbs chuckled, pulling her close. He found himself feeling grateful. He'd missed her embrace, the tightness and intensity giving him strength and an odd sense of safety. He would always protect her but knew, in many ways, she protected him, keeping his demons of self-loathing and discouragement at bay through her unwavering faith in him. It was why it had been so hard to see her after the altercation at his house – for only the second time in all their years together, she looked at him with doubt. He hadn't realized how much he needed her reassurance, her love, until this moment. Maybe one day he'd find the courage to tell her all those things. But for now, he hoped the warmth of his arms around her, and a light kiss to her cheek, would be enough.

"I missed these," Abby whispered in his ear. "Missed you."

"Me too," Gibbs replied, his voice cracking as he reluctantly pulled from the embrace.

"So…" Abby said, a hopeful on her face, "can we at least agree to Rule #1? I mean, Grace's Rule #1…"

Doc Grace arched an eyebrow, giving him a knowing look. Gibbs had to admit, his approach didn't seem to be working anyway.

"Think we can give it a shot," Gibbs agreed.

"See, maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all," Doc Grace said in an 'I told you so' tone, smacking Gibbs on the arm. "Now, to Rule #2…"

"Geez, am I gonna have to write these down, Doc?" Gibbs asked in feigned annoyance.

"Don't worry, Gibbs, I got you covered," Abby reassured him with a smile as she pulled out her notebook and skull-shaped pen from her bag.

"OK, then," he shrugged, smirking and turning his attention back to the good doctor. It might take awhile, he thought, but maybe these rules would do them both some good after all.

 **January 7, 2018**

 **Gibbs' Basement**

"Ha!" Abby called out with pride as the engine she'd been working on began to purr.

Gibbs gave her a lopsided grin, taking off his protective goggles and walking toward her. "That's good work, Abbs," he said, looking over the engine. Patting her on the back, he signed to her: _"Thank you."_

Abby signed back: _"Anything for you."_

Given his discomfort with the spoken word, they'd both discovered it was easier for Gibbs to express himself through sign language at times. He'd been making an effort to do that more lately, per Doc Grace's **Rule #2: Express yourself!**

"So…anything else need fixin' around here?" Abby asked confidently, wiping her hands and putting the tools back in the proper place.

"Plenty," Gibbs replied, "but it's gettin' late. You OK to drive?"

This was the hardest part for Abby – **Rule #3: Respect each other's space and privacy.** She knew Gibbs would always invite her to stay, but it was better for them both if she wasn't as demanding of him as she used to be.

"I'm good," Abby reassured him. "See you at work tomorrow."

As she turned to walk up the stairs, Gibbs followed her up the first few steps, tapping her on the shoulder. She looked back to him and he signed to her quickly: " _Be safe._ _I love you."_

Smiling warmly, Abby signed back: _"Of course. Love you, too."_ She reached over to give him a quick peck on the cheek before jogging up the stairs and out the front door.

Gibbs normally would have walked Abby to her car – even offer to drive her home himself – but that would be breaking **Rule #4: Show trust in each other**. He wanted to show confidence in Abby's ability to look after herself and stop being, as one snarky lawyer once called him, "an over-protective candyass." At some point, even the best parents have to let go a little bit.

Hearing Abby's car start and pull away, Gibbs sighed and opened a drawer at his workstation. His face growing grim, Gibbs pulled out the case file of Gabriel Hicks. The fact that he was still out there – a cold-blooded killer who had pulled the wool over his eyes – made his stomach turn. He wondered what this mistake was going to cost him. As he yet again pored over the file, his gut was telling him the price might be too high this time.

Just outside in Gibbs' backyard, the rustling of trees could be heard. Several yards away, the light of a cell phone pierced the darkness. A grainy video played on the screen, taken through the basement window just minutes before: Gibbs signing to Abby on the steps as Abby kissed him on the cheek before walking up the stairs.

Watching the scene, Gabriel Hicks smiled, hitting "save" on the display before quickly turning off the device.

"Batter up, Agent Gibbs."

 **TO BE CONTINED…**


	6. Chapter 6 - Splinter Removal 101

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 6: Splinter Removal 101**

 _ **(Set shortly after the events of the S15 episode "Dark Secrets." I'm still in an angsty mood about how the show is keeping them apart, which I guess spilled into this chapter. Angst ahead!)**_

 **January 13, 2018**

 **Gibbs' House**

Abby sat on Gibbs' couch watching the embers burn in the fireplace, mindlessly rubbing her right index finger.

"Could've helped with that," Gibbs said, nodding to her injured finger as he placed a bowl of popcorn on the table.

"I've seen how you dig out splinters, Gibbs – it's not pretty."

"Gotta get it out," Gibbs replied with a shrug. Looking over, he could see she was somewhat agitated, preoccupied with the fire.

"Yes, and there's lots of ways to do that, Gibbs…Jimmy managed without causing too much pain."

"There somethin' botherin' you, Abby?" Gibbs asked, a hint of annoyance in his tone. Things had gotten somewhat better between them since their visit with Doc Grace two weeks ago, but they could feel an unresolved tension in the air. Gibbs had yet to pay a visit to her lab, and if they were both honest, the heaviness of their last case had them avoiding each other again. The suicide, the dark secrets, the video diary – it had a struck chord with both of them, but for different reasons.

"Yes, Gibbs, there's lots of things bothering me," Abby replied pointedly, not making eye contact. "Why I couldn't get the damn splinter out myself. Why a young woman would take her own life because she felt like she couldn't talk to anyone, not even her own family. Why every case seems to eat at me more these days."

Gibbs swallowed, realizing that Abby had become a bit different in the months he'd spent avoiding her. There was an underlying sadness, a dimming. It made his heart ache, his gut twist.

"What can I do?" Gibbs asked, unsure of his ability to fix this particular melancholy within her.

"You're doin' it," she sighed, nodding to him.

"What?"

"Just being here…with me. Sorry, I…we're supposed to be working on Rule #1 and I'm bringing the room down."

"Nah…need to talk, too…Doc's Rule #2."

"I don't know, Gibbs…watching Lieutenant Newhall's video diary entries…It was creepy but in a weird, familiar way. Like I saw parts of myself in her…"

"Hey," Gibbs interrupted, growing slightly uncomfortable. "Umm, maybe this is a conversation you should be having with the doc…"

Abby rolled her eyes. "I'm not talking about the 'sex' part, Gibbs, if that's what you're worried about."

"No, Abby, I'm more worried about the fact that you're identifying with a woman who killed herself without any thought to who might find her or who she was leaving behind."

Abby continued to stare blankly into the fire. "That why you won't come down to the lab anymore? Worried you'll find me strung up in ballistics?"

"Damn it, Abby!" Gibbs yelled, startling her as he kicked the table, the bowl of popcorn spilling onto the floor.

"God, Gibbs, what the-"

"It's not a damn joke!"

"I didn't-"

"Don't speak," Gibbs growled, pointing a finger at her. He crouched in front of her so they were eye-level, inches from each other, forcing her gaze from the fire. When she looked at him, she saw the pain - the same pain she'd seen when they'd been in counseling.

"I spoke to that girl's parents," he whispered menacingly. "And if you _ever_ even _think_ of doing that to me…"

Gibbs trailed off, breathing heavy, his anger turning into distress. Abby's eyes filled with regret. She'd shared too much; she'd hurt him. _'This is why he pushes me away,'_ she thought sadly. She cupped his face with her left hand, signing with her right: _"I'm sorry."_

Gibbs shook his head. "Not good enough. I need to know…what the _hell_ you meant."

She began to sign, but he clasped her hands in his. "No. Say it."

"Told me not to speak," she replied, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"Speak," he said sharply, arching an eyebrow and moving to sit next to her.

Abby sighed and looked up, pushing back her tears. Why had she ever supposed she could talk to him about this? _'Because you weren't thinking, Abigail,'_ she thought sadly.

"It didn't mean anything," she lied, yet knew he was seeing right through her.

"Really," he replied flatly, in a tone she'd heard him use before – in interrogation. "You know what I think? I think you like pokin', gettin' a reaction out of me. Done it for years. But it's not cute anymore, and I won't have it. I'm too tired to play these games."

"Well it's the only way I know how to get your _damn_ attention," she spat. "You used to like it, played along…now you're changing the rules?"

"People change," Gibbs shrugged. "This is serious. Not a game to me, never was. So just tell me."

"But _nothing too deep_ , right?" she muttered sadly. "That's what you said all those years ago, when I tried to tell you about my autopsy phobia, about my dreams. You didn't want to know then. Do you really want to know now?"

Gibbs remembered their exchange in the evidence garage after the bombing at NCIS, how he'd wanted to help her, but ultimately felt helpless. Urging her to connect with her biological brother Kyle had ultimately been the right call, but Gibbs was beginning to wish he hadn't put a boundary on their conversation.

"Abbs," he said softly, growing more concerned, "You've got my attention. I need to know."

Nodding, Abby bit her lip, searching for the words, for the way that would hurt him the least.

"Remember when I told you about feeling like I'm not enough?" Gibbs nodded silently, urging her to continue. "Well, that's still true, in a lot of ways, and it's hard…hard to feel like you're not enough all the time, you know?" Abby's voice cracked and a tear slipped down her cheek. "Losing people…friends…family, because I wasn't enough, because I couldn't save them…I'm just so tired of it all, Gibbs, and sometimes…sometimes I envy them, the people we lost, because _they_ made it – they made it to a place … a place where I believe they're safe - no more pain, no more danger, no more disease. Just … peace."

"I know," Gibbs rasped.

"Do you believe, Gibbs? Believe that they're still out there…safe, happy?"

"I believe…" Gibbs began hesitantly, "I believe no one's ever really gone."

"Ever see them?"

Gibbs eyes widened, then narrowed, as he debated whether to share just how often he saw some of their old "ghosts."

"You do," Abby said in surprise, recognizing his "tell" – it was in his eyes.

Gibbs gave her a small lop-sided grin, shrugging. "Maybe…I don't know. Not sure it makes a difference. More concerned about here, now… about you."

Abby sighed. "Sometimes I just wanna be with them, you know?" Shifting in his spot, Gibbs frowned, but Abby stopped him before he could interject. "Gibbs, I'm not…I mean, I never want to hurt you, not ever… but it's like there's this sadness hanging over me, and it just keeps growing until I can't bear it anymore."

"You talk to Doc Grace about this?" Gibbs asked, swallowing.

"Yea," she replied quietly. "When you were…in Paraguay…the sadness got real heavy - I mean _really_ heavy. Almost took me down, Gibbs."

"How close?" he rasped, a hint of fear in his voice.

"Too close," Abby choked out, another tear escaping at the admission. "Gibbs…I thought you and McGee were…I thought I failed you both. Just like Earl and Ziva and Dorneget, Mike and Director Shepard…and Kate…"

Barely getting through the sad list of names, Abby finally broke down, placing her head in her hands as she wept – for her friends, for her failures, for hurting Gibbs, for hurting herself.

Gibbs was stunned. How had he missed the effect all those losses had on her? Sure, he knew she had a big heart, and that it was more difficult for her than most. She wasn't like him – she wasn't a trained agent used to death and destruction. Gibbs had found his own coping techniques to numb the pain – boats, Bourbon and his basement - and he'd always thought Abby had found hers, Gibbs being one of them. She clung to him during their darkest moments and having to be strong for her partly helped him find his own way through the grief. Yet apparently Abby hadn't found her own way through it. It shocked him that it would bring her – _his_ Abby, his sunshine, his perpetually positive genius - to the point of ultimate despair.

"Abbs, Abby, it's OK," he whispered, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her toward him. She leaned into his embrace, burying her face in his chest as she wept.

"It should've been me," she whimpered, the sentence muffled by his shirt.

"What?" Gibbs pulled back, tucking a finger under her chin. She looked shattered, and he could barely keep his eyes on her.

"It should've been me, not Kate," she said more clearly, angrily wiping her face.

"Don't you say that," Gibbs rasped, eyes wide.

"It's true, Gibbs. If I had just gone down to Ducky to give him the evidence Ari wanted, instead of worrying about my stupid phobia, then I would've been in autopsy instead of Kate, and she would've never met Ari, and he wouldn't have fixated on her, and he wouldn't have…"

Gibbs placed a finger on her lips to stop her. "You don't know that, Abbs. Can't blame yourself. What did I tell you back then?"

"That maybe I wasn't there – in autopsy with Ducky and Gerald - because I was needed here."

"I still believe that," Gibbs said. "You keep sayin' you're not enough…but you are, Abbs. _You are enough_. Sometimes too much," he half-laughed, thinking of all the times he was overwhelmed by her enthusiasm and brilliance. "Never known you to give less than your best. Can't blame yourself. You didn't pull the trigger."

Abby shook her head sadly. "Kate was my friend, Gibbs, and I let her down, and I miss her all the time. I miss all of them."

"I know…me too," Gibbs confessed, pulling her close. "Abbs, I've been there…when I lost…when I lost my girls…missed 'em so bad…I know what you mean, I've been to that place, too."

Abby looked up, surprised at Gibbs' admission, though she'd had her suspicions. He looked back at her with determination. "But we can't let the darkness win, Abbs. We can't. Too many people depending on us."

"I know," Abby sighed, leaning back on his chest. "I'm sorry … I'm sorry I'm such a burden."

"Hey," he rasped, cupping her face. "That is _not_ true."

"Look, I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with and maybe you are better off without -"

Placing a finger on her lips, he stopped her, his face growing dark. "Don't you say that," he replied, his voice rough with emotion.

"But-"

"Listen to me. You are _not_ a burden." When Abby met his gaze, she could see the fear in his eyes, feel his hands trembling, his breathing increase. It scared her to see this side of him, the emotional side hidden beneath the scars of the stoic soldier.

"Gibbs? Gibbs what is it?"

Gibbs pulled away as he began to sign. _"Don't ever leave me like that."_ Abby began to say something, but he stopped her, continuing to sign. _"My mom left me like that. Never got over it."_

"Oh, no…Gibbs I didn't…" Abby stopped herself, blinking back tears as she began to sign back to him. _"I'm so sorry. Your dad told me she had cancer."_

" _She did. Got real sick. Said…said she didn't want to be a burden. Then…"_

Abby looked down, realizing why her words pierced him the way they had. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she signed to him. _"I didn't know … Doesn't mean she didn't love you, or your dad."_

" _I know,"_ he signed back. _"But she still left us. Left a big hole."_

" _I'm sorry. I never should've said -"_

" _No. Glad you told me. But I need you to know…"_ Gibbs stopped signing, swallowing hard. _"It would break my heart to lose you like that, too."_

Abby wondered if she'd read his sign language right. Break his heart? She didn't think that was possible, after all he'd been through, but the look in his eyes told her he believed it to be true.

"Last thing I'd want to do, Gibbs," Abby said aloud, sighing. "I just…I don't know how much more I can take."

Gibbs leaned in to kiss her forehead. "You can, Abbs…you can take it all. Stronger than you think. And a giver. Look how you were there for Delilah … so proud of you for that … for everything."

"Proud?" Abby asked, looking up.

"Yea," he said matter-of-factly, surprised she didn't already know. "Always proud of you, Abbs. You're the best person I know, even if you drive me crazy sometimes," he laughed, kissing her cheek and pulling her close. "You ever feel that darkness again, Abbs, you come to me, or McGee or Doc Grace – hell, even Jimmy. You go to somebody and you talk to them. 'Cause I can't…" Gibbs' voice caught in his throat and he trailed off, remembering the anguished faces of Lieutenant Newhall's parents when he gave them the terrible news.

"I will," Abby reassured him, grasping his hand. Gibbs brought her injured finger up to eye level, examining it. Clearing his throat, he asked, "So, how'd you do this?"

"Funny you should ask," Abby said as she reluctantly moved away to reach for her bag. "Was fixing this, actually."

As Abby pulled out the item, Gibbs flashed a huge smile, filled with a bit of wonder. She never ceased to surprise him.

"Where'd you get it?" he asked as she handed him the object, his fingers tracing over the familiar ridges and details.

"McGee," she replied. "Said he felt really bad about breaking it, though he wouldn't tell me exactly how. It's really beautiful, Gibbs. Anyway, thought you'd like it back."

The wood carving Gibbs had been working on during their imprisonment in Paraguay was now resting back in his hands, in one piece. He'd pocketed the broken item before heading to locate McGee on the ship, but couldn't find it when they touched down at home. He figured he'd dropped it in all the commotion, but McGee must have spotted it. "This is … how'd you do this?"

"Oh come on, Gibbs, you know you'd find my scientific explanation of that _so boring_ ," she remarked with a smirk.

" _Thank you,"_ he signed to her. Eyes shining, he took her injured finger and placed it on his lips for a kiss.

" _Better?"_ he signed, grinning.

" _Much!"_ she replied with her free hand. Standing up, she picked up the tipped over bowl of popcorn, cleaning up the pieces that had fallen to the floor.

"Just leave it, I'll get it later" Gibbs said, but she waved him off, scooping up the last of it before heading to the kitchen. Gibbs was amazed at her ability to shift moods so swiftly. It almost worried him. He was still trying to process what had just happened. As challenging as their friendship could be at times, Gibbs was coming to realize something that, deep down, he'd always known - that they made each other better.

"Hey, no way you're wiggling out of this one!" Abby called from the kitchen, reminding him of why they were here in the first place. "You promised you'd give this a shot, popcorn and all."

"Remind me again what I agreed to watch?" Gibbs groaned.

"Gibbs, I told you, it's like _E.T._ meets _Aliens_ meets _Stand By Me_ ," Abby said, bringing a new bowl of popcorn into the living room.

"Don't think I've seen any of those, so…"

"What?! Those are classics, Gibbs!"

"Now you're starting to sound like DiNozzo," Gibbs smirked.

"We really need to get you out more," Abby sighed, tweaking the hookup she'd attached to his TV.

"Still don't get why we need all these wires and do-hickeys – you're not breakin' my TV are you?"

"Because it's on _Netflix_ ," Abby replied, getting out her remote.

"What's Netflix?"

"It's an Internet ... you know what? It's not important. What's important is that we start this tonight because it's 16 chapters."

"Chapters? Like a book?"

"More like a mini-series…think _Roots_ , or _North & South_. Except, nothing like those."

Gibbs shook his head, baffled. "What's it called again?"

" _Stranger Things_ ," Abby said as she got Netflix up and running.

"Perfect - sounds like a show right up your alley," he teased.

"Gibbs, just give it a try, OK? I haven't had a chance to watch it yet, but my friend Carol – and pretty much everyone I know - says it's amazing. Even the nuns I bowl with have seen it."

"OK, OK," he said defensively, holding up his hands in surrender. She smiled, clicking on the first episode, then leaned back next to him on the couch.

"Just one episode," she whispered in his ear, "And if you don't like it, I promise I'll find an old John Wayne classic for you."

Gibbs shrugged. "This is fine, Abbs…if it makes you happy, that's all I want."

"Are you happy?" she asked, rubbing his arm.

"Yea," he smirked. "Happy you're here."

"Now _that_ makes me happy," Abby smiled, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before hitting play. "OK, here we go…November 6th, 1983…"

"I can read, Abbs."

"Not without your glasses – you're squinting."

"Thought you said my squinting was cute."

"Gibbs, shhh…I think this guy's about to…yep. He was a redshirt."

"A red what?"

"You know, Star Trek…oh, forget it. We're about to meet the heroes of our story!"

"Heroes? Abby…they're kids … and they're playing…hell, I don't what they're-"

"Dungeons and Dragons, Gibbs – my brother and I used to play for hours and - Oh wow, Carol was right! That one on the left looks just like her nephew Fisher! And look Gibbs – it's your TV!"

Gibbs arched an eyebrow and reached for the popcorn. "Well, sounds like they got the soundtrack from your lab," Gibbs teased. While he often feigned annoyance at watching anything other than old westerns, Gibbs was just glad to have her company. Most nights, he had nothing to come home to; this was a nice change of pace. There were stranger things in the world than an old, thrice-divorced marine watching a movie on a Saturday night with a goth forensic scientist who had somehow managed to work her way deep into his troubled heart over the past two decades.

" _Or maybe not,"_ he laughed to himself, feeling that same gratitude he had told Doc Grace about all those months ago. No matter how hard it got, he was going to savor every one of these moments. He also knew he'd have to make it a point to get down to Abby's lab soon … as soon as he figured out what was keeping him from going down there…

In the distance, a dog's bark could be heard as a camera focused through the bay window of Gibbs' home. The shadow of Gabriel Hicks was looming closer…

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	7. Chapter 7 - Missing Moments

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 7: Missing Moments**

 _ **(Author's note: This chapter is a bit of a change of pace, and was inspired by something I've always wanted to see on the show in one way or another…heavy metaphors ahead).**_

" _I don't know, Leon…some of those moments you don't get back."_

 _~Gibbs to Vance, "Family Ties"_

The sun cast a blurry glare as Gibbs sat in his boat on the water, fishing rod in hand. Despite the chill in the weather, he felt refreshed being outdoors, away from the horrors of the job. As he leaned forward to re-bait the hook, something caught the corner of his eye. A splashing sound.

"Help! Help me!"

Recognizing the voice immediately, he rowed with determination. But the current seemed to be against him. Everything went in slow motion as he grew closer to the disturbance.

"Please help!"

The water garbled her cries as she sunk under yet again. She was drowning and he couldn't get to her.

"Kelly!" he cried, stretching out his hand. "Kelly, baby, take my hand!"

"Can't reach," the little girl cried. "Help me, daddy!"

"I'm comin'!" he replied, diving in the water after her. He dove deep, searching for her, finding her small form and bringing her up for air. The boat had drifted, and the land wasn't far, so he made his way to the shore, grasping her with one arm, whispering pleas for her to stay with him in her ear.

"C'mon, Kel," he said, breathing hard as he gently placed her on the sand and began CPR. "C'mon breath!"

But it was no use. She wasn't responding. His attempts became desperate, tears piercing his eyes. He couldn't lose her. Not again.

"Gibbs," another familiar voice called. Looking up, he saw Abby moving over them, emotion filling her eyes but her demeanor oddly calm. Grasping his arm, she implored him, "Gibbs, Gibbs, let me help you."

He went back to performing CPR, shaking his head, refusing her help.

"Please, Gibbs, let me help you. I can bring her back, but you need to trust me."

Gibbs stopped, sighing heavily, out of breath, as he made room for Abby to assist. He was moved by the way she gently caressed Kelly's face, leaned over to whisper in her ear before turning to him.

"She's sinking in the sand. Help me move her onto that board," Abby said, pointing to a large plank of wood about the size of a small table. They placed her on the flat surface as Abby checked her breathing.

"Give her rescue breaths on my count," she ordered, beginning CPR herself. She was more calm, had a better technique, and her eyes were determined. Gibbs felt a wave of calm and reassurance sweep over him. Abby knew what she was doing; she rescued him from his torn state, centered him to the task.

Working together, they began again, and on the second repetition were rewarded. Kelly's eyes jutted open as she coughed up the water that had filled her lungs. Gibbs let out a cry of relief, a sob tearing from his throat as he stroked her face. Abby gently turned the young girl on her side, rubbing her back, whispering encouragements.

"That's it, take a breath, you're doing great. Nice and easy," Abby said.

"Atta girl," Gibbs rasped, leaning down to kiss his daughters forehead. She looked up at him, confused and scared, jumping into his arms.

"Daddy!" she cried. "Don't leave me."

"Never," he whispered, hugging her close, feeling her heartbeat for the first time in ages. Looking up, he saw tears falling down Abby's cheeks as she smiled at them. He nodded to her, wrapping an arm around Abby and bringing her into the embrace. He felt a warmth in his chest, soothing the seemingly endless ache that had been tormenting him. But he knew it couldn't last.

"Abby!" Kelly smiled as she jumped into the goth scientist's arms, hugging her tightly. "Thank you for helping my daddy."

"She helped you too, Kel," he said with a smirk, his heart swelling at the scene, though part of him knew it could never be real.

Smiling, Kelly got up suddenly. "Tag, you're it!" she yelled, tapping Abby on the shoulder.

"Oh, I'm gonna get you!" Abby laughed as she quickly took off her boots and ran after her. Catching up quickly, she scooped the young girl up in her arms, swinging her around. Gibbs noticed Abby pulling something from her pocket and showing it to his daughter – a magnifying glass. She pointed to a shell that Kelly picked up and they began examining it. Though he couldn't hear the conversation, he could imagine her telling Kelly all the details and origins of the tiny object. Kelly's face lit up with wonder as Abby spoke, and in that moment Gibbs suddenly noticed what a good mother Abby would be.

"Jethro," a soft voice called to him, a smooth hand resting on his shoulder. Looking up, Gibbs smiled as he saw Shannon sitting beside him. She cupped his face, kissing him deeply.

"Hey," he rasped, gasping her hand.

"She's really something," Shannon remarked, smiling.

"Who, Abby? Yea…yea she is," he replied with a grin as they both watched Kelly and Abby continue to look for objects in the sand.

"Kelly always said she wanted a big sister. She's gonna love having her here," Shannon said matter-of-factly.

"Think she already does," Gibbs smiled, looking back only to see Shannon's features darken, eyes growing serious. Gibbs frowned, a tension rising within him.

"Jethro," Shannon said gently, her eyes shining sadly, "a storm's coming." Gibbs looked up to see the sky open suddenly, rain beginning to pour down. Kelly and Abby giggled and ran up to the silver trailer, huddling together under the overhang, sitting on the steps. Shannon didn't move, and neither did Gibbs as he searched her eyes for understanding.

"What storm?" Gibbs swallowed, looking vulnerable, a hint of fear creeping in.

"No matter what anyone says, no matter what you think, she is not safe, Gibbs."

"Who? Kelly? Abby? What's goin' on?"

"Keep her safe," Shannon begged, cupping his face, "for Abby's sake…and your own."

"Safe from what?! From who?!" Gibbs asked, panic rising in his voice.

"I love you," she rasped, kissing him softly before pulling away and heading toward Abby and Kelly.

"Wait!" Gibbs cried. He wanted to get up but felt paralyzed. He watched as Abby greeted Shannon with a huge hug before the three of them went inside the trailer to get out of the rain. Finally able to stand, Gibbs began to make his way toward them when a bolt of lightening suddenly crashed in front of him.

"Abby!"

Lightning flashed through the bedroom window as Gibbs sat up in bed, covered in sweat, trying to catch his breath. A part of him had known it was all a dream from the start, but he couldn't help but be moved, and yet deeply disturbed, by it.

Rubbing his face, Gibbs looked at the clock. 2AM.

"Jesus," he muttered, trying to hang onto the memory of his dream, of what had shaken him. He remembered seeing Kelly and Abby together on the shore, examining sea shells. And Shannon…something about a storm…Grabbing his phone, he pressed the speed dial.

"Gibbs? Everything OK? Gibbs?"

He breathed a sigh of relief at the sound of Abby's voice coming from the other end of the call.

"Hey, Abbs, just checkin' in."

"At 2AM? Now I know how you felt every time I called you about my nightmares – oh no, Gibbs, did you have a nightmare? Are you feeling OK?"

"Fine, Abbs," he replied, trying to reassure her. "Just didn't see you today…wanted to make sure you got home alright."

"Again, at 2AM? Not buyin' it, bossman. What's goin' on?"

Gibbs sighed; he should've known she'd see right through him. "You were right; bad dream."

"Paraguay?" she asked hesitantly. He'd never confided in her about that experience, and she wasn't sure she could handle hearing it over the phone right now, not when she wanted to wrap her arms around him, comfort him, find a way to make it all OK.

"No, not that…not really sure what it was."

"Maybe your gut was trying to tell you something?"

"Could be," he replied hesitantly. He'd called to hear her voice, to make sure she was safe, but he didn't want to scare her.

"What about the dream? Do you remember anything?"

"Kelly…you were with Kelly," he rasped.

"Oh," Abby responded quietly, treading lightly. She knew this was a sensitive subject and didn't want to push him.

"And," Gibbs offered, "You were, um…examining sea shells together."

"Doesn't sound so bad," Abby replied, feeling herself get choked up at the image. She'd often wondered what Kelly had been like - her curiosities, her favorite games, best subjects in school. One night, when she felt particularly broken by Gibbs' disappearance, Abby searched through some of his old photos. Images of Gibbs and Shannon, of he and Kelly fishing, riding horses, painting a picture. She couldn't imagine Gibbs' devastation after losing them – it's why she'd always tolerated his impatience and at times grumpy nature. Back then, her heart ached from missing him, angry at her own selfishness for wanting him back – he obviously belonged with his family. Yet now, having him back, her heart ached for Gibbs in a different way, for what he'd lost. She'd always hoped, in some small way, that she could bring Kelly back to him if she loved him enough.

"There was somethin' else," Gibbs continued, dragging Abby from her thoughts. "A storm. Bad one."

"Well…storms pass," she said, trying to reassure him.

"Just … just watch your six, Abbs, OK?"

"Always do. Gibbs, do you think-"

"Sorry for botherin' you so late," he interjected, wanting to leave the conversation at that, for now. "Get some sleep."

"You too," she replied, her voice filled with concern.

"I'm fine Abbs, honest. See you tomorrow."

"OK," she said hesitantly, hearing the phone click as he hung up.

Gibbs sighed. He could almost see her shaking her head in confusion as she went back to bed. The image hit him hard in the moment, and he cursed. "Why the hell do you sleep in a coffin, Abby," he rasped out loud, trying to get the thought out of his mind as he pushed back against the pillows. "Some of those moments you don't get back," he whispered sadly into the darkness, repeating what he had told Leon earlier in the day.

Across town, the rain came down hard on the empty batting cages of the local ball field – well, mostly empty. Through the downpour, Gabriel Hicks continued to practice, making contact on each delivery. The crack of the bat pierced the night air as the sound of thunder crackled, lightning revealing the smirk on Hicks' face. The wheels were now in motion.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	8. Chapter 8 - A Matter of Trust

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 8: A Matter of Trust**

 _ ***Spoilers for Season 15's "Keep Your Friends Close." Really don't want to wait three weeks to see the conclusion of this episode, so I had to write some sort of resolution to the cliffhanger! Enjoy – feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **February 8**

Abby Sciuto slammed on her computer keys harder than normal as she went through the evidence of the Gabriel Hicks case. He kept it from her – he partnered with Sloane, who at the moment was lying in hospital bed in God-knows-what condition. And Jessica Schaffer, Hicks' lawyer – former lawyer of only a few hours – was lying dead in autopsy.

"Damnit!" Abby cursed as she slammed her hand on the desk, an action that had Special Agent Ellie Bishop pause mid-step in the doorway.

"Umm...I'll come back later," Bishop said quickly, turning on her heel.

"Please don't go," Abby sighed, putting her head down. "I need to know at least someone on this team trusts me enough to give me the truth."

"Abby," Bishop started, walking towards her, "none of us knew what Gibbs and Sloane were up to. They were just trying to protect us."

"And who was supposed to protect them?" Abby replied a bit more sharply than she had meant. "I'm sorry…I-I'm just so tired of being in the dark, of watching all of you play games with your lives every time you head undercover or go rogue on another opp."

"It's our job, Abby, and besides, I think Gibbs had a plan, and I think they teamed up so they could have each others' backs."

"Didn't work out so well for Sloane, did it?" Abby said in a low voice, finally turning toward Bishop. "How is she?"

"Stable. No signs of internal bleeding. Has a concussion but mostly just superficial scrapes and bruises. She got lucky."

"For now. Hicks is still out there, fine and fancy free. And we let him go."

"Well, technically Gibbs let him go."

"Based on _our_ evidence."

"Based on Jimmy and Ducky's evidence, not yours. You just uncovered that whoever killed that Navy lieutenant 11 years ago was a serial killer. Ducky was the one who told Gibbs the killer was left-handed."

"I can't believe Gibbs ruined Fornell's career for nothing!" Abby said as her voice rose in frustration. "I mean, since when is his gut wrong? They interviewed Hicks…together, Gibbs and Sloane. She was psy-ops! How did he fool her? How did he fool _Gibbs_?"

"I don't know, Abby… he must be really good. And it wasn't like there was a lot of time to go over that case before Gibbs found out about Fornell suppressing witness testimony."

"Fornell did the right thing because he knew that bastard was guilty! I bet Gibbs would've done the same thing."

"Gibbs wouldn't-"

"Oh no, Ellie. You may've been around the block with Gibbs a few times, but I've been cross-country. And right now… right now I bet he's ready to do _anything_ to get this guy. Where is he anyway?"

"At the hospital. Fornell's with him. Guess they finally made up. Was pretty worried when I walked in on them…" Bishop trailed off, not wanting to say too much.

"Walked in on them doing what?" Abby pressed, crossing her arms and giving Bishop her own version of the Gibbs stare.

"OK…so I kind of walked in at the end of it, but I've never seen Gibbs act so… I don't know…vulnerable? Emotional?"

"How so?"

"Fornell basically told Gibbs he couldn't trust him, then walked out. When I asked Gibbs if he was coming back, he said no, but it was the way he said it, and something I saw in his eyes later…I think he feels really guilty."

"That's kind of Gibbs' M.O. – the perpetual martyr. Helps deflect responsibility."

"Abby, don't you think you're being a bit hard on him? He was just trying protect-"

"You're an NCIS agent, Ellie – you don't need protection! Neither does Torres or McGee. He shut us out. And there are consequences."

"We need to focus on Hicks right now, before he does kill again, which I'm convinced he will. Who knows what's next. And right now our best bet in catching this bastard is your analysis of Schaffer's car and what caused the explosion. You do your thing and link this to Hicks, it'll make things right. So suit up and let's get down to the garage. We _are_ a team, and _you_ are our star player, our ace in the hole. We need your A game."

Remembering a time when Gibbs told her the same thing, Abby nodded in agreement. "You'll get it, but when this is over, there will be a conversation, and he's not squirming out of this so easily."

"Is everything OK between you two?"

Abby tried to mask her first reaction, flinching. "Yea, of course, Gibbs and I are tighter than blood. Why would you think something was wrong?"

"Well…" Bishop started cautiously, "I know I've come down here a bunch of times looking for Gibbs, but he wasn't here. If we're not in the field or the bullpen, he's usually always here. In your lab."

"Your point," Abby asked in a worried tone, biting her lip.

"My point is that I'm realizing I haven't seen him down here since he came back to work. And that's very odd, don't you think?"

"Well, just because you didn't see him, doesn't mean he hasn't been down here," Abby contended weakly, shifting and turning away. She was terrible at lying.

"Abby, it's me. We've been through a lot together… hell, we've done couples massage together…albeit with that snake Jake, but still…you, me and Delilah – we're the 'Dream Cyber Team.' We're here for each other. And we look out for each other. So what's going on?"

"We're working it out," Abby said softly, swallowing hard. "Gibbs…he wants to protect me, but he doesn't believe he can anymore. Pushed me away. And I've lived with it, up until last month. Went to see Doc Grace together, laid out some ground rules. We're trying to…reconnect. But him doing this…keeping this from us, from _me_ …I feel like I don't know if I can trust him anymore either."

"Feels like you're leaving something out, but I'll let it go for now," Bishop said, eyes narrowing. Abby was glad she dropped it, as she didn't want to explain how Gibbs had almost killed her during a nightmare. "What I do know," Bishop continued, "is that Gibbs trusts you, we all do, and we need you. So let's put on the jumpsuits and check out that car. You with me?"

" _You_ I'm with," Abby agreed, linking arms with her. "And thanks. For listening. And for the pep talk."

"Any time," Bishop smiled as they walked out of the lab and entered the elevator.

"Let's get this bastard," Abby said with determination, pressing the button to the garage as the elevator doors closed.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	9. Chapter 9 - Making it Right

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 9: Making it Right**

 _ **Author's Notes: This chapter is a bit longer than usual. It references and quotes two key scenes from Season 15's "Keep Your Enemies Closer" (so spoilers ahead!) This story is a continuation of those scenes, and quoting them is an attempt to keep everything in context. Enjoy! Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **Abby's Lab**

 **February 10**

Abby and Bishop stared at the metal pipe that they both hoped would be Gabriel Hicks' undoing. The fact that another murdering psychopath had led them to it didn't seem to matter much at the moment.

"Hicks' fingerprints were all over the pipe that Gibbs found in the van," Abby explained.

"Was the dry blood a match to Lieutenant O'Connell's?"

"Uh, yep. That was one of five blood profiles I found. The other four match the other unsolved murder cases in the DC/Virginia area. Gibbs found the mother of all murder weapons."

"There's no way Hicks could talk himself out of that," Bishop said confidently. "We got him."

They both exchanged a hopeful look before Abby turned off her computer screen and sighed.

"Hey," Bishop said softly, noticing Abby looked a bit down. "About the conversation we had the other day…"

"Please just don't say anything, OK?" Abby implored, walking to her desk in the other room. "I really don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Come on, Abby, it's me," Bishop said, following her as Abby sat at her desk, head in hands. "Did you at least talk to Gibbs?"

"Are you serious? He's in the middle of trying to catch this psycho bat-wielding lunatic! He never wants to talk, especially not now!"

"OK, OK, point taken," Bishop agreed, leaning against Abby's desk. "At least we got him."

"I don't know…seems too easy. He's been one step ahead of us this whole time."

"Since when do you doubt Gibbs' ability to nab the bad guy?"

"Since he took the stand and destroyed Fornell's career for nothing!"

"We'll get him, Abby," Bishop reassured her. "I'm gonna head upstairs and see if I can track this bastard right now. But later – when this is over – promise me you'll talk to Gibbs, OK? He's tense enough as it is with all this."

"Promise I'll try," Abby sighed.

"Good enough," Bishop said, waving as she whisked out of the lab and into the elevator.

Abby frowned, feeling uneasy about the future conversation she promised to have.

 **Later that evening**

 **Gibbs' Basement**

Fornell, patched up from his previous scuffle and satisfied with the capture of Gabriel Hicks, made his way down the stairs, carrying a box of files.

"You know I could help you spruce this place up like I did my garage. 4K TV on that wall would look great."

"Already got a TV," Gibbs replied, pointing to his old tube television collecting dust on an upper shelf.

"I'll alert the Smithsonian," Fornell cracked, trying to get the old banter back between them. He walked over to one of Gibbs' tables and put down the box. "Returning the Hicks files."

"That the only reason you're here?"

"Maybe I wanted to see my friend."

Gibbs laughed, turning to his workstation to pour some bourbon.

"Fine, I wanted to thank you," Fornell said earnestly. "Not just for catching Hicks, but for correcting the mistake I made 10 years ago."

"Tobias, I made plenty of 'em myself."

"That is true. I'm just glad Hicks is back where he belongs," Fornell sighed, looking at Gibbs' nearly completed boat.

As Fornell explained that he would be turning down his chance to get reinstated with the FBI, Gibbs stared seemingly into space. Discontent with the silence, Fornell pushed for a response to his bold decision.

"Your life," Gibbs said simply. "Do what makes you happy."

"I almost forgot," Fornell began, grabbing a piece of paper and handing it to Gibbs. "Here you go."

"What the hell is this?"

"It's an itemized bill for services rendered," Fornell said matter-of-factly. "I'm a small businessman. Money doesn't grow on trees. I don't know what you're upset about. I gave you the 'family and friends' discount."

"Dry cleaning?"

"Pleasure doing business with you. Let's do it again soon!"

Hearing Fornell leave the house, a familiar figure came out from behind the boiler near the stairs.

"At least he gave you a discount," Abby said with shrug, smirking as she came around the boat to stand next to Gibbs. He handed her the bill.

"Some discount," Gibbs said with a shake of the head, but Abby could see his lop-sided grin. Gibbs and Fornell were good now, back to their easy, banter-filled friendship, and Abby was incredibly happy and relieved.

"Sounds like Fornell has found a new kind of happiness in this private-eye business," Abby remarked. "Guess everything happens for a reason."

"Why'd you hide?" Gibbs asked, turning back to his workstation to grab another tool.

"Thought he needed to talk to you alone, but there was only one exit, at least that I _know of_ ," she replied, moving to the walls to feel the seams.

"Could've just gone up the stairs," Gibbs countered, twisting on the pulley system.

"OK, so maybe I needed to make sure you two made up," Abby admitted, moving next to him. "And maybe I wanted to finish our conversation."

"OK," Gibbs sighed. "Where were we? Oh yea, the part where you're pissed at me."

Gibbs could tell his talk with Fornell had softened Abby's initial anger, for which he was grateful. But he knew she needed more than a reassurance that his old friend was OK.

"It's just … you kept us out of the loop, Gibbs."

"Yep."

"And you could've been killed-"

"Wasn't."

" _Wow_ , Gibbs. Do you want to move beyond the 'I'm pissed at you' part, or just linger in it all night?"

Gibbs swallowed. He had a few hunches as to why he thought Abby was upset, but being a man of few words – and a man who had way too much experience in the art of arguing with women –he was trying to keep his mouth shut.

"Just say what's on your mind, Abbs," he responded, readjusting the pulley. Abby put a hand over his, stopping his actions.

"Can you at least look at me when I'm talking to you?" she implored.

Gibbs put his head down. "Too scared," he said with a laugh, shaking his head.

"What?" Abby scoffed "You, the big bad marine, the ultimate interrogator, are too scared to look me in the eye right now?!"

"Yep," he said with sigh, sliding his hand away and walking towards the box of files Fornell had left. He took off the top and pulled out a file, more to distract himself than anything else.

"Guess even Superman has kryptonite," Abby remarked, turning towards him. "Look, I just felt kinda … I don't know. It's just that you went to Sloane…"

"And not to you," he finished, closing the file and facing her. "Abbs, I couldn't risk it. Couldn't risk putting you in danger. Look what happened to Jack-"

"Yea, I noticed – almost got herself blown up. And what if she had? I mean, you two seem awful chummy…"

"Abbs, what are you-"

"You think I don't notice how you confide in her, lean on her? It's like she's some magical wizard and you just can't wait to look into her crystal ball."

"Hey, what's your issue?" Gibbs asked, getting agitated.

"You spend a lot of time behind her closed door, Gibbs."

"Just what the hell are you insinuating," he growled defensively.

"I'm not – Gibbs, I don't mean it like … I'm not talking about Rule 12. Just let me finish."

"Finish," he demanded.

"You spend a lot of time in Sloane's office, but you never come to mine anymore," she finally admitted. Gibbs eyes softened, and he looked away, knowing her words were true. "Guess I'm just wondering what she's done to become your new favorite."

"What?" Gibbs replied, eyes narrowing. He hadn't expected this.

"Why don't you come down to the lab anymore?" Abby asked, tears stinging her eyes. "I mean, I understood before…but now that we're trying to make a new start, I thought things would change. But you still keep away. Every time I hear the elevator, there's a part of me that hopes it will be you this time, but it never is."

"Abbs, I … I know," he said sadly, moving to lean against the boat. "Been busy…lots of changes. Have to steer the ship."

"We've been through changes before and it never stopped you," Abby replied, calling out his excuse.

"It's been…tough…since Tony left," Gibbs admitted. "I trust McGee, but he's got a lot on his plate right now."

"Yea, he does, and you OK'ing that psychopath to stay in his home didn't help," Abby said, crossing her arms.

"I know, but it helped break the case. You know that."

Abby nodded, sighing as he continued.

"Anyway, been worried about him. And then Torres – I never know what to expect with him. Bishop is…growin' into her own, but she's been through a lot lately. And Sloane…well, guess she's kinda filling the void Ducky left."

Abby stood in stunned silence at Gibbs' admissions.

"Guess I just knew you'd always be there, keeping the ship steady," Gibbs continued, looking up at her. "And you did, you do. You do good work, Abbs, you don't need me to tell you that."

"Yea, I know," she sighed, wiping away a stray tear that had fallen. "It's just nice to hear every now and then, nice to feel appreciated."

"Like I told Fornell, I've made a lot of mistakes … losing sight of you is pretty high up there." He approached her, pulling her in for a hug. "And I _do_ appreciate you," he rasped. "I'll make it right."

"I just miss you," Abby shrugged, reluctantly breaking from the embrace to look at him. "But I get it. And I think, maybe, I'm OK with it, with knowing why."

"You don't want me to start coming down to your lab again?"

"I _want_ you to, Gibbs, but you're right – I don't think I _need_ you to. Not anymore. And maybe…maybe that's a good thing."

Gibbs felt a twinge in his chest yet a deep sense of pride – he thought, perhaps this is what it felt like to know your child was moving beyond their need for you.

"Well, if you want, I'll be there," Gibbs rasped, placing a kiss on her forehead.

"I can be steady," she reassured him with a smile. "Team first – steer the ship. But if you ever need a break…well, I'm happy to drive you crazy again with my scientific ramblings."

Gibbs smiled, leaning to whisper in her ear. "And you're still my favorite."

"Ha! I knew it!" Abby beamed, reaching out to hug him fiercely. "Though you might want to rethink Rule 12 with Sloane," she whispered back. Gibbs pulled away suddenly, giving her a confused and slightly embarrassed look. He was blushing.

"I've seen you two," she teased. "Wearing her glasses, getting in her space … and she seems to like you, too. And well, I like her – I mean, I know she's not a red-head but she's better than all those other-"

"OK, OK, duly noted," Gibbs replied in a higher octave. "Not looking for that right now, Abbs, but thank you _very much_ for your dating advice."

"Any time, Gibbs," she winked, smirking at his discomfort. She didn't know why, but for some reason she relished getting a reaction out of him; it took her back to old times. Their friendship reminded her of science – action and reaction.

As Abby turned to go towards the stairs, she looked back. "Hey Gibbs," she called as he looked up. "Follow your own advice. Do what makes you happy."

"I am," he replied, holding up his arms, gesturing to the boat as he walked towards her. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he kissed her on the cheek. "I am, Abbs."

"Good," she smiled, wishing him goodnight as she walked up the stairs and out the door.

Gibbs sighed, shaking his head, relieved that things seemed back to normal. He walked back to the table and picked up the Hicks file he had been half-heartedly perusing.

"What the…" Gibbs paused on a photo that was stuck between two pages. It was a picture of him and Abby on the staircase of the basement. He flipped open his phone angrily.

"Miss me already?" Fornell answered in a snarky tone.

"Did you know about this?" Gibbs barked, staring at the photo in his hand, noticing others behind it and sifting through them, his eyes widening in fear and anger.

"Know about what? Gibbs, I know I'm good, but I'm not that good."

"There's pictures in the Hicks files … photographs of my house…"

"Didn't see 'em – to be honest, I didn't have a chance to go through everything."

"You didn't take these?"

"Why the hell would I be taking pictures of your house, Gibbs?"

"Workin' another case? Somethin' I should know about?"

"Gibbs, you're not serious!"

"Well, I don't know, Tobias. Maybe you were tryin' to get somethin' on me after what I did?"

"Did you hit your head again? Did that boat fall on you? Because I don't believe I'm actually hearing what you're telling me."

"If you didn't take 'em, who the hell did?"

"Probably Hicks," Fornell growled. "Metro searched his place. Buddy there gave me some of the files they found. Like I said, didn't have time to go through 'em all. That's why I boxed 'em up with the other files and gave 'em to you."

Gibbs let out a long breath. "Well, looks like we dodged another bullet," he rasped.

"Gibbs? What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking," Gibbs sighed, "I wish I hadn't used your taser."

"And here I thought you were turning over a new leaf. So he took pictures of your house. Just proves he was after you, too. Maybe add another 20 years to the bastard's life sentence."

"Took pictures of Abby too, Tobias," Gibbs said in a low voice.

"Ah, God, Gibbs…look, I know what that girl means to you. Just be thankful he's behind bars."

"Let's make sure he stays that way," Gibbs added strongly, throwing the pictures on the table, wiping a hand over his face.

"It'll be fine, Gibbs," Fornell reassured him. "We did everything above board, by the book. He's not going anywhere."

"Night, Tobias," Gibbs said, flipping the phone shut. He knew what Fornell said was true – they made things right, they did it by the book. He just hoped it would be enough. His gut was telling him otherwise.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	10. Chapter 10 - A Stand-Up Guy

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 10: A Stand-Up Guy**

 **Author's Note: This chapter references some of the events in Season 15's "Handle with Care." Just a cute, short and somewhat light update. I really miss the playfulness and banter of Gibbs and Abby, so trying to bring it back a little bit here.**

 **Gibbs' Residence**

 **March 7, 2018**

"Hey, everything OK?" Gibbs asked over his cell phone as he sat on the couch, feet up.

"Yea, yea, it's…it's getting there," the shaky voice on the other end replied. "Do you think I could…I mean…I don't want this to come out the wrong way…"

"Wanna come over?" Gibbs asked plainly, saying it for her.

"If you're not busy."

"I got time," Gibbs replied, glancing into the kitchen.

"OK, then. I'll be over in about 20 minutes. And Gibbs…thanks."

"See you soon," Gibbs said before closing his flip phone and tossing it on the coffee table.

"That Sloane?" Abby asked as she walked into the room with a bowl of popcorn.

"Yep," Gibbs said, feeling a bit awkward.

"Sergeant Ross get reunited with his daughter?"

"Seems so," Gibbs replied.

"Oh, good, I _love_ happy endings, and if anyone deserves it, it's that poor marine – I mean, imagine being captured and tortured, and then losing the love of his-" Abby stopped herself as she realized she might as well be recapping Gibbs' life story. "Sorry, Gibbs. You know I want a happy ending for you, too."

"Thanks, Abbs," he smiled, reassuring her she hadn't offended him.

Abby grabbed the remote to set up their streaming for the evening. "I believe today is Walton Wednesdays!" she said cheerfully, referring to the TV show they were set to watch that night.

"Uh, Abbs," Gibbs began, hoping whatever he said next didn't hurt her feelings. "Jack, uh…she um…she wanted to come over…"

Abby gave a shrug as she continued to play with the remote. "Oh, well the more the merrier, I guess," Abby replied. "I mean, honestly, it's just _The Waltons_ – who doesn't like _The Waltons_?" she laughed.

Gibbs smirked, then gave her a knowing look.

"Oh, _ohhhhh_ ," Abby drawled. "This is gonna turn into a sleepover, isn't it?" she teased.

" _Abby_ ," he sighed, embarrassed. She plopped herself next to him on the couch, propping up her elbow and resting her chin in her hand.

"Or perhaps your happy ending?" She winked.

"Abby!"

"C'mon, Gibbs … I know it's been awhile."

"You're fishin', Abbs, and we're not goin' there."

"Hey, I'm the one who told you she liked you, or did you forget?"

"Haven't forgotten…OK, OK…I _think_ she likes me…"

"I _know_ she likes you," Abby smiled back.

"How could you _know_?"

Abby shrugged. "A woman senses these things," she replied simply.

"Abbs, she's comin' over because she's upset about something. Not gonna make a move right now – I'm not DiNozzo."

Abby slapped her hand lightly against his chest. "Hey, Tony's not like that anymore, especially not since Tali," Abby said, defending her friend. "But I respect that. I'm just saying, I don't want to be a third wheel here."

"You don't have to leave, Abbs," Gibbs assured her.

"Well, if Sloane wanted to spill her guts to me, she would've called and she hasn't-"

Abby was cut off by the sound of her cell phone ringing. They both looked at each other, each arching an eyebrow as she answered, her gaze fixed on Gibbs.

"Abby Sciuto," she answered happily. "Oh, hey Jack!"

Gibbs' eyes widened. Shaking his head, he got up off the couch, walking toward the basement.

"No, no I'm not busy, what's up?" Abby continued her conversation, following Gibbs down the stairs.

Gibbs signed to her, _Don't follow me_.

Using one hand, Abby signed back, _Said she's nervous._

 _I don't want to know_ , Gibbs replied, reaching for one of his tools.

"Yea, Jack, I'm still here. Look, if you need to talk, Gibbs is a _great_ listener."

Gibbs sighed, rolling his eyes, trying to focus on the piece of wood he was sanding.

"Where am I? Umm…well…"

Gibbs stopped what he was doing and looked at Abby with concern. She was a terrible liar. _Just tell the truth_ , he signed, frustrated.

"I'm, uh, at the bowling alley with the nuns that I bowl with," Abby said loudly, shrugging to Gibbs. They both heard Jack laugh over the phone. "No, uh, I'm not joking. No really, Sr. Rosita is in second place in our league – just ask the owners of the alley! Um, yea, I know it's quiet, I just…stepped outside."

Shaking his head, Gibbs went back to sanding.

"Look, don't be nervous," Abby continued, "I've known Gibbs a long time…almost 20 years come to think of it and…What? How old _am I_?!"

Gibbs laughed out loud as Abby covered her phone and signed, _Be quiet!_ She was slightly unnerved that she'd unwittingly given up the fact that she was older than she looked.

"Oh, Jack, you know I was a child prodigy… Anyway, don't be nervous. You were Psy-Ops – I'm sure you can handle this. OK…let me know how it goes. Oh, oh yea, I'll tell the Sisters hello! Later!"

Abby hung up quickly, walking over to Gibbs and giving him a peck on the cheek. "Gotta get goin'!" she said cheerfully, turning to make her way upstairs.

"What was that for?" Gibbs asked, rubbing at the lipstick stain he knew she left.

"For being a stand-up guy," she smiled. "Sloane's probably got some unloading to do, and she's lucky to have you in her corner. And so am I."

Gibbs ducked his head; he never took compliments well. "Just tryin' to help," he said simply. "Night Abbs. Rain check on tonight?"

"Oh, definitely – I need to see how John-boy recovers from his head injury!"

"I'm sure he'll be fine," Gibbs reassured her, watching as she disappeared into the kitchen.

"Goodnight, John-boy!" she called, smiling when she heard him chuckle.

"Goodnight, Abigail," he called back, using her proper name. Sighing as he heard the front door close, Gibbs sat down on his bench, wondering what Sloane might be coming over to talk about. He could see she was out of sorts when she made her way down to the bullpen earlier. Years ago, he wished he'd had the courage to call Jenny out when he noticed the same thing. Instead, he played it cool, stoic, and it ended up costing him precious time with her before she died.

"Never again," he vowed, willing himself not to take one moment for granted. Whatever was brewing between him and Sloane, Gibbs decided to let the chips fall where they may – he wasn't going to hide anymore. Not from Sloane, not from Abby, and most of all, not from himself.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

 _ **Author's Notes: I couldn't help but reference The Waltons – love Ralph Waite and miss him as Gibbs' father on NCIS. He brought out a side of Gibbs I miss – and having Gibbs put on that bracelet with his name on it when he got home was very moving– just wanted to give him a little shout-out (hence the little irony of Abby calling Gibbs John-boy lol). This will probably come back in future chapters**_ _ **.**_


	11. Chapter 11 - Shaken Foundation

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 11: Shaken Foundation**

 **Author's Note: This chapter references some of the events in Season 15's "Death from Above." Mostly "missing scenes" to fill in the blanks (and the lack of Gibbs & Abby :( ****).**

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **Autopsy**

 **March 27, 2018**

"She won't be a problem," Anthony DiNozzo Senior implored as the gunman trained his weapon on Abby.

"You're right. She won't be."

Senior stepped in front of Abby, blocking his shot. "That wasn't part of the deal," he said in as menacing a voice as the older man could muster.

"Time's running out," the assailant urged, still fixing his gun on Abby.

"OK, wait, wait, wait," Abby called, getting their attention. "Look, if I'm gonna die, at least give me a choice. I really hate pain, so getting shot isn't exactly my number one option. Why don't you just put me in one of those drawers over there," she suggested, pointing to the wall.

"Why, so you can just break out when I leave?"

"No. Those doors lock into place from the outside – there's no way of getting out once it closes. Eventually, I'll run out of air."

Senior looked at Abby in panic. "Abby don't-"

"If that's the way you wanna go, then fine," the man growled, grabbing her by the arm and making Senior open up Drawer 206. "Get in."

Abby laid down on the metal slab, pushing down the slight panic and flashbacks to her autopsy nightmares from several years. 'Maybe they were prophetic?,' she thought to herself as she glanced up at Senior one last time.

"Three hours," she mouthed and could tell he understood. Three hours of air, if she was lucky and able to control her breathing. Her first instinct at the start of all this had been to find Gibbs … now she had to trust Senior to do that for her.

Senior gave her a fearful look as the gun-wielding bad guy pushed the drawer inside. Abby took a deep breath before he slammed the door shut. Then darkness. And cold. She'd almost forgotten about the cold.

"What have you gotten yourself into this time," she muttered to herself. "I better stop talking to myself out loud…gotta save air."

She shut her eyes, trying to think of a way to keep calm. Sleep. She needed to sleep. Gibbs would be here. He would stop whatever was happening. He would save her. As she began to run through the Periodic Table to help her doze off, Abby's last troubled thought drifted to the worst case scenario – what if she never woke up?

 **Squad Room– Three Hours Later**

Gibbs entered the bullpen, dusting off his pants and surveying his shattered desk, along with the dead man on top of it.

"Looks like you've got some clearing out to do," Vance commented, giving him a sympathetic look.

"Had that desk for almost 25 years," Gibbs lamented.

"May take awhile, huh?"

"Nah, not a hoarder, Leon," Gibbs replied. "Everyone on the team accounted for?"

"Still trying to locate Bishop and Palmer, though they were last seen in Abby's lab."

"Senior and Torres?" Gibbs asked, concerned.

"Torres is alright, just being treated for some minor cuts and abrasions. Mr. DiNozzo seems fine – he's headed down to autopsy with the REACT team."

"What for?"

"It appears Ms. Sciuto had a run-in with that gentleman over there," Vance replied, pointing to his desk where the dead man still lay. He tried to deliver the news as calmly and non-chalantly as he could to keep Gibbs from going off the deep end.

Gibbs gave Vance a concerned look. "She alright?"

"We're about to find out," Vance said as he pulled out his cell phone.

"What do you mean, _find out_?" Gibbs asked in a raised voice.

"Apparently, Ms. Sciuto convinced Burke to lock her in one of the autopsy drawers."

"Leon, those drawers are air-tight! How long has she been in there?"

"Don't have a timeline yet but-" Vance stopped mid-sentence as he noticed Gibbs was no longer there. But he knew where Gibbs going.

Gibbs skipped the elevator and bolted down the stairs, flashes of his dream from several weeks ago coming back to haunt him. The image of Kelly and Abby playing on the beach, looking at seashells while Shannon drew to his side…

" _Kelly always said she wanted a big sister," Shannon said. "She's gonna love having her here."_

From fear to anger and back again, Gibbs felt his heart pounding out of his chest as he darted down the last flight of steps. He checked his watch when he first saw Senior with Burke…that had been exactly two hours and fifty-seven minutes ago. It was too long. Especially if Abby started panicking – those nightmares of her lying dead in autopsy had kept them both up at night for over a month after the bombing at NCIS headquarters. Now it was happening for real. He wondered what possessed her to get into one of the drawers – she must've been desperate, known it was her best chance to survive. He'd been so busy trying to catch the intruders that he hadn't thought much about whether Abby got out safely. If anything happened to her…

BOOM!

At that moment, Gibbs was knocked off his feet by the reverberations of an explosion.

"What now," Gibbs growled out loud, getting up, determined to make his way to autopsy. He jogged down the hallway and through the open sliding doors to see Senior, Reeves and the REACT Team surrounding a drawer.

"Abby!" he said in a slight panic, rushing over to them. The group parted and Gibbs looked down to see a worried Abby staring up at him. "Hey…you OK?" he whispered, bending down to place two fingers on her neck, checking her pulse.

"What _was_ that, Gibbs?"

"I don't know," he muttered, giving her a worried look. "You're cold, your heart is racing. We need to get you to the medics."

"I'm fine," she insisted in a slightly slurred voice that had him concerned. "That boom sounded it like it came from upstairs – from my lab."

"Reeves, find out what the hell is going on," Gibbs ordered.

"Already on it," Reeves replied, pulling out his radio and walking to the side of the room. Gibbs turned his attention back to Abby, who was sitting up on the table.

"Gibbs, what happened?" she murmured, still slightly oxygen deprived. The woman on the REACT team had grabbed a tank of oxygen and a facemask. Gibbs took the mask from her and placed it on Abby's face.

"Just breath in, Abbs, nice and slow." Senior was also standing next to them, looking concerned. Abby shot a glance at both of them.

"I'm fine, just had a little cat nap," she insisted. "Just tell me we got the bastard."

"We did," Gibbs nodded, still examining her.

"But not before he got to the evidence," Senior lamented. "Torres and I tried to stop him, but-"

"You what?" Gibbs asked, his voice going up an octave.

"Gibbs!" Reeves called, walking over to them. "Just got off with the Director. He said he located Bishop and Palmer – they're OK."

"And what about that bang?" Abby asked, worried.

"He didn't say, except to assure us that everything is clear now," Reeves replied. "We're rendezvousing in the squad room."

"I'll see you there," Gibbs nodded, encouraging the younger agent to go upstairs as he turned his attention back on Senior and Abby. "Now, chief," Gibbs continued, "from the top. Tell me what happened."

"Well, you see, I was here in autopsy when Abby came in and … things began to get interesting."

"Go on," Gibbs encouraged, shooting him a look.

"After the power shut down, that man Burke came barging in and pointed a gun on Abby."

Arching an eyebrow, Gibbs glanced back at Abby, worry written all over his face.

"It was fine Gibbs, Senior was a real hero," she said quickly, her voice muffled by the oxygen mask. "He pretended to be Ducky … got the gunman to take him hostage instead of me."

"And how'd you wind up in this drawer?" he pressed.

"Gibbs, I volunteered to be the hostage to protect Abby, but I never thought the man would try to kill her after I did," Senior explained in a wary voice, filled with a bit of regret.

"What happened?" Gibbs demanded in a low voice, his gaze fixed on Abby.

"As soon as he pointed that gun at me, Senior stepped right in the line of fire. He protected me. Must be where Tony gets his heroics. Actually, now that I think about it, I've been saved by from two different gunmen by two different DiNozzos," she joked, referring to the time Tony had saved her from Ari Aswari's sniper bullet.

"Then what," Gibbs growled, obviously not happy with the answers thus far.

"Well," Senior began timidly, "Abby talked Burke into putting her in this drawer. I tried to stop her, but she was convinced it was the only way. She let me know how much time she'd have so I could get back to her, but then Torres and I got captured." Senior turned to Abby, cupping face. "I was so worried I wouldn't get to you in time. I'm so sorry."

"Hey," she smiled, pulling Senior in for a hug, "you did great! I'm still here. I'm just glad you're OK."

"Damn good thing you're both OK," Gibbs groaned, frustrated by the situation but relieved his friends would be alright. "You're not agents. You need to leave this to professionals."

"Well, the professionals weren't here, Gibbs," Abby said in frustration. "What did you want us to do? Let him shoot us?"

Gibbs sighed, knowing she had a good point. "I just don't want you taking any unnecessary risks," he said softly, covering her hand with his and giving it a squeeze.

"I know," Abby rasped. "It was the best we could do under the circumstances. You have to believe that."

"Her first instinct when the power went out was to find you, Gibbs," Senior noted.

"Sorry I wasn't here," Gibbs lamented.

"Whoa, no need to break Rule 6," Abby replied, standing up slowly. When she began to lose her balance, both Gibbs and Senior caught her by the arm.

"Easy," Gibbs warned. "You need to get checked out."

"Gibbs I'm-"

"It's not a request, Abby," he stated sharply as both he and Senior walked her out of autopsy to the elevator.

"Got it from here, chief," Gibbs said, holding out his hand. "Thanks … for lookin' out for her."

"We looked out for each other," Senior corrected, shaking Gibbs' hand. "She stared that gunman down, never acted scared for a second. No damsel in distress here. Reminded me a little of you, actually, Gibbs."

Gibbs looked back at Abby, who shrugged and smiled, reaching out to give Senior a "goodbye" hug. "Tell Tony we say hello," Abby said before she and Gibbs stepped into the elevator.

"Will do. And I think I'm gonna stick around for a bit, see how Torres is doing. He's quite the character that one…reminds me a bit of someone I know…"

"Tony?" Abby posed.

"Actually, I was thinking of me," Senior smiled.

Gibbs rolled his eyes, pressing the button to close the elevator doors, which closed as Senior gave a final wave.

"Well…glad that's over," Abby sighed, giving Gibbs a worried look. He stared straight ahead, his eyes tired and bloodshot.

"Yea," he rasped, wiping his brow.

"Gibbs…are you OK? You never told us what happened to you out there."

"Not much to tell," he shrugged. "Got my bat, knocked out one of 'em. Got Burke on the roof, let Leone take care of it from there."

"Wait, what?" Abby asked, perplexed.

"Let's just say the skylight needs a few repairs…and I need a new desk."

"Oh Gibbs," Abby sighed, reaching out to hug him close. "How could this happen? Again? In our house?"

Gibbs remained quiet but held her close, rubbing her back to sooth her. He heard her breath hitch as she began softly sobbing into his neck.

"Shhh," he whispered, his own eyes becoming moist with tears. "You're safe now. You're OK. We're OK."

Abby pulled back, needing to look at him, her mascara running down her cheeks. "When he shut that door, there was a moment when I thought this was it," she chocked out. "Thought maybe I made a terrible mistake."

"Had a moment like that myself today, maybe more than one," Gibbs admitted, stroking her hair. "But here we are, still breathin'."

"I thought of you," she said, "thought of all the things I'd want to say…I know I've said them a million times but I just need you to know…" She signed to him, _"I love you."_

He began to sign back, but stopped himself. "Abby…Abby I…"

"Gibbs? What's wrong?"

"I let you down," he rasped, looking away.

"What do you mean? I'm fine, I'm right here."

"I should've thought … Abbs, I was so bent on catching those bastards…"

"Gibbs?"

"I didn't think to check on you," he confessed with a heavy sigh, giving her a pained look. "Could've cost you your life."

Abby shook her head, grasping his hand. "Hey, there's no way you could've known what happened. And you had a job to do. You should've been focused on eliminating the threat."

"But if I lost you…" Gibbs began, but couldn't find his voice to finish. They'd been down this road before, had this conversation, but never when the danger was so close.

"You didn't," she said strongly. "I told you, I won't give up. And I could've; I could've just let him shoot me and be done with it all."

Gibbs winced at her words, a chill running through him at the thought that she'd been so close to ending up in autopsy permanently. Abby gripped his shoulder, trying to reassure him.

"But I _didn't_ , Gibbs. I gave myself a chance. And if it didn't work out, well…at least I would've tried. But I wouldn't have regretted any of it – not one second."

Gibbs nodded, swallowing hard at her words.

"And," she continued, "I know you came as soon as you heard what happened, am I right?"

"Yea," he whispered. "I'll always come for ya, Abbs."

The elevator dinged, opening to the parking garage, where a mobile unit was set up.

"Let's get you checked out," Gibbs urged. She grabbed his arm, pulling him back in the elevator. He gave her a puzzled look as she reached up to wipe a stray tear that had run down his cheek. "Thanks Abbs," he rasped, kissing her on the forehead before leading her out to the EMTs.

As Gibbs watched the emergency workers take her blood pressure, he noticed a far away look in her eyes. Whatever she might say, he knew she was shaken.

"Gibbs!" Bishop called, running up to him. "Is Abby OK?"

He looked at her, noticing the dust on her clothes and disheveled hair. "Yea…you OK, Bishop?"

"Fine… and Jimmy's fine. We were…uh, trapped in Abby's lab the whole time. Heard you got the guy."

"Guys, actually," Gibbs noted. "You look tense. Sure everything's alright?"

"Well … not really," Bishop sighed. "Abby's lab…it's…well, it's pretty much destroyed."

Gibbs' eyes widened. "What happened?"

" _We_ happened, Gibbs," she lamented. "Jimmy and I were trying to get out and … well, things got out of hand. First we fried Major Mass Spec…"

"You what?!" Gibbs whispered harshly, knowing how much that machine meant to Abby.

"It gets worse," Bishop continued. "We figured the only way out was getting through that glass windows, but they were too thick to break so we kind of…Jimmy and I built a pipe bomb."

"Oh no…"

"Oh yes. That was the big bang you heard about 20 minutes ago. Of course, we did it right before the power kicked back on. I always did have impeccable timing."

"So her lab is…"

"Destroyed," Bishop said with a sigh. "Everything's in shambles. The crew just got in to start cleanup, but now… now I lost to Jimmy in "Rock, Paper, Scissors" and I've gotta explain this to Abby."

Gibbs shook his head, wiping a hand over his face. He knew Abby would be devastated.

"I'll do it," Gibbs said, patting Bishop on the arm.

"But Gibbs-"

"Listen to me, Bishop – you and Palmer didn't do anything. The lab was already like that when you got there. Got it?"

"What?"

"Can't afford two casualties on my team right now," he said with a half-hearted smile. "Just leave it to me, Bishop. Go tell Palmer."

"OK," she said hesitantly. "But you know Abby. She leaves no stone unturned. She's gonna find out the truth eventually."

"Maybe," Gibbs replied, "but right now she needs to stay calm, and we need to focus on closing this case."

"But she-"

"We'll deal with it when the time comes," he reassured her, patting her on the back as he made his way to Abby. She was still sitting in the back of ambulance, now hooked up to a heart monitor.

Bishop watched as he walked over and sat next to Abby, putting an arm around her as he gave her the bad news. She could see Abby's face fall as she covered it with her hands. Gibbs pulled her close and kissed her as she stared at the ground, tears running down her cheeks. Bishop felt a sharp pang of guilt – it had been an accident – all of it. They were both desperate to get out, to help the team. But they'd ended up destroying a place that she knew Abby thought of as home.

'At least Gibbs is there to comfort her,' Bishop thought to herself, happy that her two friends seemed to have patched things up. At least for now – she didn't want to think about what would happen if Abby ever found out the truth – and that Gibbs and the team had lied to her about it. She chewed her lip, taking one last look before turning to find Palmer.

In the back of the ambulance, Gibbs continued to hold Abby, swallowing hard as he wondered how they would all recover this time.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	12. Chapter 12 - Clean Up Your Mess

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 12: Rule 45**

 **Author's Note: Just a quick update - this chapter fills in some of the blanks from the beginning of Season 15's "The Numerical Limit." Had to address Gibbs' comment when he laughed at lying to Abby – at least he said her name in this episode! LOL. Feedback is much appreciated!**

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **Bullpen**

 **April 3, 2018**

"Abby's looking for you, and I think she knows" Torres said in a threatening tone as Bishop lamented her morning encounter with a gentleman who called her ma'am. While apparently put off by the title, Bishop became even more concerned with Torres' latest statement.

"Knows what?" she asked hesitantly.

"That it was you who blew up her mass spec last week," Torres said matter-of-factly.

"Ohhh, I wouldn't have got out of bed this morning, ma'am," McGee teased.

"It was Jimmy's idea to hotwire her lab, not mine," Bishop said defensively.

"Yea, that's not the story he's telling," Torres countered.

"There is no way she knows," Bishop insisted. "Gibbs told me he was going to tell her that the mass spec was broken by the bad guys in the attack." As Gibbs made his way into the bullpen, Bishop made eye contact in desperation. "Right Gibbs?"

"No," answered curtly, walking over to his desk.

"I thought you said you were gonna-"

"Lie to Abby?" he finished, half-laughing at the idea.

"Hahaha…no…but by no I mean yea," Bishop replied dejectedly.

"Sounds like you two had a misunderstanding," McGee said, pointing out the obvious.

Bishop threw her hands up in the air, shaking her head as they reminded her how Abby investigates crime for a living and would find out eventually. As Gibbs ordered them to grab their gear, Bishop shot him a look, remembering their last conversation.

 **ONE WEEK EARLIER**

" _Listen to me, Bishop – you and Palmer didn't do anything. The lab was already like that when you got there. Got it?"  
_

" _What?"_

" _Can't afford two casualties on my team right now," he said with a half-hearted smile. "Just leave it to me, Bishop. Tell Palmer."_

" _OK," she said hesitantly. "But you know Abby. She leaves no stone unturned. She's gonna find out the truth eventually."_

" _Maybe," Gibbs replied, "but right now she needs to stay calm, and we need to focus on closing this case."_

" _But she-"_

" _We'll deal with it when the time comes," he reassured her, patting her on the back as he made his way to Abby._

 **PRESENT DAY**

Gibbs had ordered McGee and Torres to drive the van down to the crime scene while he and Bishop got into the sedan. She was still brooding over his apparent betrayal and shot him a look as they pulled onto the highway.

"Bishop," he said flatly, "somethin' botherin' you?"

"Oh no, Gibbs, everything's fine. Just peachy, thanks. I mean, aside from you basically ordering me to tell Abby that the bad guys destroyed her lab – and having me falsify a report…then you didn't even have my back."

Gibbs winced at the last statement, knowing it was somewhat true. "I got your back, Bishop," he tried to reassure her. "Just couldn't do it. Couldn't lie to her. Especially not now."

"So why did you tell _me_ to lie about?!" she demanded in anger. "McGee said we had a misunderstanding – is that what it was? Because from where I was standing, it seemed pretty clear what you wanted. You told me not to worry about."

"So don't," he said simply.

"Easy for you to say, you're not the one that destroyed her beloved machine," Bishop sighed, folding her arms.

"Look, she was shook up, almost … it was too much for her right then," Gibbs countered, slightly defensive.

Knowing Gibbs had a point, Bishop nodded, but still was agitated. "What exactly did you tell her in the back of the ambulance?"

"Told her about the lab, the damage, barely got out the part about that machine when she broke down," he recounted. "Couldn't lie to her, Bishop."

"But Gibbs, I _did_ lie – I lied on the report," Bishop shot back angrily.

He sighed. "I shouldn't have let it get that far."

"So you told her," Bishop grumbled.

"No," he replied.

"But you said-"

"Didn't lie – didn't say anything," Gibbs said simply. "She never asked me. Think she assumed it happened during the attack."

Bishop blew out a heavy breath, running her hands through her hair in frustration. Gibbs looked back at her and smiled. She arched an eyebrow.

"Something funny?" she asked in a huff.

"Kelly used to do that," he said quietly, his gaze narrowing as he refocused on the road. "I'd tell her I'd be home for awhile – never said how long. But whenever I was deployed, she'd get just like that, let out a big breath and run her hands through her hair, sayin' I lied. Guess we had different definitions of the word 'awhile.'"

Softening as she listened to his story, somewhat surprised he would share so much, Bishop gave him a small smile. "Yea, well … no more misunderstandings, OK? I'm in so much trouble…"

"Ah, she'll forgive ya," Gibbs said with certainty.

Bishop looked at him skeptically. "Gibbs…this is major mass spec we're talking about. She loved that machine like it was a _real person_."

"Know that," he said. "But she's got a big heart. She's forgiven me for far worse. Far worse, Bishop. Believe me."

She studied him, noting the pain that crossed Gibbs' face. She knew they'd been distant lately, although they seemed to be getting back on track.

"You and Abby OK?" she asked tentatively. "I mean … you seem good now but-"

"We're gettin' there," he replied honestly. "It's why I can't lie to her, Ellie. It's been hard, comin' back, things happened. Can't change 'em. Just gotta move forward."

"What happened?" Bishop questioned, knowing she was pushing her luck. She was amazed she'd gotten this much out of him.

"I hurt her," he said simply, admitting his failure with a sad frown. "Can't hurt her again."

Shocked by his admission, Bishop swallowed, not wanting to press him anymore.

"What am I gonna do now?" she lamented, knowing Abby would eventually find out the truth.

"Talk to her," Gibbs said with a shrug.

"That easy?" she asked hesitantly. "You were the one who basically implied she was gonna kill Jimmy and me. Now you want me to talk to her?"

"It wasn't the right time then," Gibbs countered. "Just wanted to buy you both time, buy her time."

"And now's the right time?" she asked, skepticism clouding her tone

"It's a _better_ time," he corrected. "Just talk to her. McGee's right – she's gonna find out. Better if you told her."

Bishop chewed on her lower lip. "But the report…"

"Would this have happened if they hadn't busted into our building?" Gibbs countered.

"Well, no…"

"Then your report isn't a lie."

"What?! But if it's not a lie why don't you just tell Abby-"

"Rule 45, Bishop."

Bishop shot him a look but knew what he was getting at. "I know, I know…clean up the mess I made. I did it, I need to take responsibility…but I'm gonna make damn sure I bring Jimmy with me!"

"That's the spirit," Gibbs smirked, pulling up to the curb next to the crime scene.

"I'll tell her," Bishop agreed, "once this case is over." Gibbs looked at her and got out of the car. Bishop followed suit.

"Don't wait too long," he warned her. "She _does_ do this for a living."

"Copy that," Bishop sighed as they entered the building to find two dead bodies. Bishop hoped her and Jimmy wouldn't suffer the same fate.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	13. Chapter 13 - Left Behind

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 13: Left Behind**

 **Author's Note: It's been awhile, but the last episode (and that promo!) inspired me. Guess we're coming to the end** **This story takes place during "One Step Forward" and slightly hints to the promo for "Two Steps Back." It also has spoilers for previous episodes, including "The Numerical Limit." Really trying to keep this story "canon" with the show, but this chapter may divert a bit. Confused yet? You'll see! Feedback is much appreciated!**

 **Quotes from "One Step Forward":**

" _My mother was a master-at-arms/ command investigator._

 _Did three tours in the Middle East. This one was Kuwait. Desert Storm. left her kid and ran straight into a warzone – same as every man she served with." ~ Sara Carter_

" _Just like me. Left my daughter. Desert Storm." ~Gibbs_

" _No joke, Abby. You're like an angel in platform shoes, you know that?" ~Clayton Reeves_

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **Bullpen**

 **May 3**

Gibbs hated reporters. Well, not all reporters – they had their uses. But this one, Diane Boyle, seemed to always be at the right place at the wrong time. She'd just taken a photo of Gibbs and McGee as they were interviewing a potential suspect. She'd also been at the Navy Yard earlier during the altercation. Gibbs was sure he'd run into her again and was not looking forward to it, his mood souring.

"Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs!" Abby called, walking briskly into the bullpen. Still sitting at his desk, Gibbs turned slowly, eyeing her. Abby could see he was not in a good frame of mind. "You look absolutely miserable," she commented brightly, "but I think I have a way to turn that frown upside down!"

Gibbs couldn't help but smirk at her cheerfulness.

"What's got you so excited?" he asked, feeling slightly better from her infectious cheer.

"I just got a random invite to one of the most _exclusive_ restaurants in D.C.!"

"That's nice, Abbs," he smiled, putting on his glasses and turning back to his notes on the Carter case.

"No, Gibbs, you don't understand," she said, pulling lightly on his arm to get his attention. "No one can get reservations to this place – not even Oprah!"

"This that place Torres was goin' on about? The …"

"The Cooler!" Abby smiled. "It's like dining in the Alaskan outdoors – Gibbs you would _love_ it."

"If I wanted to freeze my hide off eatin' outdoors, I'd just step outside," he replied, again turning back to his work.

"But Gibbs," she said in a slightly whiny voice, "I really want to do something nice for someone who deserves it. I was going to give it to Al the janitor but it's non-transferrable. So I have to go, and I have to take someone. It's a super special place and I want to take someone super special."

"I'm not special, Abbs," he grunted.

"Well, you're a special agent," she offered. He grinned at her pun.

"Why don't you ask one of these special agents?" he suggested, waving his hand around the empty bullpen, referring to his team. "Sure they'd appreciate it more."

"Gibbs," Abby persisted. "Look, I could take someone else but I want to take _you_. I just thought it would be a great way to spend time together. Doc Grace says we should both get out more and … it could be fun. You remember _fun_ , Gibbs, right?"

"Abbs," he sighed.

"I know you've had a rough few weeks, what with that little girl Elena facing deportation and her dad about to stand trial," she said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Gibbs, come with me."

"Sorry, Abbs," he whispered, hating to let her down. "Don't think I'd fit in there. Sounds way too fancy. Prefer my Diner. Besides … gotta polish my shoes."

"Seriously?" she replied, disappointed. "You're picking shoe polishing over a night on the town with yours truly?"

Gibbs closed his eyes, standing to face her.

"Abby, another time, OK?" he said, kissing her cheek. "I promise."

Abby narrowed her gaze, clearly upset. "OK," she started, "but it better be good. None of this 'steaks in your fireplace' business!"

"Promise," he asserted, this time in sign language.

"Wait a minute," she smirked, pointing at him. "Is 'shining your shoes' a euphemism for … are you and Sloane going to-"

"No!" he said in a hoarse voice, looking around.

"Wow, don't need to be so defensive over it. Really Gibbs, you act like a fifth grader when you like a girl. It's kinda cute, actually, very endearing."

"You done?" he asked, trying to sound annoyed even though he was charmed by her observations.

"Well, I just got turned down by the great Leroy Jethro Gibbs, so I guess I am," she sighed, turning to walk away. He grabbed her arm lightly, pulling her back.

"Hey," he whispered. "Just not in the mood for a fancy place like that. We'll do something soon. I mean it."

"Promises, promises," she said, giving him a small smile.

"So who you gonna take?"

"Oh, I don't know," she sighed. "Palmer, Torres and Bishop are already trying to bribe me. And I'm sure McGee won't be far behind."

"What about Reeves?" Gibbs asked. Abby smiled at the mention of the MI6 agent.

"Said he didn't want to go," she noted, "but … maybe he just doesn't _know_ he wants to go."

"Can't argue with that," Gibbs shrugged, sitting down at his desk.

"You know, I'm really proud of Clay, how far he's come with everything life's thrown at him," Abby noted. "If I can convince him, maybe he'd come along with me Saturday."

"You'll figure it out," Gibbs offered, turning back to his work.

"You're sure you don't want to go?" Abby asked one last time.

Gibbs gave her a look. "Another time, Abbs, OK?"

"OK," she nodded. "Better get back to work before my boss has my hide!"

"Copy that," he replied, smirking.

"Oh, and have fun polishing your shoes, Agent Gibbs," she called from the elevator, grinning.

"That's _all_ I'm doin'!" he called back, rolling his eyes. Watching the doors close, he felt a twinge in the pit of his stomach and a voice from an almost forgotten nightmare resurface.

" _Jethro," Shannon said gently, "a storm's coming."_

" _What storm?" Gibbs swallowed._

" _No matter what anyone says, no matter what you think, she is not safe, Gibbs."_

" _Who? Kelly? Abby? What's goin' on?"_

" _Keep her safe," Shannon begged, cupping his face, "for Abby's sake…and your own."_

" _Safe from what?! From who?!" Gibbs asked, panic rising in his voice._

" _I love you," she rasped, kissing him softly before pulling away and heading toward Abby and Kelly_.

The sound of his phone ringing jolted him from the memory of his dream from several months ago. A chill ran down his spine, but he shook it off, knowing he had to focus on the case. Besides, what could possibly happen to Abby? Especially if one of his agents was at her side.

"Yea, Gibbs," he picked up, hearing Reeves' voice on the other end.

"We have a problem," the young MI6 agent noted.

"You find Sara Carter?"

"Oh yea, but you're not gonna like what else we found…"

 **TWO DAYS LATER**

 **NCIS Headquarters**

Gibbs and Sloane gave each other satisfied looks as they watched the head of the drug ring – and the one who put the hit out on Mae Carter - through the other side of interrogation glass.

"So this all started with a mother trying to take away her daughter's pain," Sloane commented.

"Sounds about right," Gibbs replied simply.

"What about Sara? You know she doesn't really have an aunt in Texas."

"Reeves is handling it."

"He's really coming into his own, isn't he?"

Gibbs smiled, nodding.

"Heard he and Abby are heading out to The Cooler tonight," Sloane commented. "Also heard she chose you first, but you turned her down."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow but didn't respond.

"The walls have ears," she shrugged. Gibbs wondered how much more of their conversation Sloane overhead.

"Not really my style," Gibbs offered.

"Yea, I kinda got that, and I think Abby did too," she replied reassuringly. "Think she just wanted to spend a little time with you. I know I've butted in on a few occasions, but I know what she means to you."

"I'll make it up to her," Gibbs said.

"Well, have fun shining your shoes tonight," Sloane offered with a wink, watching Gibbs blush slightly. "But if you want company, just let me know."

"Think I'm good tonight," he whispered. "Reason I said no to Abby … just wanted to be alone tonight."

"Anything to do with your comment to Sara … about the daughter you left behind?"

Gibbs swallowed. "Yea," he admitted in a low voice. Sloane could tell he was uncomfortable so she backed off.

"Seriously, Gibbs, I'm here if you need to talk. Anytime."

"I know. Thanks," Gibbs replied.

"Have a good weekend – well, what's left of it," she chuckled, noting that it was already Saturday afternoon. Gibbs nodded, watching her walk out.

Later on, Gibbs arrived home and found the old shoe polish he'd taken from his time in Kuwait. Pulling out his lighter, he warmed it, watching the flame heat the black varnish. Clicking the lighter shut, his thoughts turned to Kelly, the daughter he left behind to fight a war he knew little about. He remembered the day he found the polish, how he thought of bringing it home – a small, quaint dream of teaching Kelly to shine her shoes with that polish one day. Placing a hand over his mouth, his mind shifted to Abby – how he'd disappointed her by turning down the invitation. He wondered, had it been Kelly who asked him, if he would've turned her down, too. He hoped he hadn't hurt Abby, but he still felt she was better off spending time with other friends – friends like Clayton Reeves.

Shaking off his sadness, Gibbs rolled the brush in the polish, a grin forming on his face as he thought of Abby's teasing words from two days ago. She could get away with anything. He also smiled at the idea of her and Clayton freezing their hides off while eating soup at The Cooler. Reeves had a big heart, just like Abby. And he was growing into his own, as Sloane mentioned. He could be good for her, Gibbs thought.

Settling into the task at hand, Gibbs began polishing his shoes with intent, blissfully unaware of the violence that was unfolding several miles away, with Abby now far from his reach.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

 _ **Author Afterthoughts: Did you catch the dream reference from Chapter 7? Thought it worked very well here and was a good lead-in to the promo for the next episode – Abby's last! If you don't want to be spoiled, read no further!**_

 _ **In the promo for next week, hearing Gibbs tell Abby that the let her down while staring at her in a hospital bed on a ventilator – UGHH! I just had to write this to make it even more heart wrenching. (Because I LOVE Gibbs angst LOL). I doubt the show will go this way, but it's some nice subtext, and makes what he says to her in the hospital make more sense IMHO. Let me know what you think!**_


	14. Chapter 14 - A Turn for the Worse

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 14 – A Turn for the Worse**

 _ **Author's Note: I know it's been awhile - really needed to process Abby's last two episodes. A bit of a longer chapter this time around. Now that "Two Steps Back" has aired, as well as the season finale, these final chapters will walk through the "missing scenes" that I think fans were cheated out of. Spoilers for Abby's last episode. I was not satisfied with how things ended between Gibbs & Abby on the show – but perhaps "filling in the blanks" will help. I still think this story works in "canon," and am trying to tell a deeper side from the Gibbs/Abby POV. This includes flashbacks to prior chapters of this series – flashbacks are in bold italics. (There is a little crossover with NOLA, so please note that this story takes place before the events of the NOLA season finale). Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **Gibbs House**

 **Saturday, May 5**

 **10:35PM**

"There's no way he can have five winning hands in a row," Vance commented slyly.

Gibbs sat at his kitchen table eyeing his cards and thoroughly enjoying the turn of events that had become his Saturday evening. Sloane had called him as he was shining his shoes, told him Fornell was organizing a serious poker match and asked if he wanted in.

 **TWO HOURS EARLIER**

"C'mon Gibbs," Sloane pleaded. "It'll be fun. You do remember fun, right?"

Gibbs smirked, remembering how Abby had said the same thing to him two days earlier when she'd invited him to The Cooler.

"Told ya, Jack, really don't feel like goin' out tonight," Gibbs replied with a sigh. It had been a long month of heavy cases, the most recent ones reminding him of his daughter in different ways.

"What if we came to you?" she countered, and he could hear the challenge in her tone.

"Who's 'we'?" he asked, his interest slightly peaked.

"Oh, the regulars – me, Fornell, Leon … maybe even Grace."

Gibbs' eyebrows went up at the mention of Doc Grace's name. Their sessions had been going very well as of late, both individually and the occasional meeting with Abby.

Gibbs remained silent for a few moments, contemplating Sloane's offer. These were his closest friends, and he knew they were trying to reach out, just like Abby had. He had to admit their company would be much more welcoming than shining an old pair of shoes.

"OK," he finally said. "But BYOB," he added.

"I know your brand," Sloane smiled over the phone. "See you soon."

Gibbs smirked, tucking his phone back into his sweatshirt. He felt a tinge of guilt that he had turned Abby down because he wanted to be alone tonight, and now here he was about host a poker game. But he had said he wanted to stay home, and that's what he was doing.

He had the urge to call her, just to check in, but decided against it, not wanting to interrupt her time with Reeves at The Cooler. Gibbs was really starting to rethink Rule 12 these days, and not just because of Sloane. He reflected on how far Reeves had come, and what a good match he could be for Abby. Plus, being an MI6 agent, he knew Reeves was very capable of keeping Abby safe.

As he got up to grab some extra chairs, Gibbs resolved to call Abby tomorrow to catch up. It would be Sunday, and she had church. Maybe he'd go with her this time, take her out to breakfast. That would surprise her, and probably earn him one of her 100 mega-watt smiles. Knowing Abby, she'd be happy that he was finally spending time with friends and having some fun. She'd understand. He'd make it up to her.

 **PRESENT**

"Alright, I'll call ya, Gibbs," Sloane challenged, throwing her chips in the pile. "Let's see 'em."

Gibbs raised his eyebrows and gave Sloane a serious look. He did have quite the poker face – both at the table and in real life. As he laid his four Kings on the table, everyone erupted in disbelief, Sloane standing and giving him a light, playful shove. Gibbs' smile was broad as he rubbed his hands together in triumph, relishing the moment. Then his cell phone rang.

"Gibbs, yea," he said, still laughing over the hand. When he heard McGee's panic over the phone – and the words 'Abby's been shot' – his face dropped, his laughter dying away as his heart lurched. "Whoa, McGee, slow down, tell me what happened," he said in a steady voice, still processing what his senior field agent was saying.

Silence fell over the poker table as they realized the news couldn't be good. Grace in particular looked at Gibbs with concern, recognizing the panic in his eyes.

Gibbs listened as McGee gave him the sit rep – Metro responded to a shooting near The Cooler about half an hour prior. Reeves was dead, Abby was shot and in critical condition at Washington General Hospital.

Gibbs wiped a hand over his face, feeling the gaze of his friends and desperately trying to keep his composure.

"On my way," Gibbs said quickly, his voice strained. Looking back at Doc Grace, Sloane, Vance and Fornell, Gibbs tried to find the words to explain what he just learned.

"Gibbs?" Vance asked, knowing that look. "How bad?"

"There, uh … there was a shooting in downtown D.C., near The Cooler," he began, his voice cracking.

"Oh God," Sloane whispered knowingly.

"Who?" Vance demanded.

"Reeves is dead," Gibbs choked out as everyone leaned back in shock. "And Abby's …" His voice caught at the heaviness of his words. Sloane stood up, walking toward him and putting a hand on his shoulder.

"What happened to Abby?" Doc Grace asked carefully, knowing what this could mean for Gibbs. She flashed to the first time the three of them had sat down in counseling. How Gibbs had said to Abby that he couldn't lose her – how he had distanced himself to keep her safe.

" _ **I couldn't live with it if anything happened to you, Abby - especially 'cause of me."**_

Shaking her head, Doc Grace got up, moving closer to Gibbs, as did Vance and Fornell. They all surrounded him, supporting him, awaiting a response.

"Abby was shot," he whispered, shaking his head.

Everyone took a step back in disbelief. The loss of Reeves was bad enough, but if Abby didn't make it…

"How bad?" Doc Grace asked. Gibbs gave her a worried look, swallowing hard.

"Bad," he whispered. "I gotta go."

Gibbs broke from the circle swiftly, heading to grab his keys and coat.

"Go where?" Sloane asked.

"To Abby," he said firmly. "She's in the ICU at Washington General."

"We'll go with you," Sloane said, grabbing her own coat.

"No," Gibbs said strongly, shaking his head.

"Gibbs, slow down," Fornell insisted, grabbing his arm as Gibbs pulled on his coat.

"Leon," Gibbs continued, ignoring Fornell, "can you-"

"I'll head to the crime scene," Vance nodded, turning to Sloane. "Jack, you get back to the Navy Yard and call the team. They'll need you there. Gibbs, you tell me as soon as you hear anything."

Gibbs nodded silently, biting his lip as he rushed out the door. Sloane and Fornell exchanged looks as Doc Grace followed after him.

"Gibbs, wait!" she called, catching up to him in front of his truck. "You shouldn't be by yourself right now," she asserted, her voice dropping. "I know what Abby means to you...and I know what you're thinking, and this is _not_ your fault, Gibbs."

Closing his eyes and leaning his head up against the truck, he shook his head.

"We don't know what this is," he said in frustration, pulling the door open and starting his truck.

"You don't have to do this alone," she insisted, but backed away as he closed the driver-side door. He gave her a look through the window, shaking his head again before peeling away.

 **Washington General Hospital**

 **11:00 PM**

Breaking every traffic rule in the book, Gibbs sped to the hospital, gripping the steering wheel tightly. Whoever did this was going to pay.

"Hang on, Abbs," he implored out loud, trying to reach her. "I'm comin'. Don't give up."

After parking his truck near the curb, Gibbs flashed his badge. "ICU," he said to the security guard, who opened the doors and pointed him in the right direction.

"Boss!" McGee called, his voice wavering. He was standing outside of Abby's room.

Gibbs stopped and approached him, eyes wide but remaining speechless. McGee knew he was silently asking for sit-rep.

"Abby's stable but critical," McGee rasped. "She um … she coded but … but they got her back."

Wincing, Gibbs looked away, eyeing the door.

"Boss, she's not lookin' too good," a teary-eyed McGee continued. "She's unconscious and on a respirator, and I've never seen her so-" He stopped mid-sentence, wiping a hand over his eyes, struggling to be strong for Gibbs, who refused to make eye contact. He simply nodded and turned the handle, heading inside Abby's room and closing the door behind him.

McGee sighed heavily, breaking down once Gibbs was out of view.

Inside Abby's room, Gibbs focused first on the machines, her vitals. McGee was right – it wasn't looking good. He sighed heavily as he stood against the door, closing his eyes, not wanting to see what he knew was before him. The steady beep of the heart monitor and the whoosh of the respirator jogged him out of his state.

Opening his eyes, he finally focused on the bed. Wincing again, he pursed his lips and looked down, fighting tears. He hadn't been there when his daughter passed away, hadn't seen the carnage. And he'd been grateful for that. Until this moment.

Abby was still, as if she was sleeping, but the sight of the respirator giving her air, the IV lines protruding from just below the RIP in her left arm, and the bandage covering the bullet wound just above her pure, kind heart made Gibbs choke back a sob and turn away.

"Ah, Abbs," he whispered, taking in a few short, shallow breaths, trying to be strong, trying to compose himself. But why? No one else was there. It was just him and Abby.

Everything he feared all those months ago, after coming back from Paraguay, then the incident at his house where his nightmare caused her violence and broke them apart further, it was all coming true. Shannon had warned him a storm was coming. Why hadn't he listened? Why hadn't he paid closer attention? Why hadn't he just sucked it up and gone with her to The Cooler that night?

Moving slowly to her side, Gibbs stood at attention, desperate for her to give him a sign – any sign – that she was still in there, that she would be OK. He gently reached for her hand, grasping it, then leaned down to give her a kiss on the forehead.

"Talk to me, Abbs," he whispered in her ear, resting against her cheek for a moment before pulling back. The silence was deafening. Never had he wanted to hear her voice more than right now – he didn't care if she rambled on for minutes, he just needed her back.

Gibbs was almost shocked when she remained in her state. For a moment he'd believed his voice alone could bring her back – a belief Abby would've had. He almost laughed at the thought, realizing how foolish it was, though not to her – she would believe he could do anything. He was her hero. Yet right now he felt like anything but. He didn't dare mention Reeves, worrying that the news of his death might cause her to give up hope.

With no answers as to what had happened, nothing to go on at the moment, Gibbs could only stare in disbelief at the sight before him. He looked down at their joined hands and had to let go, as he couldn't bear the fact that hers was limp and cool against his.

He kept watch over her for an hour, standing there silent, not knowing what to say. He could hear McGee outside talking to the doctors, calling Abby's brothers and trying to give Gibbs space. Nurses and doctors came in and out of the room sporadically, checking vitals and IVs. One asked if they could get him a chair, to which he simply declined with a shake of his head. He was standing guard, hoping she would wake. And besides, he didn't' deserve to sit. He remembered when he barked that declaration to McGee several years ago after Abby had been threatened by her stalker ex-boyfriend in his apartment. This was so much worse. Another doctor came in and, seeing the pain in Gibbs' eyes, asked if he was her father. It broke his heart all over again. He couldn't answer. He simply put his head down and pulled out his credentials.

As the doctor left the room, Gibbs checked the monitors, more out of a need to look away from his worst nightmare come to life. Slowly, he looked back at her, finally forcing himself to say the words that were tearing at his heart.

"I know I let you down, Abbs," he said in a hoarse whisper. "I told you not to worry. I said that I would always keep you safe."

He flashed to a memory of her warm, gloved hand clasping onto his as he pulled her into his chest. It was that dark night when Ari had tried to take Abby from him – when he had promised he would keep her safe. He was soaked from the rain, but she didn't care, leaning into him as he placed a gentle kiss on her head.

He'd made a promise. And he always kept his promises – especially to Abby. But this time … this time he had failed her. He knew it wasn't logical – that he couldn't possibly have known or prevented this from happening … or could he?

Whoever had done this was still out there. He had to protect her. She was still here, still alive, still breathing. And he had to keep her that way. He had to help her. He had to keep moving, or he would break. Leaning down again, Gibbs whispered in her ear.

"You fight," he rasped. "Cause I need ya, Abbs. Please … fight for me."

Closing his eyes, a tear streaked down Gibbs' face as he kissed her one last time on the cheek. A part of him knew it might be the last time he saw her alive, but he had to keep his promise.

"I'm gonna keep you safe, Abby … we'll get whoever did this … and that means I have to go. But I'm still with ya, Abbs. I'm with you."

Forcing himself to let go and turn away, he took a deep breath and wiped at his eyes before walking out of the room. As he gently closed the door behind him, his gaze briefly rested on the crash cart that had saved Abby's life, and noted how near it was to her room, in case they needed it again. He prayed they wouldn't.

Steely eyed, he barely gave Vance and McGee a glance as he purposely strode down the hall

"Boss, where are you going?" McGee asked, voice filled with worry and confusion.

"Keep a promise," he said strongly, walking swiftly out of the hospital.

Climbing into his truck, Gibbs slammed the door shut and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He'd held it together for the most part at the hospital. But knowing where he was headed, it all began to hit him. He had to see for himself what had happened, but it meant leaving Abby behind. It terrified him that she could die and he wouldn't be there, but he had to keep his promise.

He thought of everything they'd been through over the past year – how he'd pushed her away for several months, trying to protect her from himself. How she'd scaled every wall he attempted to raise – especially after he had accidentally hurt her in his sleep. How she pushed past her own fears out of the depth of her love for him.

" _ **Gibbs, I don't care how dangerous things get – at work, at home. It hurts more not to have you in my life."**_

Squeezing his eyes shut tight against the tears he felt welling up, Gibbs gripped the steering wheel as more memories played before him. Her smile, her warmth, her intelligence. The way she'd make him laugh, or break his heart when all he wanted to do was to take away her pain. They'd become so close again, thanks to Doc Grace and her new rules.

" _ **What this really comes down to," Doc Grace assessed, "is whether you're willing to accept the risks we all take when we care for someone, or let your fear win out."**_

" _ **Fear?" Gibbs huffed, feeling defensive and vulnerable.**_

" _ **Yes, Gibbs, fear. Abby said she's willing to try and overcome her fears about the incident you both experienced. Now it's up to you – can you move past the fear of losing her?"**_

Now, faced with that fear possibly becoming a stark reality, Gibbs was struck by the hollowness in his chest, the emptiness, almost to the point of being numb. He remembered her desperation in wanting him back in her life, of missing his presence that he'd taken away from her because he was afraid she would rely on him too much.

" _ **Gibbs, I don't like labels and I love being able to help people in my own way. That doesn't mean I don't have a life. I just want you to be part of it. Unless…unless you don't want to be."**_

God, he wanted to be a part of her life so badly that he'd caved, but what was the cost? Would he ever see that light in her eyes again? He'd tried to live his life without her before, and it was damn near impossible. All these months he avoided her lab, first out of guilt, then out of habit – he'd give anything now to hear her go on another one of her long-winded scientific explanations.

"Abbs …" he whispered out loud, swallowing. "Stay with me." Starting his truck, Gibbs peeled away from the curb and made his way to the place he hoped would hold some answers.

 **Downtown D.C.**

 **1:25AM**

Gibbs slowly made his way to the crime scene, past the tape. Torres and Bishop had already processed the scene and brought Reeves' body back to headquarters, but Gibbs had to see for himself.

Moving slowly past the few metro officers who remained, Gibbs stopped abruptly as he turned the corner, seeing the first signs of violence. A large blood pool was left in Reeves' wake, still fresh. Shaking his head he walked slightly further, seeing the smaller pool of blood where Abby had been. His thoughts flashed to an image of the two of them lying in the alley. Why hadn't he felt something, where did his gut go? He was happily playing cards with friends while Reeves was gunned down and Abby lay bleeding out, helpless on the street.

"Damnit!" Gibbs yelled, kicking a nearby garbage can and leaning up against the brick wall. Tears welled in his eyes as he slowly slid down, sitting on the sidewalk. He came here in hopes of finding some answers, but all he found was more heartbreak.

"Sir, are you OK?" a young officer asked, leaning over him. Time to put back on his poker face, Gibbs thought.

"Fine," he whispered. "Just lookin'"

"OK, sir … are you with NCIS?" Gibbs nodded looking up at him. "Well, in the confusion of everything, one of our officers forgot to give this to your team."

He pulled out a small, bagged item, covered in blood, handing it to Gibbs, who eyed it closely.

"Maybe it'll help," the officer offered.

"Thank you," Gibbs whispered, slowly standing up. As the officer left, Gibbs brought the item to his chest, swallowing. It was the heart from Abby's childhood Teddy Bear. It must've fallen out during the struggle, he thought. He carefully put the item in his breast pocket, near his own heart, and made his way back to the truck. He had to get back to NCIS, hoping Bishop and Torres might have more answers.

As he walked purposefully back to his truck, Gibbs noticed a young man sitting dazed in a police car, blood on his shirt. He stopped abruptly, his eyes narrowing. He looked to be in his mid-twenties, short dark hair, dressed a black and white servers outfit. The distant look in his eyes told Gibbs he had just witnessed something traumatic.

"Hey," Gibbs said, approaching one of the metro officers standing by the police car and flashing his ID. "Who's the kid?"

"Found the vics," the officer replied matter-of-factly. Gibbs winced at his use of the cold term but remembered the many times he had said it himself. "Sorry, sir," the officer responded quickly, "Force of habit."

"It's OK," Gibbs rasped. "What's his name?"

"Tyler Burns; he's a waiter at The Cooler. Your agents already talked to him, so did we. He didn't see anything. Called 911 and held pressure on the woman's wound until the ambulance came. Probably saved her life … did she … did she make it?"

"She's hangin' in there," Gibbs sighed. "What's he still doin' here?"

"Still a bit shell-shocked. Didn't feel comfortable driving home. Think he called a cab."

Gibbs nodded and walked toward the police car.

"Tyler?" Gibbs called, putting a hand on the hood of the car and leaning in. The young man looked up suddenly, startled.

"Uh … hey. Look, if you're another cop, I already told your people what happened … It's been … it's been a long night, and I'm just really tired, man."

"I know," Gibbs whispered. "And I am a federal agent, but right now I'm just here because those people … the ones you tried to help … they're my family."

Seeing the emotion in Gibbs' eyes, Tyler welled up. "I waited their table," he said in a raw voice. "Usually people hardly give me a second look. It's a high-end place, so the clientele can be … challenging sometimes. Rare to meet someone so beautiful and kind."

Gibbs swallowed, looking down as the young man continued.

"She asked about my family, where I was from. And the guy she was with … he gave me a big tip and a bigger smile. Made me feel good about my job, what I was doin'. Haven't felt that way in awhile."

"How'd you find them?"

Tyler looked away as a tear escaped, still shaken by the memory. "Was by my car, ready to go home, when I heard what I thought were firecrackers at first. Then I heard the scream…by the time I rounded the corner … all I saw was both of them lying there. The guy was already gone, eyes open in this eerie blank stare, lookin' at her … I don't even know how I moved, but I did. She was lyin there, face-up, and I could tell she was still breathing. Tried to stop the bleeding … there was just so much blood…"

Putting a hand over his mouth, Tyler broke down. Gibbs put a hand on his shoulder, fighting hard against his own emotions.

"Thank you, Tyler," he whispered. "Did Abby … did she … say anything?"

Trying to compose himself, Tyler wiped his face, looking up. "She was askin' for Clay – the guy she was with. I tried to tell her it would be OK … then the last thing she said was another name, and I thought it might've been the guy who did this, but your agents told me it wasn't."

"What name?"

"Gibbs," Tyler replied. "You know him?"

Frowning, he turned away, a sad laugh on his lips. "Yea," he rasped.

Tyler's eyes widened in realization. "You're Gibbs," he whispered, standing up as Gibbs backed away slightly.

"You, uh … you want a ride home, Tyler?" Gibbs asked in an unsteady voice. It was something he could do for Abby, to thank the person who may've saved her life. He thought she would appreciate that. He also wanted to make sure the boy got home safe – he was a witness and too much blood had been spilled already.

"Don't wanna put you out," Tyler replied.

"Not puttin' me out. Been a long night - you can get your car in the morning. C'mon."

Gibbs put an arm around the young man, leading him to his truck.

Tyler looked at him quizzically. "Sir…"

"Don't have to call me sir," Gibbs replied gently.

"OK … uh, Gibbs … did she … did Abby make it?"

Gibbs sighed heavily. "She's still fightin'. Got a chance, thanks to you."

"Sorry I couldn't do more," Tyler said sadly.

"You could've ran, not helped," Gibbs shrugged. "That's a brave thing you did."

"My dad … he always taught me to do what was right … that's all I did."

"Sounds like a smart guy."

"He was…" Tyler trailed off, and Gibbs could tell there was something more behind his sadness. "Just hope you get this bastard. Feels like nowhere's safe anymore … always seems it's the good people who get hurt. They didn't deserve this."

Gibbs nodded sadly, gesturing for Tyler to get into his truck. As they drove to his home in Reston, Virginia, Tyler told Gibbs about his family, how he was a part-time student at Northern Virginia Community College, working full-time at The Cooler to help his mom support his four other siblings. His dad – a decorated first lieutenant in the army - had been killed in action in Afghanistan four years ago. Gibbs shared how his own father had served as a fighter pilot in World War II and been an inspiration for him to go into the Marines, though he would've never admitted it at the time. They both avoided talking about the incident, both feeling on edge with their emotions.

"It's the white house on the left," Tyler indicated, pointing to his home as Gibbs pulled into the driveway. "Thanks for the lift. I, uh, I really hope Abby pulls through."

Gibbs nodded, pulling out one of his cards. "You need anything, you call me."

"OK," Tyler replied, taking Gibbs' card. "Thanks."

Gibbs watched as the young man entered the house. Through the window, he could see his mother waiting up for him. Watching the scene silently play out, Gibbs swallowed hard as the two embraced, Tyler likely relaying the tragic events of the evening to his mother.

As Gibbs was about to pull way, his cell phone rang. Bracing himself, he looked at the caller ID – his face fell.

"Yea, Gibbs," he rasped, hesitation in his voice.

"Gibbs … Gibbs, I need answers," a panicked Luca Sciuto demanded.

"Don't have any yet, Luca," Gibbs replied in a sad voice.

"Who would wanna hurt my sister? All she ever wanted to help people I don't understand how this happened. It doesn't make any sense!"

"I know," Gibbs said softly. "We're workin' on it."

"Gibbs … if she … if Abby doesn't …"

"She's a fighter," Gibbs tried to reassure him.

"I spoke to the doctors, Gibbs. They said she flat lined. Who knows what kind of damage was done … what if she doesn't come out of this the same?"

"Let's just wait and see, OK?" he replied in a tight voice.

"I'm coming up on the next flight out," Luca informed him.

"Not a good idea," Gibbs said, the simple explanation of a mugging gone wrong not sitting right with him.

"Not asking your permission," Luca retorted. "I need to see my sister."

"When it's safe," Gibbs replied strongly. "We don't know who did this and until we do, you're safer in NOLA."

"Sorry, Gibbs, but I'm comin', like it or not," Luca affirmed, hanging up.

"Damnit!" Gibbs yelled, hitting the steering wheel. He scrolled down his contacts and made another call. "Hey, yea, Duane?" Gibbs asked when his old friend Duane Pride picked up. "Need a favor."

"Gibbs … awful early. Everything alright?"

"No … not it's not."

"Tell me," Pride rasped, his voice tired.

"It's Abby … she's been shot."

"Ah, God, Gibbs, no … not Abby."

Gibbs closed his eyes at the sound of his friend's pained voice. "She's on a ventilator. In a coma."

"What else," Pride pressed, knowing he wasn't telling him everything.

"One of our own … Reeves … you remember him?"

"The MI6 agent, James Bond-type?"

"He's dead," Gibbs said flatly.

"My God … What the hell happened, Gibbs?"

"Tryin' to figure that out, but in the meantime you gotta keep an eye on Luca. We don't know what this is yet, but I don't want him stepping into this mess."

"Gibbs, you know as well as I do how close those two are. I could escort him up and-"

"No," Gibbs replied quickly.

"You got proof this is personal?" Pride asked.

"My gut," Gibbs responded strongly. "Just please stay with him 'til we have more answers."

"Alright, my brother … how are you holdin' up?"

"I'm fine," Gibbs lied, again trying to put on his best poker face. He knew Pride would see right through it, but didn't care.

"Gibbs, it's me. I know how close you and Abby are. I know what she means to you."

"Just keep an eye on him for me, OK?" Gibbs replied in a short tone.

"OK, you know I will," Pride said, backing off. "What about her other brother – Kyle?"

"From what I heard, he's out of the country doin' some humanitarian work, South Africa I think."

"He hasn't contacted you?"

"McGee called them both. I've been … busy," Gibbs sighed. "Anyway, from what I heard it seems like Kyle won't be able to get a flight out for another day or so."

"That girl's gotta hang on," Pride replied sadly. Met with more silence, he added, "Call me if you need anything, Gibbs – I mean that… or if you get any updates on Abby's condition."

"Copy that," Gibbs rasped, hanging up. Putting his truck in reverse, he began the trip back to NCIS, remembering the evidence in his pocket and hoping his team would be able to fight past their grief to get some answers.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	15. Chapter 15 - My Girl

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 15: My Girl**

 _ **Author's Note: A continuation of "fill in the blanks" for "Two Steps Back" (Abby's last episode). Spoilers for Season 15. Trying to fix this episode in a way the writers couldn't. So sad over how things ended, so this is my solution. I still think this story works in "canon," and am trying to tell a deeper side from the Gibbs/Abby POV. Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **4:00AM**

Gibbs strode into the bullpen full of purpose, annoyed when he found all the desks empty. He knew McGee was keeping watch with Abby, but Torres and Bishop were nowhere to be found. Glancing behind his desk, Gibbs put his head down at the memory of Reeves just days earlier helping them break a case, popping up almost comically from behind the short wall.

" _ **Hey, you talkin' about the gas station bit?" Reeves asked, rising from his desk and grabbing a clicker.**_

" _ **Yea," Gibbs nodded, a slight grin on his face.**_

" _ **For that I have something…traffic cam footage," Reeves replied, trying to use the clicker unsuccessfully.**_

" _ **You gotta come closer bro," Torres said.**_

" _ **No, Torres, your massive head, it's in the way, can you just…"**_

Remembering the way his team laughed in the moment, and the passion and dedication Reeves brought to what would be his last case, Gibbs sighed sadly. Another family member down on his watch. Frustrated, he slammed his chair against his desk and picked up the phone.

"Jethro," a familiar voice answered. "Any word on Abby?"

"Nothin' yet, Duck," Gibbs replied quickly. "Where are Bishop and Torres?"

"I believe they are in Abby's … they are in the lab."

Closing his eyes, Gibbs let out a heavy breath.

"Jethro, are you alright?"

"Be better if I had some answers."

"Mr. Palmer and I may be able to shed some light shortly."

"OK, keep me updated," Gibbs rasped, hanging up before Ducky could say anymore. He couldn't think about how he felt right now. Pulling the bloodstained cloth heart from his pocket, Gibbs made his way to the elevator and pressed a button he hadn't hit in a very long time…

 **Abby's Lab**

 **4:10AM**

"Found it!" Bishop called, pulling out Abby's lab guide "for dummies." Walking from Abby's desk into the main lab, Bishop tossed it on the steel table.

"Is that … McGee?" Torres asked, pointing to the drawing on the book's cover, slightly amused.

"Seriously? Who cares?" Bishop snapped, opening the pages. "We have to test everything. The director brought Abby's clothes from the hospital. Let's start there."

"OK," Torres frowned, clearing his throat as he pulled Abby's coat from the evidence box, the blood standing out in stark contrast to the white fur.

Pulling out a box of gloves, Q-Tips, a beaker and some chemicals, Bishop fought back tears as she looked over the first piece of evidence.

"This bastard's gonna pay, Nick, right?"

"Oh yea," Torres replied strongly, placing a hand on Bishop's shoulder.

"And Abby's gonna be OK, right, Nick?" Bishop asked, her voice trembling.

"Yea," he rasped, rubbing her back. "She's tough. She's … Abby."

"OK," Bishop nodded, shaking her head and moving away from Torres. "Let's do this."

Just as Bishop was about to swab the blood from the coat, she heard footsteps approaching the doorway and looked up. It was Gibbs. He paused at the entrance to the lab, where both Torres and Bishop knew he hadn't been down to in a long time. Blinking quickly and shaking his head, he stepped inside.

"What do you got?" he asked softly.

"We, um, we were just … getting started," Bishop swallowed, folding the coat over in an attempt to hide the bloodstains. Gibbs looked down eyes widening at the sight, realizing they were processing Abby's clothing. And her blood. Shaking his head again, he turned away. "Gibbs, I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologize," he whispered.

"I know … sign of weakness."

"No … not your fault, Bishop," Gibbs corrected, turning to them both. "Not yours either, Torres. We have a job to do." Both agents nodded as Gibbs handed Bishop the bagged cloth heart. "See if you can get anything worthwhile off this," Gibbs rasped. "And let me know you're done with it."

Realizing the object must have some meaning to Abby, Bishop nodded, holding back tears. "We'll figure this out, Gibbs," she said. "For Abby … For Reeves … I promise."

In that moment, Gibbs wanted to embrace Bishop, tell her it would be OK. He was so proud of her. But all he could muster was a small, tight smile and a short nod as he turned on his heels to quickly exit a place he hadn't been down to since before Paraguay. Without Abby's presence, it seemed so strange and empty; he couldn't bear to be in there another moment.

Torres and Bishop looked on with concern as Gibbs entered the elevator.

"He's doing better than I thought," Bishop shrugged, staring at the new evidence Gibbs had brought her.

"Well, when you've worked undercover, you learn to put on a good poker face," Torres commented.

"God, everything comes back to you and your undercover crap, doesn't it?!"

"Me?! I was just sayin' the guy is obviously not OK – what the hell?"

"What the hell?! How about I'm tired of hearing about the lure of undercover work! Reeves is dead. Abby may not make it. Is reality not enough for you?"

"Reality sucks," Torres said bitterly. "Sometimes it's better to be someone else."

"Well, right now, we need to figure out what the hell happened, so why don't you pretend you're undercover as a top forensic scientist and get your butt over here and help me!"

"Hey, hey," Torres said softly, calming down. "Sorry, I lost my head for minute. I know how bad this is. I'm here. Just tell me what to do."

Bishop sighed, nodding in acceptance of his apology. "OK, let's get to work."

 **Washington General Hospital**

 **5:30AM**

McGee leaned over Abby's bedside, putting his phone back in his pocket as he grasped her hand.

"That was Delilah," he whispered. "The twins were havin' a hard time goin' down tonight, but she played them your bedtime story … works every time."

The sound of the door clicking open caused McGee to look up, tears stinging his eyes. At the site of his boss peeking through, McGee quickly wiped his face.

"It's OK, Tim," Gibbs reassured him, closing the door behind him as he entered the room.

"Find anything, boss?"

"Not yet," Gibbs lamented, grabbing a chair and pulling it up behind McGee. "Sit."

"Boss, I-"

"Not your fault, Tim," he rasped, putting a hand on the younger agent's shoulder.

McGee shook his head and sat down, watching as Gibbs pulled up a second chair on the other side of the bed and sat down.

"I, uh, I called Tony," McGee said, seeing the pain flash across Gibbs' face at the mention of his former senior field agent. "Said he could be here by tomorrow night."

"No," Gibbs said, shaking his head angrily.

"Boss, he's just worried. He has a right-"

"We don't know what happened," Gibbs sighed in frustration. "And until we do, I don't need anyone else in harm's way."

"You think this was more than a simple mugging?" McGee asked.

"Nothin' simple about this," Gibbs lamented.

"And Reeves – Abby's gonna take it-"

"Don't," Gibbs said strongly, shaking his head and placing a finger over his lips. "Not here. Don't need to talk about that now. And you tell Tony to stay put."

"He's not exactly under our control, boss," McGee shrugged.

"You tell him I'm not askin'," Gibbs replied strongly. "You tell him it's not just about _him_ – he's got a daughter to think about. You tell him we'll keep him in the loop, but he needs to lay low, just in case."

"OK," McGee relented. "Sounds like your gut is telling you this is much bigger than Metro thinks … you sure there isn't something you wanna tell me about this?"

"Nothin' yet," Gibbs rasped, refocusing his gaze on Abby. The two men sat in silence for a few minutes, until McGee could no longer stand it.

"What are we gonna do, boss?" he rasped, tears welling in his eyes. "What are we gonna do if…if she doesn't wake up?"

Gibbs shook his head, and McGee could see the emotion in his eyes as he contemplated the possibility. "Can't give up on her, Tim."

"I know," he replied sadly. "And boss … you know … it's not your fault, either."

Gibbs remained silently, staring at Abby's still form.

"You shouldn't beat yourself up over this," McGee implored. "Abby knows there was nothing you could-"

"I turned her down," Gibbs said in a hoarse voice.

"Boss, what are you talking about?"

"The Cooler…she asked me to go with her…I said no," he confessed, letting out a long breath, feeling the weight of his words.

McGee frowned, slightly hurt that Abby had asked Gibbs and not him. Seeing his young agent's reaction, Gibbs made an effort to explain.

"She knew it'd been rough couple of months … hell a rough year, but you know that, Tim. We lived part of that together, you and me, in Paraguay."

McGee nodded, shocked at his openness.

"I, uh, I think she was just tryin' to reach out … I know she was. And I let her down."

"Boss … that place … it wasn't you. Abby knew that. She was trying to do something nice, but I think she understood why you said no. Probably even expected it. I would."

Gibbs gave a sad laugh. "Makes it even worse," he sighed. "It would've made her happy … but I couldn't give that to her, even knowin'… knowin' she'd do anything for me."

"Boss, you don't know-"

"Know what, McGee?" he snapped. "Know that if I'd been there, the one in the body bag would've been the perp? Know that Abby sure as hell wouldn't have been…"

Trailing off, Gibbs wiped a hand over his face. "I'm sorry, Abbs," he whispered, leaning over to stroke the hair that fell in front of her forehead. McGee turned away, a tear streaking down his cheek. As bad as he felt about Abby, he knew Gibbs had to be hurting just as much if not more. He knew what Abby meant to Gibbs better than anyone else left on the team, except maybe Ducky. Standing up, McGee went to walk out.

"Tim," Gibbs rasped, eyes still locked on Abby.

"Yea, boss?"

"Stay with her."

"I want to, boss, you know I do, but the lab work-"

"Bishop and Torres will figure it out."

"What about you?"

"Made a promise, Tim … long time ago. Promised I'd keep her safe. And that's what I'm gonna do."

"You're just gonna leave her when she's-"

"I'm leavin' her with you," he said strongly, standing up to face him. "Who better than you, Tim?"

"Thanks, boss," McGee rasped, grateful to stay by her side.

"Give me a minute?" Gibbs asked, his voice raw with emotion. McGee nodded, ducking out of the room. He turned back to Abby, leaning in close.

"Not sayin' goodbye, Abbs," he rasped, frowning, "because _you_ are gonna be OK … I'm gonna make it OK … no matter what. I'm gonna find a way to fix this." He kissed her forehead gently.

Reaching into his pocket, Gibbs pulled out an item he had picked up from home before returning to the hospital. When he had left Bishop and Torres in the lab – a place he hadn't been down to in almost a year – he knew he had to see Abby again before pressing on. He wanted to give her a part of himself, something to let her know that he was with her.

"Gonna let you hang onto these for me," he whispered, gently pulling out her right hand from under the covers. Opening her fingers, he pressed the metal objects in her palm – his dog tags. Wrapping the chain loosely around her wrist, he closed his hand over hers. "And I expect you to be awake when I get back," he added with a sad smile as he closed her fingers over the dog tags and pulled the covers back over her.

It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her he loved her, but felt that would be bad as saying goodbye. Instead, he brought his hand to her cheek, signing against it, "My girl."

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Gibbs nodded to himself, determined to get to the bottom of things, even if he didn't like the answers.

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **7:06AM**

Gibbs hadn't slept in over 24 hours and was running on pure adrenaline. He didn't even take time to stop for coffee – there was too much urgency. As the back elevator opened to the squad room, Gibbs could hear Bishop's pain and anger as she vented over the loss of Reeves. She was sitting at Reeves' desk, holding a bag of ketchup and prawn-flavored chips – her favorite that Reeves had special ordered for her from England.

"He was like a brother to me and I never got to tell him that," Bishop lamented.

"You didn't have to," Torres said, trying to reassure her.

"Yes, yes I did. Clay didn't have any family, Torres. Us. We were it."

Gibbs winced, feeling the truth of her words. He was never one to wear his heart on his sleeve or express much more than a grunt or a pat on the back for a job well done. But maybe Bishop was right. Maybe Reeves deserved to hear her words, and his. Maybe Abby did too. She was like a daughter to him, and while he was relatively sure she knew that, she deserved to hear him say it.

"He was here, and now he's gone," Bishop said angrily, allowing her tears to fall. "And over what? Like, sixty bucks in cash? Does that make any sense to you?"

"No, no it doesn't," Gibbs replied simply as he walked toward them, looking at Bishop with concern.

"Any word on Abby?" Torres asked sadly.

"No, there's no change," he replied in a tight voice, desperate to change the subject. "What did MPD say?" While Gibbs had already spoken to a few of the officers on scene, he knew a lot could change in a few hours during an investigation.

As both agents relayed what they had found, Gibbs used every trick he knew to hold it together in front of his team. While it would certainly make the investigation more challenging, selfishly Gibbs was relieved there was no video footage or traffic cam recording the incident – he didn't know if he could bear to see what had actually happened.

"The only people who know exactly what happened are Reeves, Abby and our unidentified mugger," Bishop noted.

"Right," Gibbs said, looking around nervously. "Let's get to it."

Feeling he couldn't keep from breaking much longer, Gibbs made a beeline out of the bullpen. Getting into the elevator, he knew where his next stop would be – Reeves. It was time to pay his respects, sit with the young man he had been so hopeful for and maybe find some answers.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	16. Chapter 16 - More Than Memories

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 16: More Than Memories**

 _ **Author's Note: A continuation of "fill in the blanks" for "Two Steps Back" (Abby's last episode). This chapter focuses a bit more on Clayton Reeves, who was an unfortunate casualty in the Abby exit storyline and was not given as much attention as he deserved because of it. Flashbacks to two pivotal Reeves episodes from Season 14 – "Willoughby" and "The Wall." Another familiar face also makes an appearance. Spoilers for Season 15. Trying to fix this episode in a way the writers couldn't. Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **Autopsy**

 **7:35AM**

"You didn't deserve this," Gibbs whispered into the chilled air, standing alone in autopsy, staring at Reeves' body, eyes darting over the stitched up Y incision. Palmer had said years ago he didn't want to cut open another friend … yet here they were again. Would it ever end? Gibbs supposed not until he was on that table himself.

"It should've been me, Clay," he rasped. "I know you tried … tried to protect her. Died protecting her … And I'm … grateful and … Jesus … Never been much for words. They're so … limiting." Gibbs paused, remembering a particularly revealing conversation he'd had with Reeves more than a year ago, over the Willoughby case…

 **January 2017**

 **Gibbs' Residence**

" _ **So are we gonna get this over with?" Reeves asked, drying the dishes Gibbs had just washed in his sink.**_

" _ **What's that?" Gibbs replied nonchalantly.**_

" _ **The talk you brought me here to have."**_

" _ **I don't like talkin'."**_

" _ **But you like listening," Reeves asserted. "What else is there for you to fix? My parents died when I was three. Got passed around foster care. Drugs."**_

" _ **Yea, I read all that in the file, Reeves."**_

" _ **I don't need you to worry about me."**_

" _ **I don't, but Bishop does."**_

" _ **Scotland…" Reeves sighed, sitting back down at the table as he recalled his trip in the summer of 2016. "I went there alone to figure things out. Life things. She was there at the same time, so we met up. She spoke about her family."**_

" _ **Three brothers," Gibbs noted, taking a sip of his coffee.**_

" _ **Yea … she also said you guys were her family. The look on her face when she said it… I came back and I signed up for Willoughby because you guys shouldn't have to do that kind of mission … the kind of people … who have people."**_

 _ **Gibbs pondered what he said for a moment. "'You think you're alone in the dark," Gibbs said quietly. "Close your eyes. Remember everything good.' My mom said that to me just before she died. Smart lady."**_

 **PRESENT**

Gibbs shook his head, almost overwhelmed by the memory. He'd tried to help Reeves, show him that he was not alone, that his life was worth something, and to encourage him not to throw it away on suicide missions like Willoughby.

Just days ago, he and Sloane had been discussing how far Reeves had come. He'd been so proud of the way Reeves handled his last case - making sure he got help for Sarah Carter and her son and everything he'd been doing for the Final Salute charity.

Suddenly, Gibbs recalled a time shortly after the Willoughby case, when Reeves was still hell-bent on risking it all on a mission, being reckless because he still felt he had nothing worth living for. Gibbs had put a decision before Reeves on that cold night, and wondered how much of that conversation factored into his change…

 **March 2017**

 **Vietnam Memorial**

 _ **Gibbs and Reeves sat in the car, watching as Veteran Henry Rogers broke down at the Vietnam Memorial wall. Reeves huffed in frustration over the older man, who had escaped him multiple times only to come to the one place he said he didn't want to be. But Gibbs, frustrated by Reeves' lack of perception, voiced his own concerns.**_

" _ **You," Gibbs began, referring to Reeves, "just beggin' for another high-risk mission. Another way to just push people away like you've done your whole life."**_

" _ **What do you know about it?" Reeves asked in a challenging tone.  
**_

" _ **A lot."**_

" _ **Listen, I heard about your family, Gibbs, and I am sorry for what happened to them but that doesn't make you an expert on me."**_

" _ **I didn't say it did."**_

" _ **You've got your memories," Reeves contended. "I was three years old when my parents died. I haven't got a clue how it feels to have someone care about me."**_

" _ **I'm not saying you do."**_

" _ **This is how I am … because this is all I ever was."**_

 _ **Gibbs shook his head, looking out the window in frustration.**_

" _ **I've got more than memories," Gibbs countered. "Got the people I let in afterwards … I got the family I chose to make…"**_

 **PRESENT**

Gibbs wet his lips, looking away from Reeves' body, shaken by the memory, haunted by it as he recalled the rest of his words, wondering if they had driven Reeves to make the ultimate sacrifice.

" _ **Man, you lose everything, you make a choice where to go from there," Gibbs had told him. "Henry made his choice, I made mine. What about you?"**_

The answer to that question now lay before him – Reeves made his choice. He chose to protect his family – the family _he_ chose to make. And that choice led him here, to a cold metal slab and a violent end to a tragic life.

The family Gibbs chose to make kept getting smaller and smaller. Gibbs was well aware that his team took on high risks every time they stepped outside the office – and sometimes even within the confines of their brightly colored walls. But this scenario – two of his own gunned down out of the blue…

"There ya are," Sloane called from the doorway in autopsy, giving Gibbs a sad look as she walked toward him. "I've been lookin' for you all day."

"I've been busy," Gibbs rasped, looking away. It wasn't even 8AM, but he knew what she meant – their day had started as soon as he received the call during the poker game. That was over eight hours ago.

"More like purposely avoiding me. Reeves was a member of your team, Gibbs, you should sit. You should talk about it."

"Talk?" he replied in an annoyed tone. "Not gonna help him."

"No, but it might help you."

"You wanna help me, Jack? Get me some answers."

"I have some," Ducky called, entering autopsy. "They may not be the answers for which you are looking but they could prove useful."

As Ducky filled them in on his findings, Gibbs felt his grief shifting into fear. Fear over who was capable of overtaking an MI6 agent and still managed to get a shot off on Abby.

"Kid had a hard life," Gibbs said angrily. "Deserved better than this."

"Dr. Palmer took the slugs and his clothing up to the lab for analysis," Ducky noted.

"Analysis by whom?" Sloane asked sadly, voicing something the two men were desperately trying to avoid.

Closing his eyes, Gibbs pursed his lips together, ducking his head to fight the tears that suddenly came to the surface. He felt as if the wind was knocked out of him at the reminder that Abby wasn't in her lab, she wasn't safe – and that there was a very real possibility she may end up where Reeves lay.

Seeing the pain on Gibbs face, Sloane reached out to him. "Hey," she whispered, trying to reassure him, gently rubbing his arm. Gibbs turned away, wiping a hand over his face.

"Jethro," Ducky began, "Abigail is strong. Dr. Palmer updated me on her vitals and they are improving. There is nothing to say she won't be fine. "

"She's still not awake," Gibbs rasped, fighting his emotions. He trusted Ducky, and, to an extent, Sloane, and that trust made him feel more vulnerable. "If she … if she ends up down here too…"

"She won't," Sloane said strongly.

"You don't know," Gibbs snapped, shaking his head. "This life ... it just takes. The young, the innocent. We see it every day … Seen it in my own life … my wife … my daughter … no one's off limits."

"We cannot give up on her," Ducky implored, walking toward him.

"I'm not giving up on her!" Gibbs yelled, slamming his left hand down on an empty metal slab, causing Sloane to jump slightly. "I'm just trying … to prepare myself… for what could…"

"Jethro," Ducky rasped, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"You know, she used to call me about these nightmares," Gibbs choked out, swallowing hard. "Nightmares about lying dead in autopsy."

"Yes, her phobia, I remember," Ducky nodded.

"She would … she would call me. And I'd make it better … but I can't anymore, Duck. Not this time. Seeing her lying there … kept alive by machines … I just … if I don't keep moving, if I don't find answers soon …"

The piercing ring of Gibbs' cell phone suddenly echoed through autopsy, startling the three of them. Gibbs quickly answered.

"Yea … OK … good work. Gear up, meet you both at the garage."

Ducky and Sloane looked at each other.

"Got a name and address," Gibbs declared as he quickly brushed past his two friends.

"Gibbs, be careful," Sloane called, watching him disappear into the elevator without another word. She looked back to Ducky, who gave her a sad glance before turning back to Reeves' body.

"Rest well, dear boy," he whispered, patting Reeves on the shoulder.

Sloane wiped away a tear. "I don't think Gibbs is in the right frame of mind to be going anywhere right now, Dr. Mallard."

"This is the one way he can help, Jacqueline," Ducky noted. "And it is the one way he knows how to cope at the moment. I've seen it before … he'll get the job done."

"Or die trying," Sloane countered. "I've only been here a short time, but I've come to know that Abby is more than just a co-worker to him."

"Nothing untoward," Ducky asserted, wondering where Sloane was going with her assessment.

"I wasn't implying … what I mean to say is that he seems to have a unique … affection for her."

"She is very much a daughter to him," Ducky sighed. "And if you know anything of Jethro's past, you know what is at stake here."

"I know about his wife and daughter," Sloane admitted. "Though not the particulars."

"Ah, part of your initial research?"

"I _am_ a forensic psychologist," she replied with a shrug. "It's my job to know these things, to make sure our agents are mentally sound and healthy."

Ducky nodded. "I am not criticizing you, simply offering some advice – tread lightly here, and give him some room."

"And if Abby … doesn't make it?"

Ducky sighed, his face falling at the thought. "Then whoever did this will in all likelihood follow her," he said sadly.

Sloane pursed her lips, looking back at Reeves. "You've known Gibbs for quite some time, haven't you, doctor?"

"Nearly 25 years," Ducky asserted.

"Then there's something else I need to share with you. Something that concerns me … and I think might concern you."

"What is it?"

"Reeves went with Abby to The Cooler, but he wasn't the first person she asked," Sloane began.

"Oh?"

"She asked Gibbs first," Sloane sighed, noticing the concern flash across Ducky's face at the revelation. "In your opinion, where do you think that leaves him right now … mentally?"

"Are you asking for my professional or personal assessment?"

"Both?"

"Well," Ducky sighed, "Determined … at the moment."

"And when the moment passes?"

Ducky gave her a worried look. "We should keep an eye on him … we will. But we must let him do his job. If there is anything I've learned over the years, it is that once Leroy Jethro Gibbs is on a mission, nothing will deter him from finding justice."

"OK, doctor … and thank you." Sloane walked toward Reeves' still form, cupping his cheek. "And thank you, Clay," she whispered. "You made a difference. You mattered. And you died a hero."

Ducky looked down, swallowing. "Indeed," he said in agreement, watching as Sloane gave him a tight smile and walked out of autopsy.

 **Residence of Kent Marshall**

 **9:45AM**

As Torres and Bishop secured the crime scene, Gibbs paced in the living room on his cell phone.

"No one gets in her room without getting past you first, understood?" Gibbs ordered.

"I'll keep her safe, boss," McGee answered on the other end of the phone.

"Is she … is there any change?" Gibbs rasped.

"Well," McGee sighed. "Doctors say her vitals are stronger… but she's still in the coma."

"OK … keep me posted."

Gibbs hung up before McGee could give response. His worst fears had come to light. This wasn't a simple case of a mugging gone wrong – Abby was the target, and would continue to be the target until they caught whoever was behind this.

Eyes darting around the room, Gibbs began to bag the evidence, starting with Reeves wallet. Opening it, a picture fell out onto the table. Handling it carefully, he held it under the lamp light, his gaze narrowing.

"That's Reeves and his mom," Bishop noted sadly, looking over Gibbs' shoulder. "Only picture he had of her."

Swallowing hard, Gibbs cleared his throat and placed the photo carefully back into the wallet and bagged it, handing it to Bishop. Walking over to the couch, he reached for Abby's purse.

"Gibbs I can-" Bishop started, but was cut off by Gibbs.

"Torres!" he called.

"Yea?"

"Take charge of the scene. Palmer should be here soon. Bishop and I are going back to headquarters."

"Gibbs?" Bishop asked.

"I need you to comb through Abby's cases – we need to know who was in a position to carry out something like this."

"On it," she said quietly, heading out the door.

"We'll get this guy, Gibbs," Torres said, trying to reassure his boss.

"We better," Gibbs replied strongly, following Bishop.

As the two agents drove back to NCIS, Bishop could see Gibbs' wheels spinning. His expression was stone-faced, eyes focused on the road, silent. She knew this was his worst nightmare - Abby was the target of a hit, and the crime scene held no answers as to who wanted her dead. She could see the pain he was masking – something Torres had tried to tell. She had the urge to hug him, to assure him things would be OK, but she wasn't sure they would be.

"You got a change of clothes at headquarters?" Gibbs asked, suddenly breaking the silence and startling Bishop.

"I uh… yea, yea I do."

"Good. We get back, we go through every case, every person Abby put away until we come up with someone who might've had the time and resources to set this up."

Bishop nodded, giving him a concerned look. "OK, I'll start with those who aren't incarcerated anymore, but … do you have any other ideas? You've worked on most of the cases Abby has, right?"

"There's some gaps," he replied tightly, still keeping his gaze fixed on the road. "But I have a few hunches."

"We'll figure it out," Bishop swallowed.

"We have to," Gibbs rasped.

"Gibbs, do you think we could stop at the hospital-"

"No time," he replied quickly.

"I know … it's just … I haven't seen her and-"

"Not a random mugging anymore … Abby's a target. The way we help Abby is to stay focused on our jobs, Bishop," he said, though the emotion in his voice revealed his regret.

"I understand," she whispered, wiping away a stray tear.

"Sorry, Ellie," he rasped quietly, catching her by surprise.

"Gibbs you don't-"

"Reeves … Abby … know it's difficult. Believe me. But we need to keep our heads straight, do our jobs, or things will get worse."

She knew what he meant. Even though Abby hadn't regained consciousness, she still had a good chance of surviving this latest ordeal. But if they didn't find out who was after her, a second attempt on her life may not fail.

"I'm good, Gibbs," she reassured him. "I can do this."

"I know," he rasped. "We'll do it together."

Bishop gave him a sad smile, reaching out to grasp Gibbs' hand. Unable to look at her, he pursed his lips together, swallowing hard. They would figure it out. They had to.

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **10:34AM**

Gibbs swiftly entered the bullpen and opened the file cabinet drawer, pulling out a polo, pants, deodorant and a new t-shirt. Entering the men's room, he locked the door behind him and pulled off his sweatshirt and the T-shirt he'd been wearing from the night before. Splashing some water on his face, he gazed back at his reflection for a moment. He couldn't remember feeling older.

"Hell of a mess," an old, familiar voice called from behind him.

"Mike?" Gibbs said, turning around to find his deceased mentor – former NCIS Agent Mike Franks - leaning against a bathroom stall.

"One thing to lose an agent … but that poor, sweet girl didn't deserve this, and you know it."

Gibbs shook his head, trying to will away the vision. "What do you want from me, Mike?"

"What did I tell you about keepin' secrets?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Ask yourself, who would be holdin' the biggest grudge against Abby? Maybe someone who came _this close_ to ending _you_ , but not with a bullet - with proof that would cost you everything you had left – you gun, your badge, hell, even your good name."

"It might not be him," Gibbs said with a shake of his head, knowing exactly who Mike was referring to – Alejandro Rivera, son of Pedro Hernandez – the man who murdered his wife and daughter and who Gibbs had ended by putting a bullet through his brain.

"What if it is," he posed. "What then?"

Gibbs clenched his fists, turning away. "Never should've let them bury that damn report," Gibbs grunted angrily under his breath. Closing his eyes, he rubbed his left shoulder, the scar from Ari's bullet still visible.

"She took a bullet for you back then – maybe not physically, but she protected you," Franks stated simply. "Did she just take another?"

Slamming his left hand on the counter, Gibbs squeezed his eyes shut, breathing heavily. The knocking on the bathroom door shook him from his internal struggle. When he turned around, Franks was gone.

"Gibbs?" Bishop called from the other side of the door.

"Just a second," Gibbs called, unlocking the door and opening it. "Yea?"

Bishop glanced at him with a surprised look and he realized he hadn't put his shirt on. He was still incredibly fit for his age, but it was the many scars that had caught Bishop off guard. Looking down, she leaned up against the door as Gibbs moved away to quickly pull on his T-Shirt.

"Sorry, but I … thought this was urgent," Bishop explained.

"What do you got?"

"I think I may've found something. Do you remember a guy named Terry Spooner?"

"Yea, embezzler. Hired a hit man to stop Abby from testifying over a decade ago."

"Well, he was released from prison six months ago and is staying at a halfway house in Silver Springs."

Gibbs looked up from tucking in his polo shirt, a slight flash of relief crossing over his face. "Good work, Bishop," he sighed. "Get to the director for a sit rep. I'll be up in a minute."

"You got it," she said, closing the door behind her.

"Think maybe you're off the hook, Probie?" Franks asked, reappearing suddenly behind him.

"Ah, hell, Mike, will ya get off my back!"

"Either way, you never saw this comin'."

"You enjoyin' this, Mike? Reveling in my failure?"

"No, Probie," he whispered, walking up to him until he was merely inches away, staring him straight in the eye. "But you _are_ responsible. You're the team leader. And you've gotta deal with the consequences, sooner or later. Gotta keep your head in the game, or things really could end up a lot worse."

"What do you want from me?" Gibbs asked again in a hoarse voice.

"Want you to do right by that girl," he whispered. "Reeves isn't the only one who deserved better."

"I'm trying."

"Try harder," Franks countered. "Try harder than you ever have. Or you may end up losing her either way."

"Mike, I…"

"Leon's waitin' for ya," Franks reminded him. "Keep your head in the game. Keep an eye on your girl."

Gibbs nodded, closing his eyes. When he reopened them, Franks was gone. Pulling on his jacket – so that he would be ready to immediately leave and apprehend Spooner as soon as Vance gave the order – Gibbs quickly left the bathroom and tucked his old clothes under his desk before sprinting up the stairs to the director's office. A part of him prayed it was Spooner who did this … but his gut told him there was likely more to this terrible tale. And that somehow, none of them would leave it unscathed.

 **TO BE CONTINUED...**


	17. Chapter 17 - Striking Out

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 17: Striking Out**

 _ **Author's Note: A continuation of "fill in the blanks" for "Two Steps Back" (Abby's last episode). This chapter leans heavily on plotlines from previous chapters that did not specifically happen on the show, but possibly could have and we just didn't see them. Events in chapters 5 and 9 are specifically referenced. Spoilers for Season 15. Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **Interrogation Observation Room**

 **1:22PM**

Bringing in Terry Spooner for questioning, it took everything in Gibbs not to rough him up when he showed his weaselly face. But something had not sat right with him from the moment he put Spooner in the car and began the drive back to NCIS.

"Hey, I have rights, you know!" Spooner snapped as he leaned forward from the back seat. Torres pulled him straight back, gripping him tightly. "And tell your goon to keep his hands off me."

"Just need to have a little chat," Gibbs replied tensely.

"Well, I'm only going with you because my probation officer says I have to," Spooner whined. "But I have a right to know what this is about."

"We'll get to that," Torres said, squeezing his shoulder before letting go.

The rest of the car ride back to headquarters was silent. They let Spooner stew in interrogation for about half an hour before Bishop and Torres took the first crack at him. Sloane entered the observation room slowly, nodding to Gibbs.

"Think we got our guy?" she asked hesitantly. He could feel her analyzing him.

"We'll see," Gibbs grunted, staring straight ahead.

"Something's off, isn't it?"

Gibbs shrugged and crossed his arms as they both began to watch the interrogation unfold. Spooner had a way out – his own GPS tracker, thanks to his probation. It was probably something they should've known before sitting down to question him, but everything had happened so quickly. Sloane affirmed what Gibbs' gut was telling him – Spooner wasn't their guy.

"Gibbs, this attempt on Abby wasn't just business," Sloane began, hitting a tender nerve inside Gibbs. "Whoever is behind this is someone who is calculating, connected and is holding a serious grudge. You know anyone like that?"

Tilting his head, feeling his heart rate speed up, Gibbs nodded. "Yea, I do," he choked out, leaving the room.

"Gibbs," Bishop called, running up beside him when he refused to stop. She caught up to him, pulling on his arm. "Gibbs, wait. Here. I forgot…you wanted this back when we were done."

Wincing, Gibbs took the cloth heart Bishop held in her hand. He could tell she had tried her best to clean it after processing, but some of the bloodstain still remained.

"We didn't get anything from it," she explained, "but I wanted to get it back to you. Looks like it's something important to Abby."

"Spooner's not our guy," Gibbs sighed, pocketing the item.

"You got a new lead?" she asked, noticing his determination to leave.

"Maybe," he whispered, turning to walk down the hall. Bishop followed.

"You want me to go with you?"

"No … keep digging. Sloane thinks we need to be looking for someone who would make this personal – someone with a major grudge."

"OK … I'll let you know the minute I find something."

Gibbs nodded as they parted ways and pulled out his cell phone.

"Someone with a serious grudge?" Mike Franks parroted, suddenly appearing beside Gibbs, walking with him to his truck. "Think we both know who you're payin' a visit to now, Probie."

"Maybe not," Gibbs rasped, ignoring the vision as he put his phone to his ear. "Hey … yea, Tobias. Need a favor."

 **DC Central Detention Facility**

 **2:45PM**

Gibbs sat in the lobby of the detention center, shuffling through pictures he had brought from home - pictures he had grabbed from his basement along with his dog tags several hours ago. They were the photos that serial killer Gabriel Hicks had taken of his place – and Abby – several months ago.

It was Gibbs' fault that Hicks had been released in the first place - he chose to tell the truth about Fornell, that he suppressed evidence in the original case against Hicks. He had thought Hicks was an innocent man, but his gut had shockingly been wrong. And it cost Fornell his job at the FBI. While they were able to eventually patch things up and catch Hicks for his other crimes, in the interim Hicks had been a free man, apparently targeting Gibbs – and Abby through association.

Hicks mostly fit the bill Sloane described: calculated and holding a serious grudge. It was the "connected" part Gibbs was struggling with – how had Hicks managed to pull it off?

"Think you're wastin' time, Probie," Franks said in a low voice. Gibbs refused to look at what he believed to be a figment of his own deep-seated anxieties. Yet the vision persisted. "How does this theory make you feel _better_? It's your fault Hicks was out. Blame lands squarely on your shoulders for makin' that girl a target. So what's the rub? Why is this your last resort before seein' you know who?"

Gibbs shrugged, continuing to look at the photos, his eyes resting on an image taken through his basement window of Abby kissing him on the cheek. He remembered that night. She had fixed his lawnmower, "Bessie," as she called it.

"Now I get it," Franks continued, voicing Gibbs' motives. "Better that it just be some psychopath with a grudge than a man connected to the death of your wife and daughter … than a man who is trying to kill Abby because you killed his father. Because she protected you. Yep, I get it, Gibbs. Hicks would be a tough pill to swallow, but would still go down a lot smoother than our friend _Alejandro_."

"Shut up, Mike," Gibbs barked under his breath, looking up from the photos to see Fornell approaching.

"Hey, how you holdin' up?" Fornell asked, patting Gibbs on the arm. The gesture had Gibbs looking down, feeling uncomfortable.

"Need to talk to Hicks," he replied, ignoring his friend's question. "You have more of a background on him … want you in there with me."

"Afraid you might lose your pen again?" Fornell smirked. He was referring to a time more than two years ago when, in pursuit of Daniel Budd and his group "The Calling," Gibbs had stabbed a suspect in the hand with his pen in this same prison.

When Gibbs didn't crack a smile at his friend's remark, Fornell looked at him intently, then at the photos he held in his hand. "How do you wanna play this?"

"No games," Gibbs rasped. "We go in hard, we look in his eyes … and we find the truth this time."

Fornell nodded. "Any word on Abby?"

Gibbs shook his head. "No change."

"She'll pull through, Jethro," Fornell said, trying to reassure him.

"Like Diane did?" Gibbs spat, regretting his words as soon as he said them.

"Hey, I know you still beat yourself up over that," Fornell rasped, "and you're gonna do the same over this. But you're not the one who pulled the trigger. Not then, and not now. So let's put the blame game aside and go see this bastard so we can find out if he's our guy, OK?"

Gibbs nodded, swallowing hard before approaching the security entrance. Once inside, they both took a seat and waited for their prime suspect to emerge. When Hicks was brought into the room, Gibbs couldn't help but give a grim smirk as he noticed the black eye and bandaged hand.

"Can see you're gettin' along just fine in here," Fornell mocked as Hicks sat across from the two men. Taking a deep breath, Hicks put on his best poker face and smirked back.

"You miss me, Tobias?" Hicks replied coldly. "Because let me tell you, I think about you almost every day. And you, Agent Gibbs. I underestimated you two."

"Still holding a grudge, I see," Fornell chided.

"Actually, I was just thinking about how I should've taken a swing at your sizeable target of a head when I had the chance," he answered flatly. "Now what exactly can I do for you gentlemen?"

Without saying a word, Gibbs placed the photographs on the table, laying them out. Hicks' arched an eyebrow, shrugging.

"You took these four months ago," Gibbs declared in a menacing tone. "I wanna know why."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Hicks lied with a shrug. "But let's say, in theory, that I did. I mean, I'm already sentenced to life in this forsaken hell hole, so what game are you playing?"

"No games," Gibbs rasped, leaning in. "This is about her," he said, pointing to the photo of Abby in his basement.

"Oh … I see. Did something happen to her?" he asked almost gleefully.

Gibbs went to stand up but Fornell grabbed his arm. "Easy, Gibbs," he whispered, eyeing the security cameras that were recording their every move.

"Something did happen," Hicks noted with a smirk. "What a shame … Abby Sciuto, that's her name, right? She's the one who figured out the driver's licenses I left behind … helped put me in here. Can't say I'm sorry to hear she's not well … or perhaps no longer with us?"

"Why did you take those photos!" Gibbs yelled, slamming his left hand on the metal table. Hicks jumped slightly, but remained calm.

"What the hell," he shrugged. "I'm here for life anyway … Guess I was just keeping an eye on you like you were keeping an eye on me, Agent Gibbs. You and your partner … what was her name, Sloane?"

Gibbs' gaze narrowed. "Do not threaten any more of my people," he growled.

"Threaten?" Hicks asked, holding his hands up. "How could I possibly threaten anyone from in here?"

"You wouldn't be the first," Fornell noted.

"As you can see," Hicks huffed, pointing out his injuries, "I'm not exactly popular in here."

"Oh, you're breakin' my heart," Fornell replied in a mocking tone. "Just tell us how you did it."

"Did what exactly?" Hicks asked, folding his arms across his chest.

"This," Gibbs said angrily, throwing an autopsy photo of Reeves on the table.

"Oh dear, that does look gruesome. Not my work, though. Not really a fan of guns. I prefer more … direct contact."

"We _know_ it wasn't you who pulled the trigger," Fornell yelled. "You hired someone. This man." Fornell pulled out the picture of the dead hit man from Gibbs' file.

"Never seen him before," Hicks shrugged. "And I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You're right, Hicks," Fornell retorted sarcastically. "I mean, this obviously took a lot of planning and brains to pull off from the inside, so it couldn't _possibly_ be you – probably someone a lot more _clever_." Fornell was trying to take a stab at his ego, but Hicks saw right through it.

"Believe me," Hicks replied, "if I'd done this, you would know."

"Really?" Fornell said, narrowing his gaze.

"Not my M.O., not my calling card. Wish I could take credit, but sadly, I don't trust accomplices anymore."

"Ah, you mean your old cell buddy Paul Triff," Fornell said, referring to the psychopath who had helped Hicks in prison but later turned on him. "Things didn't end so well between you two. But maybe you patched things up?"

"The only thing patched up is my hand," Hicks grumbled. "While I'm flattered that you would think so highly of me, and I can't say I'm sorry to hear about your recent … troubles, you're looking at the wrong guy."

"You're lookin' pretty good to me," Gibbs said menacingly.

Hicks sighed. "When did this happen?"

"Last night," Fornell said, "but timeline doesn't matter. You could've set this up months ago."

"Could have, but didn't," Hicks insisted. "I have bigger worries right now."

For the first time since he sat down, Hicks looked uneasy, his façade cracking as he gripped his injured hand. Fornell and Gibbs gave each other a look before both men stood up. "Sit tight," Fornell warned as they both walked out of the room and approached the security officer.

"Care to enlighten us on Hicks' recent … activities?" Fornell asked the middle-aged officer, referring to Hicks' injuries.

"Turns out one of his victims' kids is in here … Kevin Crawford's son, Derek. Only 19. Got into drugs, caught up in a gang. Now that he knows who killed his father …"

"So Hicks just became a target," Gibbs concluded.

The officer nodded. "This is nothing. We had to put Hicks in solitary last month after a bad brawl in the courtyard. We're doing all we can, but he's got a bulls-eye on his back now."

"It's motive to get even with those who put him in here," Fornell offered, but Gibbs shook his head.

"He's in survival mode," Gibbs noted. "Hard to pull off a hit when you're being targeted yourself."

"I gotta agree," the security guard weighed in. "Hicks hasn't had much time to do anything but watch his own back around here."

Fornell eyed Gibbs carefully, seeing his features tighten. "He's not our guy," Gibbs sighed, shaking his head.

"So what now?" Fornell asked.

"I pay a visit to another old _friend_ ," Gibbs groaned, his gut twisting.

"OK, who is it? Let's go."

"No, Tobias … this is something I have to alone."

"Gibbs, I don't think that's-"

Before Fornell could finish, Gibbs was halfway down the hall, at another checkpoint. Flashing his badge, the guard let him into another part of the prison.

"Your friend seems hell-bent on catching this guy, whatever he did," the security guard noted to Fornell.

"Hell's the right word for it," he sighed. "Always the lone-wolf."

"Anything else I can do for you sir?"

"Yea … don't lose any sleep over Hicks. He puts on a good-boy act, but he's a cold-hearted, psychopathic killer. He's had this comin' to him."

With that, Fornell walked away, heading out of the detention center and back to his car. Pulling up next to Gibbs' truck, he waited for his friend, hoping he'd be back with better results this time around.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

 _ **Author's Notes**_ _ **: So I felt the need to deal with Hicks and the hints that had been dropped earlier in this story - wanted some closure. I also thought Hicks would be a realistic suspect, and would have been fresh in everyone's minds – what did you think? And yes, Kevin Crawford was one of the licenses they found in the Hicks case – Fornell had it hanging on his bulletin board in "Keep Your Enemies Closer." Still trying to keep this story within the realm of "canon." Next chapter, we'll take a closer look at Gibbs' chat with Alejandro … plus Abby finally wakes up!**_


	18. Chapter 18 - Cursed

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 18: Cursed**

 _ **Author's Note: A continuation of "fill in the blanks" for "Two Steps Back" (Abby's last episode). This installment deals with Gibbs' turmoil during and after his interrogation with Rivera. I felt it was important to dwell a bit on that pivotal exchange. A part of me had hoped Rivera was responsible, and I was as surprised at his response as I think Gibbs was. Spoilers for Season 15. Some flashbacks to Chapter 4 sprinkled in here, too. Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **6:30PM**

Squinting at the computer screen on his desk, Gibbs wiped a hand over his face as he continued to pour through old case files. He was frustrated by the lack of progress, and hopelessly distracted by the exchange he had earlier with Alejandro Rivera. This man he so despised had brought up every fear that lay deep inside Gibbs, every terror he worked so hard to push down. Rivera's words had dredged up memories of people and events that were still just as fresh and painful as they were when they first happened.

" _ **There's a cloud of death that follows you, Gibbs," Rivera spat, his voice echoing through the empty break room of the prison. "Only it's the ones closest to you who end up paying the price."**_

It summed up everything Gibbs had worried about since Paraguay, and even before. Another reminder of why he originally distanced himself from Abby, why she was better off without him.

" _ **You shouldn't rely on me on so much, Abbs. It's not healthy. It's not good for you. I'm not good for you."**_

It broke his heart to see Abby's face when he'd said those words, as if he was rejecting her, dismissing her. But in reality it had been the opposite – he was begging her to learn to be OK without him, for her own sake. He knew what happened to those he loved the most.

" _ **Tell me," Rivera had provoked, "how many have made the mistake of trusting you with their lives?"**_

It didn't take much to bring back the traumas of losing his family piece by piece over the years. Kate, Jenny, Ziva … all the women he'd tried to love and protect. And then there was Mike…

"Always thought you'd have my six, Probie," his old mentor's voice called from across the room, leaning against Torres' desk. Gibbs sighed, shaking his head.

"Never thought you'd let yourself get taken out with a three-inch scalpel," Gibbs retorted in a clipped voice.

"Low blow," Franks replied. "You believe what Rivera said? Honestly? You really think he had nothin' to do with this?"

Gibbs shrugged, thinking back on their conversation earlier that day…

 **DC Central Detention Facility**

 **Four Hours Earlier**

Sitting across from Rivera, Gibbs struggled to maintain his composure as his old enemy lectured him on manners and motives.

"You did not come all this way to provoke me," Rivera said knowingly. "You want something. Judging by your expression, it must be rather serious. What? Did someone die? Hmm?"

Gripping his injured ring finger, Gibbs fought for control. He'd slammed his hand down too many times today, and he felt his age. Had this been even two years ago, Rivera would've been slammed up against the cages, guard be damned. But after months of torture, Gibbs knew there were other, more subtle ways of getting through to the likes of Rivera. His words cut deep – _**"Did someone die?"**_

'Yes,' Gibbs thought grimly, 'Just not the person you think.' It hit him so hard he had to look away, clearing his throat, struggling at the thought of Reeves' dead body and Abby on life support. Stomach churning, Gibbs stood up. Anguish gripped him as he twisted Rivera's ear in a sensitive place, whispering menacingly.

"Was it you?"

"And if it was?"

"Reeves is dead. Your hit man is dead. And if Abby does not pull through…" Gibbs paused for a second, wincing at the thought before concluding, "you will be next."

Shaken by what he'd just acknowledged, Gibbs let go of Rivera and took a deep breath before sitting back down.

"Abby?" Rivera said in shock. "You know me better than that."

Gibbs stared at him in confusion and could have sworn he saw genuine care and concern on Rivera's face.

"If I was going to order a hit on anyone, it'd be you, not Abby," Rivera asserted.

"You threatened her before," Gibbs countered matter-of-factly. On the outside, he maintained his cool, calm and collected front. But on the inside, Gibbs was screaming, remembering the exchange as if it were yesterday.

" _ **Be careful, Abby … the roads can be a dangerous place at night…"**_

Gibbs flashed to the time he finally admitted his fear over that altercation during his first session with Abby and Doc Grace.

" _ **I think about Alejandro Rivera every day," Gibbs said to Abby that day, his voice strained. "I think about how Rivera threatened you. How he did it 'cause you were protecting me. How I can't always be there to protect you."**_

" _ **He's in jail, he's not-"**_

" _ **Didn't stop him four years ago," he replied, reminding her of how Rivera, despite being in jail, had managed to hire people to kill him.**_

" _ **I can take care of myself – have for a long time."**_

Except this time she didn't this time, she couldn't. Because no one saw it coming. It was all crashing down on him – everything he feared, everything he worked so hard to protect Abby against. But Rivera's reply stunned him.

"Again, you misunderstand me," Rivera insisted. "I did not threaten her back then. I was trying to warn her."

Gibbs scoffed at this, still not believing his narrative. "Warn her about what?"

"You," Rivera growled, tears in his eyes. Swallowing hard, Gibbs sat back in his chair, stunned. And in that moment, as Gibbs listened to the son of the man who murdered his wife and daughter recount the reality that he always lost those closest to him, Gibbs wondered if he really was to blame. Perhaps he was cursed, or maybe this was the price he had to pay for his mistakes, or even the cost of survival.

"How many have made the mistake of trusting you with their lives?"

At Rivera's words, Gibbs stood up swiftly, leaning in close, staring him down, studying him for a good thirty seconds.

"Just remember what I said," Gibbs rasped before walking away. But his gut was already telling him Rivera wasn't to blame this time. He seemed genuinely surprised and oddly concerned. In all his years of experience in interrogation, Gibbs prided himself on being able to tell when a perp was lying – especially someone like Rivera. If this had been about hurting Gibbs, Rivera would have flaunted it, taken credit – much like Hicks, he had nothing left to lose.

Walking down the hall of the prison, Gibbs flashed to losing Kate and Ziva, remembering DiNozzo's anger and pain. Then there was his clipped exchange in the prison's parking lot with Fornell, who pleaded with him to go home and get some rest, which Gibbs promptly ignored as he drove back to headquarters. If he was honest, he was too scared to go back to the hospital – he didn't want to be there if Abby didn't make it - if she didn't "pull through." How had he spoken those words so simply, so easily, to Rivera? The idea of actually having to bury her…

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **Bullpen**

 **7:00PM**

"Jethro …. Jethro…"

Lost in thought, Gibbs looked up suddenly at the sound of the familiar voice, seeing Ducky, dressed in his hat and trench coat, standing next to his desk.

"Yea, Duck?" he asked in a bit of a haze.

"I had just been asking if you had found any new leads."

Gibbs shook his head sadly, opening yet another file.

"And you're convinced Rivera had nothing to do with all this?"

"I am," Gibbs rasped, continuing to study the file.

"Are you sure?" Ducky pressed, his eyes narrowing. "I wish you would have let me come along. I could have -"

"You're not the only one who can read people, Duck," Gibbs groaned, annoyed that Ducky was pressing him.

Shaking off Gibbs' shortness, Ducky removed his hat and surveyed the bullpen. "It's just as well … allowed me to spend some time at the hospital with Abby. She is fighting, Jethro, I can tell you that."

Still refusing to look up, Gibbs swallowed hard.

"Jethro, please," Ducky rasped, eyes filled with tears. "Drop the stiff upper lip act – it's me, and I realize what you must be going through. But do not lose sight of the fact that we are _all_ going through it together."

"What do you want me to say, Duck?" Gibbs asked angrily, standing up. "You standing there, waiting for me to break. How's that gonna help Abby?"

"You love her," Ducky stated simply, watching Gibbs wince at his words.

"Doesn't matter," he whispered, looking away. "What matters is finding who did this, before they try to do it again."

"And I have no doubt you will," Ducky reassured him. "But do not underestimate the toll this is taking on the team, or yourself."

"What are you gettin' at, Duck?"

"Abby is safe for now … but be careful how far push yourself – and those remaining."

"We're not stoppin' til the job's done," Gibbs asserted strongly.

"Jethro, I _do not_ need anyone else ending up on my table tonight," Ducky spat angrily. "Fatigue breeds mistakes. Just be sure you know everyone's limitations before you go charging in."

"We'll be fine," Gibbs replied, annoyed that Ducky seemed to fail to understand his point of view.

"Why should I have expected anything different," Ducky huffed, beginning to walk away before turning around quickly and invading Gibbs' space. "Perhaps I expected too much after more than 25 years of friendship. Perhaps Abby did too."

Eyes wide in pain and anger, Gibbs leaned in, his voice barely a whisper. "If you got somethin' to say, then just say it."

Holding his ground, Ducky met his gaze. "You took her for granted. Perhaps you always have. But after Paraguay … does she really mean so little to you?"

"We were working it out," Gibbs growled in a low voice. "You _left_. You don't get to judge that."

"How could you leave her side? Even now … with the danger so close, yet here you sit, miles away."

"Maybe because _I'm_ the danger," Gibbs spat. "Maybe I'm the reason for all this. For everything … I don't know anymore."

"You said Rivera had nothing to do with this."

"Not about Rivera … or Hicks … or whoever the hell dreamed up this nightmare. Rivera said it … a cloud of death's followin' me, but it's always the ones I care about who pay the price."

Ducky's features softened as he watched his friend's face fall. "And you have taken to heart Rivera's words?" Ducky asked. "Have you developed a sudden belief in the occult?"

"What?"

"Feeling cursed, Jethro?" Gibbs shrugged, sighing. "Now that is something I would expect from Abigail, not you."

Gibbs gave a half-hearted, sad laugh. "What would you call it?"

"Life," Ducky said matter-of-factly. "And while I admit you have seen more than your fair share of losses, you _must_ know you're not the only one to lose something … or even everything. We've seen it, haven't we? In our line of work. Mothers, fathers, siblings, spouses … losing it all in a moment. No warning, no way of saying goodbye. And we … we cope by treating it like just another day at the office. But when it is one of our own … the pain sharpens, the finality settling in until we can hardly bear to look at ourselves in the mirror. You are not the only one, Jethro. And it would do you good to remember that … and to keep in mind that you have not lost everything. Not just yet."

Closing his eyes, Gibbs breathed out heavily, absorbing Ducky's words. "Duck, I … I can't lose her," Gibbs admitted quietly, his voice thick with emotion.

"Jethro, you know - "

Ducky's response was cut short by the ringing of Gibbs' cell phone. Pulling it out, Gibbs pursed his lips, swallowing.

"It's McGee," Gibbs said, his voice wavering as he cleared his throat and hesitated for a moment before flipping his phone open and answering. "Yea, Tim."

Ducky swallowed, brows furrowed with concern as he watched Gibbs carefully. When he saw relief flood Gibbs' face, Ducky relaxed a bit, hoping for the best.

"OK … yea, I'll be there." Gibbs closed his phone, shaking his head as a large grin spread across his face.

"Jethro? Good news I hope?"

"The best," he rasped. "Abby's awake and off the ventilator."

"Small mercies," Ducky sighed, moving to embrace his friend.

"First thing she asked about was Reeves," Gibbs said, returning the hug for a moment before moving away.

"Oh dear … did she remember anything?"

"McGee said the last thing she recalled was talking to Reeves near the alley. Nothing about the shooting."

"She could be suffering from PTSD," Ducky posed.

"I've gotta get down there, Duck. Tell the others."

"Jethro, did Timothy tell her … about Reeves?"

"He couldn't lie to her," Gibbs sighed.

"How'd she take it?"

"Gonna find out. Tell Bishop and Torres I'll be on my cell."

"Certainly … I will do it from the car," Ducky declared, following after Gibbs, who arched an eyebrow as Ducky stood next to him outside the elevator doors. "You are not leaving without me, Jethro," Ducky asserted as the elevator opened and the two men stepped inside.

"Wouldn't even try, Duck," Gibbs half-laughed, putting an arm around him, glad to have the company. Knowing that Abby was awake and alert, and seemingly on the mend, had lifted Gibbs' despair. The anger, the worry over her would-be assassin was still present, but as long as he had Abby, he believed things would work out after all. They knew the danger now, they were prepared – he would keep her safe this time.

TO BE CONTINUED...

 _ **Author's Notes: Been mulling over this next chapter for a while – what happened in the two days we did not see on screen? What did Abby and Gibbs' first interaction since the shooting look like? These questions and more will be explored in Chapter 19. Until then…thank you for reading and reviewing!**_


	19. Chapter 19 - A Tangled Web

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 19: A Tangled Web**

 _ **Author's Note: A continuation of "fill in the blanks" for "Two Steps Back" (Abby's last episode). This chapter is set right after Abby wakes up – another "missing scene." Hoping to do it justice, especially since the episode left me so empty where Gibbs and Abby were concerned. Spoilers for Season 15. Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **Washington General Hospital**

 **7:15PM**

McGee leaned up against the wall outside Abby's hospital room. He should've felt elated, happy even, despite the fact that they still hadn't caught the person responsible for this mess. Abby was awake, alert and she was going to be fine. That's what the doctors said. But McGee could see what they couldn't – he'd known her too long, and knew something was off. It's why he'd called Doc Grace right after he got off the phone with Gibbs.

"Tim, maybe she just needs some time to process everything," Doc Grace reassured him, rubbing his arm gently. McGee was tense, his brow creased with worry.

"She's different," he replied sadly.

"That's to be expected, I think," she noted. "Abby's been through a terrible trauma. And she's not an agent – she doesn't have the same tools you and Gibbs do to deal with an event like this."

"Event?" McGee scoffed. "She was shot – she died on the table and they brought her back. She's lucky to be alive, but she's acting like she doesn't care about her life at all."

"Give her time, Tim," she replied gently.

"We don't have time," he sighed, folding his arms and looking around the hall, still well aware that he was also on protection detail. "But I'm glad you're here doc. Lucky you had a patient here."

"Actually, I was visiting an old friend," she corrected, "but I'm glad I'm here, too. I'd like to see her."

"Well, good luck. She wouldn't say a word to me after … after my face gave away what happened to Reeves."

"Not your fault, Tim," Doc Grace asserted. "Let me see what I can do."

"Better work your magic quick, doc – Gibbs will be here soon."

She gave McGee a small smile before knocking lightly on the door. When she received no answer, she slowly opened it. "Abby … Abby it's me, it's Grace. Can I come in?"

"Oh great, the shrink's here – now it's a party," Abby said in a low, dark voice, barely audible. McGee cringed as Doc Grace shrugged, entering the room and closing the door behind her.

Several miles away, Ducky and Gibbs were on the road heading to the hospital. Ducky glanced out the passenger window, his thoughts weighing heavily on him as he debated whether to share them out loud.

"Jethro," Ducky began tentatively, catching a glimpse of his friend's stoic features. "You do realize this trauma may have affected Abby in ways that even she might not yet understand."

Gibbs cleared his throat, visibly uncomfortable with where Ducky was taking the conversation.

"That amount of blood loss, her heart stopping for a minute and a half, the lack of oxygen to her brain during that period, her decreased blood pressure, all of it is a potent mix that could very well lead to both physical and psychological-"

"She's gonna be fine," Gibbs said strongly. "She's awake, she's breathing on her own, she's alert."

"Yes, and those are all good signs, but there are a number of factors that might not come to the surface for days, or even weeks, after the incident. If you go in there and start interrogating that poor girl-"

"Interrogate?!" Gibbs spat, angry at Ducky's choice of words.

"Oh, you understand me," he replied firmly. "You press her for information and try to jog her memory, you may end up causing more harm than good."

"Gonna work through it, like we always do."

"And you think you can just fix this with a little pep talk?"

"She's been through bad times before … her stalker ex-boyfriend, McGee's psychotic fan, a killer car, the bombing at headquarters – hell, even bein' kidnapped in LA by a psychopath. She'll get through this."

"But Jethro, none of those incidents involved such a dramatic physical injury, or the loss of a dear friend."

"We've lost people before," Gibbs rasped. "We'll figure it out."

"It's the combination I fear," Ducky sighed. "Abby is a strong woman, but we may need to brace ourselves. She may no longer be the Abby we used to know."

Wincing, Gibbs shook his head. "What happened to hoping for the best? Why the doom and gloom, Duck?"

"I simply think it would be wise to prepare for all possibilities," Ducky explained.

"You worried about Abby, or about me?" Gibbs countered, giving him a sideways glance as he turned into the hospital's parking garage.

"Both," he replied simply with a shrug.

Gibbs nodded, tightening his lips as he breathed a heavy sigh and pulled into a parking spot. "Well, guess we're about to find out."

Finally inside the hospital, Gibbs and Ducky turned down the corridor to see McGee sitting outside Abby's room.

"How is she, Timothy?" Ducky asked as McGee stood up to meet them.

"Well, the doctors say she's on the mend, and she's making a quick recovery..."

"Why aren't you in there with her?" Gibbs asked pointedly.

"She umm … said she wanted to be alone for a bit."

Ducky gave Gibbs a wary glance. Gibbs turned, reaching for the door handle.

"Uh, boss … she's, uh, she's not exactly herself … just yet."

"Jethro," Ducky began, "perhaps we should wait until-"

Gibbs gave him a look before opening the door a crack. The room was dimly lit, but he could make out Abby's features. She was sitting up in bed, staring out the window, her face turned away.

"Hey Abbs," Gibbs called from the doorway, peering into the room. When he received no response, he called again, more loudly. Startled, she looked back, and for a brief moment their eyes met. He saw past the tears streaking down her face to the dull look in her eyes – it was as if the light had gone out of them. It frightened him.

Quickly trying to regain composure, Abby wiped her face, looking down.

"Can I, umm… can I come in?" Gibbs asked hesitantly.

"Well, you're already in, so…" Abby commented in a low voice, trailing off as she waived him inside. Gibbs swallowed, glancing at Ducky, who took a step back, deciding it was best not to overwhelm her with too many visitors. Stepping into the room and closing the door behind him, Gibbs made his way to her side, breathing out a sigh of relief. But as he reached her, taking her hand and kissing her cheek, he felt something he never had before with Abby – resistance. It was as if she tolerated the affection, but was uncomfortable with it. He let go of her hand slowly, his fingers running over the bed railing instead.

"I, umm … hey …" he rasped. When she finally looked up, Gibbs gave her a big smile, his eyes welling with unshed tears.

"Hey," she whispered, biting her lip as another tear fell down her cheek. "Gibbs … I don't … I can't…"

"It's OK," he replied softly. "You just focus on gettin' better."

"No … no, it's not OK," Abby countered, shaking her head in frustration. "I need to remember … why can't I remember, Gibbs?"

"Don't know," he said sadly, stroking her hair gently. "We'll figure it out. What I do know is that I'm gonna keep you safe, no matter what."

Sighing heavily, Abby turned away. Gibbs shifted uncomfortably before moving to pull up a chair beside her, sitting down.

"You, uh, gave us all a real scare, Abbs."

"Yea, well, sorry I ruined your poker night," she replied a bit more sharply than she meant to. Gibbs gave her a surprised look. "Doc Grace was here," Abby explained. "She told me how she found out … how she was there when you got the call."

Gibbs swallowed hard, looking away. "Abbs, it … it wasn't planned."

"It's OK, Gibbs… it's just … I thought you wanted to be alone…"

"I did, but then Sloane called and-"

"Hey, I get it. I didn't really think you were gonna say yes to me, anyway. I knew _The Cooler_ wasn't your style. Guess I just wanted to try…" she trailed off.

Gibbs shut his eyes in frustration, trying to find a way to make her understand.

"Abby, it's not that I didn't want to spend time with you, you know that."

"I do," she whispered.

"And, God, I wish I was with you when - "

"Don't," she rasped. "Just don't, OK? Because I don't wanna think about that."

"So I could protect you."

"Then _you_ would be dead," Abby choked out, another tear escaping.

"Would've done what I had to do to keep you safe, Abbs. But that doesn't mean I'd be the one on Ducky's table."

"Let me guess," Abby replied in a dark tone. "You think you could've done better than Reeves."

"I didn't say-"

"He was a trained MI-6 agent, Gibbs!" she shouted through her tears. "He was young and strong and capable … he was _good person_ … and now he's _dead_ … because of me."

"Abbs, it's not your fault."

"Yes it is!" she insisted, slamming a fist on the bed. "I should've been the one to die, Gibbs, not Clay. Those bullets were meant for _me_."

"Don't you say that," Gibbs rasped, frightened by both her words and demeanor. Her eyes were wet with tears yet fiercely dark.

"Why? It's true! Someone wants me dead, and I don't want anyone else dying for me, you understand?!"

"It's gonna be OK," Gibbs began, grasping her hand, trying to reassure her. It scared him that he couldn't.

"How, Gibbs? How is _this_ gonna be OK?"

"I don't…I don't know, Abbs. Just tell me, what can I do?"

Abby's eyes bore into his as she gave him a soft, pleading look. "Get me out of here, Gibbs."

"Abby … you're in no shape to -"

She pulled her hand away, scowling. "You asked what you could do. I hate hospitals, and I can't stand being here much longer, lying helpless … this doesn't work for me, Gibbs. I need to go home, to figure out what happened."

"Let's wait and see what the doctors say in the morning," Gibbs replied, giving her a stern look. He knew he was disappointing her, but he wouldn't have her risking her health, not if he could help it.

"Fine," she sighed. "Just thought you'd understand."

"I do, Abbs. Believe me, I remember being where you are … and I also remember you lecturin' me about stayin' put and lettin' the doctors do their job."

"You _would_ have to bring that up," she mumbled, conceding his point. "So … looks like we have something else in common to talk about … we've both been shot."

Gibbs winced at her words but knew she was trying to lighten the mood. "Not exactly somethin' I wanted to share with ya, but yea … guess you're in the club now."

"I'll have to tell McGee," Abby said with a small grin, feeling a bit of playfulness come back to her. "He's gonna be so jealous, since he's not-"

Abby stopped abruptly, the smile fading as she realized what she was about to say. In all of McGee's harrowing experiences at NCIS – including being captured and tortured with Gibbs in Paraguay – McGee had never been shot. Yet with everything that had just happened with Reeves, and the very real threat that was still out there, Abby realized her poor choice of words.

"Hey," Gibbs whispered.

"No, I … it was stupid," Abby sighed, grimacing in pain as she brought her right hand up to her covered wound. "How do you do this, Gibbs?"

"Do what?" Gibbs asked, leaning forward in concern.

"This _really_ hurts," she said in strained voice, cringing. "I mean, you've been shot how many times? And you never took pain killers or anything."

"Everyone's different," he shrugged, his eyes filled with worry. "Want me to get the nurse? See if they can give ya somethin' for the pain?"

"No, never mind, it's fine …"

"Abbs, you don't have to do this. Hurts me to see you like this."

"I can handle it."

"I know you can – you're one of the strongest people I know," Gibbs said with a small smile. "But sometimes … sometimes it's OK to ask for help. Learned that, too."

Abby closed her eyes, breathing deeply. "Maybe you're right," she relented. "This hurts worse than the time I got my neck tattoo, and that was pretty painful."

"Why'd you do it?" Gibbs asked.

Abby looked at him in surprise. "I never told you about this?" she asked, pointing to her spider web tattoo.

"Nope," Gibbs replied, looking at her with interest. "But I'd like to hear it … if you, uh, wanna tell me."

"Well … I just turned 18 and, uh, was feeling a little rebellious," she admitted with an embarrassed smile. "My mom wasn't too thrilled at first, but she got over it."

"Why a spider web?"

Abby pursed her lips together, swallowing. " _Charlotte's Web_ " she whispered, her eyes looking wistfully distant, as if reliving a long ago moment.

"The children's book," Gibbs nodded. "Think Kelly had to read that for school one summer."

Her voice sounding lighter, almost child-like, Abby gazed out the window. "It was my favorite book growing up," she continued. "My dad would tuck me in at night and we'd read parts of it together. He'd put on his glasses and comb through a few paragraphs, then sign them to me. And then I'd read the next few and sign them back."

Tears stung Abby's eyes and Gibbs had to look away, drawn into her memory and the heavy loss she was reliving. He knew how deeply she loved her father – even after she found it he wasn't her biological parent. And while she never said it, he knew how deeply his death had eaten at her soul, even to this day.

"I always wanted to stop when Wilbur got his medal," she recalled. "I didn't want to hear the end of the story because it was just too sad. But my dad, he told me it was part of life – just like Charlotte said: 'We're born, we live a little while, we die.' My dad told me the important thing was that Charlotte was Wilbur's friend, and he was hers. And that's what made all the difference."

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Gibbs nodded. "Your dad was a smart guy," he noted, looking up to see tears running down Abby's face. He reached over to the nightstand and pulled out a few tissues.

"Thanks," she sniffled, taking them and wiping away her tears. "Anyway, after he died, I knew I wanted to get something permanent to remember him by, something that had meaning. But I was too young … my mom would've killed me if I got a tat at 13." Abby chuckled at the thought. "So I waited, waited until midnight on my 18th birthday. Then I went by myself to a small shop on Bourbon Street – it was a Friday, so they were open late. And when I saw this design, I just knew."

"Why your neck?" Gibbs asked. Abby looked at him quizzically, surprised by his interest. Noting her reaction, he explained, "Painful place to get a tattoo, especially the first time. At least that's what I've heard. Must've hurt a lot."

Abby shrugged. "Yea, it did, but not as much as losing him." She paused, deep in thought, her eyes narrowing. "I wanted to be able to see it when I looked in the mirror, and I wanted it to be close to my heart. So my neck seemed like the best option – where my pulse would constantly beat, and where I'd always be able to see it as a reminder – a reminder of my father, of what he said, of what that web meant to both of us."

Gibbs bit his lip, fighting back tears as he looked at her with a mixture of love and pride. Abby gave him a small smile in return, but he could tell she was still holding back, masking something he wasn't sure he could fix. Pressing the call button, Gibbs sat silently with Abby until the nurse came in and agreed it was safe to increase the dosage of her pain medication. After the nurse left, Abby looked up as if she had just remembered something.

"Oh, uh, I almost forgot," she said, reaching over to the nightstand. "Think these belong to you." She held out his dog tags, watching as he ducked his head, slightly embarrassed by his own gesture.

"Yea, I, uh, wanted you to know I was here," he rasped.

"That's … that's so sweet, Gibbs," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

"You, uh, can hang onto 'em if you want," he said. "I mean, if it makes you feel better." Gibbs felt slightly awkward, unsure if his gesture made any sense. He sighed in relief as he watched Abby grip the chain tightly, pulling the object to her chest.

"Thanks, Gibbs," she replied.

Smiling back, Gibbs was glad she seemed more comfortable around him again. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the cloth heart from the crime scene.

"Found this," he noted, holding the small object in his hand. "Thought you'd want it back. Know what it means to ya."

Abby eyed the heart-shaped cloth. Noticing the faded blood stains, her face fell and her eyes darkened. Gibbs saw the shift in her right away and immediately regretted his decision.

"Abbs, I'm sorry, I-"

"It's OK," she replied quickly, trying to cover her sadness, to be strong for him. "You know, Gibbs, you can hang onto it … if it makes you feel better." She said the last part with a small grin, teasing him slightly. He grinned back, tucking the item safely in his pocket.

"So … you got any leads?" Abby began hesitantly.

"We're narrowing down the list," Gibbs sighed. "You're too damn good at your job."

"Yea, too many people with motive," she sighed, eyeing him closely. "Had a few thoughts … guessing you did too."

"It's not Rivera," he said in a reassuring tone.

"How do you know?"

"Paid him a visit."

"Gibbs you didn't … Vance isn't going to be calling you in for anything is he?"

"Just had a little chat," Gibbs assured her. "He's still breathin'."

"Good, because he's not worth losing your career over," she reminded him.

Gibbs shrugged. "If he hurt you, it wouldn't matter … told him as much."

"Damn it, Gibbs," Abby groaned. "I do not want you goin' all John Wayne vigilante-"

"I'm not," he insisted strongly, eyeing the machines carefully. "We're doing this right, by the book. And we'll catch the bastard. But you need to rest and take it easy."

"Gibbs, I've been lying in this bed for almost a day – and I'm gonna go crazy worrying about you guys out there, taking chances."

"Abby, you were shot, you're recovering. The only thing you should be worrying about is getting better."

"Why does it always feel like we're going in circles?" she groaned.

"Because we're both stubborn," Gibbs smirked, his tired eyes begging her to let it go. Abby sighed in frustration, looking back at him with concern.

"Gibbs…You look exhausted. Have you slept?"

"I'm fine, Abbs," he said dismissively.

"Look, Gibbs, I've been asleep for almost a day – why don't you take a nap and I'll keep my eyes peeled for any shady passersby."

"Abby-"

"McGee is right outside," she countered. "Just rest your eyes for a few minutes. Don't want you ending up with one of these fancy bracelets too," she half-joked, holding up her hospital ID wristbands. "C'mon Gibbs, it would make me feel better."

Sighing, Gibbs arched an eyebrow and shrugged. "Five minutes," he groaned. "You make sure to wake me. Gotta get McGee back to headquarters."

"Gibbs, he needs to rest, too! You all do!"

"After we figure this out," Gibbs countered. "I'll give him 10 minutes, then back to work."

"How generous," she replied with an eye roll.

"Abby, this is serious. Someone wants you dead, and we're not going home until we find out who. End of story. Got it?"

"Got it," she said in resignation, frustrated by her own condition. "Now just close your eyes and take a few minutes … you need to, Gibbs. If not for yourself, for me."

"OK, OK," he grumbled. "Five minutes."

"I'm not going anywhere," she shrugged.

"You better not be," he whispered, leaning forward to plant a soft kiss on her cheek. "Oh, and Ducky's here."

"He's been outside the whole time?!" Abby asked, slightly annoyed. "Well, after your little siesta, you get him in here. McGee too – I was a little hard on him before."

Gibbs nodded, grasping her hand as he sat down and leaned back, closing his eyes.

"Only for you, Abbs," he whispered, refusing to let go of her hand as he steadied his breathing and began to nod off. She tightened her grip, frowning as she watched him fall asleep. Abby knew Gibbs would never let her see this case through, not in the way she needed. She understood what she had to do, realized that it might come down to breaking his trust, and possibly his heart.

"I love you, Gibbs," she whispered as she watched him sleep, a tear slipping down her cheek. "I just hope you'll still love me when this is all over."

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

 _ **Author's Notes: One of the things I felt cheated out of on the show was that they never gave any back story to any of Abby's tattoos. I thought Gibbs would be a bit more vulnerable here and would want to know more about things like that. "Charlotte's Web" seemed to be the perfect book for Abby growing up – and a great connection to her tattoo - if you haven't read it, check it out.**_

 _ **Next chapter – we dive into these two days that were skipped over in the episode. More Gibbs/Abby moments to come...**_


	20. Chapter 20 - An Old Wound Revisted

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 20: An Old Wound Revisited**

 _ **Author's Note: Thanks to those who have stuck with this story – sorry it's been so long since the last update. This chapter takes place during the two missing days between Abby waking up and her return home in "Two Steps Back." In particular, it deals with a plotline that I was disappointed was never addressed. Spoilers for Season 15. Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **Washington General Hospital**

 **6:34AM**

"Ducky, you know you don't have to stay," Abby said groggily, fighting to keep awake.

"Nonsense, my dear," he replied, shifting slightly in his chair. "Now get some rest."

"The whole team needs rest," Abby argued. "Torres has been standing outside my door for three hours now."

"It is his job, and perhaps that is the best thing for everyone to be focused on at the moment," Ducky asserted.

"Except me," Abby sighed in frustration. "I need to get out of here, Ducky."

"You mustn't hasten things. What you've been through … it will take some time to heal."

"Gibbs had almost the same wound when Ari shot him in autopsy, and he didn't even go to the hospital."

" _Almost_ being the key word," Ducky corrected. "You know what a difference even a centimeter can make. Unlike Jethro's wound, yours nicked an artery. You are aware of the complications that can come from such trauma."

Abby breathed out heavily, tears stinging her eyes. "It doesn't matter," she whispered hoarsely, looking out the window.

"Of course it does," Ducky said strongly, arching an eyebrow in concern.

"No, I mean … I mean everything I've worked for, all these years … all we've lost. And it never gets easier. Bad still wins and we keep losing people, and now it's because of me…"

"Whoever did this is a coward," Ducky asserted, grasping her hand. "A coward who has surely underestimated the wrath of Leroy Jethro Gibbs."

"I have to help them, Ducky … I have to remember, somehow. And I can't do that here, hooked up to these machines, helpless…"

"Abby, you must-"

"Ms. Sciuto," a male voice called from the doorway. Looking up, Ducky and Abby saw Torres propping open the door for the doctor who had initially treated Abby in the ER – Dr. Philip Riley.

"Good to see you awake," the doctor continued as Torres gave them a look and closed the door. "You're making a remarkable recovery, Ms. Sciuto, but I'm afraid it's a bit early to release you from our care just yet."

Abby frowned as Dr. Riley gave her the bad news.

"C'mon, doc," she implored. "Bet all this security around the hospital isn't great for business."

"Ms. Sciuto, when I first met you, you were flat-lining in the ER. Now I'm not here to blow my own horn, but my team and I didn't bring you back just so you could go off and risk complications that would inevitably return you here."

"How long," Abby demanded with huff.

"Let's see how you get through today," Dr. Riley offered. "Let's make sure there's no clotting, no breathing or heart complications."

"OK…I'll give you 24 hours, then I'm gone, with or without your approval."

"Abigail!" Ducky exclaimed.

But Abby didn't waiver, staring the doctor down with a look that would've rivaled the "Gibbs stare."

"You're certainly determined, I'll give you that," Dr. Riley sighed, giving Ducky a look before leaving the room.

"Really Abby," Ducky said, shaking his head. "These things must not be rushed."

"I can rest at home."

"Where? In your casket?" The word gave both of them pause. "Perhaps if you're so set on getting out of here, you should go to Jethro's."

"That's not really an option anymore, Ducky," she sighed.

"And why would that be?"

Abby hesitated. She hadn't told anyone about what had happened after Paraguay – about Gibbs accidentally attacking her in his sleep. It had been weighing on her for months, but they'd working through it. At least she thought they had.

"Ducky I … I know I can trust you, that I can tell you anything…"

"Of course," he replied in a soft voice, leaning forward intently.

"Ducky, you have to promise me you'll never tell anyone about this, or that I told you - not even Gibbs."

"My dear, what is it?"

"Just promise me, Ducky."

"Alright…now what's the matter?"

Abby felt the tears well up in her eyes as the events of the past year washed over her and she told Ducky everything that had happened between her and Gibbs.

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **11:48AM**

Vance and Gibbs sat at the conference table in his office, files in hand, reading intently.

"What about this," Vance offered, sliding his open folder across to the worn team leader.

"Michael Hayes," Gibbs sighed, peering over the top of his glasses.

"He was in prison for 16 years because of a faulty test, based on Ms. Sciuto's testimony."

"Was there when he was let out of prison," Gibbs recalled. "Didn't seem like he was holdin' a grudge to me. But I'll check it."

"Don't bother," another voice called from the doorway. More files in hand, Fornell entered and dropped the folders on the table. "Already looked into it. Just seems happy to be reunited with his daughter."

"And how do you know that for sure?" Gibbs asked in a sharp tone.

"Oh, well, they were away on vacation in Paris. Not due back till next week, and no alarming money transfers from his account."

"You could've lead with that," Gibbs grumbled, pulling over the next file.

"You know, Gibbs," Fornell began, "you were here for all these cases. Nothing popping out from those dusty old memory banks?"

"Tobias, you do not want to test me right now," Gibbs growled, not making eye contact.

"No luck on jogging Abby's memory?" Fornell asked.

Gibbs pursed his lips in annoyance as Vance took that as his cue to answer.

"Not sure it would matter much anyway," the director sighed. "We know the hit man was just that – a gun for hire. It's unlikely he told Ms. Sciuto who he was connected with before the shooting."

Fornell nodded, giving Gibbs a sideways glance. "No coffee, Jethro?"

"Cuttin' down," he replied in a curt tone.

"Really? Since when?"

"Since Paraguay. Believe it or not, they didn't give us coffee breaks between torture sessions."

"Hey, look, I know you're under the gun here, and I'm just tryin' to help."

Gibbs sighed heavily, removing his glasses and rubbing a hand over his face.

"I know, Tobias," he replied regretfully. "Just frustrated."

"We'll figure this out, Jethro," Fornell replied earnestly.

Standing up, Gibbs, placed a hand on Fornell's shoulder before checking his watch and heading for the door.

"Gibbs?" Vance called in confusion.

"Protection detail," Gibbs called.

"Keep me posted on her condition, Gibbs. I don't want her pushing herself too soon."

"And see if she got that gift basket Emily sent," Tobias yelled. Gibbs turned, arching an eyebrow. "Well, I've been busy. Besides, Emily's better at that stuff than me."

Nodding with a small eye roll, Gibbs turned and shut the door behind him. He pressed the down button on the elevator. As the doors opened, Gibbs nearly ran into Sloane, who was exiting.

"Hey," Sloane said gently, placing her hand on his arm. "Find anything?"

"Not yet."

"What's the hurry?"

"Protection detail."

"Oh … mind if I come with?" Gibbs gave Sloane a skeptical look. "Don't worry, I'm not going to push her … I haven't seen her since the shooting and just want to make sure she's doing OK."

Gibbs shrugged. "OK."

They both stepped into the elevator, the doors closing as they made their decent to the parking garage.

"And how are you holding up?" Sloane asked tentatively, knowing she was on thin ice.

"Still need answers," he replied matter-of-factly, staring straight ahead.

"Gibbs … I know I haven't been here long, but I've come to know what Abby means to you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he shot back, shifting uncomfortably.

Sloane shook her head in frustration. "Gibbs, this team is your family. But Abby … she's special, unique. I remember reading up on her before I even got here. Her solve rate, her accuracy, her loyalty, her passion. She's like you in a lot of ways."

"And look where it got her," he muttered, refusing to meet Sloane's gaze.

"Look, Gibbs, I know that you turned her down when she asked you to go to The Cooler with her. I know that's probably tearing you apart right now, thinking it should've been you, not Reeves. And I know you're worried whoever did this will try again, and that you feel almost helpless to stop it."

"You think you know … you don't," Gibbs said matter-of-factly as the elevator doors opened and he briskly stepped into the parking garage. Sloane followed, jogging to catch up.

"You can run from this, Gibbs, but when it's over – and it will eventually be over – you need to deal with the fallout."

"Then how 'bout we wait till then, Jack," he spat, opening his car door.

"Look, I know you're frustrated that the leads seemed to have dried up," Sloane said sympathetically, climbing in the passenger seat. "But you'll figure it out. That famous gut of yours always seems to come through, from what I've heard, and seen."

"Not so sure 'bout my gut lately," he sighed, turning on the car. The ring of his cell phone broke their conversation. "Yea, Bishop?"

Sloane looked at Gibbs intently as his eyes narrowed. "Alright, you head to the hospital and relieve Torres. I'll pay a visit to the Park Police." Sloane gave him a quizzical look as he hung up.

"New suspect?" Sloane asked.

"Really hope not," Gibbs sighed, turning the key in the ignition and backing out.

"You gonna fill me in?"

"Payin' a visit to Abby's former boyfriend."

"I thought you already ruled out Mikel Mawher. We talked about him - he's still locked up."

"Different one. Burt Moore. Park Police," Gibbs stated matter-of-factly, his eyes narrowing. "He and Abby were together for almost four years. Abby broke things off about nine months ago."

"Wow – Abby never talked to me about any long-term relationships. Sounds serious. Think he might be holding a grudge?" Sloane was met with silence, but noticed Gibbs' eyes narrowing. "Well, you must've done a background check or something on this guy, right? You know him well?"

"I introduced them," Gibbs admitted with a sigh. "Met him in the field on a case. Got him to hand over some evidence by convincing him we had a brilliant female scientist who could help. He took an interest, and I … sort of gave him the go-ahead. Told him she wasn't dating anyone."

"Why'd Abby break it off?"

"You'd have to ask her that," Gibbs replied flatly, but Sloane could tell there was more to it, that he knew something.

"Or we can ask Burt," she posed. "It certainly would be personal, and if she dumped him, would constitute a serious grudge. What made Bishop flag him?"

"A hunch," Gibbs shrugged. "She checked his bank records and noticed a large sum was recently transferred to an account in the area."

"Who held the account?"

"Apparently, our hit man."

Sloane tensed. "Glad I brought my sig," she commented, reaching for her gun.

"You won't need it," Gibbs reassured her. "If he gives us a reason, I'll do the shooting."

 **Washington General Hospital**

 **1:10PM**

"There is no way Burt did this," Abby insisted, shaking her head as she contemplated her next move on the chessboard in front of her. Bishop sat in a chair next to Abby's bed, eying the board.

"C'mon, Abby – I know you liked the guy, but that $10,000 transfer is pretty telling."

"Look, I know Burt. And I know our breaking up hurt him – it hurt me too! But he wouldn't do this."

"You know, Abby, you never talked about the breakup – even to me, and I thought we're pretty close. Why didn't you tell me what happened?"

"Nothing happened," Abby huffed, moving her pawn forward on the chessboard.

"Really?"

"Well, I mean, you know how I told you he wanted me to meet his parents, his family?"

"I remember, that was in the Spring just before Tony left."

"Yea, well … I met them and things didn't go so well."

"What do you mean?"

"Umm … I mean, they liked me well enough. But it just seemed like they were hoping for wedding bells and grandchildren. And soon after that, I realized Burt was too…"

"But you stayed with him after that?"

"Look, you know how it is, Ellie – I really liked the guy, he was sweet and kind and met everything on my list of … well, he was practically perfect. But when things went south with that Homeland case last year, where they put me undercover, he wanted me to quit my job, said it was too dangerous." Abby gave a sad laugh. "Guess he wasn't wrong about that."

"So you had a fight?"

"He said Gibbs should've stepped in, that he should've protected me. And I kind of lost it on him."

Bishop could see the distant in Abby's eyes, how was reliving the conversation in her mind, and perhaps this time seeing it from Burt's point of view.

"So … that's when you broke up with him?"

"Things got heated, but it wasn't that. In the middle of our … discussion … he got down on one knee, said he didn't want to lose me … and he proposed."

"Oh my God – how did you not tell me this!"

"Because … I don't know … I felt really bad. Any woman would be lucky to have a guy like Burt. But it just didn't feel right to me, so I said no. His face fell, he got up, pocketed the ring he had apparently been holding onto for six months, and walked out. I tried to call him the next day, but he wouldn't pick up. I don't know what I would've said – it just all felt so abrupt, unfinished. I didn't mean to hurt him like that, but I just … I couldn't do it. I wanted to tell him he'd find someone else, that he's a good man. I tried, Ellie, I tried to call. But after a few weeks, I just gave up."

"Wow," Bishop sighed, gripping Abby's arm. "I'm really sorry, Abby. Believe me, I understand tough breakups."

"I know … I remember Jake the snake."

Bishop winced at the mention of her ex-husband's name. "Well, looks like Burt never did get over you."

Abby shook her head. "It doesn't make sense … Why now? What could he possibly gain? He hasn't even tried to reach out to me."

"Well, one thing's certain – whatever his motive, Gibbs will find out."

"If he doesn't put a bullet in him first," Abby grumbled, a hint of concern in her voice.

"We'll figure this out," Ellie reassured her. "I'm just glad we have you back. We were really worried. I was worried because I just … I already lost a brother. I couldn't lose my sister, too."

Bishop swallowed, a tear streaking down her cheek. Abby's face fell.

"I'm sorry, Ellie – I know you and Reeves were close and this is all my fault and-"

"It is NOT your fault," Bishop replied strongly, grasping Abby's hand and swallowing the lump in her throat. "No one is blaming you. Clay … Clay died doing what any of us would've done – protecting you. And we're gonna make sure you're safe, because we can't lose you, Abby. We need you."

"You don't need me," she rasped, repeating the same words she said to Reeves just before the shooting.

"If you'd seen me and Torres down in your lab the other day, you'd agree with me," she replied with a small grin before growing more serious. "Abby, if there's anything I've learned from my time here, it's that this team is a family. And we need each other, especially now. Don't push us away."

Abby shook her head, looking out the window, her eyes distant and wet with unshed tears. "I should've seen this coming … should've known that email was hinky."

"Abby, none of us picked up on it either, and we all knew about it. Don't beat yourself up. It's not good for the healing process."

"I appreciate your support, Ellie, and you know I love all you guys, but you're wrong on this."

"Wrong about what? Burt? Or you?"

When Abby didn't answer, Bishop sighed and sat back in her chair, wiping away her own tears. This was going to be more difficult than she thought.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

 _ **Next Chapter – What's the deal with Burt? How does Abby end up back at home two days later? Do she and Gibbs ever talk again before their final farewell? Stay tuned…**_


	21. Chapter 21 - A Bad Break

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 21: A Bad Break**

 _ **Author's Note: This chapter attempts to further answer the burning question of what happened with Burt and Abby. It takes place during the two missing days between Abby waking up and her return home in "Two Steps Back." Spoilers for Season 15. Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **West Potomac Park, Washington D.C.**

 **1:15PM**

Gibbs and Sloane walked up to the security booth, eyeing the man who was working inside, assisting an older couple. Both noticed the gun holstered on his hip as they approached. Feeling their presence, he looked up from the map he had been using to help the husband and wife find their desired destination.

"Excuse me," he said quickly, handing over the map and gesturing to a nearby park officer to take over. "Agent Gibbs. Can I help you with something?"

"Hi, I don't think we've had the pleasure," Sloane replied immediately in a chipper tone, reaching her hand out. "You're Officer Moore. Burt Moore? Park Police?"

Giving her a quizzical look, he arched an eyebrow and shook her hand. "Yea. And you are?"

"Oh, forgive my manners. My name's Jacqueline Sloane, but you can call me Jack."

"New girlfriend?" Burt asked in a somewhat tense tone, turning to Gibbs.

Sloane laughed, patting Gibbs' arm lightly. "Oh, I'm sorry. It's been a long two days. I work with Agent Gibbs, at NCIS, and we were wondering if you had a few minutes to speak with us."

"What's this about, Gibbs?" Burt asked sternly, putting his hands on his hips as he ignored Sloane's questioning. Gibbs gave him an icy stare, but did not respond.

"I'm sorry, maybe we got off on the wrong foot," Sloane offered. "I was assuming you heard about what happened to our colleague – your ex-girlfriend – Abby Sciuto?"

At the sound of her name, Burt looked down, as if reliving a painful memory. "I, uh, I heard from a buddy that she was shot, but was doing OK."

"A buddy?" Sloane asked.

"Yea, Abby has a lot of friends, as Agent Gibbs already knows, and I work with some of them," Burt replied, his tone clipped as he became agitated "Now what the hell is this? An interrogation?"

"We just want to ask-" Sloane began but was cut off.

"C'mon Gibbs?!" Burt yelled, moving forward towards him. Sloane stepped aside, hand on her holstered weapon. "How could think I would ever hurt Abby?! I loved her! I would've done anything for her! You know that!"

"Keep your voice down," Gibbs said quietly, his steely stare menacing.

"She broke up with me! We haven't spoken in over a year. Had to make a clean break."

"Sounds like a bad breakup - must've hurt," Sloane replied. "How badly? Bad enough to want her dead?"

"What? I don't even … you're still lookin' for this guy? Is she still in danger?" Burt asked in concern, giving Gibbs an angry look

"That's what we're trying to figure out," Sloane replied. Burt ignored her, keeping his focus on Gibbs.

"You know, with all due respect, Agent Gibbs, I knew something like this would happen eventually," he said harshly.

"Not exactly the sound of an innocent man," Sloane said, trying to draw him away from Gibbs. But Burt ignored her, determined to make his point.

"I told Abby after that Homeland fiasco last year that her job was too dangerous," he spat. "You and I both know she came way too close on that one, Gibbs! You weren't there for her then, and I'm guessing you weren't there when she got shot. I told her you couldn't protect her from everything but she didn't believe me… and here we are."

Sloane could see Gibbs' anger rising, his eyes filled with pain. She stepped between them to prevent Gibbs from doing anything rash.

"Mr. Moore, I think it would be best if you came with us," Sloane interjected. "There is strong evidence that you may have been involved in all this."

"This is outrageous," he said through clenched teeth. "I'd never hurt Abby. And besides, I wasn't even in DC when it happened."

"You didn't have to be," Sloane countered, pulling out her phone and opening the email Gibbs' had forwarded to her from Bishop. "We have probable cause to search your truck, your house and to bring you down to NCIS for questioning."

"What is that?" he asked, gesturing to the image on her phone.

"It's a transfer of $10,000 from your account to Kent Marshall in March of 2017, less than one month after you and Abby broke up," Sloane said, her tone beginning to darken.

"Yea, so?" Burt shrugged, bewildered.

"Army specialist Kent Marshall," Sloane continued pointedly, "The one who tried to kill your ex-girlfriend, and who succeeded in killing an MI6 Agent who was also our friend."

"Wait, what-"

Burt was cut short as Gibbs grabbed him by his shirt and slammed him against the security booth. Sloane gave him a concerned look, pleading for him to calm down, but Gibbs kept his eyes fixed on Burt.

"Cut the act," Gibbs spat out, leaning in. Burt held up his hands in confusion. Sloane carefully removed Burt's gun from the holster as he gave her a concerned glance. "Marshall was just a hit man for hire, and now he's dead. So start talkin'!"

"Look, I barely knew the guy," Burt said defensively. "I met him out of the blue. He walked up to me right here, in this spot, and asked me for directions. He mentioned his military background and we got to talking."

"Talking about what?" Gibbs asked in a whisper, still holding him against the booth.

"Look, it was a long time ago…"

"You talked to him about Abby," Gibbs stated, eyes narrowing.

"No way," Burt countered. "We'd just broken up. The last thing I wanted to do was spill my guts to someone, let alone a complete stranger. Abby used to say you and I were alike that way - the strong, silent type."

Gibbs shot him a look, not caring for the comparison, though he knew it was true. When he first saw Burt, he saw a bit of himself – an integrity and capability to protect Abby after he was gone – whether in the line of duty or through the natural progression of life.

Gibbs couldn't believe how wrong he'd been about Burt, and he wasn't buying his story. He looked to Sloane, whose expression implied that she actually seemed to believe him.

"Tell me about the money," Gibbs rasped, pushing Burt away as he let go of his shirt.

Burt breathed heavily, shaking his head. "Look, it was for a trip. We were talking about movies and filming locations, and then the guy mentioned he'd booked a trip to New Zealand, but he couldn't go anymore."

"Wait a second," Sloane interrupted, noticing his hesitation. "You paid a stranger $10,000 for a ticket to New Zealand?"

"Well … it wasn't just to New Zealand. It was a VIP tour."

"Tour of what?" Sloane asked, crossing her arms as both she and Gibbs became more impatient.

"Look, I'm a big Lord of the Rings fan, OK!" Burt finally said, exasperated. "The guy said his mom got sick and he couldn't go on this two-week tour, but it was non-refundable. So I offered to help him out. And besides, how could I pass up a chance to go to Hobbiton?"

Gibbs gave Sloane a confused look, the "Lord of the Rings" reference going over his head. Seeming to know what Burt was talking about, Sloane nodded and continued the questioning.

"Look, Burt, I work for the government, too," she said. "You're telling me you gave a stranger $10,000 just to visit Frodo's homeland?"

"Look, he gave me his contact info and I checked out the tour and his ticket – it was totally legit. So I sold a few rare action figures and comic books I'd collected over the years, and that paid for most of it. The trip wasn't for another year, so I knew I'd have a chance to build up some time off from work. I just got back yesterday, which is when I heard about Abby."

"That's quite a coincidence," Sloane said, although her eyes told Gibbs she believed his story.

Burt ran a hand through his shortly cropped hair, looking around nervously. "Maybe … Maybe he was trying to get me out of the way?" Burt posed. "I heard she was assaulted after getting free tickets to that new restaurant downtown – The Cooler? Maybe he wanted to make sure I wouldn't be there."

"You were broken up," Sloane replied.

"He didn't know that," Burt said confidently. "Like I said, never talked about Abby. Maybe he wanted to keep me away so I couldn't protect her."

"You're really reaching," Gibbs said, eyeing him. But despite the seeming implausibility, Gibbs saw the genuine sadness and concern in Burt's face. He remembered when Abby finally confided to him that they had broken up. It was at McGee's wedding, just after the big event…

 **May 9, 2017**

 **McGee residence – After the Wedding**

 _Music flowed through the newlyweds' home as the team chatted excitedly with other and congratulated the happy couple. Gibbs took in the scene, a small smile on his lips. Today was a good day, and he knew how precious those moments were._

 _Looking at everyone mingling, he noticed there was one person missing – Abby. He'd been a bit harsh with her in the bullpen, exasperated with her obviously bad attempt to keep a secret. Upon his urging, she spilled the beans about Delilah's pregnancy. He was glad Palmer had better control – though Gibbs had a gut feeling about the wedding as well._

 _Walking toward the kitchen, Gibbs noticed Abby worrying over the vase of flowers that she'd placed by the window earlier. Her head was down, but he could see sadness in her eyes. During the wedding, he'd turned to her, giving her a loving look as McGee and Delilah exchanged vows. He saw the tears in her eyes – happy tears – as she glanced over at Gibbs, their eyes meeting for a few moments. Now he wondered if those had truly been tears of joy._

 _"Hey, Abbs," he whispered as she looked up slowly._

 _"Hey Gibbs," she replied with a forced smile. "Wish I could've done more here … these flowers, they're kinda droopy."_

 _"Look fine to me," he said, walking up to her and placing a hand on her back. "You doin' OK?"_

 _"Yea, yea, I'm fine, totally fine," she lied, looking away._

 _"C'mon Abbs, it's me," he urged, pulling her close to reassure her._

 _"This is McGee's day, and I don't want to spoil it," she insisted, pulling away and heading toward the sink. Gibbs watched her, not moving from his spot as she leaned against the sink. A few moments passed, and she sighed in resignation, knowing she couldn't hide from Gibbs._

 _"It's just … it's not about us, McGee and me," she said in a defensive voice. "Yea, we dated, but we both realized a long along time ago that we're so much better as best friends. He's like a brother to me and I'm really happy for him, and for Delilah – I mean she's amazing and I never thought I'd meet anyone that I thought was good enough for him but she totally is …"_

 _"But…" Gibbs said, knowing there was more._

 _"I don't know, Gibbs," she sighed. "Maybe I'm just jealous of what I'll never have."_

 _"Never have what?"_

 _"That kind of life – being married, having kids. I just … it's not me. And I'm fine with that – it's who I am. But sometimes … sometimes it makes me feel really alone."_

 _"You never know," Gibbs countered. "Maybe one day you'll change your mind. Maybe Burt will."_

 _At the mention of Burt's name, Abby hung her head, and Gibbs didn't fail to notice._

 _"Everything OK with you two?" he asked. "He treating you right?"_

 _"You can keep your baseball bat away, Gibbs," she half-laughed, but the sadness in her voice was palpable. "It was me – I broke his heart. Probably mine, too."_

 _Gibbs walked to the sink, standing close. "Abbs," he whispered. "Just tell me."_

 _"It happened a few months ago. He wanted to get married, I didn't," she shrugged, fighting back tears. Gibbs could sense she was holding something back, but didn't want to press her. "Something must be wrong with me, Gibbs, because he's a great guy, and I just pushed him away."_

 _"Gotta go with your gut," Gibbs said with a shrug, but she could tell he was disappointed._

 _"I know you tried, Gibbs," she sighed. "You saw him at that crime scene, then you brought him to my lab, and I knew what you were doing. I fought it at first, but he was just so damn disarming and kind … and we had a lot in common."_

 _"Was just lookin' out for ya," Gibbs whispered, pushing back a strand of hair that had fallen across her forehead._

 _"I know … you don't need to worry about me all the time, Gibbs. I can take care of myself."_

 _Gibbs nodded, swallowing. "You gonna be OK?"_

 _"Yea … we should get back. It's McGee's night, and Delilah's. I shouldn't even be thinking about this. I already almost ruined their evening, blabbing about the baby…"_

 _"Think they forgave ya," Gibbs smiled._

 _"I'm just no good at lying or keeping secrets," she sighed. "At least not the happy kind," she added reassuringly. They both knew the secret she had kept for Gibbs – the dark and upsetting truth that Abby refused to tell about the murder of Pedro Hernandez._

 _Gibbs pulled her close, kissing her on forehead gently. "I know," he rasped._

 _"It was really sweet of you – giving McGee that watch your dad gave you on your wedding day," she whispered, leaning into his shoulder. "I heard what you told him – you have to know that meant to Tim."_

 _Gibbs nodded silently as she moved away, placing a hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eye._

 _"You're a good father," she whispered, kissing his cheek and leaning into his ear. "You should give Tony a call soon, let him know you're there for him too."_

 _Before Gibbs could reply, Abby was gone, swiftly making her way back to the party. The comment about DiNozzo seemed to come out of left field, and while it wasn't unlike Abby to bounce around from topic to topic, he wondered why she had said it and left so suddenly. They rarely spoke about DiNozzo, Tali or Ziva. He'd always avoided it, thinking it would be too painful for them both. But maybe she was right, maybe it was time to reach out._

 _As he wiped his cheek where her lipstick had been, Gibbs' thoughts turned to Abby again. He had hoped Burt would be there to look after her. Now with them broken up, and Tony in Paris, and Tim now a new husband and soon-to-be father, he worried about Abby being left alone._

 _"Never gonna stop worrying," he whispered out loud with a sigh, heading back to the living room to enjoy the celebration…_

 **PRESENT DAY**

Gibbs stared at Burt, hearing the brokenness in his voice as he wondered out loud if he'd been duped. If that was the case, whoever had planned this hit on Abby was meticulous, setting the wheels in motion more than a year before the hit. This was calculating, and personal, as Sloane had thought. Gibbs racked his brain for who else could possibly be behind this.

"God, this guy's determined," Burt said aloud, shaking his head. "You sure Abby is safe?"

"Yea, she's safe," Gibbs replied defensively. "And you're not in the clear yet."

"Seriously? You can check the booking records. You can check it all. I would never hurt Abby – she's the best person I know, even if she broke my heart."

"What ex-boyfriend says that?" Sloane asked skeptically.

"Look, I knew going into it that Abby was going to be a tough nut to crack, so to speak. She had these … expectations. And I tried, I really did. But she didn't wanna be tied down. I wanted a family – still want one. It was hard, but I moved on."

Burt reached for his phone, which was on the table in the booth.

"This is Amy," Burt said, showing Sloane photographs of him and a fit, thirty-something-year-old woman. "We've been seeing each other for the last few months."

"And who's that?" Sloane asked, seeing a picture of Burt, Amy and a little boy.

"Her seven-year-old son, Tommy. He was on a class trip when he got separated from his group. They put out an alert and we began scouring the area. It was dusk when I found him by the river, curled up in ball, crying his eyes out. I thought it was because he was lost, so I tried to tell him everything was going to be OK. He told me it wasn't, because he'd never fish here with his dad again."

Sloane gave him a sad look and Burt looked down, shaking his head.

"His dad – Amy's husband – was in the reserves. He died in Afghanistan last year. Apparently they used to come down here all the time. Long story short, I brought Tommy back to base and that's how I met Amy. And it's turned out to be everything I wanted – all I want. I think we're building something good – some kind of family. I brought them both with me to New Zealand. It set me back a bit financially, but it was worth it. Couldn't imagine being there without them – or being anywhere without them."

Gibbs nodded, seeing Burt's sincerity. It's what he saw in him when he first introduced Burt to Abby – it's what he wanted for her. A good man who would stick by her side.

"Agent Gibbs," Burt continued, getting his attention, "I'm a simple man. All I ever wanted was a family. I have a chance at that now, and I don't wanna lose them."

"You're still a suspect," Gibbs said flatly. "Can't ignore the transaction, you know that. Gotta bring you in."

"You bring me in, you know what happens," Burt pleaded. "I could lose my job, and everything I built with Amy and Tommy."

"Not if you're innocent," Sloane countered.

"You said it yourself, you work for the government," Burt replied. "Being questioned in the murder of an MI6 agent, even being tied to it, is career suicide. But more than that, I would never want Amy to see me like that – as a suspect. Please, I'm telling you the truth. I would never hurt Abby. I loved her."

Gibbs sighed, looking to Sloane.

"You stay put while I make some phone calls," Gibbs replied gruffly, leaving Burt with Sloane.

He knew whoever hired Marshall was playing the long game. It fit with the profile of someone who was holding a serious, personal grudge. But he could tell it wasn't Burt Moore. The interrogator in him could spot an innocent man when he saw one, but he would verify it with a few phone calls. The fact that he couldn't put his finger on the real culprit was making him desperate. Abby was still in danger, and Burt was right. He was failing her again.

 **TO BE CONTINUED...**


	22. Chapter 22 - Restless Night

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 22 – Restless Night**

 _ **Author's Note: This chapter takes place during the two missing days between Abby waking up and her return home in "Two Steps Back." This is the final evening before the day Abby goes home. Trying to focus on fleshing out some characters and relationships that weren't really explored in the show here – in particular Sloane and Abby. (Especially since Sloane has become so important for Gibbs in the show, I felt the need to show a better connection with her and Abby, so here it is!) Spoilers for Season 15. Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **Washington General Hospital**

 **6:23PM**

It had been 24 hours since Abby regained consciousness. Having kept down two solid meals and shown positive responsiveness to cognitive exams, Abby was on her way to a speedy recovery. It didn't always end this way in ICU, and several nurses had been in to see what they were dubbing a miraculous mending.

While she was happy to have some company, Abby felt more like a caged animal in the zoo, and was eager to meet with Dr. Riley in the morning. She was confident her blood counts would be up to par enough for her to go home. She needed to get out of the hospital – she needed to be someplace where she could begin to put the pieces of her life back together.

"Hey," Sloane called from the door, smiling brightly. Abby looked up, lost in thought.

"Hey Jack … come in," she nodded, working hard to put on a brave face. Sloane was her friend, but she was also the NCIS psychologist, for all intents and purposes. And Abby had no intention of having her head shrunk right now.

Jack walked over to Abby's bed and put her hand on Abby's arm, rubbing it slowly up down in a friendly fashion, as she sat down.

"So… wow … tough couple of days, huh?" Sloane began. Abby looked down, nodding quietly. The silence hung in the air for a minute as Sloane gave her a concerned look. "You're um, awful quiet, Abby. How are you doing with all this?"

Abby gave dark chuckle, shaking her head. "How am I doing?" Abby snapped. "Well, my friend was murdered – probably trying to protect me, though it's the one thing in my whole life I can't remember – and I'm stuck here in a hospital with a big bulls eye on me. So what do you think?"

"Hey, I'm sorry," Sloane said defensively, raising her hands. "I'm not trying to get in your head, Abby. I'm just checking in, making sure you're doing OK."

"And what if I'm not, Jack," she whispered. "You gonna report it to Vance?"

"No, Abby … I think maybe we got off on the wrong foot here," Sloane replied. "I'm here as a friend. And yes, I have professional concerns, but right now what's most important is that you are able to talk about what happened, to process it. Maybe I'm not the one you want to do this with -"

"No, Jack, I …" Abby trailed off, tears welling. "I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated and I feel like everyone has me under their microscope right now."

"That's OK," Sloane reassured her. "Look, Abby, I'm going to be straight with you. This won't be easy. But you need to know how grateful and relieved we all are at your amazing recovery. And honestly … I don't think Gibbs could've handled losing you too."

"He would've found a way, he always does," Abby rasped, looking out the window into the night. "It's good you're there for him, though. Keep being there for him, Jack," she added, turning back to give Sloane a purposeful look.

"I'm here for all of you," Sloane asserted.

"But it's different with Gibbs," Abby shrugged. "I could tell … he trusts you. You're good for him. Maybe you don't realize it yet but I think you can help him in ways the rest of us never could."

"I'm flattered, but he's been as resistant as you and dismissed any ideas I had of talking it out," Sloane noted with a tinge of frustration. "You're both very similar in that respect."

"But I'm not like Gibbs," Abby said quietly, averting Sloane's gaze. "Not in the ways I wish I could be. I'm not strong like him … I can't just 'move on' from all this and pretend like it never happened."

"Is that what you think he does?" Abby gave her a quirky, 'Are you serious?' look in reply.

"Jack, I know you haven't been around Gibbs that long, but you're the expert here – you know as well as I do how he bottles things up, shuts down. And, you know, if we're being honest, that's been the hardest thing to deal with when it comes to Gibbs. When I lose my friends and he acts like the sky is always blue, like things haven't changed, like the clouds and the rain haven't cast a long shadow on our existence – it takes everything in me to put on that same brave face when all I want to do is remember my friends and grieve for them. I know he feels it, Jack, and I think you know it too. But he won't show it, won't express it, and it hurts."

"I can see why it would," Sloane responded sympathetically. "We all cope in different ways."

"And Gibbs copes by being this 'John Wayne' man of action, but he's driving everyone to the brink," Abby sighed, finally giving up any thoughts of holding back. "I don't want anyone else getting hurt – or … dying - to protect me, Jack. But he's got the team running ragged and he's pushing himself to the point of collapse on this. I just know it."

"What do you want to see happen here, then, Abby? What would your justice in all this look like?"

Abby stared out the window, her eyes growing dark. "I … I need to get out of here. I need to figure this out on my own. This is on me, Jack."

"This is not your fault, Abby-"

"How could I not see this?!" she exclaimed in frustration. "Two free reservations to a restaurant that takes MONTHS to get into? I wasn't paying attention, and I probably got Clay killed. We were just starting to…you know, he was telling me about his mom…about a promise he made…and now he's gone and he can't honor her memory because of me, because of some bad guy I let get the best of me!"

"Shh, Abby, I know, believe me, I know what it's like to feel responsible for the death of your friends," Sloane said with a conviction that caused Abby to pause. She could tell by the look in Sloane's eyes that something very dark and terrible had happened to her … something the team had always suspected, but never dared to ask about.

"You mean when you were deployed?" Abby asked hesitantly.

"Yea … story for another time," Sloane whispered, pushing back the memories of her torture, and of the men in her unit who were murdered, that suddenly rushed upon her. "Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that you can get through this. We'll help you. But jumping into this case … or looking for … justice … you might not be ready for that right now."

At her words, Abby's face fell. "You might think you understand, Jack, but you don't," she rasped. "I don't know what you went through over there, but I'm not like you, or Gibbs … I'm … I'm just a scientist, not a soldier, and I'm not built to … I've never taken a life … and sure, I've faced some danger but this … Jack, I _died_."

"But you're here now," Sloane said encouragingly.

"I remember," Abby rasped, lost in thought. "I could hear them, the doctors … calling for a crash cart. I could see myself from across the room … and it's still a bit blurry … but I remember other things… And I know you're going to tell me it's PTSD or my mind playing tricks – I mean, I'm a scientist so I know what people say about this stuff. But Jack … I _saw my parents_ … I saw … God, I shouldn't even being talking about this with you, you're going to say I'm crazy."

"Hey, it's OK," Sloane reassured her. "No judgment. It's your truth. And if you need to talk about it, it's safe with me. What else did you see?"

Abby sighed, her eyes welling with tears. "Lots of people … people I lost … you don't know any of them … except, well you might know _of_ a few. But the reason I think I came back … and you have to promise you'll never say anything - never, Jack."

Sloane nodded somberly, waiting for Abby to continue.

"The reason I think I came back … was Kelly."

Sloane swallowed, knowing exactly who Abby was talking about.

"Now I know you're probably thinking it was a figment of my imagination … that I've seen photos and my mind was playing tricks … but I was ready, Jack – I was ready to walk toward the light. I've missed my mom and dad so much … and they were signing to me, and I was going to go. But then I felt this little hand on my arm, tugging at my sleeve, and I turned around … and it was Kelly."

Sloane nodded, listening intently. She'd tried to broach the subject of Kelly with Gibbs a couple of times but could see that part of him was closed off. She wondered how much he'd opened that part to Abby. She guessed much of it was largely unspoken, but the connection was there.

"I um," Abby hesitated, brushing away a tear that had fallen, "I really don't feel comfortable talking about this anymore."

"OK," Sloane said gently. "Whenever you're ready, I'm here."

"I'll tell you what I'm ready for," Abby sighed, sniffling. "I'm ready to get out of here."

"Abby, you shouldn't rush-"

"I am putting all the people in this hospital at risk by being here!" Abby yelled in frustration. "I won't let anyone else die because of me, Jack!"

"Hey, hey, easy, OK, I get it. Let's just see what the doctor says tomorrow morning, alright?"

Abby calmed a bit, pursing her lips. "That's what everyone keeps saying." After a few moments of silence, Abby added, "So … how was Burt?"

"Good," Sloane replied steadily.

"Really? I mean, I know how Gibbs can get over protective – I was worried about him. I could've told you he didn't do it."

"But he had contact with the man who did – or at least the man who was hired," Sloane pointed out. "That could get us somewhere."

"But Burt seemed good? Happy?"

Sloane hesitated a bit before responding. "He was worried about you," she replied.

"But has he moved on?"

Sloane wasn't sure what to say, or how it would affect Abby, but figured the truth would likely be the best bet.

"Yes, he met someone, she has a son … he seemed happy."

Abby closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them. "Good," she replied in a strong voice. "That's all I wanted for him. He's a great guy. I'm just not … it never would've worked in the end. Just like McGee…"

"McGee?" Sloane asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Never mind … I … I need to call my brother. He wants to come up, but I keep telling him it's not safe. He needs to stay in NOLA. Who knows what this guy has planned…Wait. What if they try to go after my family instead? Oh God… I didn't even think … God, what if-"

"Your brother's in good hands," Sloane reassured her. "You know Agent Pride better than I do, though I've heard some stories. I'm sure he's taking good care of your brother."

"But what about my brother Kyle?! He's out of the country and-"

"We've got that covered," Sloane replied, trying to reassure her. "Your friend Anthony DiNozzo got him a flight to Paris yesterday and is staying with him right now."

Abby sighed in relief. Her brothers were indeed in good hands and she was grateful.

"We need to get this bastard," Abby said strongly, giving Sloane a steely look.

"Believe me, Abby, we're working on it. Now, get some rest. Your body is still recovering, and so is your mind … and your heart. We've got this right now. Let's just see what tomorrow brings, OK?"

Abby leaned back, closing her eyes. "Where's Gibbs?"

"Going over old case files with Bishop and Torres," she replied. "Do you want me to get him for you?"

"No," she replied quickly. "I … I'm fine."

"OK, well I'm staying with you tonight, if that's OK." Abby nodded quietly. "So if you need anything, you let me know."

Abby nodded again, but had a far away look in her eyes, unconsciously fingering Gibbs' dog tags that she had put around her neck.

"You sure you're OK, Abby?"

Looking down at the dog tags, a proverbial light bulb went off in Abby's mind. Jack noticed the look in her eyes.

"Abby?"

"Jack … you said the man who shot me – Kent Marshall – he was in the armed forces, right?"

"Yes, discharged army specialist."

"Call Bishop … I think we might be looking at this the wrong way."

"What do you mean?"

"Tell her to stop looking into my old cases and to start looking at Marshall's army records. Maybe someone he served with crossed paths with us, someone we put away."

Sloane nodded and pulled out her cell phone, impressed and also perplexed as to why none of them had thought of it. Perhaps they were too tired, or too emotionally invested and drained – or all of the above.

"That's good work, Abby," Sloane said as she made the call.

"I hope so," she sighed. "Bishop's great with details. If there's any connections, she'll find them."

 **Motel 6, Georgetown**

 **7:45PM**

In a dimly lit motel room, an older man sat in a chair, his back to the locked door, leaning on the desk as he spoke to someone over the phone.

"Yes, I've got the plans. Look, I apologize for the … delay. I have some unfinished business and … hold on, hold on, OK, listen. I'll be there tomorrow night. The flight's already booked … No I'll have to take care of my _personal_ _issue_ another time. Seems good help is hard to find these days … No, hospital security is too tight, can't risk it … Well, I appreciate that. Maybe once I land, we can talk about it … OK, see you at the rendezvous tomorrow at 10:30PM sharp."

Hanging up the phone, the old man glanced at the portfolio sitting on the desk. "You're not going to out-fox me this time, little lady," he said, pulling out a photograph of Abby Sciuto from among the papers. "It may be a stalemate for now … but I'll be back. And next time, I'll make sure your friends can't save you."

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	23. Chapter 23 - Homeward Bound

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 23 – Homeward Bound**

 _ **Author's Note: This chapter takes place the day of Abby's return home in "Two Steps Back." Hopefully it answers the questions of HOW IN THE WORLD DID ABBY GET DISCHARGED SO QUICKLY?! Trying to make it plausible and to fill in some more gaps, especially character moments. Spoilers for Season 15. I know it had been awhile since my last update, so I thought I'd post this chapter right away. Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **Washington General Hospital**

 **5:45AM**

Staring out the hospital window at the sunrise, Sloane sipped on her morning coffee and checked her phone.

"No … no, Clay…" Abby whimpered in her sleep, her head tossing from side to side. Sloane rushed to her side, placing a hand gently on her shoulder for comfort. "No … who … who sent you … no!"

Abby bolted upright with a shout, shaken from the nightmare.

"It's OK, Abby, you're OK," Sloane reassured her, gently rubbing her back. "Just a bad dream."

Abby squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head. "Am I still in the hospital?"

"Yes."

"Is Clay dead?"

"Yes – are you-"

"Then it's not a bad dream, Jack. It's real. And it won't let go … not even in my dreams."

"Do you remember anything?"

Abby furrowed her brow, frustrated that the dream seemed to slip away so quickly.

"No … just the terror I felt … feel. Damn it, why can't I remember?!"

"It may be your subconscious is trying to protect you, Abby. When a person experiences trauma -"

"Yea, I know - got the lecture already from Ducky and Doc Grace. Doesn't make it any less frustrating."

"It's OK, Abby -"

"No, it's not! We have to figure this out, and I need to get out of here to do that. I need to see Dr. Riley."

"Well, I don't think he's in for another few hours and-"

"You know what? They can't keep me here. I can refuse treatment. I can leave."

"Abby, please, don't. You're a scientist – you know the consequences of trying to rush a recovery."

"I know the consequences of letting whoever's responsible for all this stay out there, walking free – more of my friends will end up on a steel slab, maybe even others, innocent people. I can't let that happen."

"Abby-"

"Look, Jack, I can read my vitals – I'm fine. I'm patched up, and there's nothing they're doing for me here that can't be done at my place."

"Your apartment? That's the first place this guy will go looking for you!"

"I'm going home," Abby asserted, "where I can use my tools to find my would-be killer."

Abby began to take off the monitors on her chest.

"Abby, please."

"What's going on in here?" a voice called from the hallway. It was Dr. Riley.

"Oh, hey doc, good timing," Sloane said, "You're here early."

"Well I knew Ms. Sciuto was chomping at the bit to see me … and if I had forgotten, the hospital director was kind enough to remind me of this at 4:30AM. So … here I am. Now what can I do for you, Ms. Sciuto?"

"You need to release me or I'm releasing myself," Abby said matter-of-factly.

"Ms. Sciuto, if you want to go, I can't stop you, but you must know you're taking some serious risks."

"I checked my own charts, doc – everything is fine. I'm stable, I'm patched up, and I'm going home."

"Blood clots, abnormal bleeding, stroke – these are all serious complications that could happen if -"

"I know the risks," Abby replied. "But I also know the people in this hospital are not safe with me here. And I think your director knows that too, doesn't she?"

Dr. Riley pursed his lips. "We may've had a conversation … but your medical health and well being are my priority, not hospital bureaucracy."

"What about all the other patients on this floor, or in the whole hospital? Who's going to protect them if the person who's after me gets in. They could fake an injury, bum rush the ER, take out a dozen people or more before they find me."

"You've watched too many movies-"

"I've LIVED too many of those scenarios! I've processed the evidence of too many victims who didn't need to die, but were at the wrong place at the wrong time. That can't happen here, because of me."

"Security is tight, Ms. Sciuto."

"Whoever is after, they're good, and they've been planning this for over a year. I've seen people who were driven enough attack more highly guarded places than this. Remember the bombing at the Navy yard in 2012? Yea, I was there for that, almost died then too. It doesn't matter how well-guarded you think a place is – nowhere is safe."

"Look, I hear you, and I share your concerns, but it's only been two days since I saw you coding in my ER. I believe it would be better for you to stay, in case there are complications, so help will be nearby, and not an ambulance ride away."

"It's a risk I'm willing to take," Abby retorted strongly.

"Well … if you promise me you will have someone with you at all times."

"I can guarantee it," Abby said, looking to Sloane.

"Abby…" Sloane sighed, knowing by the look on Abby's face that it would be pointless to try reasoning with her. She tried another approach. "Gibbs isn't going to like this, you know."

Abby closed her eyes for a moment, shaking her head. "I know," she whispered.

"So you'll stay."

"No," she replied strongly, picking up her phone.

"Ms. Sciuto, I-"

"Look, I know you're both trying to look out for me, but it's not necessary."

"It's unorthodox to release someone straight from ICU," Dr. Riley implored. "We typically see patients step down - "

"I'm not a typical patient, and this isn't a typical situation," Abby argued, placing the phone to her ear. "Hey McGee … yea, everything's fine. Can you come up here and help me with my things. I'm going home."

Sloane could hear McGee questioning her on the other end.

"It's fine, McGee, just get up here, OK?" Abby said as she quickly hung up.

Sloane took out her own cell phone and speed dialed a familiar number. Abby shot her a look, relatively certain of who she was calling.

"Telling on me?" she huffed, crossing her arms.

"He's got to know … especially if protection detail needs to change its location. He is the team leader."

Abby rolled her eyes. "Give it to me," she sighed, holding out her hand. Sloane hesitated. "Oh, come on, I'm not going to hang up. Why does everyone treat me like a child around here?"

"Abby, I'm not-"

"Just give me the phone, Jack," she repeated, giving her a steely gaze.

Sloane hesitantly handed Abby the phone. They both could hear Gibbs' voice on the other end – he'd already picked and was getting agitated at the silence.

"Hey Gibbs," Abby sighed into the phone. She heard Gibbs' voice go up an octave as he said her name, surprised to hear her voice. "No, everything's OK. Sloane just wanted you to know we have to change the protection detail. I'm going home."

Everyone in the room could hear Gibbs' loud, confused response. Abby pulled the phone back from her ear a bit as she continued.

"Gibbs, we talked about this. I'm fine, the nicked artery is repaired, my vitals are normal, I've been stable for 24 hours … Look, I know that, but I'm a liability here … Yes, Dr. Riley is here right now … You don't need to talk to him Gibbs, I already did and … no, I'm not lying, you know I'm a terrible liar … Yes, of course he's concerned but … Gibbs this isn't a debate. It's my life, my decision, so you can either call the agents on duty and get them to my place or I'll find my own way home."

Agitated, Abby hung up before Gibbs could reply further. When the phone immediately began to buzz again, she handed it to Sloane, who gave her a look. Abby shook her head, crossing her arms and looking out the window.

"Yea, Gibbs, it's Jack," Sloane answered in a tense voice, walking toward the door and lowering her voice. "Look, you know as well as I do that I can't keep her here … Gibbs, she wants to go home, and honestly she may be right … Well yes, then we're possibly putting the people in the apartment complex at risk, but we can evacuate the building if need be, and most of them are probably at work anyway. A hospital is much more difficult to secure, you know that … I'm not taking sides, Gibbs, I'm just saying it may be better for her if she gets back to more familiar surroundings …"

Abby eyed Sloane as she turned toward the door, leaning against the wall. She could tell Sloane was frustrated on both ends, but seemed to be in Abby's corner.

"Look, she seems fine," Sloane argued. "The doctor has some concerns but nothing that we can't keep an eye on. We'll be with her 24/7 anyway ... Well yes, I'd prefer a safe house too, but the closest one is 25 miles away from any kind of medical facility – it's isolated for a reason. If there were any complications, it could be dangerous … Well, she could stay with one of us, but this guy is good, Gibbs. He probably knows our addresses as well as hers … You told me she has a titanium door with triple locks – sounds pretty secure to me … I just think it would be better to get her in a place where she's comfortable, to help her adjust … OK. I'll head back to headquarters and let me McGee handle the details."

Sloane hung up the phone and turned back towards Abby, giving her a compassionate look. Abby nodded, moved by Sloane's support.

"Thanks," she whispered. "I told you, you're good with him."

Sloane shrugged, turning to Dr. Riley, who was giving them both a disapproving look. "How soon can we start the discharge process?"

"Well, if this is what you've decided, we can get started right away, but I'm making a notation that it's against my better judgment," he sighed. "Should have you out of here within the hour, Ms. Sciuto."

"Dr. Riley," Abby called as he turned to the exit the room. "Look, I'm grateful, very grateful for everything you've done. I promise I'll be careful, and I know you are just trying to protect me, like everyone else. But I wouldn't be fighting this if I didn't think it was in everyone's best interest that I get out of here."

"I appreciate your concern for everyone, Ms. Sciuto," Dr. Riley replied. "I just hope you have the same amount of concern for your own well being."

As Dr. Riley turned to exit, he nearly ran into McGee, who was rushing inside.

"Look after her," Dr. Riley said to McGee as he walked out of the room. McGee arched an eyebrow and looked to Sloane, then Abby.

"What's going on?" he asked, concern on his face.

"I told you, McGee, I'm going home."

"But how-"

"It's OK," Sloane reassured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You probably know better than I do that there's no fighting her once her mind is made up. Just get her home – it'll be the safest place for now."

"Gibbs knows?"

"He does," Sloane replied. "I know you've been here all night-"

"I'm staying with her, I'll get her home safe," McGee said strongly.

"I wasn't asking you to leave, Tim. Just letting you know I'm heading back to NCIS, and someone will probably be relieving you in a few hours so you can get some much-needed rest."

"No one's resting 'til we get who did this," McGee replied with resolve. "If the boss needs me back to help with the case, that's the only other place I'll be."

Sloane nodded in understanding, seeing clearly for the first time the strong bond between the senior field agent and Abby. They obviously had history, Sloane mused.

"Any progress on who did this?" McGee asked.

"I'll let you know," Sloane replied to the younger agent as she grabbed her coat. "Abby, if you need anything, don't hesitate to call, OK?"

Sloane reached over to hug Abby, rubbing her back with reassurance. As she watched Sloane walk out the door, Abby turned to McGee.

"OK, Tim," Abby sighed. "Let's get me out of here. We have work to do."

 **TO BE CONTINUED...**


	24. Chapter 24 - Retro Communication

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 24 – Retro Communication**

 _ **Author's Note: This chapter fills in some of the gaps on the day Abby confronts her would-be killer during the second half of "Two Steps Back." This focuses on the McGee/Abby dynamic, with some Tony/Tali & Kyle thrown in. It's placed right after Gibbs sends Torres to Abby's apartment (so they know it's King), but before he arrives. Spoilers for Season 15. Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **Abby Sciuto's Residence**

 **10:35AM**

"Hey Tali! It's your dodah," Abby smiled happily over the phone, which was on speaker. Sitting in a chair in her skull and cross bone pajamas, a sling around her arm, Abby reassured her goddaughter that she was OK. McGee was standing behind her, working on putting her hair up in pigtails.

"Dodah?" McGee mouthed, giving her a confused look.

"It's Hebrew for Aunt," she whispered before going back to her phone conversation. "Oh, yes, Tali, it's sunny here too, but it's only morning."

McGee smiled, hearing both Tali and DiNozzo laughing over the phone. Even though he knew the threat was still out there, McGee felt secure enough to enjoy the conversation, just relieved Abby was OK and back home. They would keep her safe.

"Hey, McBodyGuard – how are the pig tail's coming!" DiNozzo called over the phone. While McGee always feigned annoyance at them, he couldn't help but smile now – things were getting back to some kind of normal again.

"They're gettin' there, Tony," he said in feigned exasperation.

"You know, I've some practice with Tali … maybe I should I come out there, give you an assist."

McGee rolled his eyes as Abby smiled. She missed their banter and having her old team – "The Three Musketeers" as she called them - in the bullpen. If she was honest, she never truly processed losing Ziva, partly because Gibbs was so closed off about it. She wanted to be brave for him and McGee, but Ziva's death and DiNozzo's departure to Europe were heavily weighing on her since her near-death experience just a few short days ago.

"Think I've got this under control, Tony," McGee replied to DiNozzo, frowning and shaking his head as he realized the pigtails were lopsided. He undid them and began again. Abby simply smiled, just grateful for McGee's presence and that he would be there for her like this.

"Tony, let me talk to Kyle, OK?" Abby asked. DiNozzo had flown Kyle to his place for safekeeping – it was the least he could do, he had told Abby. Plus, it made him feel like he was doing something to help her.

"No problem," DiNozzo replied cheerily. "Hey Kyle!"

"Yea, Abby, I'm here," Kyle replied quickly. "How are you? How bad are you hurt? We're all really worried over here."

"Don't be," Abby said softly. "The team's got this, and I'm fine. I'm sorry about your trip – didn't mean to cut it short."

"It's fine. Tony's been a great host – we've been jamming."

"Yea, you didn't tell me your brother could play guitar," DiNozzo interjected.

"You never asked," Abby retorted. "Glad you two are getting along. Hopefully we can see each other soon."

"As soon as this is over," McGee chimed in.

"Just glad your OK," Kyle sighed.

"Yea, Abbs, you gave us a real scare," DiNozzo said quietly. "This could've been a lot worse."

Abby's face fell at DiNozzo's words. "Worse? Tony, Reeves is dead."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry, but-"

"Look, I don't want to keep you – I know it's getting late," Abby sighed.

"Abby," Kyle replied, "you're not keeping us. We miss you. Just want to make sure you're safe."

"Yea, probie," DiNozzo added, "keep those peepers peeled. I remember King and his many, many bad things."

"We're on it, Tony," McGee assured him. "We'll get him."

"If Gibbs has his way, probably in a body bag," DiNozzo half-joked. "Sure he's been relentless."

"You know it," McGee replied, glancing at Abby, who had a far away look on her face. "The boss isn't gonna let this go."

"OK, well, I'll let you get back to it, McGee," DiNozzo sighed. "Tali, come say goodbye."

"Bye bye, Dodah," she said into the phone. "Feel better!"

"Feeling better already," Abby said in a happy tone that failed to match the expression on her face. "Bye guys!"

After hanging up, Abby felt McGee staring at her peculiarly.

"What? Is my sling crooked or something?"

"No, just your pig tails," McGee sighed, going to fix them again. "So … no Face Time, huh?"

"You have a point, Tim?" she asked tensely.

"Yea, it's just … wondering what's up with the retro communication."

"Retro-communication?" she scoffed. "We talk on the phone all the time."

"But you always Face Time with Tali," McGee noted, glad he was behind her so he couldn't see the annoyance on her face. He figured he knew the answer, but wanted to try to get Abby to open up a bit.

"OK, look, I didn't want Tali to see me like this," she said in exasperation. "I mean, look at me, McGee… I look like I've been hit by a bus, like I belong in that coffin," she said, gesturing to the casket where she normally slept. "Maybe I do," she whispered her breath in a sigh.

"Abby," McGee said, coming around to kneel in front of her. "Don't say that. Abby, I stayed by your bedside since I got the call, and the whole time all I could think about was the last conversation we had on the phone, just before … about how I was annoyed I didn't get to go to "The Cooler," that you said you loved me, but I didn't say it back. And I knew I … I couldn't lose you. And that if you woke up, I'd tell you … tell you what you mean to me."

"Tim …" Abby swallowed, grasping his hand.

"Abby you … you accepted me when I first came to NCIS, always stood up for me. And even after … after we decided we'd better as friends, you never stopped looking out for me. We're a good team, and you're one of the best friends I have in this world. You were there for Delilah when I was in Paraguay, and then when our kids were born … I just can't imagine my life without you in it, and when I had to … I was really scared. I – I still am."

"Timmy, I know," Abby sniffled, "I know all those things … and I'm scared too. But no matter what, you're a good agent, a great husband, a fantastic father and one of my best friends in the whole world, too."

The look on their faces said everything. McGee leaned in and gave Abby a tender kiss on the cheek before standing up. "Now let's see if we can get those pigtails in order," McGee said with determination. "Torres will be here soon and Gibbs wants me back at headquarters."

As McGee began to do Abby's hair yet again, he felt Abby's shoulders slump at the mention of Gibbs' name. He knew things between Gibbs and Abby had been different since they came back from Paraguay, but stayed out of it, trying to respect their space. Now he wondered if he'd made the right choice.

"You know, Abby," McGee began hesitantly, "Gibbs was a wreck at the hospital. More quiet than I'd ever seen him, and that's saying a lot."

He felt Abby tense up at his words.

"And you're telling me this why, McGee?"

"Just thought you should know … 'cause he'd probably never tell ya. But you gotta know he still cares about you a lot."

"Why wouldn't I know that?" she asked in a low voice.

"C'mon Abby, it's me," McGee pleaded. "I know things changed after Paraguay, and maybe I should've said something, but you know Gibbs … he's got this Poker face, even in Paraguay he had it, even when he was …"

McGee trailed off, realizing they were getting into difficult territory, territory that perhaps didn't need to be treaded upon at the moment.

"I appreciate it, McGee, but Gibbs and I … we're fine," she sighed.

"I know he's not too happy you came home early," McGee said. "But he's just worried about you … we all are."

"I wish everyone would stop worrying about me," Abby rasped. "I told Reeves this, and I really mean it - You all don't need me."

"Abby," McGee protested, "How can you say that? Of course we need you!"

"Why? Am I your 'angel in platforms?' That's what Reeves called me. And look where I got him."

"Abby, it's not your fault."

"It doesn't matter," she sighed. "Just … let's just focus on the case, OK?"

"OK," McGee swallowed. "But you know you can talk to me, right? If you want, when you're ready."

"Of course, Tim. Now let's see if the third time's a charm with these pigtails – you need the practice. You'll be doing Morgan's in no time."

McGee nodded somberly, refocusing on crafting what seemed to be impossible pigtails as Abby stared off into space yet again. He wondered what was going through her mind, why she felt the need to say they didn't need her. He had a feeling in his gut, a bad one, but chose to ignore it. He had to be on the top of his game, and couldn't let any distractions deter him from his primary goal – keeping Abby safe.

They both heard McGee's phone buzz. He picked it up.

"Text from Torres – he's on his way up," McGee said. "And he's gonna owe me $50."

"Oh, why's that?" Abby asked, happy to change the subject.

"Because he never believed me when I said you have a coffin in your house."

They both chuckled as McGee got back to shaping her pigtails, both hoping the nightmare would be over before the day was through. But deep down, Abby knew this was worse than a bad dream, and the lingering feeling that these events had changed her forever continued to gnaw at her brave exterior. For that reason alone, she was glad Torres was coming – it wouldn't be hard to put up a front for him. He didn't know her like McGee … or Gibbs.

Part of her wondered if Gibbs was avoiding her, angry because of the decision she'd made to leave the hospital and, in his mind, put her health at risk. They hadn't spoken since she hung up on him earlier that morning, and it bothered her. A lot of things about her relationship with him had been bothering her these last two days. It was as if the progress they had made since January had come to a halt. He was back to distrusting her, and of distancing himself, likely because he blamed himself, she imagined. She wondered if it would help him to know what – or who – had urged her to come back to the land of the living, but figured he'd just dismiss it at best, and at worst it could hurt him. And maybe she was wrong – maybe he was simply better off without her in his life, one way or the other.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, NCIS has really been ticking me off in Season 16 (SPOILERS) – can't believe Gibbs kissed Kasie on the cheek like he used to with Abby – that was THEIR special thing! Also, the way he acts like he couldn't care less that Abby's gone, and how he's so affectionate with everyone else … ugh, last season killed my love for this show. I'm still passionate about this story b/c I need better closure than what the show gave us. I need to fix this but I'm wondering if it's like Abby said in her letter to Gibbs: "It's not something anyone can fix." Still gonna try. Let me know what you think – feedback is much appreciated!**


	25. Chapter 25 - Rule 45

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 25 – Rule 45**

 _ **Author's Note: This chapter fills in some of the gaps on the day Abby confronts her would-be killer during the second half of "Two Steps Back." This chapter takes place after Gibbs' interrogation of the guard that switched with King in his cell – attempting to fill in the blanks, especially where Gibbs and Abby are concerned. Their non-interaction in this part of the episode really stood out – just my attempt to explain that gaping plot hole. Spoilers for Season 15. Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **Observation Room**

 **12:45PM**

Gibbs stared at Brendan Denridge through the one-sided glass, surprised at how well he'd held his composure during the interrogation. This was the man responsible for getting King out of prison, for making him a threat, for allowing him to put a plan in motion that almost cost Abby her life, and that cost Clayton Reeves his. And yet he sat there composed and calm, letting Bishop co-lead the interview. Gibbs was pondering the guard's question: "What would you have done?"

Sighing, Gibbs knew it was a complicated situation. The man's family was at risk. And Gibbs hadn't forgotten what King was capable of.

"Bottle of bourbon for your thoughts," a voice called from the doorway.

"Thinkin' we better catch King quick," Gibbs said matter-of-factly as Vance entered the observation room.

"We missed this, we messed up," Vance sighed. "Ms. Sciuto is one of the top scientists in her field and we almost let this low-life traitor get to her. What happened here, Gibbs?"

"He threatened Denridge's family," Gibbs shrugged. "The guard did what he thought he had to do."

"You accept that?" Vance replied in surprise, turning toward Gibbs.

"He asked what I would've done…"

"You would've protected your family," Vance replied strongly. "But not like that. Not like a coward. You probably would've just … well, I think we already know how that story ends."

Gibbs nodded somberly.

"Know you paid a visit to Alejandro Rivera before all this," Vance continued. "Don't think that wasn't on my mind as well. I'm relieved he had nothing to do with it, but that whole situation never sat right with me - what Ms. Sciuto had to do, what I had to do …"

"I didn't ask either of you to," Gibbs rasped.

"You didn't have to," Vance replied. "It's just … Rivera was a loose end. King, too, apparently. We take this job, we take an oath to protect and serve. We do things by the book. But there are consequences."

"Goes both ways, Leon," Gibbs said. "Sometimes, hard to live with either way."

"Are we any closer to catching this bastard?" Vance asked.

"Denridge said he doesn't know where King went or what he was up to."

The buzzing of Gibbs' cell phone interrupted the conversation.

"Yea, Torres … She what? OK, we're on it. Tell Abby that's good work and I'll talk to her when we get back."

"Gibbs?" Vance asked, wondering about the conversation.

"Abby thinks she tracked down King. Apparently that free pass to 'The Cooler' was a setup and-" Gibbs phone buzzed – "Yep, got the address."

"Take Bishop and McGee," Vance said as Gibbs began to leave.

"By the book – got it," Gibbs said tersely, his gut churning. He wondered why Abby hadn't called herself. He knew he was harsh with her when she had decided to leave the hospital, but hoped she understood it was out of concern for her well-being. But Gibbs couldn't worry about that now – he had a mission – to capture King and put an end to this nightmare.

 **Abby Sciuto's Apartment**

 **12:55PM**

"OK, they're on their way," Torres assured Abby. "It's all gonna be over soon – Gibbs won't let him get away."

"Alright, well … I think I'm gonna get changed," Abby said, averting Torres' eyes.

"Why? Got a hot date or somethin'?" he joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Uh … no I just … just think I'd feel more comfortable in sweats."

"OK, well, if you need any help…I mean, I'm not saying … well, what I'm saying is-"

"Don't worry, Nick," she smiled, patting him on the shoulder. "I broke my arm when I was 15. Fell off a horse on my Aunt Gert's farm. Think I'll manage OK. But thanks."

Torres nodded and sat back down on the couch, trying not to get too comfortable. While they might have found King, there was no telling if another hit had been put out on her.

Abby emerged from her room in less than five minutes, surprising Torres with her quickness. He noticed she was in a black hoodie, her long hair hanging down freely.

"Hey … wow, guess you didn't like the way McGee did your pigtails after all, huh? Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen you without them."

"Well, first time for everything," she shrugged, biting her lip. "So, uh, Nick … McGee told me you owe him $50."

Torres laughed. "Well, yea, I mean, who would believe anyone would sleep in a coffin? I mean it's kinda creepy and … well, not that you're creepy, or that's it's weird but … well, it is kinda weird, right? I mean, I'm not judging, I'm just saying …"

"Does it creep you out, Nick?" she asked flatly.

"Uh … yea."

"Tough guy like you, afraid of a coffin?"

"Well, don't know if I'd use the word _afraid_ …"

"Huh, who would've thought I'm tougher than the big, bad undercover agent Nick Torres?"

"Hey, I'm tough!"

"Prove it – try it out."

"What? Like … like I'm at a mattress store or something?"

"You're too afraid," she taunted. "You're protecting me, but you're too scared to get into a coffin!"

"I'm not scared!"

"Prove it!"

"OK, OK…just for a minute. Just to prove that no matter what superstitions I may or may not believe in, I am _not_ afraid."

Torres slowly made his way into the coffin and laid back, looking incredibly uncomfortable.

"OK … this isn't so bad," he grimaced, "if I don't think about what this…"

"Maybe if you close your eyes, it'll be easier," Abby suggested.

"Uh … OK …"

"And let me hold your cell phone," she added. "That thing's in your back pocket – gotta be digging into your back." He gave her a skeptical look. "Nick, look, I just want you to get a full appreciation for why I enjoy sleeping in this."

Torres shrugged, handing her his cell phone and closing his eyes. Abby looked down, feeling incredibly guilty about what she was about to do. Her second major lie of the day.

"Sorry, Nick," she said before quickly closing and locking the lid to the casket. She heard Torres pounding as he began to yell, his sounds muffled.

"I'm really sorry, Nick!" she said loudly so he could hear her. "But I have to take down King on my own! This is my mess, and I have to clean it up! I don't want anyone else dying for me! Gibbs will figure it out – he'll get you out. You'll be fine – there's holes on the sides so you'll have plenty of air. I'm just … I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything."

Abby placed his phone on the floor next to the coffin before heading to the computer to jot down a quick note for Gibbs – two simple words: Rule 45. He'd understand – he had to. She hoped Gibbs could forgive her for deceiving him. It's why she'd asked Torres to call – she couldn't bear lying to him. Texting was one thing, but if he heard her voice, he would know she was lying. She wasn't sure how the confrontation with King would go, but she had a plan. She grabbed the Caf-Pow pills she had in her cabinet, along with a small recording device, and dashed out the door.

 **Arlington Heights**

" **The Wild Goose" Abandoned Building**

 **1:15PM**

"The place looks like it hasn't been opened in years, boss," McGee noted.

"Nothing in the back, either," Bishop added, looking around. "Abby must've gotten the address wrong."

"When has that ever happened?" McGee scoffed, slowly beginning to realize what had happened. Gibbs had already figured out, the minute he saw the decal on the window – "The Wild Goose."

"She sent us to the wrong location on purpose," Gibbs stated, looking around helplessly.

"Why would she do that?" McGee wondered. "Boss, you don't think that…"

Gibbs shook his head, his heart pounding heavily as his mind raced through the scenarios of what could be happening. He'd just gotten her back – he couldn't lose her now.

"Bishop, call Torres," Gibbs commanded in a frustrated voice. "Find out what the hell is going on."

"Already trying, Gibbs, but he's not picking up," she said with concern.

"Boss, you don't think King got her?" McGee asked fearfully.

"Or she got to him," Gibbs swallowed, shaking his head and calling Abby. Bishop was back on her phone, trying to reach Torres. "Straight to voicemail," Gibbs grunted, snapping his phone shut.

"Me too, again," Bishop lamented.

"Boss, maybe we should head back to Abby's place?"

"Read my mind McGee. Let's go."

The three climbed into the blue sedan, McGee riding shotgun and Bishop climbing in the back behind Gibbs. As Gibbs pulled away with a screech, speeding down the roadway, both McGee and Bishop gave each other a worried look as they clicked in their seatbelts at the same time. Tension filled the air.

"No way Abby wouldn't confront King on her own," McGee asserted. "She's too smart to face a cold-blooded killer without backup. Besides, what would she do? Shoot him full of Caf-Pow?"

"We don't know what she's up to," Gibbs grunted.

"C'mon, Gibbs – Abby wouldn't hurt a fly. Something else must've happened. I'll keep trying Torres."

"Boss, do you really think Abby would be capable of … I mean I know she's been a bit … _different_ since the shooting but …"

"Sometimes we don't know what we're capable of until we're tested, McGee," Gibbs sighed, giving him a knowing look, remembering how they'd survived Paraguay together.

"Think maybe all this pushed her over the edge? Think she might …"

"I don't know, McGee," Gibbs rasped, his gut churning. "But we're gonna find out."

"If she's confronting him, she's putting herself in danger. He wants her dead, and she's never … she's not an agent. I know she can take care of herself, but she's hurt and … boss, we have to find her."

"We will, McGee," Gibbs said strongly, squinting. A few moments of silence passed.

"Damn it, Abby!" McGee yelled, slamming a fist down on the dashboard. Bishop jumped. Gibbs shook his head wearily, relating to his senior field agent's frustration.

 **Georgetown**

 **Local Cafe**

 **1:20PM**

Abby watched as King placed his order with the barista and sat down at a familiar table.

"Hey Abby," the barista said, smiling. "What happened to your arm?"

"Oh, it's nothing, Jen. How's it going?"

"Kinda slow. It's Hump Day, you know?"

"Hey, can I have what he's having?" Abby asked, gesturing to King, who was seated with his back toward her, oblivious to her presence.

"Sure, no problem," Jen said as she finished making King's drink and placed it on the counter next to Abby. "Julie, coffee for Table 4!" Cindy called to the waitress.

Julie, who Abby could tell was in the middle of taking an order at another table, turned and nodded before going back to the couple she was serving. As Cindy turned around to make Abby's drink, Abby quickly pulled the Caf-Pow pills from her pocket and dropped them into Tom's drink, eyes darting around to make sure no one noticed. She felt like a class-A creep – evil Abby was coming out to play, and it didn't sit well with her one bit. She was deceiving her friends, and wasn't sure what she would accomplish by all this, or if she could even pull it off. And one thing was for certain - Gibbs was going to be pissed.

Abby walked away from the bar and around to the other side of the restaurant, disappearing before Jen could give Abby her own order of coffee. Looking around curiously, Jen only saw a twenty-dollar bill on the table. Not seeing Abby, she shrugged and put the drink on the back counter in case her friend returned.

Julie came up and grabbed King's drink, placing it in front of him before moving on. That was Abby's cue. Hoodie up, she approached him slowly. He seemed focused but relaxed, his defenses were down, even though they shouldn't have been.

" _He's one smug, arrogant son-of-a bitch,"_ she thought.

Abby used a small, hand-held mirror to look under the table for any signs of weapons. He might be carrying, but he was older, slower; she'd catch him if he tried anything. At least she hoped she would. She clicked on the small recording device she had brought – all part of her plan to get his confession.

Walking towards King's table with purpose now, Abby summoned all her anger and pain and focused it onto King. She felt a ferocity she never knew she had … in that moment, she knew she could end him if she had to. She just hoped it wouldn't come to that. Abby had rules too, and her most sacred was to never take a life, no matter how despicable the person might be.

"Hey, Tom," she said flatly, in a dark, raspy voice. "Or Robert. Or whatever you're calling yourself these days. Surprised to see me?"

Abby gave him the best "Gibbs stare" she could muster, feeling the rage flow. This was dangerous. And incredibly stupid. She wasn't an agent – she wasn't Gibbs – yet here she was, confronting her would-be killer.

" _No going back now, Abigail,"_ she thought to herself, hoping she'd made the right decision.

"No backup?" he scoffed, veiling his surprise at seeing her. He was challenging her, threatening her.

"Nope," Abby said confidently. "Not this time. I came alone." She thought to herself, _"So you can't kill anyone else I love."_

"I'm impressed," King replied. Abby scoffed.

"Impressed that I'm still alive? Or impressed that I tracked you down a second time?"

"That you have the guts to face me yourself."

That pissed Abby off. She was tired of being so dependent on her hero friends … she could take care of herself, and she wasn't going to let King bully her.

"Don't think for a second you intimidate me," she spat.

"Well, if you're not gonna arrest me, uh, why are you here?"

"Rule 45," Abby replied simply.

"What does that mean?"

"You'll find out soon enough," she said menacingly.

"Well, in that case, have a seat," King said, curiosity getting the better of him.

Abby sat down carefully, watching him for sudden moves. She was going to nail him to the wall this time.

 **Abby's Apartment**

 **1:30PM**

Gibbs' heart dropped into his stomach when he saw Abby's post-it note stuck to her computer. Two simple words: Rule 45. He understood, but it didn't help the anger that was rising in him.

" _Damn it,"_ he thought as he stepped aside to let McGee check her computer _. "She's gone rogue. She's gonna get herself killed."_

Gibbs also knew if Torres was complicit in this, he'd read him the riot act, and for a moment even considered kicking him off the team. That was until they heard the banging from inside Abby's casket. As Torres leapt out, Gibbs almost laughed out loud at Abby's cleverness and Torres' obvious fright. But it wasn't funny, he reminded himself. Abby had put herself in harms way – they had to get to her before King did. Once McGee tracked them down to a local café not far from "The Wild Goose" building, all four rushed down to the sedan and Gibbs sped to the scene. It was a 15-minute car ride, but felt much longer, even with Gibbs' crazy driving. Most of the car ride was in silence.

" _She said she didn't want anyone else to die because of her."_

Gibbs couldn't stop thinking about those words from Torres – words that Abby had said to him as well in the hospital. Maybe he just hadn't been listening. He should have recognized the change in her, not brushed it off, he thought. He should have talked to her instead of fighting her on getting out of the hospital. He should have been there instead of Torres – just like she should have been with her instead of Reeves - but he was still upset from their conversation that morning.

Guilt piled on top of guilt as Gibbs sped through red lights and cut close corners, trying desperately to get to Abby before she did something foolish – something that might take her away from all of them forever.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	26. Chapter 26 - Confrontation

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 25 – Confrontation**

 _ **Author's Note: This part fills in more gaps during the last part of "Two Steps Back." Warning: There is some bad language in this part of the story that would not be OK for network TV, so be warned. I felt incredibly cheated by not seeing Gibbs and Abby talk all of this out. Abby going rogue and confronting King might be understandable, but Gibbs would have to address it. (Side note for Season 16: I hate what TPTB are doing in the show now – acting like Abby never existed … I don't mind Kasie but Gibbs being so accepting of her and treating her just like Abby is really making dislike his character). Spoilers for Season 15. Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **Georgetown**

 **Local Cafe**

 **1:45PM**

The blue sedan screeched to a halt as McGee told Gibbs he'd found the location. The four agents got out of the car, looking around.

"Put your comms in," Gibbs ordered. They adjusted their earpieces and split up.

"Seems familiar boss," McGee said, noting the similarity to the venue where they apprehended King the first time.

"Gibbs, I have eyes on King, at your two o'clock," Bishop said, trying to remain calm.

Gibbs' eyes narrowed as he saw King quickly packing up his laptop, alone at the table. _'Where the hell is Abby,'_ he thought to himself. Either they'd gotten there just in time, or …

"Boss, I see Abby!" McGee called. "Black hoodie, heading to the street."

Gibbs sighed in relief, closing his eyes for a moment. "McGee, you and Bishop get to Abby and stay there. Do not let her leave until I get there, understood?"

"Yes boss," McGee gulped, knowing Abby was in for it. He and Bishop teamed up, making their way to Abby.

"Torres, you're with me. We shadow King, let him get to his car. We go by the book. He makes any sudden moves, you don't hesitate, got it?"

"Got it," Torres said tightly.

As Gibbs and Torres followed King to his car, Abby turned to see McGee and Bishop following behind her.

"Abby!" Bishop called, running up to her as McGee checked to make sure King was out of range.

"Hey," Abby swallowed, looking down and pulling her hood down off her head. "You find Nick?"

"Right where you left him," Bishop replied with a hint of annoyance in her voice. "Abby, you really could've gotten hurt."

"Or worse," McGee sighed. "What happened?"

"I … I got him," she whispered, tears filling her eyes.

"No, Gibbs and Torres are about to get him," McGee corrected. "And Gibbs isn't happy."

"I … I really don't care, McGee," she rasped. "I needed to do this. Me. It had to be me."

"Do what?" Bishop asked.

Abby shook her head, a small grin forming despite the tear rolling down her cheek. "I got him … and I remembered. All of it."

"Reeves," Bishop swallowed. Abby nodded.

"He died … protecting me. King said he … he wasn't _part of the plan_ ," Abby recalled, the bitterness dripping from her words.

All three looked away in silence for a moment, remembering their colleague and friend.

"Well … you're safe now. That's all that matters," McGee commented, placing a hand on her arm.

"No," Abby whispered. "It'll never be … I have to go."

"But Abbs, Gibbs specifically asked us to wait for him here, with you," Bishop said.

"You can give him this," she replied, handing Bishop the small recording device.

"What is it?" Bishop asked.

"King's confession," Abby said strongly. "It's all there."

"Abby, you need to talk to Gibbs," McGee warned, knowing they'd all be in trouble for letting her leave on her own.

"I will, but I can't, not yet," she rasped. "Please, McGee, Ellie – I'll go with you, but just take me back to NCIS. I need to … I need to see him."

"Who?" McGee asked.

"Reeves," she replied sadly, looking down. "I just … I can't face Gibbs right now, OK?"

"Uh … you might have to," Bishop swallowed, seeing Gibbs walking toward them.

Abby looked up to see a visibly upset Gibbs holstering his weapon. His steely blue gaze was filled with a mixture of relief, frustration and, worst of all, disappointment. Closing her eyes, Abby shook her head, pursing her lips.

"Abby," he said as he joined the circle, McGee and Bishop taking a step back. He looked at his two agents, motioning for them to go.

"King?" McGee asked.

"Torres has him in custody just over the hill," Gibbs said matter-of-factly, choosing to keep his eyes locked on Abby. "You two go, get him back to headquarters."

"You left him alive," Abby sighed in relief. Gibbs' gaze narrowed.

"Bishop, McGee, go," he said tersely. Bishop patted Abby on the back and turned quickly to leave, but McGee lingered.

"It's OK, Tim," she reassured him. McGee swallowed, looking back at his boss. If he didn't know better, he could have sworn he saw a hint of shame and regret in Gibbs' eyes. The fact that McGee was concerned about leaving Abby alone with Gibbs, that McGee would feel the need to protect her from him … it was a sad commentary on the current state of affairs.

"OK," McGee said, pausing next to Gibbs before he walked away, whispering, "Go easy on her, boss. It's only been a few days."

Gibbs swallowed, watching McGee join Bishop as they made their way over the hill to where Torres was keeping King.

Abby was still looking down, cupping her left hand with her right in nervous anticipation of their conversation.

"Abbs," Gibbs sighed, wiping a hand over his face. "Talk to me."

"I don't know what to say," she whispered in a small voice, refusing to meet his gaze. "Ironic, huh? Usually you can never get me to stop talking."

"Look at me," Gibbs demanded.

"Don't do this, Gibbs, not now, I'm not ready."

"Look at me," he insisted, a hand cupping her face.

Abby closed her eyes, swallowing hard, then looked up at him, seeing the pain etched on his face.

"You lied to me," he whispered. "You put yourself in danger. _For what_?"

"I left you a note – Rule 45."

"Not good enough."

"Look, Gibbs, I had to know the truth," Abby said strongly through her tears. "I had to confront him myself. And I didn't want anyone else dying because of me."

"He could've killed you," Gibbs said in a low voice.

"I was careful," she insisted in a defensive voice.

"Damn it, Abby, he's a murderer!" Gibbs exclaimed. "You can never be too careful! You're injured, unarmed. What if he had a knife, or a gun?"

"I thought of-"

"You weren't thinking," Gibbs replied harshly. "Reeves lost his life protecting you, and you were just gonna throw that away!"

His words cut her to the core. Abby looked back at him, her green eyes turning dark and dim. She was tired of fighting for his approval, tired of explaining herself to a man who would never trust her completely, would never understand her no matter how devoted she was to him, and would never let her into his heart as much as she had let him into hers. It was time to grow up.

"Back off, Gibbs," she said in a low voice, her eyes reflecting the same anger from when she confronted King. This is why she didn't want to talk to him now. Everything was too fresh, she was still too raw, too angry. She was going to hurt him.

"Back off?!" Gibbs replied in a raised voice. "You're not -"

"Back _the fuck_ off," she repeated with an expletive that caught him off guard. In all their years together, Gibbs had never seen Abby like this, and despite all his experience and fearlessness in the field, _this_ was scaring him.

Abby quickly turned away, making a beeline for her vehicle. Gibbs shook his head, wanting to go after her, but knew it wasn't what Abby wanted. She wanted to be left alone – or at least far away from him. He'd done what Ducky had told him not to do in the hospital – he pressed her. It never occurred to him that she would lash out like this. They had a history, a depth, an understanding – at least, he thought they did. Maybe the shooting changed all that, maybe her confidence in him was truly shaken to the point of no return, Gibbs thought. He had let her down after all.

Gibbs felt paralyzed as he watched Abby get into her car and drive away without looking back. He pulled out his cell and pressed a number on his speed dial.

"Yea, it's Gibbs … I need your help."

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	27. Chapter 27 - Just Push Play

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 27 – Just Push Play**

 _ **Author's Note: Spoilers for "Two Steps Back" – filling in the Gibbs/Abby gaps at the end of the episode and what could possibly have led to Abby writing a letter to Gibbs … This chapter we see Gibbs' reaction to Abby's conversation with King. I hope this doesn't feel too drawn out, but I really felt cheated out of these emotional moments and I don't want to rush it. Thanks to all those who've stuck with this story! WARNING: Some expletives/harsh language in this chapter. Spoilers for Season 15 ( & hints at some spoilers for Season 16) Feedback is much appreciated!**_

Watching Abby speed off into the unknown was a difficult decision, but one Gibbs felt in his gut was the right call. Something was off between them, she was holding back, and he couldn't break through. His mind still reeled from the look in her eye and the way she told him to _"back the fuck off."_ No matter how upset or frustrated she'd been with him over the years, he'd never seen Abby that angry – angry at him.

He pulled out his cell and pressed a number on his speed dial.

"Yea, it's Gibbs … I need your help."

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **Director's Office**

 **2:30PM**

"You what?" Vance asked, confusion and annoyance evident in his tone.

"She told me to back off, so I let her go," Gibbs stated simply with a shrug. Vance could see the concern behind his steely gaze.

"You do realize that King is claiming she tried to poison him," Vance said.

Gibbs rolled his eyes, giving Vance a skeptical look.

"I know, I know," Vance sighed, shaking his head, hands on his hips. "It's hard to believe Ms. Sciuto would go to that extreme, but she's been through hell, Gibbs – you of all people should understand that can change a person."

"You really gonna take the word of murderer, Leon?" Gibbs challenged, eyes narrowing.

"No," Vance replied. "Agents McGee and Bishop are running his blood work as we speak. Meanwhile, King is sitting in interrogation, whenever you're ready."

Gibbs looked away, sighing. "Gonna sit this one out, Leon," he said quietly.

"Wait … are you recusing yourself, Gibbs?"

"That's what I said."

"Never known you to back down, even when things got person – especially when things got personal."

"Not backin' down, just takin' a step back."

Vance raised his eyebrows, trying to process Gibbs' decision. "Alright then. I'll take it, with Torres. Sloane will be in observation. We'll get him."

"We've already got him," Gibbs said, reminding him that King was already serving life without parole.

"Could go for the death penalty," Vance replied. "And if I'm being honest, I was somewhat surprised to see him brought in on his feet."

"Did I miss an order, sir?" Gibbs replied sharply.

"Really, Gibbs?" Vance challenged. "This man is responsible for Reeves' murder – he tried to kill Ms. Sciuto. Let's just say your track record in these situations is a bit heavy on the body count, so I was bracing myself for more than just a bloody nose."

"Just say what you wanna say, Leon," Gibbs sighed in frustration.

"OK, Gibbs – I'm shocked you left him alive," Vance replied in an exasperated voice.

"Just going by the book, like you always ask," Gibbs countered, a bite in his tone.

"Right. As if that's ever stopped you before."

"What do you want, Leon?"

"I want you to tell me what the hell happened out there," Vance growled. "Ms. Sciuto could've gotten herself hurt, or killed, confronting King. And _you're_ the team leader. She was in _your_ team's custody, and they let her slip away and put herself in danger. Why?"

"You'll have to ask her," Gibbs swallowed, looking away.

"And what is this?" Vance asked, picking up the recording device that was sitting on his desk.

"Bishop said-"

"I already spoke with Agent Bishop," Vance replied. "I know what's on it, I listened to it. It's King's confession. But there's one problem, Gibbs. If we release this, we could be incriminating Ms. Sciuto for coercion and possibly attempted murder."

Gibbs gave him a blank look.

"You're telling me you haven't listened to the tape?" Vance questioned.

"No," Gibbs said matter-of-factly.

"Well, sit down, Gibbs. I think you should hear this."

"Sir, I-"

"You've got time. You recused yourself from the interrogation, remember? Now I'm going to have a chat with King and try to straighten out this mess. In the meantime, you listen to that recording. After that, track down Ms. Sciuto, before I have to put a BOLO out."

"Leon, I-"

"I'm aware of your aversion to technology, Gibbs, but this isn't rocket science. Just push play."

Before Gibbs could say another word, Vance slammed the door to his office, leaving Gibbs staring at the recorder. Picking it up, he brought it to the conference table, sat down and pressed play.

" _Hey Tom, or Robert, or whatever you're calling yourself these days."_

Gibbs winced at Abby's dark tone, his gut churning as he listened to the conversation between Abby and King unfold.

" _Don't make the same mistake as your friend," King warned. "Know when you're beaten."_

" _Reeves saved me."_

" _Casualty of war. He hadn't interfered, he might still be alive."_

" _I've spent my whole life putting bad guys behind bars. And every time we stop one, someone else just takes their place."_

Gibbs paused the tape, wiping a hand over his mouth. Abby was right. He wondered when this day would come, when she would realize that the fight never ends, that no one comes out of this life unscathed – not even _his_ Abby. It was in that moment Gibbs realized she probably wasn't _his_ anymore. He wondered how much of that night she remembered – from the sadness in her voice, it sounded like it had all come flooding back to her.

Blinking back tears, Gibbs pressed play again.

" _You can't change human nature," King said arrogantly. "Well, I have a flight to catch. Looks like our rematch will have to wait."_

" _Oh, we're not finished here," Abby warned._

Gibbs shifted uncomfortably at the dark foreboding in Abby's voice.

" _It's a stalemate," King replied. "You haven't got a move to make."_

" _I made my move before I sat down. Slipped some cyanide into your coffee before the waitress gave it to you. Enough to kill you. I mean, not immediately. But within the hour."_

Mouth open, heart racing, Gibbs swallowed at Abby's words. He couldn't believe it, wouldn't believe it. Abby would never break her most sacred rule – she would never take a life, not even threaten one. At least, not the Abby he knew.

Gibbs paused the recording again, remembering a conversation he and Abby had two years ago, after she had been held captive at a pharmaceutical company and stopped the culprits from killing the hostages with her smarts and ingenuity.

" _You doing okay?" Gibbs asked._

" _I was this close to violating one of my most sacred principles."_

" _But you didn't. That bomb was fake."_

" _That's because I knew you were coming. I just knew it. But what if I didn't? What would I have done?"_

" _You'd have done the right thing, Abbs, whatever that is. I don't know much, but I know that."_

Gibbs rubbed his temple, swallowing hard at the memory. Was he right? Had she done the right thing? Her biggest fears had come to pass. She knew when she was being held at gunpoint with Reeves that Gibbs wasn't coming, and she let Reeves take the lead. In all likelihood, neither of them realized they were dealing with an assassin, so Reeves underestimated the shooter and it got him killed, and Abby shot. She couldn't save him. At the café, when she confronted King, she didn't know if Gibbs was coming. She wasn't sure how much time she had. She didn't even know if he would be armed or prepared to finish the job. She made a decision on how she would get justice without Gibbs. Had she made the right choice?

Pressing play, Gibbs leaned in, forcing himself to listen to the rest.

" _A for effort, sunshine," King scoffed. "Now, you're not capable of killing anyone."_

That's exactly what Gibbs thought. He winced as he listened to Abby's response.

" _Kate. Jenny. Dorneget. Ziva. Reeves. I am tired of my hero friends dying while villains like you get to live. Everyone has their breaking point, and this was mine!"_

Gibbs shook his head, feeling Abby slip away from him, wondering how far gone she truly was. He heard King groan and clear his throat on the tape. Abby's words chilled him.

" _Airway constriction. It's one of the first symptoms. Shortness of breath, dizziness, chest pains. You'll be in full cardiac arrest in, like, ten minutes."_

Gibbs' eyes widened. Had Abby really done this?

" _I mean, unless you happen to have some hydrocobalamin on you. Like this._

 _Confess and you get to live."_

'There's the coercion,' Gibbs thought grimly as he listened to King begin to choke on his own words.

" _You're insane," King coughed._

" _Sometimes you have to get your hands dirty to get the job done."_

Abby's voice was raspy, her tone deadly. She was parroting King's words from earlier, but Gibbs wondered if that's what she thought of him too – Gibbs had certainly gotten his hands dirty to get the job done over the years, and Abby knew it all too well. Had she really reached her breaking point and become just like him? Like father like daughter? The idea made him cringe and recoil in his chair as he listened to King's confession.

" _Fine," King relented. "I hired Marshall to take you out, but just you. Your friend wasn't part of the plan. Satisfied?_

" _You may not deserve to live, but I will never stoop to your level."_

Gibbs heard the rustling of plastic as he presumed King took the pill. He could hear Abby walking away and very faintly heard King calling out in the background.

" _I'll be seeing you!"_

The recording clicked, then went silent. Gibbs sat there for a moment, feeling paralyzed.

"You doin' OK?" a voice called from the door. Gibbs turned suddenly, startled by the presence and the fact that he hadn't registered anyone coming into the office.

Sloane was leaning against the closed door, arms folded, giving Gibbs a concerned look.

"Fine," he swallowed, refusing to meet her gaze. "How long you been standin' there?"

"Long enough," she shrugged, walking over to him and placing a hand on his shoulder. "She'll get through this. And no, I don't believe Abby really poisoned him."

"Never heard her like that before," Gibbs swallowed. "I, uh, I thought you'd be in observation."

"I was," she sighed, sitting next him. "Dr. Mallard insisted he take over, that he wanted to take the reins on observing King. He also mentioned I might be needed elsewhere."

Gibbs gave a small smirk. "Ducky's hard to say no to."

"And what about Abby?" Sloane asked tentatively. "You let her go."

"It's what she wanted."

"But not what you want," Sloane replied softly, placing a hand on his back and rubbing gently.

"What are you gettin' at, Jack?" Gibbs asked in an annoyed tone.

"Look, Gibbs, I heard the tape, and, in my professional opinion, it sounds like … maybe Abby might be thinking of moving on from NCIS."

Gibbs looked up at her incredulously. "She's rattled, sure, but she'll be back," he replied strongly, as if trying to convince both Sloane and himself.

"And do you think that's what's best for her right now?"

Gibbs shook his head. "I don't … I don't know. How _the hell_ am I supposed to know? She won't even talk to me anymore. She told me … huh, she told me to _back the fuck off_."

Sloane arched an eyebrow. "In those exact words?"

"Verbatim," Gibbs replied with a sad laugh. "So I am."

"But you're worried about her."

"Yea, of course I'm worried about her, she's…"

Gibbs trailed off, unable to find the words to describe what Abby meant to him, how to explain their relationship to Sloane, who'd only been part of the team for six months.

"She's your family," Sloane said simply.

"Yea," he rasped.

"And you love her," Sloane said matter-of-factly, rubbing his back more firmly.

Swallowing, Gibbs winced at the tears stinging his eyes and pursed his lips, looking down. "Yea," he whispered.

"Then maybe the best thing for her, and for you, is to give her space and see what she decides, what she needs."

"Hey, I'm tryin'," Gibbs said defensively. "That's why I'm here and not combing the streets lookin' for her. It's why I called Grace."

"Yea, I know," Sloane said. "Grace called me while I was in observation. She wanted me to tell you she found Abby and that she's safe and beginning to work through this."

Gibbs sighed, looking up. "That's good," he said, feeling a bit of relief.

"Once Leon's done nailing King to the wall, I'll let him know."

"He wants her back here ASAP."

"Oh, believe me, I heard," Sloane replied. "She'll be here – she just needs some time."

"I get that," Gibbs said. "Just wish I could…"

"Fix it?" Sloane posed, finishing his sentence. Gibbs nodded sadly. "All parents wish they could fix their child's pain," Sloane said sadly, "but there are some things that can't be fixed or completely healed."

Gibbs could tell Sloane was holding back, hiding a secret pain that might not be much different from his own – had she lost a child? To his knowledge, she didn't have children, but the way she spoke … he tucked the thought in the back of his mind.

"So … why did you decide not to interrogate King?" Sloane asked, breaking the silence.

"Why do you think?" Gibbs replied, challenging her. She looked at him closely.

"You wanted to kill him," she stated. "You want him dead."

"Been down that road," Gibbs sighed. "Abby's choice – she kept him alive. Thinkin' maybe we should honor that."

"You really think you would lose it in interrogation?"

"Lost it before," Gibbs shrugged, swallowing. "Long time ago, there was this … killer car. Locked the victim inside, filled with exhaust. Abby got caught in it, almost died. If I hadn't been there …" Gibbs trailed off, pained by the memory. "Anyway," he sighed, "we had this kid in custody who looked good for it. I went into interrogation, looked at him, and all I saw was Abby, choking to death in that car. He pushed me, and I pushed back. Slammed him onto the table, was ready to break his neck when I noticed the look in his eyes – the cluelessness of an innocent man."

"So you were worried King might push your buttons, get you to compromise yourself after all these years?"

"Couldn't risk it," Gibbs said. "Better to let Leon handle it. Make sure this guy doesn't have any loopholes to jump through this time."

"Heard Leon's goin' for the death penalty. You said you wanted to honor Abby's decision to keep him alive."

"I'll talk to Leon."

"Maybe you should talk to Abby first?"

"If she ever talks to me again," he said in a defeated voice.

"I'm betting this is hard for her too," Sloane said. "She's hurting, possibly feeling guilty and maybe a bit ashamed of how this all went down. Hard to face your father when you're feeling like a failure."

"You think that's what she's feelin'?" Gibbs asked in low voice. "I mean, has she said anything…"

"You know I can't talk about it, and neither can Grace," Sloane reminded him. Gibbs gave her an annoyed look, turning away. "But hypothetically," Sloane added, "she could be."

"Hypothetically," Gibbs repeated with a nod. "Got it."

"You know you can talk to me about this, about anything," Sloane said. "Remember when we first met?"

Gibbs smiled at the memory. "You lied to me."

"I didn't tell the whole truth," Sloane corrected.

"There's a difference?"

"Anyway," Sloane continued, "I wanted to see what kind of person you were, not to size you up, but to know a little bit about the man behind the myth."

"Myth?" Gibbs scoffed.

"All I'm saying is I think I've gotten to know you a bit these last six months, enough to know you've got a great poker face, but deep down you're a good man who sometimes tries much too hard to do the right thing."

Gibbs shook his head. "Just tryin' to do my job."

"And you feel like you failed this time," Sloane said. Gibbs turned away.

"I let her down," he rasped. "Should've seen this comin'."

"She probably feels the same way," Sloane posed. "I don't know much, but I can tell she loves you. She's earned your respect and trust over the years – something I know is very hard to earn with you. Maybe she's afraid she's lost that – that she's lost you."

"How could she think that?" Gibbs asked, a confused look on his face.

"Well, she did lie to you, break protocol, threaten a suspect, put herself in danger…"

"Locked Torres in a coffin," Gibbs reminded her with small smirk.

"Oh, yea, I think Nick is going to need some sessions with me after that one," Sloane half-laughed. "Anyway, she did all these things that she knew would probably piss you off."

Gibbs shook his head, realizing Sloane might be right. "So you're sayin' she pushed me away because she's afraid?"

"Maybe," Sloane replied. "When she's ready, she'll come to you. Just give her some time. And be prepared if she says things you may not want to hear."

"Been down that road a few times," Gibbs sighed. "Wouldn't be the first person to leave my team."

"But from what I understand, aside from Dr. Mallard, Abby has been here the longest, and she's not an agent," Sloane countered. "You mentioned with your last agent, Agent DiNozzo, that you had seen it coming for months before he decided to leave. I don't mean to speak out of turn, but I think it might feel different this time."

Gibbs shrugged. "Just can't imagine Abby leaving," he replied in a hoarse voice.

"And maybe she won't," Sloane said. "I just don't want you to be blindsided if she does."

"Appreciate the concern," Gibbs said, standing up. "Keep me in the loop about Abby, if you can."

"Of course. Where are you going?"

"Home," he sighed. "Abby's with Grace. King is going back to prison. And the blood results won't be in 'til tonight."

"Oh, you don't need to make excuses, Gibbs. I'm just glad you're taking care of yourself."

"I just hope she didn't really poison him."

"And if she did?"

Gibbs looked at the recorder, picked it up and put it in his pocket. "Not gonna let her go down for that," he whispered sadly. "Have McGee call me with the results ASAP."

"Gibbs … you can't tamper with evidence."

"Who's tampering?" he asked innocently. "Just tell McGee to call me."

"OK," she replied, giving him a warning look.

"And if Abby asks, tell her she can come by, when she's ready."

"Of course."

"And Jack …" he paused, looking down. "Thanks."

Sloane smiled. "Any time."

Gibbs nodded, walking out of Vance's office, the recorder in his pocket. Whatever Abby was going through, whatever she'd done, Gibbs was determined to protect her. She deserved nothing less. Whenever she was ready, they would talk, and he resolved to respect whatever she needed to do to make it through this.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	28. Chapter 28 - To Keep A Promise

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 28: To Keep A Promise…**

 _ **Author's Note: I know it's been awhile since I updated this. Thanks to everyone who's stuck with this story, which I think is an important one to tell, especially since we are receiving no closure from the actual show (they haven't mentioned Abby all season, which really annoys me). Obviously, spoilers for "Two Steps Back." Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **Autopsy**

 **3:30PM**

Tears running down her cheeks, Abby looked down at her fallen friend with a mixture of sadness and determination.

"I remember what you said about wanting to honor your mother," she rasped in a strained voice, "and I'm gonna make that happen. I promise. I'm not gonna let you down, Clay."

Sighing deeply, Abby felt her heartbreak at her decision. She'd thought about a thousand different ways to honor Reeves, ways in which she could stay at NCIS or at least ways that didn't include relocating thousands of miles away from everyone she knew and loved. But in the end, she felt it had to be clean break.

When Dr. Grace Confalone had found her earlier that afternoon, Abby had been sitting in the NCIS parking garage, fighting with herself over whether to go in and face the music for what she'd done or just pull out and keep driving – to where, she didn't know – just far away from NCIS.

Of course, Grace had tried to reassure Abby that none of this was her fault…

" _Why were you looking for me?" Abby asked Grace bluntly. When she remained silent, Abby shook her head. "Gibbs. Should've known."_

" _He's worried about you, Abby," Grace said, leaning closer._

" _He hates me," Abby rasped, her head falling. Now it was Grace's turn to be confused._

" _Why would you ever say that?" she replied in disbelief._

" _I screwed up," Abby whimpered, biting her lip, a tear rolling down her cheek. "Broke more rules than I can count. And I … I got Clay killed."_

" _No one is blaming you," Grace tried to reassure her, reaching out. But Abby pulled away, a sob catching in her throat._

" _I blame me!" she cried, burying her head in her arms. "It's my fault, I was so caught up in those free tickets … so stupid … I'm just so stupid …"_

As Abby sadly stared at Reeves face in autopsy, she couldn't shake the feeling that he was dead because she had screwed up. No one's reassurances – not Grace, not even Gibbs – could fix that.

If she was honest, leaving NCIS wasn't just about honoring Reeves. She almost felt like it was an excuse, but one good enough that the team would respect her wishes without much of a fight. Gibbs … Gibbs was another story. He could see right through her. How was she ever going to tell him?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a low voice echoing on the other side of the cold morgue.

"I will you, in all, myself, with promise to never desert you, to which I sign my name."

Abby looked up at these words, eyes shining with tears as she realized who had spoken them.

"Ducky," she rasped, looking down in slight embarrassment. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to hear your kind promise," he admitted, making his way from his desk to the autopsy drawer where Abby sat. "I thought perhaps a familiar line from a favorite author might help."

"Whitman," she half-smiled. "You remembered how much I love his work."

"Yes, I believe you once told me, 'Science is poetry' as you handed me your well-worn book. _Leaves of Gra_ ss is certainly a American masterpiece, although I'd say Lord Byron might be -"

"Ducky please, spare me the history lesson right now, OK," Abby rasped, looking back down at Reeves' still form.

"Ah, of course, my dear. But as you must know from our many years together, there is always a point at the end of it."

"And this one?" she asked, wiping away her tears. Ducky gently laid a hand on her shoulder.

"The seriousness of a promise," Ducky replied. "It is not something Whitman took lightly, nor do you."

"I have to honor him," she whispered, sniffling.

"Of course you will. You will find your way to keep your promise. But, as committed as you are to never breaking it, you must never let that promise break _you_."

"Too late for that," she swallowed, standing up.

"Abigail," Ducky replied softly, placing his arm around her, "you do know this was not your fault."

"I screwed up, Ducky," she cried, leaning into him. "Why didn't I see it?"

"You were not the only one," he said gently, trying to comfort her. "Besides, I thought you ought to know that the Director had quite the victory in interrogation just now – you won't be hearing from King ever again, so no need to worry, or dwell."

Abby sighed heavily, pulling back. She thought it odd that Vance and not Gibbs had run the interrogation, and wondered how anyone could guarantee that King wouldn't find a way around the system, but didn't press Ducky for details.

"Look, Ducky," she sighed, "I spoke with Dr. Confalone. And she told me all the same things, but it doesn't make it better. It doesn't fix this."

"Of course not. Some things simply can't be undone. But blame can be an evil thing. I would hate to watch it consume such a beautiful mind as yours, my dear."

"Thanks, Ducky," she rasped.

"Of course," he replied, giving her a worried look. He could tell she was holding something back. "And please let me take this opportunity to tell you how grateful and relieved I am that you are alright. You gave us all quite a scare."

Abby remained silent, her gaze fixed on Reeves as she went to push the metal slab holding his body into the cold shelf. She had a flash of a memory, of Reeves pulling her out of an adjacent autopsy drawer just the month before.

"Abby, are you alright?" Ducky asked.

"Yea, I … I was just remembering something that happened last month, in autopsy…you weren't here…There was a man with a gun who got into the building, held Senior and me hostage. The best thing I could think to do was have him lock me up in one of these drawers."

"Yes, I … I heard about that," Ducky said sadly. "It must have given you quite a fright."

"Actually, I felt oddly calm," she recalled. "I thought, 'If this is the end, so be it.' It would've been kind of poetic, don't you think?" She laughed sullenly as Ducky arched an eyebrow. "You know, given my nightmares about this place. I always thought it would end here. But it didn't. Reeves came, he pulled me out. Now I'm putting him back in…"

"Here, let me help you," Ducky insisted, moving to the other side and placing his hands on the steel rod. Abby closed her eyes and nodded as they both slid Reeves back into his temporary resting place. Abby shut the door slowly, releasing a heavy breath before meeting Ducky's concerned gaze.

"I, um, I have some things to take care of … but could you meet me in the lab in a few hours … say 8PM? I mean, I know it's late but-"

"I have no intention of leaving just yet, we have a case to close. I will be here, my dear," Ducky said softly, giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek. It reminded them both of the sign of affection Gibbs would so often give Abby for a job well done.

"I am sorry I haven't been here for you," Ducky rasped. "Going off to see the world, to finish my book, to do other things … my one regret is that I had to leave my family to accomplish it."

"Sometimes, you have to make a clean break," she sighed, noticing Ducky's arched eyebrow at her comment. "Not that you made a clean break, Ducky, but, I mean … look at Ziva. She couldn't see another way out."

"And look where it got her," he reminded Abby. "A tragic end."

"Well, Reeves chose to stay, and his end was tragic, too," Abby sniffed, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Ducky looked away and sighed. "Abby, I appreciate your confiding in me at the hospital about Jethro … I just hope you aren't running from something that you have no need from which to run."

Abby gave him a skeptical look.

"Jethro loves you," he reassured her, grasping her uninjured arm. "He has his faults, but he'll come around. He was as vulnerable as I had ever seen him when you were … on the brink."

Abby shrugged, eyes narrowing in thought. "He wasn't there when I woke up," she stated flatly. "He was running, too."

"He was trying to protect you, to keep _his_ promise. Why don't you go and talk to him," Ducky urged. "You know he's a good listener."

"I could never say no to him," Abby sighed.

"And to what would you be trying to say no?"

Abby bit her lip, her mind reeling as she tried not to reveal too much to her friend. She didn't want Ducky to know she was leaving – not yet.

"It's nothing," she sighed. "But you know I'm in a bit of trouble here, Ducky. I broke protection detail, confronted King on my own, not to mention locking Torres in my casket …"

"Yes, well, I certainly wouldn't want to be on your bad side," Ducky smirked, trying to lighten the mood. "However, I did run into the director and he said everything has been cleared up."

"With Vance, sure," she nodded. "He seemed more worried about me than angry. But Gibbs…"

"You have been nothing but loyal to Jethro over these many years, and as you and I are both well aware, he's done his share of questionable things in this line of work. If he is anything less than forgiving, you can bet I will remind him."

"Thanks, Ducky," she rasped. "Think I'm gonna head home for a bit. I have a lot of thinking to do."

"Alright, my dear. Just try to remember that hindsight is 20/20. There are some things that we simply can't control. The important thing is that King is back behind bars and at least you are alright."

Abby looked down tearfully, forcing herself to nod. Ducky leaned in close, pulling her in for a side hug.

"And if you are not alright," he added, "know that you can always come to me, my dear."

"I know," she whispered, giving Ducky a peck on the cheek before leaving autopsy.

Seeing Abby leave, Ducky frowned in concern. He watched as the elevator doors opened, revealing Sloane, who hugged Abby tightly in an embrace that he could tell Abby was not quite comfortable with. He could tell they were about to embark on a conversation neither woman wanted to have.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	29. Chapter 29 - Flipping the Switch

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 29 – Flipping the Switch**

 _ **Author's Note: This chapter – a missing scene between Abby and Sloane. The episode was so rushed we never got their final moments, which made the next episode feel somewhat strange with Sloane trying to help the team through the trauma. It also annoys me that they had a great opportunity for Gibbs to show sorrow over Abby's departure through his interactions with Sloane, especially if they wanted to build a relationship between the two, which it seems they do. Oh well, guess I'll have to try to fix that too! LOL Obviously, spoilers for "Two Steps Back." Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **3:45PM**

Standing next to the elevator doors outside of autopsy, Abby and Sloane awkwardly pulled away from the quick hug Sloane had initiated.

"I've been looking for you," Sloane said, rubbing her arm gently. "C'mon, let's talk," she added, gesturing to the elevator.

"I, um … I'm OK," Abby lied, looking down. Sloane gave her a skeptical looking, tilting her head and crossing her arms.

"Abby, everyone's very worried about you," she began.

"Why? Because you think I poisoned King?"

Sloane winced slightly at the harsh tone in Abby's voice, a small taste of what Gibbs had encountered, she thought.

"No, we know you didn't," Sloane reassured her. "The tox screen came back clean. My main concern is you. It's only been a few days since the incident and-"

"Four," she corrected.

"Right," Sloane sighed, "So anyway, I was thinking maybe we could grab a coffee, or a Caf-Pow, or whatever and-"

"Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, Jack, but I really don't have time for this right now. I have things to do."

"Maybe I can help you, come with you-"

"No!" Abby shouted uncharacteristically. "Can't I just … just be alone for a little bit?"

Sloane gave her a worried look. "Mind if I ask where you're going?"

"Home," Abby sighed. "Just want to take a shower, get cleaned up, is that too much to ask?"

"Of course not," Sloane replied, trying to reassure her. "Abby, I'm not out to get you, or to pretend that I can ever know what you're going through … I just want to help, we all do."

"I know, but … but I don't think you can," Abby rasped sadly. "And I already spoke to Dr. Confalone, so …"

"Well, the Director thought it might be good if we debriefed."

"When I get back," Abby replied with a nod.

"And when will that be?"

"Look, I just need a few hours," Abby pleaded.

"I get it," Sloane replied gently. "I just want to make sure you're OK."

Abby nodded sadly, looking at the elevator. Sloane smiled and walked inside and Abby hesitantly followed. As the doors closed, Sloane turned to her.

"Abby … I spoke to Gibbs earlier and-"

"Jack, I really don't want to talk about this," Abby replied tightly, turning away. She looked back sharply when Sloane hit the emergency stop switch, plunging them into semi-darkness. "Really?! You're gonna use _that_ move on me?"

"Look, Abby, I just want to say something," Sloane replied, holding her hands up defensively. Considering the deadly glare coming from Abby, Sloane knew she would have to come out with it quickly.

"Abby," she began, "Gibbs is just worried about you. He's not angry. You should talk to him. He's at his house now just waiting to hear-"

"And when did you become an expert on Gibbs?" Abby replied, rolling her eyes.

"Never said I was. All I'm saying is, after all you've both been through-"

"And just what do _you_ know about what Gibbs and I have been through?"

"Look, I'm not claiming omnipotence here, but it's also my job to know about people, what makes them tick."

"So all this time, you've been trying to get inside my head," Abby spat angrily. "Well you need to stop. I'm not some problem for you to figure out."

"I'm just worried that Gibbs-"

"If you're so worried about Gibbs, just go to him and leave me alone. I'm sure he'd prefer your presence to mine, anyway."

"Abby … I don't understand this. I thought we were friends. What's with the attitude? Because let me tell you, when Gibbs got the call about the shooting, I saw the terror in his eyes, the pain, the fear – things I'd never seen in him before."

"Yea, 'cause he was with _you_ ," Abby sighed, instantly regretting that the words had slipped from her lips. A look of understanding washed over Sloane's face.

"Abby … I know you asked him to go with you that night, and that he said no. And I know that must've hurt you."

"Why are you doing this?" Abby demanded. "I said I don't want to talk about it!"

"Because you need to talk, Abby – and I need you to know that the poker game wasn't planned. _I_ asked him to have the game _after_ he declined your invitation. I was just trying to get him out of the funk he'd been in since the Ruiz case. But he didn't choose me over you, it was never about that."

"Why would I even care?!" Abby exclaimed, turning to face her.

"You said it – Gibbs was with me. And Grace and Leon and Tobias. And yes, we were having a great time. And maybe that's part of the problem."

"We're done," Abby huffed, flipping the emergency switch and squinting as the lights came back on.

Sloane hit the switch again, and Abby glared at her angrily.

"When I first came here six months ago, you spent weeks trying to avoid me. You thought I was up to something, you were suspicious. Just what were you trying to hide? Is it the same thing you're trying to hide now?"

"You need to back up," Abby warned.

"Look, if you have feelings for Gibbs, I'm not trying-"

"What?!" Abby exclaimed. "God no, it's not like that. Honestly, you're gonna go there, right now? Because you have no clue how close Gibbs and I were. We were tighter than blood, but it's not … he's like _father_ to me. And this is exactly why I didn't want you to try and get inside my head! Just because I love someone, doesn't mean it's … whatever. Think what you want."

"Woa, Abby slow down," Sloane pleaded. "Let me finish. I've seen this kind of thing before. At this point in my life, I tend to date older men, and some of those men have children. The last relationship I had ended because the guy's daughter didn't particularly like that her dad was suddenly spending all this time with a new woman."

"Wow," Abby half-laughed, shaking her head. "What do you think I am, nine?"

"Well, you're certainly acting like it," Sloane rebutted as Abby rolled her eyes. "Look, I know Gibbs and I have been spending a lot of time together lately and, I admit, we're growing closer, but that doesn't mean he cares any less about you."

Sloane could tell Abby was growing uncomfortable with the conversation, but persisted. "Imagine how badly Gibbs feels, thinking it should have been him with you that night, and not Reeves."

"You're trying to make me feel sorry for him now? 'Poor Gibbs, for once in his life he tries to have fun with his friends and I come along and ruin it by almost dying'?"

"No, Abby, come on," Sloane pleaded. "I don't know your history with him, or how you became so close, but I do know what I'm seeing now. And I'm worried – for both of you."

"Maybe you're right to be worried," Abby rasped. "But there's nothing you can do here. Not for me, anyway. But maybe for Gibbs."

Abby turned to Sloane, feeling the anger slowly subside, becoming something else.

"Jack, I … I really do respect you, and I've come to call you a friend. So I'm going to tell you something in confidence, something I haven't told anyone yet, but I need you to promise you won't say anything, not a word."

Sloane nodded somberly, watching Abby struggle as she continued.

"Jack, I've made up my mind. I'm leaving tomorrow. And I'm not coming back."

"Wait, Abby, slow down-"

"I'm moving to London, to start a charity in honor of Reeves' mother. It was one of his dreams, but because of me, he can't make that happen, so I will."

"London? Abby do you know anyone-"

"No, and that's the point. I just need to go somewhere where no one will know me. I need a fresh start."

"And when are you going to tell-"

"Tonight. I need a few hours to get some things together. I'm asking you, on our friendship, to honor this and keep it secret until then."

"OK, I … I admit I thought maybe you _might_ be leaving NCIS, but I wasn't prepared for a move half across the world. Don't you think this is all very sudden?"

"It is, but that's kind of the point."

"I'm just concerned, it's only been four days, as you've said, and you're leaving your entire support system here to go off and live in a strange place with people you don't know…"

"I've thought about that," Abby admitted. "I just think it would be too hard for me to stay. To see everyone … to see their grief over Reeves, to know I was the reason-"

"Hey, this is _not_ your fault," Sloane said strongly.

"Everyone keeps telling me that, but it doesn't change how I feel. This is one of the hardest things … I never thought … Jack, I never thought I could leave. But things feel different now. I've already hurt Gibbs, lied to him _and_ to the team, gotten into all sorts of trouble. And if I don't go now, I feel like things will just get worse, they'll pile up. Because I've been having some dark thoughts lately, and they've gotten worse since I've been back here, in this building."

"What kind of thoughts?" Sloane asked, concerned.

Abby shook her head. "Just know that I am grateful Gibbs has you in his life. And promise me you'll look out for him when I'm gone."

"Abby-"

"Just swear, OK? Because I need to know he's gonna be OK. And you can help him, I know that. You can make him smile and laugh and forget about all the horribleness for a while. I always tried to … and maybe I am like a little kid with him sometimes, and maybe that needs to end now."

"That's, uh, that's a lot to process," Sloane sighed. "But I promise, I won't tell anyone. I'll respect your wishes. As for Gibbs, you know I care for him, too, and I'll look out for him as much as he'll let me."

Abby nodded, biting her lip and looking down.

"Just promise _me_ one thing," Sloane added, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Promise me you'll tell Gibbs yourself. It's something he should hear from you."

"I'll find a way," Abby rasped. "So, are we done with this, uh, debriefing?"

Sloane nodded, flipping the emergency switch. As the elevator came back to life, Abby turned and gave Sloane a tight hug, as much as her injury would allow. Sloane closed her eyes, worried for her friend but accepting her decision. Sloane knew all about clean breaks, and the need to get away from past trauma.

"I hope you find what you're looking for," Sloane whispered in her ear, rubbing her back gently as they parted.

"Thanks, you too," Abby half-smiled as the elevator doors opened to the garage. She gave Sloane a small wave, then turned to walk to her car. Sloane waved back and watched her as the elevator doors closed.

"Godspeed, Abby," she rasped, knowing the difficult road that would lie ahead for her, and for the team she was leaving behind, especially Gibbs.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	30. Chapter 30 - Resigned

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 30 - Resigned**

 _ **Author's Note: This chapter – Abby's thoughts leading up to the big goodbyes, plus the missing scene between Abby and Vance. Seems strange we didn't get a scene with them, but everything was so rushed in the episode. Obviously, spoilers for "Two Steps Back." Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **Parking Garage**

 **4:00PM**

Leaving Sloane behind in the elevator, Abby got into her car and made her way back to her apartment.

Arriving at her place, she felt a slight bit of brightness upon seeing a package at her door – the studded sling she'd ordered. Going inside, she carefully showered and changed, cursing at how the injury slowed her down. As she looked in the mirror at her wound, exposed as she changed the bandage, she winced at what would likely be a large scar.

When she finally came back to her living room and checked her phone, she had several messages – two from Kyle and four from her brother Luca, who had been chomping at the bit to see her since he heard about the shooting. She figured someone had contacted them about their catching King – maybe McGee. She would have to deal with them later. Right now her focus was finding a way to tell the _other_ family she loved so much how she was going to leave them.

For a long time, she contemplated what to say to Gibbs, how she would approach him. She knew he deserved to hear the news from her, and she'd promised Sloane. But she was afraid – afraid of how he would react. Anger she might be able to take, but disappointment, or worse, his sadness – she didn't think she could handle seeing him upset, knowing it was her fault. And what if he asked her to stay? Could she refuse him? She never had before.

"C'mon, Abby, pull it together," she whispered, pulling out a pad and pen and leaning on the counter in the kitchen. "Just in case," she said to herself as she put the pen to paper.

' _Hey, Gibbs,'_ she wrote. _'You're probably wondering what's with the retro-communication...'_

The words blurred on the page as tears stung Abby's eyes. She hadn't even gotten through the first sentence. Abby wiped away the tears that fell as she composed the first draft, then another, and yet another until she got the words just the way she wanted. It wasn't the first time she tried to write a letter to Gibbs. The only other time she had ever missed work – five years ago, when a bad memory from her childhood sprung forward during a case – she had sat in the squad room trying to compose an apology for how she had acted. But Gibbs came in and sat next to her, gave her just the right words to save the day, to convince her that she could go on, that the things she did meant something to people.

' _I hope you know what you mean to me, Gibbs…'_

Abby wept as she poured her heart out in a letter that she hoped she wouldn't have to give Gibbs. Grabbing an envelope, she sealed it and wrote his name on the front, placing it in her purse. She'd already gone over how she would tell the rest of the team. Now it was time to make everything official – her letter of resignation. Once she handed it in, she would cut ties with NCIS, and by extension, with the family she loved so deeply. She didn't deserve their love, she thought. She let them down in the end. With a heavy heart, she began to write…

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **8:23PM**

Staring across the Anacostia from his office window, NCIS Director Leon Vance tried to process the events of the last four days. How had it all come to this?

He had been near tears as he pushed his way through the hospital to see "Ms. Sciuto," as he always referred to her. Some underestimated her because of the way she looked, but Vance had a great deal of respect for the young "goth" scientist. His own background in computer science helped him appreciate her work, and how good she has been at her job. Finding such a dedicated employee, and one so loyal and loving to boot, was a rare thing. He recalled how she had approached him after his wife was murdered to offer whatever support she could. She helped his daughter with her homework, and more than that, befriended his then-fractured family. She had become family, which is why it was so hard for him to accept the letter that sat upon his desk.

Shaking his head, he turned and picked up the unwanted piece of parchment.

 _ **Director Leon Vance:**_

 _ **Please accept this letter as formal notification that I am resigning from my position as forensic scientist at NCIS.**_

 _ **It has been my honor to serve beside all of you these last 18 years. NCIS has become my family and my home. However, recent events have led me on a different path.**_

 _ **I apologize for the sudden nature of this letter, and I want you to know that this was not a decision that was made lightly. However, current circumstances have led me to this point, and I am confident you will find a good fit to compliment this fine team of extraordinary agents. While I will no longer be residing in the United States, once I am settled I would be happy to assist in finding a replacement.**_

 _ **Please know that my time at this agency has been one of the most valued and important experiences in my career and my life. Wishing you all the best in the future.**_

 _ **With deepest gratitude,**_

 _ **Abigail B. Sciuto**_

Vance wiped a hand over his face as he remembered his last exchange with Abby…

 **One Hour Earlier…**

" _Director," Abby called in a small voice from behind his closed door. Abby had knocked tentatively, and he knew something was wrong immediately. Her knocks were typically swift and her taps insistent before she burst through the doors with her typical enthusiasm. This time, they were slow and few; her entrance was sheepish and her eyes were red, her dark mascara running._

" _Ms. Sciuto!" Vance said, emotion taking hold as he saw her state. "Is everything alright?"_

 _Vance knew it was a ridiculous question, but he couldn't think of anything else to say at the sight of her. Abby simply shook her head, biting her lip as she walked toward his desk, picking up the framed picture of Vance's children and staring at it._

" _Hey," Vance whispered gently, coming around his desk to face her. "If this is about King, we've been over that. I told you this afternoon that we are good. There's no need to beat yourself up over this. You've been through enough."_

" _You're right," she rasped, still looking at the picture. "I think I have."_

 _There was another awkward silence, until Abby finally met his gaze._

" _Kayla and Jared are getting so big," she commented. "Did Kayla decide on a college yet?"_

" _Well, to be honest, I don't think she's sure," Vance sighed. "She's had a lot of offers, scholarships, but I think she wants to stay local. Personally, I think she worries too much about her old man."_

" _That's what daughters do," Abby shrugged, giving him a small smile._

" _True, but there comes a time when every child has to leave the nest, as painful as that can be for the ones left behind."_

" _I guess," Abby rasped. "That's actually … kind of what I came to talk to you about."_

" _About Kayla?"_

" _No … about … well, here," Abby swallowed, handing him a white envelope._

" _Ms. Sciuto?" Vance asked, eyeing her and the envelope with concern._

" _You know how much I love NCIS, how much I love … Oh, Leon," she cried, closing her eyes and embracing him suddenly. While everyone at NCIS had grown used to Abby's impromptu hugs, Vance could tell this one felt a little more meaningful, perhaps somewhat final._

" _It's OK," Vance whispered in her ear, rubbing her back as he began to understand why she came. As they pulled away, Vance began to open the envelope, but Abby stopped him, grasping his hands._

" _Later," she said pleadingly. "I, um, I spoke with Jack, just so you know."_

" _That's good," Vance nodded. "If this is what I think it is, I hope you discussed it with her."_

" _I did."_

" _And?"_

" _And she wished me luck," Abby shrugged._

" _No concerns?" Vance asked skeptically. Abby looked away. "Ms. Sciuto, I … I'm just asking because if you're thinking of … well, it's just all so sudden. Maybe you just need to time to process-"_

" _No, I don't," she insisted. "I mean, maybe I do need time to get better, to process what happened, but this … this decision, it's the right one. And it's not what I wanted, but I can feel in my bones that it's what I need to do."_

" _And just what are your plans, if you don't mind me asking, as a friend?"_

" _Well, that was kind of the other reason I'm here. I'd like to accompany Reeves' body back to London and oversee his burial."_

 _Vance teared up a bit at her request. "That's mighty fine of you, Ms. Sciuto. Are you sure you're OK to travel?"_

" _It'll be fine," she tried to reassure him._

" _Well, as long as Dr. Mallard clears you for travel, I don't see why not. And what about after?"_

" _Well, I … I plan on staying in London, at least for awhile. You see, Clay wanted to start a charity in honor of his mom and …"_

" _And now you're going to do that for him," Vance said, finishing her sentence, his voice rough with emotion. "That's a generous and noble endeavor; an excellent way to honor him."_

" _So you can see why I have to go," Abby replied._

 _Vance nodded sadly, looking down at the letter. "I understand … I suppose there's no way I could convince you to stay, start the charity in D.C. perhaps?" Abby shook her head tentatively, looking down, trying not waiver. It was something she'd thought about, but there were just too many painful memories._

" _You are an incredibly valued member of this team, Ms. Sciuto. You have to know that. And you're certainly leaving me with no easy task in finding a replacement."_

" _And I'm sorry about that," she said sadly. "But I still have something up sleeve … I wouldn't leave you high and dry."_

" _Care to share?"_

" _Uh … not yet. Still working on it. But know that I will always be grateful for what this agency has given me."_

" _No, Ms. Sciuto," Vance replied, his voice heavy with emotion as he placed his hands on her shoulders. "We are the ones who ought to be grateful. You've given all you had and more to this agency. This job can be dangerous, but what happened to you … and Reeves … it should have never gotten that far. I take full responsibility, and I am so sorry this happened to you."_

" _It wasn't your fault."_

" _It happened on my watch, my agency. It's on me, Ms. Sciuto."_

" _And nothing I can say will change your thinking, I assume," she replied sadly. Vance nodded strongly. "Well, director, I appreciate your honesty, and your kind words. Could I ask one favor?"_

" _Name it."_

" _Please don't tell anyone just yet. You and Jack are the only ones who know."_

" _You mean Agent Gibbs doesn't -"_

" _Not yet," she rasped. "But I will. Tonight. I just need some time."_

" _Well, after all you've done, how can I say no?" Vance said. "Though I have to admit I am surprised you haven't talked this over with Agent Gibbs."_

" _Like I said, I just need some time," she repeated, swallowing hard._

" _Alright then," Vance said, a slight hesitation in his voice. "If you're sure."_

" _I am, and thank you … for everything."_

" _Thank_ _you_ _, Ms. Sciuto," Vance rasped, pulling her in for a final hug. "Keep in touch," he added as they pulled apart. "And know the door will always be open for you here at NCIS, should you change your mind."_

" _I appreciate that, but it's not necessary," she replied. "Take care of your family, Leon."_

" _I will. Take care of yourself, Abby," he said, watching her smile slightly as she nodded and walked out the door._

 **KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK**

Vance was pulled from his memory by the light pounding on his office door.

"Enter," he said in full voice.

"Hey Leon," Sloane greeted him as she walked in. "I'm guessing Abby was here?" she added, gesturing to the letter in his hand.

"Indeed," he sighed. "This … this is a tough one, Jack."

Sloane nodded in agreement. "You OK?"

"Could be better," he replied honestly, placing the piece of paper back on his desk and folding his arms. "Ms. Sciuto said she spoke with you. Do you really think she's in the right frame of mind to be making a decision of this magnitude?"

"It's hard to say," Sloane offered, obviously concerned. "But it is her decision. We can't stop her."

"True," Vance replied thoughtfully. "But I can steal a move from one of my predecessors."

"Oh?"

"This predates my time, but, as you know, every new director becomes privy to certain things, and believe it or not there was a time when a much younger Agent Gibbs decided to suddenly walk away from this job on short notice."

"Gibbs left NCIS?" Sloane said in surprise, eyebrows raised. Now there was a new discovery for her to ponder.

"Retired, actually," Vance said, pulling out some papers from his desk. "Well, he tried to, anyway. Seems the job pulled him back in."

"I'm sure the paperwork must've been hell," Sloane commented with a small chuckle.

"Actually, it was no problem at all, from my understanding," Vance said, placing the papers on his desk. "At the time, then-Director Jenny Shepard decided that instead of accepting his resignation, she would put in for his unused leave."

"Smart woman," Sloane commented. "She must've been close to him, understood what this job meant to Gibbs, and that he would be back."

"A story for another time," Vance replied. "But, perhaps it wouldn't hurt to do the same for Ms. Sciuto. It would buy her some time and, if she did reconsider, the position would still be hers. In the meantime, it would allow us to find a temporary replacement. Win/win, wouldn't you say?"

"I think it's an excellent idea, Leon," Sloane smiled. "I mean, Abby must have months of vacation time piled up. I heard she never took a day off."

"Indeed," Vance said, sitting as his desk as he began the paperwork. "She doesn't need to know, and if she ultimately decides not to return, we'll know that she's had enough time to distance herself from the trauma."

"Agreed," Sloane replied with a sigh.

"Has she told the rest of the team?"

"Yes, just," Sloane informed him.

"And Gibbs?"

"He wasn't there. But she did promise she'd see him tonight. I think she may be headed to his place now."

"I promised I wouldn't say anything until she had a chance to tell everyone," Vance explained. "But I don't understand all this secrecy with Gibbs."

"Actually, it makes sense," Sloane commented. "She doesn't want to let him down, and I think she's afraid he just might talk her out of it."

"Well, if anyone could, it would be Gibbs," Vance noted. "This is going to be a hard loss for the team, coupled with Reeves' death … are you up for this, Jack?"

Sloane gave him a crooked smile and arched an eyebrow. "You know it, Leon."

"Good," he smiled back. "I'm sure I don't have to tell you the resistance you'll likely be met with going in."

"Oh, after six months with Team Gibbs, I'm well aware of the uphill battle I'll be facing," Sloane replied. "I'd like to think I'm up for a new challenge. And it might help me connect with them a bit more."

"Well, your services are much appreciated," Vance nodded. "Now go home and get some rest. You'll need it."

"Copy that," she replied sadly, giving a small wave as she walked out of the office.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	31. Chapter 31 - Sweet Sorrow

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 31 – Sweet Sorrow**

 _ **Author's Note: I am playing with the episode's timeline a bit – I don't think Abby left NCIS, said goodbye to Gibbs, and then went back to NCIS clean out her stuff. It was fitting for the close of the show, but didn't make much sense logistically. I personally think her final stop was Gibbs' house, not NCIS, so that's how this will play out. I didn't think it would take this much build-up, but there was just so much that seemed like it needed explaining. Abby's exit was way too rushed, and I hope slowing things down has made it make more sense while trying to stay "canon" with the show. Thanks to everyone for sticking with this! Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **NCIS Headquarters**

 **Forensics Lab**

 **8:10PM**

"I'm leaving NCIS."

Abby's voice broke as she told the team – her family – that her future no longer involved NCIS. Hugging each one in turn, she knew it would be difficult to say goodbye, and even tried to soften the blow with McGee, telling him, 'It's not goodbye for good, it's just goodbye for now.' However, everything about it felt heavy with sorrow and regret. One thing was for certain - nothing would ever be the same for any of them.

As she moved from Ducky's embrace, wiping her eyes, she felt the uncertainty in the room.

"I assume you have already spoken to the director … and Jethro," Ducky added, somewhat hesitantly. McGee winced, knowing how Gibbs could get after major losses, and he did not look forward to experiencing an "Abby-less" Gibbs. She was always the one who would lighten up Gibbs' mood, and give him answers. As much as McGee was devastated to lose Abby, he was almost more fearful for how Gibbs would recover. She may not have died - thank God, he thought - but losing her in the lab would be a terrible blow.

"I just came from the director's office," Abby replied to Ducky's question, swallowing hard.

"How'd Gibbs take it?" McGee asked, his voice revealing his own concern.

"He, um … he doesn't know yet," Abby confessed, looking down.

"Abigail," Ducky exclaimed, arching an eyebrow. "Just when were planning on telling him?"

"Um … now, actually. I was heading to his house after I … I finish here."

The team was stunned.

"Well, I sure hope he doesn't call us before you get there!" Palmer gulped. "Gibbs read me like a book. There's no way-"

"Doctor Palmer!" Ducky interrupted, stopping the young man's train of thought. "No need to worry, dear," Ducky continued, turning to Abby. "We will _all_ make sure not to speak a word of this to Jethro."

"Thanks, Ducky," she nodded. "I, I don't know what else to say. Reeves was … he was family and … and I'm sorry he's not here anymore because of me."

"Abby, this is not-"

"I know what you're gonna say, McGee, and believe me, I've heard it like a broken record. But it's how I feel, and that's not going to change, not any time soon, anyway."

"You know we don't blame you," Bishop replied strongly, tears in her eyes. "We're just happy to get you back and … well, it's just, we thought we had you back. I'm … we're just all really gonna miss you, Abs."

"I'll miss you too," Abby rasped. "You have no idea how hard … I just, I love you all. You need to know that."

"We do," Palmer said, his voice hoarse. "If you need anything, we're a call or text away. Don't hesitate."

Abby nodded.

"Did you, um, want help … with your things?" McGee asked, his voice breaking.

"I appreciate that, Tim, but right now I think I need to be alone."

Sighing, the group began to make their way out of the lab, starting with Torres, until only McGee and Ducky were left behind.

"Tim," Abby began, "please … I don't think I can-"

"It's OK," he replied. "I admire what you're doing, I just wish it didn't have to end like this. It feels like a bad dream."

"A Bête Noire," Abby sighed sadly, thinking for a moment about Kate. "I know … I feel the same."

"Look, whatever you need, wherever you are, just know you're not alone."

"Thanks, Tim," she rasped as he kissed her gently on the cheek.

"You need a ride?" McGee asked, knowing she couldn't drive in her condition.

"No, Doc Grace is waiting – she drove me here," Abby explained.

"OK, then … well … wow, this is, uh, really hard…"

"Timothy," Ducky interjected, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Perhaps you should call Delilah, check in on your children?"

"Delilah," Abby echoed, closing her eyes. "Tim, let me talk to her first."

McGee nodded, pulling out his cell to call his wife. When Delilah picked up, McGee began by asking about the twins, but she could hear the sadness in his voice and asked what was wrong. Handing the phone to Abby, McGee leaned against the lab table as he watched Abby tell his wife the bad news. He knew it would be a rough night at the McGee residence – for both of them.

The conversation ended with Abby promising to have a "girls night" in London once she got settled, which made Abby smile. Handing the phone back to McGee, she watched him wave sadly and walk out the lab, still speaking to his wife.

Abby then looked to Ducky, who still remained.

"I, I guess part of what I said before was premature," she swallowed.

"Oh?"

"Well … I'd like to escort Reeves back to London, but the director said I'd have to be cleared by you first."

"Ah, I see," Ducky nodded. "I had a suspicion. Why don't I let you finish up here and I will drive you to Jethro's, and then home."

"Ducky, it's already so late, I couldn't -"

"Nonsense, my dear. There's no use in Dr. Confalone waiting all this time. Let her go home. I will be happy to be your escort."

"OK," Abby rasped. "Thanks, Ducky."

"Of course. I will let Dr. Confalone know you are with me. Now, you are sure you wouldn't like any help?"

"I'm sure," she nodded.

"Alright then, come see me when you're done."

After watching Ducky leave through the back entrance, Abby looked around her lab sadly. Beginning in firearms and working her way to the main room, Abby collected all her personal belongings, one by one. The pictures of her and her brother Luca were taken off the bulletin board. In her desk drawer, she pulled out seemingly mundane items that held so much weight and memories:

-An old iPod – the one she bought for Gibbs once but that he'd never had the patience to use.

-One of Ziva's old scarves.

-A Mighty Mouse stapler that once belonged to DiNozzo.

-An Imagine Dragons CD that Dorneget had given her.

-A funny doodle Kate had done on a sticky note once while waiting for results.

-The ticket stub to the Sterile Puppets concert she and McGee went to several years ago.

-A small koosh ball that Kyle had given her for his parrot that she had looked after.

-A picture of Torres and Bishop that she had taken earlier that year in her lab – those two definitely had some sort of spark, she thought. She just hoped they didn't end up like Tony and Ziva…

As Abby dug through the last of her drawers, she pulled out another photograph, this one dating back to her early days at NCIS. It was a Christmas gathering – Christmas 2003 - and everyone was all smiles, including the two subjects in focus. Hugging Abby from behind, Gibbs had surprised her, a look of pure joy reflected in her eyes. He was kissing her cheek gently, and the affection was unmistakable.

Abby remembered the time when Dorneget had come across this photo lying on her desk and inquired about what exactly her relationship with Gibbs had been. Abby put him on for a few minutes, making a joke as she had done once to McGee, until she saw Dorneget's eyes widen with horror at the thought of the two of them breaking Rule 12. Abby quickly corrected his misinterpretation of the moment, explaining to him how the picture was taken during the first Christmas without her mom, who passed away from cancer. Gibbs had flown down to New Orleans with her as her mother neared the end, and had been there when she passed. At one point, Abby watched from the hospital doorway as Gibbs and her mom signed back and forth, and she saw him promise her mother that he would look after Abby, would keep her safe. From that moment on, Gibbs had always been there for her, her hero, her knight in shining armor. He knew Christmas that year would be hard for Abby, so he made sure to be by her side, to keep her smiling and keep her mind off the sadness as much as he could. It was what he was so good at – looking after her. Until Paraguay.

Abby shook her head, warding off the bad memories of the last several months. They had been growing close again, but she couldn't imagine how he felt about all that just happened – her getting shot, Reeves' death.

Staring at the picture, Abby felt like she was looking at two ghosts. She wanted to go back in time and warn the people in that image about all the terrible things that awaited them, in the hopes she could possibly change the future. Maybe she would have to be the scientist to finally have a breakthrough in time travel, even if it were for selfish motives.

"It's a good memory," she sighed out loud as she placed the photograph with the others she was taking. Finally, she dug out a forensic evidence envelope – it was the same one she had brought to Gibbs' place the evening his nightmare and PTSD tore them apart. She had wanted to give him the contents upon his return from Paraguay.

Heading to her main desk, she packed away her action figures, the picture of her and "Jethro" the dog, and a black flower – the ones she loved so much. Sighing, she gently placed her "Abby's Lab for Dummies" manual on the table before giving her lab one final look. So many memories …

Abby's eyes welled with tears and she gave a final resolute sigh as she turned and walked out for the last time.

 **Autopsy**

 **8:45PM**

"Ah, there you are," Ducky called as he heard the sliding metal doors swish open. Taking one look at her sad form, he pulled her in for a hug. "There is a reason they say parting is such sweet sorrow," Ducky noted. "I am sure cleaning out your lab brought back some fond memories."

"Ducky … I just want to go home," she rasped, an ache in her voice.

"What about Jethro?"

"I don't know if I have the strength right now," she whispered.

"I understand, but you certainly do not want him finding out by accident – you must tell him. And soon."

"I'm not sure if I can."

Rubbing her shoulder, Ducky gestured for her to sit in his chair. "Over here, my dear," he encouraged. "One thing at a time. Our first priority is to make sure you are well enough to travel. Let's have a look, shall we?"

Abby nodded, removing her sling and unbuttoning her shirt enough to give him access to her bandaged wound. He put on a pair of gloves and began to examine the site.

"You seem to have done a fine job changing the dressing," he noted as he removed the sterile cloth. "Ah, there we are. It seems to be healing quite nicely."

"It's ugly," Abby sighed. "How bad of a scar do you think it'll leave?"

"Hard to say at the moment," Ducky hedged.

"C'mon Duck," she replied. "Just be straight with me."

"Well, if I were to be … straight with you, as it were, I would say you shouldn't be taking any long plane rides for at least another week. There is a risk of blood clots and-"

"Oh no, Ducky. I need to do this, don't tell me-"

"Easy, Abigail, and allow me to finish," he reassured her. "The odds of that happening are very rare and I see no need to deny your request off-hand. I just want you to be aware of the potential complications. You do need to take care of yourself. You must promise me."

"Of course," she said, sighing in relief.

"Well then, I'd be happy to sign off on any paperwork you need."

"I think the director just wanted a verbal confirmation from you, Ducky. Maybe we can call him from the car?"

Ducky nodded, redressing the wound and helping Abby back into her sling and red shawl before grabbing his own jacket.

"Where to, Ms. Sciuto?"

Thinking for a moment, Abby gave Ducky a worried look, then sighed.

"I guess to casa de Gibbs," she replied in a tired voice.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	32. Chapter 32 - The North Star

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 32 – The North Star**

 _ **Author's Note: So how did things really go down between Gibbs & Abby before she left? Was there more to it than what we saw?**_ _**This chapter tackles part of that last scene between Gibbs and Abby (though it won't be the last in my story!).**_ _**This chapter is a bit longer and includes some childhood flashbacks for Abby to provide her character and the story with more depth, so I'd really love to know what everyone thinks of this one! Thanks to everyone for sticking with this! Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **NCIS Parking Garage**

 **8:55PM**

Abby sat in the passenger's seat of Ducky's old Morgan, carefully buckling her seatbelt as she listened to Ducky tell Director Vance over his cell that she was cleared to travel. She was always a cautious driver and knew that going behind the wheel in a sling was not medically recommended. She hadn't cared in her determination to see King, and afterwards, she didn't want to leave her beloved Ford Coupe in the parking garage. She had traveled carefully, just under the speed limit, seatbelt tucked under her injury. But once she found her new purpose, other things came into focus, and she began to care about her own safety again. She had a promise to keep. So here she sat, allowing Ducky to drive her to a meeting she knew was inevitable.

"Abby?" Ducky called to her, shaking her from her thoughts. "Are you ready?"

"Oh, yea, Ducky," she replied in a resigned voice. "Maybe … maybe I should call Gibbs first. Make sure he's home?"

"My dear, you're not planning to do this over the phone are you?"

Abby shrugged. "Ziva did … he seemed to take it OK."

"Did he?" Ducky challenged. "Now I understand you and Jethro have had your share of troubles recently, but he certainly deserves more than that. And not to speak ill of the dead, God rest her soul, but from my point of view, Ziva certainly did not end things the right way with Jethro, or any of us, all those years ago."

"It's just too hard," Abby rasped, staring at her phone. "The last time I saw Gibbs, I was awful to him. And after everything, I just don't know how to face him."

"Well, it is your decision," Ducky sighed, giving her a worried look. "But remember those of us who will have to live with him after."

"He'll be fine."

"You know that is not true," he contended. "I imagine, for all intents and purposes, he will appear fine on the surface, unshaken, and demand that we all move forward. However, knowing Jethro as you and I have come to over these many years, on the inside he will be reeling from this for a long time."

Abby shook her head. "He once thought pushing me away was better for both of us," she said. "We lived like that for months, him never coming down to my lab, never saying more than a few words over a conference call about a case. He's had to do this before. He'll figure it out, Ducky. He always does."

"You underestimate his affection for you, especially after something as serious as this."

"Maybe," Abby shrugged. "But if there's anything I've learned about Gibbs, it's his resolve."

She picked up her cell phone and clicked on her speed dial as Ducky gave her a sad look, shaking his head. Gibbs answered after two rings.

"Hey, Abbs."

His voice sounded normal, steady. Abby closed her eyes, trying to decide what to say.

"Hey, Gibbs," she replied as normally as she could, but the emotion was evident. "I, um … look, I was hoping we could … are you home?"

"Yea, Abbs, I'm here. You comin' over?" She could hear a hint of hope as his voice raised slightly.

"Uh, did you, um, did you want me to?" She was fishing, trying to get something out of him, any indication that his affection for her hadn't waned since their last conversation. She heard him sigh over the phone, and realized he knew exactly what she was doing. She was frustrating him by trying to drag out his feelings.

"Well, guess it's either that or we do this over the phone," he replied flatly in typical Gibbs fashion.

"Is that what you want?" she pressed. She needed to hear him say it – to say that he wanted to see her, to talk to her, to find some sort of closure.

Gibbs sighed again, more heavily. "Look, Abbs, just come over, OK?" he finally blurted out. "I'd like to see ya."

Abby's heart leapt at his words. She was glad he didn't sound angry, and actually wanted to see her. She shouldn't have been surprised – Sloane had said as much – but she had to hear it for herself.

"OK," she rasped in reply.

"You need a ride?" Gibbs asked. "You know you shouldn't be drivin' with that sling."

"Yea, I know, it was stupid. But I'm good - Ducky's driving me."

"OK … OK good."

"Yea, I'll, um, I'll see you in a bit."

"I'll be here."

As Abby hung up, Ducky gave her a reassuring smile. "Well done," he asserted, putting the car into gear as they drove off. Abby gave him a skeptical look, then turned to the passenger side window. She still wasn't sure she could face him, but now that he was expecting her, she felt like she had no choice.

 **Gibbs House**

 **9:15PM**

Ducky pulled up the driveway, parking behind Gibbs' Dodge Charger. Abby bit her lip, looking down, not wanting to move.

"Would you like me to come with you?" Ducky offered gently. Abby peered inside, noting that Gibbs did not seem to be on the couch or kitchen. She guessed he was in the basement working on his boat. Everything inside her wanted to run, to avoid one of the most difficult conversations of her life.

"Abby?" Ducky inquired, again pulling her from her thoughts. "Would you like me to go inside with you?"

"No, I … Oh, Ducky, I just can't do this. I can't face him."

"Abigail, we are here, and he is expecting you."

"I know," she rasped quietly, pulling a white envelope from her purse. Ducky eyed the envelope with curiosity as she exited the car and made her way to the front door. She stood there for what seemed like an eternity. Shaking her head, she pulled a small roll of scotch tape from the inside pocket of her shawl, and carefully taped the letter to the glass on the door. Ducky squinted as he watched her, his face pained as he realized what she was doing. He exited the car as swiftly as he could, meeting her on the stoop.

"Abigail!" he whispered harshly. "A 'Dear John' letter, really? I thought we both agreed he deserves better."

Abby shook her head, turning to her old friend, tears streaming down her cheeks. She had no words.

"Oh, come here," he sighed, bringing her in for a hug. "I simply do not want you to regret this."

"Ducky," she sobbed, trying to pull herself together, to get the words out. "I … I know the minute I see him … I know won't be able to leave, I just won't."

"Shhh, you don't know that."

"I do," she rasped, wiping her eyes. "I poured everything I had into that letter because deep down I knew … I just can't face him. Maybe I'm a coward, but right now this is the best I can do."

Ducky sighed heavily. "Perhaps things will look different in the morning."

"Ducky, I can't wait that long. Gibbs needs to know now."

"Very well, I'll be in the car."

"OK, but Ducky … I … I don't want to be here when he gets the note."

"What are you asking?"

"I'm going to ring the doorbell, and then I'm asking you to high-tail it out of here. I don't want to see him. Not like this."

"Perhaps you're just not ready to-"

"Ducky, please!" she begged.

Shaking his head defeat, he looked away. "Fine, my dear. You seem to be in need of a 'get-away' driver. It wouldn't be the first time I helped a damsel in distress."

"Thank you," she rasped.

"On one condition," Ducky added, holding up a finger as Abby gave him a wary look. "You are to stay long enough to see him read your letter."

"No, Ducky-"

"Hide if you must, perhaps just across the way by the neighbor's shabby shrubbery. But I simply cannot watch two of my dear friends part this way."

"Ducky, please-"

"You seem to doubt his affections for you … perhaps seeing his reaction to your letter might reassure you that there is nothing of which to be afraid."

Abby shuffled nervously, thinking over his proposal.

"It's kinda silly, Ducky, and a bit creepy honestly," she replied, a sour look on her face.

Ducky gave Abby a stern look. "And _that_ ," he said, pointing to the letter taped to the door, "is just as ridiculous! After everything you've meant to each other, how can you end things this way and hope for a good outcome?"

"I've tried to explain, Ducky … I don't know what else to say."

"Well, you might want to figure it out quickly," Ducky replied, turning and walking swiftly back to his car.

"Ducky, where are you going?!" she whispered harshly.

"I'll be parked down the road," he called as he climbed back into his vintage vehicle. "Call me when it is done."

Abby began to follow after him, but he was already backing up, leaving her with only two options – stay or hide. Biting her lip, she made her way back to the door, staring at the letter with Gibbs' name on it. A childhood memory suddenly burst forward in Abby's mind, from a time when she was faced with a similar decision …

 **33 Years ago…**

" _Abby, maybe we shouldn't," nine-year-old Luca said nervously, beginning to get cold feet. The siblings were standing on the stoop of an old, one-story house._

" _We have to, Luca," eleven-year-old Abby responded, her pigtails swinging as she turned to face her brother. "We broke Mr. Hodges' mailbox and we have to tell him it was us. It's the right thing to do."_

" _But it was an accident! I mean, how were we supposed to know that the chalk rocket would go that far that fast?"_

" _I don't know what went wrong," young Abby sighed dejectedly, shaking her head. "We'll have to look at our calculations later. But right now, we have to own up to this. He's going to notice."_

" _Can't we just try to fix it?" Luca pleaded in a high-pitched voice, adjusting his glasses._

" _Luca, it's not just broken, it's got a huge, bright-red splat all over the side," she said, gesturing to the mailbox, which was half-off its post._

" _Well, maybe we could just leave a note? I think Mr. Hodges is gonna be real mad, and maybe call mom and dad."_

" _Luca…"_

" _If we leave a note, that gives us time to tell mom, and she'll know what to do."_

" _Yea, make us pay for it," Abby sighed. "There goes my savings for a new chemistry set."_

 _Abby sat on the front steps, thinking over her brother's proposal as Luca paced nervously, trying to stay out of site of the windows, fearing they would be seen._

" _I guess we could leave a note. Mr. Hodges isn't super nice to begin with, and I think I'd rather tell mom and dad myself what happened."_

" _Great!" Luca ran back to their initial experiment site and ripped out a piece of paper from their spiral notebook and some unused colored chalk. He ran back to Abby, handing her the items and she wrote a quick note, using her gum to stick it on the door._

" _What if he doesn't see it for awhile?" Abby wondered. "It could fall off or blow away."_

" _Just ring the doorbell and then we'll make a break for it!" Luca suggested excitedly._

" _I don't know, it seems kind of sneaky…"_

" _Abby, c'mon, we don't have all day!"_

" _OK, OK," Abby said. "You go get our things. When you're done, give me a signal and I'll ring the doorbell and we'll both run as fast as we can."_

 _Luca nodded, rushing to pack up their items from the experiment, shoving them in a blue backpack before whistling to his sister. Abby then rang the doorbell and ran as fast as she could, crossing the street in haste and ducking through the nearby bushes._

 **PRESENT DAY**

The barking of a dog brought Abby back to the present, and she realized if she stood by the door much longer, Gibbs might see her. It was sneaky, it was childish, but it was all she could think to do in the end. So, much like her eleven-year-old self, Abby rang the doorbell and ran, as fast as she could with the sling, ducking into the bushes just across the street. They were close enough together, and it was dark enough, that Gibbs just might miss her. But what if he didn't? She already felt incredibly silly hiding like this – how would she feel if he spotted her? It was certainly not her finest moment. She tried to slow down her breathing. Abby's shoulder ached, the wound nagging at her as she ducked lower, silently cursing Ducky for leaving her this way. But she couldn't blame him – Gibbs was his friend too, and he had to do what he thought was right.

Peering through the living room window, Abby saw movement and could tell Gibbs was coming to the door – jogging, actually.

'Since when does Gibbs jog to his front door?' she wondered. Abby began to get a sinking feeling in her stomach as her heart rate increased. Maybe he really did want to see her, she thought.

Gibbs opened the door, looking out into the night, before spotting the letter and casually tearing it off the door. He stepped out further, peering left and right, eyes squinting in the darkness. Abby held her breath as she flashed back again to that summer day and the failed chalk rocket experiment…

 **33 Years Ago…**

" _Luca get down! He's going to see!" Abby whispered to her brother, pushing him behind some shrubs two houses down. Mr. Hodges had come out quickly after she rang the doorbell, before they could get away. The two children peered through the small slots of the bushes as they watched the older man read their note, a frown on his face. They watched in trepidation as he walked toward the broken mailbox, giving one more glance around before heading back into the house and kicking the door closed with his left foot._

 **PRESENT DAY**

Abby thought Gibbs looked an awful lot like Mr. Hodges in that moment, right down to the door kick. It was hard to see with the obstructed view from several feet away, but she could tell by his body language, the way he took the note off the door and the way he hesitated outside (perhaps giving her a chance to come out and meet him face-to-face), that Gibbs was disappointed. She couldn't believe she was doing this.

From her vantage point, Abby could see into living room as Gibbs ripped open the envelope and began to read the contents of her letter. She had a brief thought that he really ought to be wearing his glasses, which made her sad. She wouldn't be around to tell him things like that anymore, to look after him.

Abby was surprised that he chose to read the letter standing up, facing the street, shifting from one lamp to the other. Did he know she was there? In any event, she could slightly make out his posture, and the way his head bent and shook. And she could've sworn she saw his face fall in sadness, and knew the very line that probably put that pain on his face.

" _But Reeves is gone and that's not something anyone can fix. Not even you."_

It hurt to write those words, and she wasn't even sure she fully believed them, but she had to make it clear that this wasn't going to be one of Gibbs' 'hit and run' healing sessions. Some wounds cut too deep.

Abby watched Gibbs sigh heavily as he continued to read.

" _I hope you know what you mean to me, Gibbs…"_

Abby thought about her words, and how hollow they must have felt to Gibbs, having to read them on a cold piece of paper instead of hearing them from her in person. The more she watched, the more she felt ashamed – not unlike the shame she felt the day she and Luca hid from Mr. Hodges. Abby remembered the words of her father from so many years ago…

 **33 Years Ago…**

 _Eleven-year-old Abby and her father sat on a wooden bench swing that hung on their front porch. He was a tall man, lean yet strong. His shaggy hair – still more brown than gray - was disheveled from a long day at the lumberyard. His overalls and checkered shirt were full of sawdust, but she could also smell a hint of his aftershave as she leaned in close. Her father's left arm was around her as they both looked up at the stars._

 _It had been a long day. Mr. Hodges had called their house, and, it turned out, had seen them hiding. Upon coming home, Abby and Luca were faced with a long talk from their mother about responsibility and the dangers of doing experiments on their own. After making them promise to always have adult supervision for any future "science endeavors," she then walked them back over to Mr. Hodges house, where they apologized in person and offered to pay for the damages. Much to their surprise, Mr. Hodges gave them a big smile, stating that he'd been meaning to replace the mailbox anyhow and offered to help them with their next science project._

 _When Abby's father came home from work later that evening, he had a private conversation with Luca before the young boy headed to bed. Then it was Abby's turn. As they silently observed the night sky, swinging slightly on the bench, Abby's father turned to her. His soft, green eyes were shining with warmth and reflected the light from the full moon._

" _B," her father signed, using the nickname he often called her. "You see the Big Dipper is out tonight?"_

" _Yes," Abby signed back, raising a finger to outline it in the air._

" _See the tip of the handle? Do you know what star that is?"_

" _Polaris," she spelled out with her right hand. "The North Star."_

" _That's right, B. And what did I always tell you about the North Star? What makes it special?"_

" _It helps us know where we are, so we can get to where we are going."_

 _Her father smiled, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close._

" _You are too smart for me," he joked, and she giggled as he signed 'My girl' on her cheek. "But Abby," he signed, giving her a serious look, "What you and Luca did today, it was not very smart."_

 _Abby frowned, tearing up as she signed "sorry" over her heart, looking down sadly. She hated disappointing her father, and he knew it. Somehow, he always found a way to strike the perfect balance between sternness and gentleness during moments like this._

" _Come on now," he signed, wiping away a tear that fell down her cheek. He was always struck by her sensitivity. "Look at me."_

 _Raising her gaze, Abby turned her tear-filled eyes to her father._

" _Do you know what you did wrong?" he asked, this time using his voice while also signing._

" _We shouldn't have gone off alone and done something that could've got both us hurt," she spoke, allowing him to read her lips. "And we should've respected Mr. Hodges property."_

" _That's part of it," he replied. "But there's more. You ran."_

 _Abby looked at him quizzically. "But we were running home to tell mom what happened. And we left a note."_

 _Her father shook his head. "You miss the point, B. I'm sure you and Luca were going to tell your momma what you did. But you didn't face the person you hurt."_

" _Mr. Hodges?"_

" _That's right. When you hurt someone, you owe it to them to look that person in the eye and tell them you're sorry, and that you're gonna find a way to make it right."_

" _I know … we were just … scared."_

" _That's normal," her father replied. "But you can't just run away from your fears or your problems. You need to face them. Now, were you scared because you thought Mr. Hodges would holler at you, right?"_

" _Well, yea."_

" _So you made an assumption, and you know what I've told you about those."_

" _Yes, sir," Abby replied._

" _Now, your momma and I have known Mr. Hodges for many years, had him and his wife - God rest her - over for dinner more times than I can count, so he's no stranger. He's practically family. And he's our neighbor. You remember what the Good Book says about lovin' our neighbor as ourselves?"_

" _Yea, but he's grumpy," Abby sighed._

" _Sure he is, sometimes. I mean, you might be a little grumpy too if you were left all alone at an advanced age, aches and pains nagging at you all the time."_

" _I guess, I never thought of it like that."_

" _Well I'm glad you are now," he replied. "I am surprised at you, because you are usually so good at giving people the benefit of a doubt – too good sometimes."_

" _I know, I guess I let my fear get the better of me."_

" _Well, you're better than that, Abby," her father reassured her. "You're brave in your pursuit of knowledge, you're intelligent beyond your years and you're a leader. But you need to help your brother learn how to be those things too. You need to be a good example. Got it?"_

 _Abby signed "yes," nodding with a sigh as he pulled her close again. They sat there in silence for a few moments._

" _You know, B," her father signed, "that North Star up there, it guides sailors home. It's what you said – it tells you where you are so you can get to where you are going. It's True North. Now, we all have a North Star in us, right here," he said, pointing to her heart. "Your momma and I, we will always be here for you as long as we have breath in us, but we won't be around forever."_

 _Abby's face fell at his words, refusing to think anything could ever take her parents from her and Luca. When she opened her mouth to protest, her father gently placed a finger over her lips to silence her._

" _Hush," he signed. "You're old enough to hear that, and I think you know it's true, though hopefully not for a long, long time. But there will come a day when you're on your own, and you'll need that North Star inside you. Watch for it. Always keep it close. It's your True North. Let it guide you on the right path. That way you never have to run, and you'll always get to where you're meant to go."_

" _I will," Abby signed, smiling back up at her father, who pulled her in for a hug. "I love you, dad," she added, snuggling close to his chest._

" _I love you more," her father signed back, kissing her forehead gently as they turned their gaze back onto the night sky…_

 **PRESENT DAY**

Abby relived that childhood memory over a brief instant, her father's words flooding back to her in a rush of emotion. She realized she still had her North Star inside her – it's what Gibbs had always called his "gut," she thought. And right now her "North Star" was telling her she needed to go to Gibbs, to see him face to face. As much as she didn't want to admit it, this was going to hurt him. Running away, leaving a note, she was better than that – her father had told her so.

Slowly, she crept up from the bushes, seeing Gibbs with his back now turned, staring at the wall. She wondered what he was thinking. She wanted to hear him tell her that he still loved her, and now she desperately wanted to tell him the same thing.

Hesitantly, she made her way down the sidewalk, worried about what Gibbs might do. She didn't know if he had caught her reflection somewhere or just felt her near, but Gibbs turned almost immediately and her heart stopped. But her father had told her to face her fears. And so she would.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

 **AUTHOR'S THOUGHTS: Yes, I know this is taking awhile, but I really want to take my time with this scene, as it felt so strange and out of character and I really want to fix it! There will be more, and I promise not to leave Gibbs and Abby the way the show did! So, what did you think of Ducky's involvement. This whole scene is so tricky b/c the logistics of how it went down weren't clear on the show.** **I hope you liked the flashbacks to Abby and her father – I always thought the show should've explored that relationship more in flashbacks or something, as she virtually the only character who had a good relationship with her father, and I think it very much colored her relationship with Gibbs. Her nickname "B" came from an idea I had when looking up sign language. I figured it would be easy for her parents to sign the letter "B," which is also the second syllable in Abby's name, as well as her middle initial. If** **you're interested, I did read up on "chalk rockets" – you can Google it** **I may have taken some liberties with how Abby and Luca's "chalk rocket" went wrong, but I thought it was a fun idea.** **Also, timeline wise, I made Abby 44 years old. While she may not look it, it would make sense with when she started at NCIS and that she would've spent part of her childhood in the 1980s (which the show has led us to believe). Please let me know your thoughts on this one, as it was a special chapter for me. Always enjoy going deeper into characters' pasts to help inform the present. Hope it worked!**


	33. Chapter 33 - The Letter

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13) (Warning – some mild profanity)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 33 – The Letter**

 _ **Author's Note: Thank you to everyone for all the feedback on the last two chapters – it definitely inspires me to keep going with this! So this is it…the big moment: The dreaded "last scene" between Gibbs & Abby continues … Was this really their goodbye? My interpretation of that final scene (and beyond)…I wanted to really dig into the characters' emotions during this scene, what was going through their minds, what was their motivation, and most importantly, why the HELL didn't either of them run toward the other to hug and say goodbye the right way?! (And don't tell me: "It was behind the scenes drama." Maybe it was, but plenty of shows have actors who have "drama" behind the scenes. The job of the writers is to make any situation BELIEVABLE, no matter what. That didn't happen in the show, in my opinion, and hence this story has unfolded to try and correct that mistake. These two characters are too important to each other to leave on these terms. And since this is fiction, I gratefully don't have to deal with actors who refuse to work with each other for whatever reason!) Questions are answered – and be warned, there's a bit of a cliffhanger! Thanks to everyone for sticking with this! Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **Gibbs House**

 **9:15PM**

The sound of a sander smoothing out wood was the only noise to be heard as Gibbs worked diligently on his latest project. The movement felt good, familiar. It was something he could change, mold, make into his own. The boat was coming along, finally. He'd been working on it since his father had passed away. It seemed life kept throwing him curveballs, sidelining his favorite endeavor – almost getting taken out by a 12-year-old, getting captured and tortured in Paraguay, losing some of the finest agents – and family – he knew. This boat had seen a lot of hardships over the last four years – he couldn't believe his father had been gone that long. His mind fell to a familiar memory, when his father began teaching him the value of woodworking…

 **Stillwater, Pennsylvania**

 **1964**

" _Why is mom mad at you?" a 10-year-old Gibbs asked, looking up at his father. Always an astute boy, the young Gibbs had noticed his parents' tension and the uptick in arguments. He was still putting the pieces of the puzzle together, but all signs pointed to trouble. He wondered what his father meant when he asked his mother to "get another opinion," and why his mother so staunchly refused. His gut was churning over it, and now he finally found the nerve to approach his father in the garage, where his was working on a small project – a model boat._

" _Leroy," his father began as he carved a slot into the small piece of wood he was working on, "there's a lot in this world you can't make right. But this," he said, showing his son his latest project, "this, you can always make right."_

 **PRESENT DAY**

The sound of a car door shook Gibbs from his past, the image of he and his father working together to build something strong and beautiful for his mom fading from his mind. He looked up, waiting to hear a knock or the doorbell. He'd left it unlocked, but doubted Abby would simply open the door and enter, especially with how unsure she sounded over the phone earlier. Gibbs recalled when she first found out she was adopted several years ago. He'd kept his door open in those days, but she knocked anyway. Later on, as she rested her head on his chest and fell asleep in his arms on the couch, Gibbs thought about why she hadn't just come in like she always did. An answer soon came to him – she needed his full attention, not a distracted Gibbs busily working away on his boat.

Gibbs figured it would be like that again tonight. There was a heaviness in her voice when she had called him, and he wondered what had occurred over the last several hours. The silence of his phone made him even more concerned – no one from the team had called with any updates. He'd spoken to no one since he left headquarters to work in his basement. Admittedly, he'd chased down a glass or two of bourbon, just enough to prepare for any incoming emotional blows. Could Sloane be right? Would Abby actually leave NCIS?

The thought made Gibbs slip uncharacteristically, chaffing his left forefinger in the process. "Damn," he cursed, shaking his hand slightly at the sting. He wondered what was taking her so long. Was she with Ducky? Was she actually scared to approach him, as Sloane had warned? When he heard a car engine start, his brow crinkled in concern. Was she leaving? The sound of his doorbell made him breath a short sigh of relief and he swiftly made his way up the stairs, rushing to meet her.

'We'll talk, we'll work it out,' Gibbs thought as he jogged around the corner to the entryway. 'She'll be fine. It'll all be fine.'

His thoughts slowed along with his feet as he came to the front door. He could see through the glass that she wasn't there. His heart sank.

'No,' his mind screamed, feeling a hollowness in his chest. Always a Marine first, his defenses went up and his senses heightened as pulled open the door and peered outside. She was there – or she just had been. He could smell her perfume – her distinctive scent that he'd grown used to over the years. Then he caught a glimpse of white from the corner of his eye. Turning to his right, he saw the envelope with his name, and his eyes narrowed. He plucked the letter from the glass, his heart breaking.

'C'mon, Abbs, not like this,' he begged silently, stepping onto his stoop and looking to his left and right, searching for her. She was here. He could feel it. Hiding from him.

'Well, damn,' he thought to himself, kicking the door closed in frustration. He ripped into the letter and whipped it open with a strong flick of his wrist. Holding it with two hands, he moved under the lamplight. Sloane probably would have told him to sit down for this, but his instinct was to stand. Squinting, he read the first line of her letter, which made him chuckle at her honesty – and a typical Abby odd turn of phrase - despite the grim feeling gripping his gut.

 _Hey, Gibbs. You're probably wondering what's with the retro communication. Truth is, I chickened out._

But his smirk was short-lived as he read on.

 _I was afraid that if you asked me to stay, I might waiver, because there's nothing I wouldn't do for you._

'She's actually leaving,' he realized, unpacking the sentence in his mind. He moved through the darkness of the room to the other lamp, his heart lurching uncomfortably, an ache growing in his chest. How could a sentence make him feel so incredibly loved yet so deeply hurt at the same time?

Swallowing, he squinted again under the poor lighting, thinking to himself that if Abby were here, she'd tell him to put on his glasses. But he'd left them at the office, and the dim glow of his lamp would have to do.

 _When I think back on when things in my life got difficult, you were always there to tell me that it would be okay. And it would be because you would make it okay._

Gibbs flashed on the many moments he and Abby shared as he let her words wash over him. He could feel the other shoe about to drop, even as she tried to sooth the pain with her reassurance that he had been the one to ease her burdens over the years.

'What changed?' he wondered to himself, his breath catching in his throat. 'Why is it different now?'

 _But Gibbs, Reeves is gone and it's not something anyone can fix, not even you_.

Gibbs shook his head slightly, as if in defiance of her words. His left eye twinged and he winced, as if the sentence had caused him physical pain. His mouth went dry and his breathing became more labored, his heart thumping rapidly.

'Why won't you let me try,' he thought in frustration, wondering what he could have done to make Abby lose her faith in him.

Licking his lips, his face fell as his eyes darted over Abby's neat handwriting.

 _I hope you know what you mean to me, Gibbs._

'Shit,' he thought. 'She _is_ saying goodbye."

 _Every moment, every lesson, every hug. I'm thankful for it all._

He felt tears sting his eyes as he flashed back on those moments. She was thanking him, as if trying to soften the blow. It didn't work. Instead, Gibbs felt the ache grow, the shock beginning to turn to grief.

 _No matter what we faced over the years, there was only ever one thing I needed to hear from you._

Swallowing hard, Gibbs nodded, knowing exactly what she needed to hear from him. It was the same thing she had asked eight years ago in his basement, after finding out he had murdered Pedro Hernandez. By rights, she should have testified against him with her evidence, but instead she let Vance bury it, keeping him safe. Because she loved him. And in the end, all she needed from him was that one thing:

" _What I really need to know, Gibbs, is that you're gonna love me, no matter what."_

That moment, the look on her face that night, had been seared into her mind. She hadn't been afraid to confront him then, to ask him the question. But now, now she made a request, but how could he fulfill it? She wasn't even here.

Gibbs closed his eyes briefly, turning around to face the wall, blinking back tears as he stared at nothing. There was a frustration in his stance. How could she do this? How could she say all those things without letting him tell her what she needed to hear, and what he honestly, desperately needed to say to her? Did she really think he would try to manipulate her into staying? He had to admit the thought had crossed his mind, but he quickly dismissed it. His only concern was Abby and what was best for her. He had been keeping her in the line of fire too long, and it almost got her killed. Maybe he could convince her to stay, but at what cost? However, Abby hadn't even allowed him the opportunity to show her how much he loved her – enough to let her go. Obviously the price had been too high for her this time.

The close sound of a barking dog made Gibbs turn around swiftly, and he almost didn't believe the sight before his sore eyes. It was Abby.

The skeptical look on his face faded as Gibbs broke into one of his classic half-smirks. A mixture of pride – that she hadn't "chickened out" after all – and relief flooded him as he stared out the window, trying to reassure her that they were OK.

Abby smiled back, somewhat sheepishly, feeling foolish for hiding and for her words to him earlier in the day during their argument.

They stood there for a moment before Gibbs' instinctively fell back into one of their oldest habits – sign language. Crossing his arms over his chest, his hands gripping his biceps in a mock-hug, Gibbs told Abby what she needed to hear. As he raised his arm to gesture to her, making his point, Gibbs felt tears welling in his eyes. He was losing her.

Abby had a far away look, her own eyes moist with unshed tears, as she hesitated for a few beats. Gibbs felt unsteady as he waited to see what she would do, holding his breath. He wanted so desperately for her to make the first move, to give him an opening, any indication that she wanted to come inside, if only to allow him to give her a proper farewell. He would tell her, he would say the words unspoken for so long. He swore he would.

It had only been a few moments, but to the two of them it felt like an eternity. Finally, Abby raised her right hand, signing "I love you" back to him.

Even from far away, Gibbs could see the distant look in her eyes. She wasn't coming inside, they weren't going to talk. And God, he wanted to cry. Feeling defeated, he let go of the breath he was holding.

Everything inside Gibbs told him to go to her, at the very least to make sure she was alright, or to touch her and make sure she was real, that this wasn't a dream or apparition, like Mike Franks. But he couldn't move. The shock kept his feet firmly planted on the hardwood floor. The same floor where he helped his daughter take her first steps, and where, many years later, he would curl up in a ball 'til morning, beside himself with grief from missing his baby girl. Losing his wife had been one thing, a terrible thing. But losing a child … that was a different pain altogether. It was a sharp ache that never left him alone, only dulling with bourbon or distraction. And in this moment, it was as if he was losing Kelly all over again, failing her a second time. He loved his team like family, but Abby had always been the daughter he'd lost – innocent, smart as a whip, kind-hearted, intuitive, resourceful and even a bit sassy. All the things he remembered about his daughter in her all-too-short life. Shannon had warned him in that dream – a storm was coming. And now that it was here, he wasn't so sure how to weather this one.

For her part, Abby was trying her best not to cry, to be brave for him. When Gibbs signed to her, she was filled with disappointment. She had hoped he would go to her, embrace her, tell her he was proud of her, or even just ask where she was going. She hadn't told him about the charity or that she was moving to London. There was so much left unsaid.

Yet, as much as she wanted to run through that front door and wrap her arms around him in a tight, familiar embrace, she was afraid he didn't want that. She could tell her words had hurt him, even through the small smile he gave her. And maybe Gibbs didn't want to know anymore about her future, since she was no longer a part of his. She'd left him a note, a "Dear John," as Ducky called it. It was a total cop-out, and she knew it. Abby flashed on an exchange she'd had with Gibbs during the case when DiNozzo contracted pneumonic plague…

 **May 2005**

" _What was the powder, Abby?" Gibbs asked impatiently through his protective suit, pacing in her lab._

" _White, with a hint of tan," she replied simply, knowing that's not what he was asking._

" _Abbs," he warned, not amused._

" _That's all I know until my baby speaks to me. I'm auto-sampling for anthrax, botulism, plague, cholera - all those nasty little bio-buggers."_

" _How long?"_

" _A couple of hours."_

" _I thought you said these tests were fast."_

" _It's not a pregnancy test, Gibbs. I gotta figure out what was inside this SWAK."_

" _SWAK?" Gibbs asked._

" _It's 'Sealed With a Kiss,' Gibbs. Didn't you ever get a love letter?"_

" _Does a 'Dear John' count?" he asked._

" _I feel sorry for you, Gibbs," Abby lamented sadly._

 **PRESENT DAY**

Abby did feel sorry for Gibbs, more now than ever. What she'd meant to be a SWAK turned out to be a "Dear John." Had she ruined one of the best relationships she ever had because of her fear and stubbornness?

'Way to go, Abby,' she thought to herself sarcastically.

She could tell by Gibbs' gaze that he was trying to reassure her, to show her that he respected her wishes. At least he gave her that, she thought. Nodding back to him, Abby forced a smile that felt out of place, masking her disappointment as she turned her head, the streetlight hitting her spider web tattoo as she walked away. Her steps were heavy and the tears were beginning to fall. She didn't bother to stop them, or to wipe them away.

Once Gibbs saw Abby turn and begin to make her way down the street, his façade came down. He licked his lips and released a heavy sigh. He briefly closed his eyes and opened them again, remembering what Abby had said to him in his basement eight years ago…

" _You have no idea how much I wish it was yesterday. Maybe if I could just close my eyes and open them again, it will be…"_

But Gibbs had no better luck than Abby all those years ago. His jaw clenched as he continued to stare out the window in disbelief, watching her walk away from him. His mouth was locked open in shock as his father's words ran through his mind.

" _Leroy, there's a lot in this world you can't make right."_

Gibbs thought back to the night of the shooting, seeing Abby on the brink of death, an image he knew would always haunt him. That night he began to contemplate the possibility of burying yet another daughter. If this was the alternative, he could live with it. When a person cheats death, things come into shaper focus. Perhaps Abby came to the same conclusion Gibbs had upon his return from Paraguay - she was safer without him in her life. In the end, Gibbs thought, maybe the only way to keep his promise to her - to keep Abby safe - was to get her as far away from him, and his black cloud, as possible.

But God help him, he could see her begin to fall apart and every molecule in his body screamed at him to go after her. He wondered where she was going. How could he just let her walk into the dark night alone? Where the hell was Ducky?

From the corner of his eye, Gibbs noticed a large truck barreling down the street, its headlights catching his gaze. It seemed to be moving somewhat erratically. In the same moment he noticed Abby step into the street, peering around the corner as if she was looking for something, or someone. Her back was turned and she had her phone to her ear, unaware of the truck that was fast approaching. The truck also seemed unaware of Abby – her dark clothing camouflaging her in the night.

"Christ, no," Gibbs whispered as he dashed out of the house in a panic, praying he wasn't too late.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

 **AUTHOR'S THOUGHTS: Yes, I know, that's evil – but I promise all will be resolved! Let me know what you think so far!**


	34. Chapter 34 - Forcing the Issue

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 34 – Forcing the Issue**

 _ **Author's Note: OK, so I know I left off on a big cliffhanger. Hopefully this pays it off in the next few chapters. Time to fix what the show screwed up! (Also, feeling somewhat cheated as I continue to watch Season 16 and see Gibbs get all emotional, yet have to deal with his stupid non-emotional reaction to Abby almost dying/leaving. Yep, I'm still bitter, folks! How about you? LOL.) Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **Gibbs' House**

 **9:35PM**

"Christ, no," Gibbs whispered as he dashed out of the house in a panic, watching as the truck carelessly made its way down the street toward Abby, who seemed oblivious to the peril she was facing. It had been awhile since Gibbs had to run this fast – age and bad knees had slowed him. He wasn't going to make it to her in time.

"Abby, look out!" he yelled, his voice breaking as the truck passed by him. He saw her head jerk, her eyes widening as she became frighteningly aware of the danger. The color drained from Gibbs' face as he watched Abby jump toward the sidewalk. The truck caught sight of her at the last second, swerving slightly to the left and laying on the horn as it drove by.

"Abby!" Gibbs shouted again, eyes wide in fear, unable to see anything but her fallen form on the cement. The truck turned the corner, leaving the scene as quickly as it appeared. "Abby!" he called again, his voice rough with emotion as he came upon her.

"Gibbs?" she rasped, trying to sit up, her pre-existing injury making it difficult.

"Don't move," he whispered, sighing in relief that she was alive and conscious. He knelt beside her. "You OK?" he asked breathlessly, placing his hand on her left arm, which had started to come out of its sling.

"I … I think so," she replied slowly as she watched him gently adjust the sling back in place. Gibbs sat her up, pulling her close to him. His hand cupped her face as he looked her over, checking to make sure that she was alright. Despite all they'd been through the last four days, and the agony of the last few minutes, Gibbs was functioning on autopilot, unafraid of invading her personal space and making physical contact. And Abby wasn't pulling away this time.

"Gibbs," she said, her voice cracking.

"You sure you're OK?" he asked with urgency, breathing heavily, his eyes reflecting her own terror at her latest close call.

"I … yea," she replied, still trying to catch her own breath. "Thanks," she added sheepishly. "I should've seen that truck coming … guess I was … distracted." Gibbs gave her a soft look, pursing his lips as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"You're bleeding," he whispered, pulling out a handkerchief and covering a small cut on her forehead, much like the one she'd gotten the night of his nightmare. "Jesus," Gibbs sighed as he took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Gibbs, are _you_ OK?" she asked, pulling his free hand into hers and placing two fingers on his wrist to check his pulse.

He gave her a funny look, smiling. "Am _I_ OK? You get shot, recover, then almost get hit by a truck and you're askin' _me_ if _I'm_ OK?"

"Yes," she replied matter-of-factly, and it was as if all the awkwardness of the last four days had fallen away. They both dropped their guard in the immediacy of the moment, opening up to each other in a way they hadn't been able to since the shooting.

"You wanna know the truth, Abbs?" he asked, shifting to sit next to her on the sidewalk.

"Abby's Rule #1," she reminded him. Never lie to Abby.

"Truth is, I'm not," he whispered, his eyes focused on the wound on her forehead. She gave him a concerned look, and he sensed her confusion. "Don't mean physically," he explained, "though I'm gettin' too damn old for this," he added with a small chuckle. "I mean … I'm not OK if you're not."

Abby shook her head, fighting back tears. "Look, I … I want to be, Gibbs … and I'm sorry Gibbs, I'm so sorry … I … I thought if I could just write it all down, get it out, that it would be enough."

"Why didn't you come to me?" he asked, looking her in the eye.

"After all I've done?" she replied sadly. "I lied to you, Gibbs. I went rogue. And, well, you must've heard the recording …"

"I did," he nodded, pulling the recording device from his pocket and holding it out to her.

"Gibbs, I didn't poison King, if that's what you were thinking …" she said, taking back her recorder as he handed it to her.

"I know. McGee caught me just before I left, told me the tox screen came back clean."

"But Gibbs, I need to know … was there ever a moment when you thought I did?"

"Abbs, it's not important-"

"It is to me!" she cried, looking down dejectedly. "Because there was a moment when I wasn't even sure what I was capable of … I felt like I lost a part of myself back in that ally by _The Cooler_. There was a moment I wanted him gone … I wanted King dead for what he did."

"Me too," Gibbs admitted. "Doesn't change how I feel about ya, Abbs. Still the same person – sometimes, life gets complicated. Not always black and white. Bottom line – you did the right thing."

"Did I?" she asked, eyes filled with tears. "You said yourself, what I did was foolish. I shouldn't have confronted King on my own. And I left you in the dark, lied to you about where to go. I've never done that before. And it felt awful. It felt like I lost your trust … like I lost you."

"Could never happen," he whispered, pulling her close. Abby shook her head, closing her eyes, her face pained.

"Gibbs, I didn't know how to tell you …"

"Abby, I know," he said reassuringly, giving her an understanding look. "Believe me, I know."

Abby sniffled, biting her lip. "I think … I think I was afraid, afraid to see you because … I know I have to do this, but Gibbs … I don't know how I'm going to do it without you." Abby's voice broke and she finally gave in to the emotions that were pressing on her. Squeezing her eyes shut, she buried her face in his chest, sobbing into his sweatshirt, her body shaking.

Holding her tight, Gibbs rested his chin on top of her head, his hand still dabbing at the cut on her forehead, which had stopped bleeding. His eyes clouded over and he sucked in his lower lip. His next breath came out as a sob, and it took everything in him to hold it together. The last thing she needed was for him to break down too. He felt unworthy of the love she was pouring out to him. Closing his eyes, he mustered up the courage to speak.

"Abbs, you don't have to do this alone," he rasped. He felt Abby shake her head, lifting her eyes to his, about to speak.

At that moment they both winced as a set of bright headlights pierced the darkness, coming toward them. Gibbs stood up, hovering protectively next to Abby as he eyed the vehicle.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** OK, I know, another cliffhanger, but I wanted to go deep with this story, so I'm stretching it out. Hopefully it's holding your interest! I promise more deep conversation between Gibbs & Abby in the next two chapters – getting to the heart of it all!


	35. Chapter 35 - Abby's Reasons

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 35 – Abby's Reasons**

 _ **Author's Note: OK, now we're going to get into the thick of it! Conversations between Gibbs & Abby will be getting real! (Possible tissue warnings ;) )." Things are laid on the line, including Abby's "vision/dream" about Kelly that was alluded to in previous chapters. Gonna keep going with desperately trying to fix what the show screwed up! Feedback is much appreciated!**_

 **Gibbs' House – Across the Street**

 **9:39PM**

"Abbs, you don't have to do this alone," Gibbs rasped. He felt Abby shake her head, lifting her eyes to his.

At that moment they both winced as another set of bright headlights pierced the darkness, coming toward them. Gibbs stood up, hovering protectively next to Abby as he eyed the vehicle. It was then he realized it wasn't the truck – it was Ducky.

"My word!" Ducky cried as he parked his Morgan next to the sidewalk and got out of the vehicle, walking toward them. "Jethro! Is everything alright? Is Abigail hurt? I was on the phone with her when I heard the commotion."

"I'm fine, Ducky," Abby sighed, trying to stand up, but losing her balance. Gibbs caught her, steadying her on her feet.

"Easy my dear," Ducky said, checking her sling. "Now what have we here?" he asked, noticing the handkerchief that Gibbs was still holding to the wound on her forehead. "Let's have a look. Hmm… I think perhaps a visit to the hospital is in order."

"No, no more hospitals, please Ducky," she begged.

"Well," Ducky replied, eying her closely, "it doesn't appear to need stitches. Best you at least not be alone tonight, just to be sure."

"Ducky, I don't need a chaperone, I'm-"

"It's either that or the hospital, my dear. Your choice."

Abby bit her lip, looking down.

"I'll stay with her, Duck," Gibbs replied automatically, noticing Abby's pained expression at his offer. "Unless you wanna go with Ducky, Abbs," he added sadly.

"I umm … no, it's … that's fine, Gibbs. Thanks."

Gibbs gave her a worried look as Ducky nodded, sighing in relief that at least his two friends would have plenty of time to talk things over. Abby would be in good hands. The three of them walked over to Ducky's car as he opened the passenger door and got Abby's bag, handing it to her.

"I'm sorry it took so long to get here," Ducky explained. "I stopped to jot down the license plate on that dullard of a driver," Ducky added. "He had no business dodging around like that, and on a residential street at this hour! Really!"

"Wait," Abby began, the wheels in her mind turning. "You don't think … Gibbs could King-"

"Way ahead of you, Abbs." Gibbs was already on his cell. "Yea, McGee. I need you to run a plate number … yea, everything's fine. Yea … Yea, Tim, I know … Well, McGee, she's standing right here if you'd like to ask her … Yea, that sounds like a better idea … Just run the plate, Ducky's gonna fill you in. Yea, McGee, he's here too."

Gibbs rolled his eyes and handed the phone to Ducky, who gave them a wave goodbye as he walked back to his car to talk to McGee and give him the plate number.

"C'mon, Abbs, let's get inside," Gibbs said protectively, eyes shifting around, ushering Abby across the street to his house. Crossing the threshold of his home, Abby gave Gibbs a wary look as they both sat on his couch. After several moments, Abby finally broke the silence.

"You know, you shouldn't be so hard on McGee," Abby said quietly. "This isn't easy for him."

"Isn't easy for any of us, Abbs," he sighed.

"Yea, well … I kinda left out a few things in my letter … like my future plans."

"Yea, I noticed," Gibbs replied, a hesitancy in his voice. He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"Well I … I …"

"Abbs, it's OK. Just tell me."

"I'm moving to London," she replied, unable to make eye contact with him.

Gibbs recoiled slightly, eyes narrowing, giving her a concerned look. "London?"

"Reeves wanted to start a charity-"

"Yea, he mentioned it to me once. In honor of his mother. That's why he was so invested in that last case."

"Yea," Abby rasped. "So anyway, I-"

"You're doin' it for him," Gibbs said, giving her a small smile.

"I spoke with the director. I'll be escorting Clay's body back to London the day after tomorrow."

Gibbs nodded, brushing a stray strand of hair from her forehead. "Movin' to another country, that's a big step."

"Gibbs, I thought about it long and hard, and it's the only way I can see myself having any chance of recovering from all this. Please don't try and talk me out of it."

"Wasn't," Gibbs countered. "Just worried about ya. You've been through a lot. Hate to think of you bein' alone."

"Me too," she admitted. "But every moment I stay here, in this city, at NCIS, the weight of it all keeps pressing on me. Reeves is dead because of me, and I just can't look all of you in the eye every day knowing that."

"Hey, told ya, it's not your fault," Gibbs said strongly. "I should've seen this comin'."

"That's what the director said, and pretty much everyone else. But Gibbs, I was there. And I remember all of it. When I confronted King, it all came back to me."

"You want to tell me?" Gibbs asked. "Might help to talk about it."

"You sound like Sloane," she replied with a sad smile. Gibbs shrugged, giving her a look that implored her to continue. Abby closed her eyes, the pain rushing back.

"Reeves was walking me to my car," she recalled in a small voice. "I'd just hung up with McGee … Clay was talking about the case, about Sarah, thanking me for helping him. I told him … I told him he didn't need me. But he was so sweet … he called me … an angel in platforms."

Gibbs cocked his head and gave a small smile at the phrase. "Sounds about right."

"No," Abby countered. "If I was an angel, I would've saved him, Gibbs. I wouldn't have let him die."

"What happed next, Abbs?" he urged, trying to help her move forward.

"A man approached…"

"Marshall," Gibbs nodded.

"Yea, he asked for spare change, and when I went to give him some, he pulled a gun … and he …"

"It's OK, Abby," Gibbs whispered, putting his arm around her.

"God, I've just … I haven't said it out loud before … this is really hard, but um … well, I felt kind of frozen, and Reeves was standing in front of me, guiding me away. But I thought Marshall was just a desperate man, so I offered to help him. Reeves kept insisting that he take our stuff and go, but he wouldn't. He just kept holding that gun on us. And I got this feeling in my gut that he wasn't there for the money at all. That he was there for another reason – for me. I asked who sent him. And then he snapped, and all I could see was his finger closing on the trigger as Reeves reached out to knock him off-kilter at the last second. If he hadn't, I'd be…" Abby trailed off, shaking her head as the tears began to fall again.

"Hey, come here," Gibbs rasped, pulling her in tight for a hug. He could feel her heart pounding against his chest – she must have been terrified, he thought.

"Every time I close my eyes I all I see is Clay, bleeding on the pavement, his eyes vacant in death. And I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything to save him."

Gibbs sighed heavily, unsure of what to say. "You were shot, Abbs," he reminded her.

"I was so scared, I felt myself slipping away, I felt my blood leaving my body and I thought, it just can't end like this, it just can't," Abby whispered, her voice hitching. "And then I saw our waiter from _The Cooler_ leaning over me, calling 911, telling me to hang on. That kid saved me, Gibbs and I never got to thank him."

"I thanked him for you," Gibbs rasped, kissing her forehead gently. "Found him at the crime scene, brought him home."

"Of course you did," Abby replied, smiling slightly. "I remember, before I lost consciousness, saying your name to him, Gibbs. I still thought you would come. And you did."

"Eventually," he sighed. "Almost too late. I should've been with you. So sorry, Abbs. I let you down."

"No," she countered, pulling away to look him in the eye. "No, don't you go blaming yourself, Gibbs. This is not your burden to carry – not this time."

"Can't blame yourself, Abbs," he whispered.

"Not about blame," she replied. "It's about responsibility. _I_ was sent that invite to _The Cooler_. I should've known something was up – I'm better than that. I was just so blinded by the idea of going … it was stupid. I was stupid."

"Not stupid … you shouldn't have to always think the world is out to get you, Abby. That's my job. You told me about the invite … I wasn't paying attention."

"Gibbs, we can go around in circles all night, but I didn't come back to life so you could beat yourself up over this."

Gibbs frowned, not liking the reminder that, for a brief moment in time, she had been dead to the world.

"I feel stuck, Gibbs," she sighed. "I hurt … _all the time_. I cry … _all the time_. I've never felt this bad, not ever. Not even with all the losses we've had. It's different this time. And it's because I can't get past the guilt. I don't know how, but it has to end, Gibbs. I can't go on like this."

"Abbs, it's only been four days, give yourself some time."

"Damn it, Gibbs, you're not hearing me!" she shouted in frustration, standing up. "This is why I didn't want to talk. I just wanted you to know … I needed you to know how I felt … feel about you. That I never wanted to leave you, not ever, but this … Gibbs if I stay here, I'll never move past it, I won't be able to move forward."

"You said I was always able to make things OK," Gibbs said strongly, standing to approach her. "What changed?"

"I did," she shrugged, keeping her back to him. "If we just hugged this out, you giving me a pep talk like always, and we go on our merry way fighting this endless cycle of bad guys … that's not fair to Reeves. Kate, Jenny, Mike, Dorneget, Ziva … they all took pieces of me with them, but Reeves – Gibbs, he died _for me_ , and that's the difference. And it's something I swore I'd never let happen again."

"Abbs-"

"Gibbs, if I stay, you'll keep trying to protect me when we both know that you can't," she rasped, waiving her hand and turning to face him. She could see him wince at her remark and gave him a loving look of reassurance. "You know what I mean, Gibbs … I know you'd put your life at risk for me in a heartbeat, and you have, more times than I can count. And I'm grateful. But as much as it hurts to lose Reeves this way, if anything ever happened to you because of me … well, Gibbs, they'd need to have me committed because I'd definitely lose my mind."

Gibbs shook his head, but Abby silenced him, holding up her hand as she began to sign to him.

"When I was dying," she signed, "I had a vision, or maybe it was a dream. I saw reasons to stay and reasons to go."

Gibbs shifted uncomfortably, swallowing hard at the thought of her on the brink.

"You stayed," he signed back to her. "What was your reason?"

"Because you asked me to," she signed back.

Closing his eyes, Gibbs shook his head. "You came back because you're strong," Gibbs countered, still signing. "One of the strongest people I know."

"No," Abby spoke aloud, reaching back to grab her letter off the couch where he'd left it, holding it in front of him. "Gibbs, I told you, if you asked me to stay, I might waiver. Because it's true – because it already happened. Even when death seemed so inviting, your words pulled me back. You told me to fight … that you needed me to fight, to fight for you. That you were going to find a way to fix this."

Gibbs' mouth opened in shock and slight embarrassment that she'd heard him while unconscious. While he believed it was a possibility, the reality of it was sinking in. He'd been as emotionally vulnerable to her as he'd ever been, and it made Gibbs a bit uncomfortable that she was aware of his turmoil. He always tried to downplay how deeply she affected him. Now he couldn't deny it.

"What else?" he rasped, seeing that she was holding something back. "Said you had visions?"

"Gibbs, I don't know if I should tell you … I don't know if I can," she trailed off.

"Can tell me anything, Abbs, you know that."

"But I don't wanna hurt you, Gibbs," she insisted, her voice cracking.

"Just tell me," he urged.

"What happened to 'nothing too deep?'" she half-laughed, remembering his words from five years ago, when her autopsy nightmares reoccurred.

"Think we're past that, don't you?"

Sighing, Abby gave him a sad look.

"I was ready," Abby recalled. "Damn it, Gibbs, I was ready. I could see the light … saw my parents … saw Kate, Dorneget, Mike … and I was gonna go…"

Swallowing hard, Gibbs could only stand there in pained silence as Abby continued.

"And maybe this was all in my head, some stupid visions firing off in my brain … but I swear to God, Gibbs, I saw her … clear as day I saw Kelly and she was holding onto my hand…"

Gibbs winced at the mention of his daughter, his heart racing. If only Abby knew that he'd seen Kelly, too, when he'd been near death. If only she knew that he believed her.

"She looked at me, Gibbs, she looked at me and she took me to my hospital bed … took me to see you. I heard every word you said, how you thought you let me down, how you promised to keep me safe … I could see myself, and I could see you…"

 **Washington General Hospital, Four Days Earlier**

 _Gibbs was standing over Abby's bedside, his voice hoarse with emotion._

" _I know I let you down, Abbs."_

 _A healthy Abby was standing on the opposite side of the bed, looking at herself, at Gibbs, and then at the apparition holding her hand._

" _You need to go back," Kelly said, looking at her father sadly._

" _I … he doesn't need me," Abby rasped._

" _He blames himself," Kelly replied._

" _He'll find a way to get through it, he always does."_

" _You're breaking his heart," Kelly whispered._

" _I don't think that's possible," Abby swallowed. "Not after he lost you. Nothing can be worse than that."_

" _It's not about better or worse," Kelly shrugged. "It's about the future now. He lives too much in the past. If you die, he'll be stuck again."_

" _So this is all about Gibbs?" Abby said with slight annoyance. "You know how much I love your dad … but I'm tired, Kelly. I have to think about what's best for me."_

 _Kelly looked up at her and smiled. "This_ _is_ _about you," she said, tugging on her arm. Abby knelt down next to her. "I'm just showing you a piece … my dad, he's just one part. You have so much left to give, Abby. I wish I could've had that chance. You do."_

" _So what, I just stay at NCIS forever? Keep losing my friends, keep getting hurt?"_

" _There's a big difference between leaving and dying," Kelly countered. "You know that. If you_ _die_ _… things will be worse in the world without you in it. Definitely worse for my dad."_

 _Abby looked back to see Gibbs reaching for his dog tags, gently placing them in her hands as she lay still on the hospital bed. She could see the tears in his eyes as he leaned forward to gently kiss her forehead._

" _I know he hasn't always been the greatest dad in the world," Kelly said, surprising Abby with her words. "But he does love you, as much as he can."_

" _I know," Abby whispered, looking back at Kelly. "And I'm sorry, I'm sorry I couldn't help him more."_

 _Giving Abby a soft smile, Kelly jumped suddenly into her arms, embracing her tightly. "All these years … you gave him what I couldn't. You gave him hope and light and laughter. Thanks for looking out for him."_

 _Abby felt a tear fall as she hugged Kelly back fiercely. The room became dark until it was only Abby and Kelly in sight. Kelly slowly removed herself from the embrace._

" _It's OK," Kelly whispered. "We'll all still be here, waiting."_

 _Abby gave a hesitant look as she saw a light, revealing her parents, her friends ..._

" _We'll all be here," Kelly said again, reassuring her. "Don't give up."_

" _I won't," Abby said with resolve. As hard as it was to pull herself away, Kelly was right – there was still work to do. No matter what lay ahead, she could still make a difference._

 **TO BE CONTINUED...**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** So what do you think Gibbs' reaction will be to Abby's "vision?" More of their heart to heart conversation to come in the next chapter! I hope this doesn't feel dragged out, but I really felt like the show cheated us of this important moment, so I'm giving it a lot of focus. Thanks for reading!


	36. Chapter 36 - Holding On & Letting Go

**NCIS: Post-Traumatic**

 **Author: AnonymousNCISFan  
Rating: T (PG-13)**

 **Summary: Gibbs & Abby have been avoiding each other since his return from Paraguay…here's one possible explanation.**

 **Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship**

 **Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15 **

**Warnings: Angst, References to PTSD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.**

 **Chapter 36-Holding On…And Letting Go**

 _ **Author's Note: This may be the final installment. This might be a little sappy/sentimental, but hey…just making up for what we missed all of Season 15 LOL. Wrapping up these two characters and letting them talk things out. I'm so disappointed that the show basically ignored Abby's existence after she left. The fact that they brought up the Pedro Hernandez thing again in S16 but didn't mention Abby at all…it really irked me. There are things in this chapter that allude to that plotline but were written before those episodes aired. Also wrote another part that seems to echo a Season 16 ep ("Hail & Farewell") that I saw after I wrote it – maybe you'll pick up on it. Just trying to give fans what we got cheated of in the show – some emotional payoff from 18 years of love and friendship. Hope this is a better ending than what we got-I sure think it is. Feedback is much appreciated!**_

" _Don't give up," Kelly whispered, her apparition beginning to fade as Abby felt herself being drawn back to the land of the living._

" _I won't," Abby said with resolve. As hard as it was to pull herself away, Kelly was right – there was still work to do. No matter what lay ahead, she could still make a difference._

 **PRESENT DAY**

 **Gibbs' House**

 **9:50PM**

Gibbs sat on the couch, staring at the floor, his right hand cupping his mouth. Abby was surprised at how vivid the memory was, how she'd been able to recount it almost word for word. She could barely look at him as she revealed her near-death experience as best she could. They stayed silent for what seemed like hours, but in reality had only been a few minutes.

"Gibbs … say something. Please?" Abby begged, unable to look at him.

"I'm grateful," he rasped, eyes closed. Abby gave him a quizzical look. "Grateful," he continued, "that you're here, that you've been here. For the team … For me. Not sure what I believe about life after this … but I do believe in you, Abbs, with all my heart. And Kelly, if it was or it wasn't … well, she was right. About all of it."

Abby swallowed, wiping away a stray tear. "That means…Gibbs you have no idea what that means to me. Even though I'm probably just crazy imagining things and-"

Gibbs placed a finger on her lips, quieting her. "Abbs, don't think you're crazy." She gave him a quizzical look as he removed his finger and looked down, swallowing hard. "I um…I've seen her too…or what I thought was her."

Abby's eyes widened at his admission, silently waiting for him to continue.

"I told myself the same thing," he explained. "Just memories firing off in my brain…just me talking to myself…I don't know what the truth is, Abbs. I'm just glad, whatever happened, you came back. Don't know what I would've done if you hadn't…"

Gibbs swallowed, fighting back tears as she reached for his hand. "C'mon, I want to show you something," she said, standing up and pulling him with her, as she had done so many times in the past.

Walking out the front door, she stood next to him on the stoop, looking up at the night sky.

"What am I supposed to be lookin' at?" he asked with a half-smirk.

"When I was a kid, my dad used to take me out on our front porch and show me all the stars and constellations. He told me how, when we look at the stars, it's like looking into the past."

Gibbs gave her a soft look, wondering where she was heading with her thoughts this time.

"Those lights, traveling through time, have existed for hundreds, sometimes thousands or even millions of years, but we just couldn't see them – they hadn't reached us yet. And that light - even if the star might be gone for a thousand years, or more - that light doesn't die."

Squeezing her hand tightly, Gibbs let go and put his arm around her, pulling her close.

"You see the Big Dipper?" Abby asked, pointing to it with her right hand.

"Yea," Gibbs rasped in reply.

"See the star at the handle?"

"Sure, the North Star," Gibbs nodded. "A sailor's compass. Guides him home."

"You're my North Star, Gibbs," Abby rasped. "And I think maybe, in some way, I was yours."

"Abbs," Gibbs rasped, tears stinging his eyes.

"The past can be beautiful, just like those stars," she whispered. "And it's hard to let go, at least for me. So I want to make you a promise, Gibbs. I promise, every time I start to lose myself, to lose my way, I'll look at the North Star, and I'll think of you. And maybe … I mean, if you want to … you could do the same."

Gibbs swallowed, clearing his throat as words failed him. He could nod and hope that she could see in his eyes how much that meant to him. Then he remembered her letter, what she had longed to hear him say. Though he had never been much for words, he decided this was the least he could do for her. And they wouldn't be empty – he would mean it with all his heart.

"Abbs," he rasped, wrapping his arm around her gently and kissing her cheek. "I … I love you. So much. No matter where you go, what you do, I'm with you. Always will be. That's a promise."

Abby closed her eyes in relief, two tears escaping to run down her cheeks. Gibbs wiped them away with his thumb as she opened her eyes. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out an item and opened his hand, placing it in his palm gently.

"Thought you'd want these back," she whispered. "I know how much they mean to you."

Gibbs eyed his dog tags, his hand running over the etching on the metal.

"I was going to ask Ducky to give them back to you, but now I don't have to."

"Keep 'em," Gibbs replied simply, placing them back in her hand and closing her fingers over them with a small squeeze.

"But Gibbs, I know what these mean to you."

"You mean more," he shrugged, struggling to hold his emotions at bay. Words were limiting to him, but this gesture, he hoped, would show her the depth of what he felt for her.

"Oh, Gibbs," she rasped, her face crumpling as she reached for him, hugging him tight.

"Guess you got my point," he chuckled, kissing her forehead gently before pulling back. "Anyway, I, uh, I meant to get this back to you," he added sheepishly as he pulled Abby's old teddy bear heart from his pocket.

Shaking her head, Abby, closed his fingers over the pink cloth heart. "And that's what you mean to me," she replied, surprising Gibbs by gently placing her hand on his neck as she drew him forward to softly kiss his cheek. It wasn't a quick peck, as was her typical M.O., but a lingered, as if she didn't want to lose the moment with him. Gibbs flushed slightly, touched by her affection for him.

"Don't deserve ya, Abbs," he whispered. "Took ya for granted, shouldn't have."

"Gibbs don't-"

"Hate losin' you like this," he continued, "but … if it's what you need, I'll support ya. I want what you want. And maybe it's for the best."

Abby gave him a confused look at Gibbs' last remark. He tilted his head, his blue eyes clouding over as he explained.

"Whenever I love someone, it never ends well," he commented, his voice hoarse with emotion. "Rivera said it – said he tried to warn you about me, about this … cloud of death he called it, that follows me. Maybe he's right."

"Gibbs-"

"And it's the ones closest to me who pay the price," he choked out, feeling vulnerable, as if he had nothing left to lose.

"Gibbs, you can't believe that," Abby rasped in disbelief. "You saved me, countless times. Rivera's evil, he's a murderer."

"And so am I," Gibbs reminded her, his face pained. "What's that old saying? The sins of the father are visited upon his children."

"You can't believe that," Abby insisted. "You're a good man, you have a good heart. Sometimes you did the wrong thing for the right reason, but I know you, Gibbs. This isn't about your sins … it's about other people and theirs."

Gibbs shook his head sadly but Abby grasped his hand, unwilling to let it go.

"Gibbs, when Clay and I were at _The Cooler_ , he told me what you did for him, how you saved him from his own self-pity. You told him when you go through bad things in life, that you make a choice. You choose who you are. Some people choose poorly. But that's not on you, or me. And none of this is your fault … and maybe it's not mine either. It takes a long time to come to it, but if we stay true to who we are, there has to be a light at the end of it all. I truly believe that, Gibbs. And pushing people away doesn't work. We've been to that dance, and it didn't fix a thing. You're smart and you're wise and you've touched so many lives, changed them for the better. I don't want to think about you wallowing in your basement, drowning your guilt in bourbon, when I'm gone. I want you to move forward, and I think I have a way to help you do that."

Gibbs wiped a hand over his face, taking in her words as she dragged him back inside to the couch, where she'd placed her bag. Pulling out an evidence envelope and a small card with a number jotted on the back, she turned toward him.

"Here," she said, handing him both items. Gibbs moved toward the lamplight, eyes squinting as he went to read the card. "It'd be easier with your glasses on," Abby reminded him a slightly teasing tone. Gibbs looked back and gave her a small smirk.

"I know. Left 'em at the office," he shrugged as he turned back to the card and read it. "Kasie Hines … wasn't she-"

"Ducky's graduate student," Abby said, completing his sentence. "But there's something you may not know, not that I think there's anything you don't know," she rambled, getting slightly nervous. Gibbs cocked his head, arching an eyebrow, a look she was very familiar with. She needed to get to the point.

"Gibbs, she also has a degree in forensic science."

"Abby?"

"Just hear me out. I know she's young, but remember how she helped crack that case with the 900-year-old bat? She really clicked with the rest of the team. She's a good person – I can tell. And I think she'd be a good fit, Gibbs, if you give her a chance."

"Abbs, I don't know-"

"Look, I know this all feels really sudden, but she's passionate about the work and would jump at the opportunity. And honestly, I just don't want to leave you in a lurch. I know you think it's all magic down there, but it's a lot of work."

"Never doubted that," Gibbs corrected. "Won't be easy. But you're right, we'll need someone … eventually. Thought Torres and Bishop would burst a blood vessel tryin' to get me one DNA sample."

"Well, it's up to you, Gibbs. I haven't talked to her – that's your call. But just think about it, OK?"

"Alright," Gibbs sighed, placing the card in his pocket. "Now, what's this?" he asked, opening the evidence envelope.

"Something I meant to give you a long time ago," she rasped, getting misty eyed and slightly nervous.

Gibbs frowned slightly as he pulled out the object in the evidence jar, knowing exactly what it was.

"Abby…"

"It's yours Gibbs, you should have it," she replied simply, biting her lip.

"Abby you shouldn't have-"

"I know, I know … I've never compromised evidence, I swear, but you were wrong back then. This was different … and I'm protecting you this time."

Gibbs' eyes narrowed as he studied the object – his bullet – Lapua – mashed and mangled but still identifiable. It sat in the glass jar, evidence of his crime, his moment of weakness. It was the bullet that ended Pedro Hernandez – the man who murdered his family.

"I submitted the report all those years ago like you told me to, but there was no way in hell I was giving this up to anyone. I'm surprised Rivera never went looking for it. I kept it safe … but now that I'm leaving … it's yours now, Gibbs. It always was."

Gibbs rubbed his temple with his left hand, sighing. "Abbs…don't know what to say."

"It's OK … honestly, I was surprised you never asked me about it before."

"Trust you, Abbs … hated that you had to keep this secret."

"And I always will," she said reassuringly. "No one needs to know about the Hernandez investigation."

Gibbs looked down, placing the bullet on his coffee table. "Never meant for you to compromise yourself like that, Abbs. When McGee called and told me what happened to you and Reeves, all I could think of was Rivera and what he said to you. Don't think I could ever tell you how sick it made me feel, thinking he was responsible…because that would mean I was too. Secrets are dangerous … I shouldn't have let you protect me all those years ago – I still shouldn't."

"There's no other way, Gibbs," she replied strongly, grasping his hand.

"Can't help but think some day this is all gonna come crashing down."

"I know how much it weighs on you, Gibbs. Maybe you should talk about it with someone," Abby suggested.

Gibbs arched an eyebrow, giving her an odd look.

"Someone you trust, Gibbs," she insisted. "Rule 6."

"Not sure that applies here, Abbs – you and Leon, Ducky…you all know. Hell, I'm pretty sure the whole team figured it out back then."

"Well, if we're being technical, you've never said it," she shrugged. "Maybe admitting it out loud to someone, talking about it…maybe that would help."

Gibbs nodded thoughtfully. "Maybe … and maybe you should take your own advice," he added, watching her face fall. "You need to talk about what you went through, Abbs. If not with me, then with someone you trust. Shrinks aren't that bad … they're just tryin' to help. It's helped me a lot this past year. Think it can help you too."

Abby nodded, looking down. "I know you're right … it's just … it's really raw, you know? I'm still having trouble … processing everything."

"It's OK. Time will help. And you still have so much more to do with your life, Abby…so much more than this."

She looked up at him, smiling through her tears. "How do you always know what to say?" she rasped. "I'm really gonna miss you, Gibbs…like crazy."

She reached around to pull him close, sobbing into his shoulder as she felt the weight of their goodbye settling on her.

"Gonna miss you, too, Abbs," he swallowed, holding her tight.

The sound of his cell phone ringing broke them apart. "Yea, Gibbs," he answered in a hoarse voice. Wiping her eyes, Abby looked up at him, knowing it was McGee. "OK…good. Yea, I'll tell her." Gibbs hung up the phone and turned to Abby.

"Please tell me that was good news, Gibbs, because I don't think I could take anymore bad."

Gibbs smirked, nodding. "Metro pulled over that truck from earlier … guy was sleep-deprived, apparently. Decided to drive through the night instead of takin' a break."

Sighing in relief, Abby leaned back against the couch, looking up. "I need to go, Gibbs."

Swallowing, Gibbs tried to hide his disappointment. He had hoped she'd stay the night. Every time he went away – on a mission, or just to get away from it all for a while – he always knew Abby would be there when he got back. Now that was about to change, and Gibbs could feel her void settling inside him – another empty space in his heart. His determination to be strong for her was crumbling. It was slightly selfish, he knew – all parents have to let their children go at some point. He just never thought Abby would ever want to leave.

"Gibbs?" Abby called, slightly unnerved by his worried expression and silence.

"Uh, yea," he rasped, shaking his head and getting up quickly to grab his coat and keys. Abby looked down remorsefully – she could tell she was hurting him. Another reason she hadn't wanted to say goodbye in person – she didn't want to confront that her leaving would actually cause Gibbs pain.

"Look, Gibbs," she began, standing up and walking with him to the front door. "It's just … there's a lot to do … and I have to call my brothers. They've been leaving messages all day. And I have to figure out arrangements for Reeves, and my apartment and … and wow, this is happening really fast."

Gibbs looked back at Abby, noticing her overwhelmed response. He walked over to her, placing an arm around her.

"Whatever you need, Abbs," he said reassuringly. "I'm here."

"Thanks," she sighed, shaking her head. "Umm… I was thinking…maybe…maybe you could stay at my place tonight? Help me pack?"

Gibbs smiled, nodding. "Sure," he replied simply. "I'll just grab a few things."

"Don't forget that," Abby reminded, pointing to the bullet on the table. Gibbs pursed his lips, walking over to pick up the evidence jar, staring at it for a moment before jogging back down to the basement. He was back up in less than a minute with a small duffle bag.

"Always prepared with a go-bag," Abby noted with a small smile.

"Had it ready…just in case … you wanted me to go with you."

"But how did you know…"

"Didn't," Gibbs shrugged. "Just thought you might want to escort Reeves' body back home. Didn't want ya to go alone."

Abby gave him a soft look, her exhaustion evident in her tired eyes, which were red from crying so much. "I … I thought about asking you, Gibbs … but I'm afraid. I don't think I can take saying goodbye to you all over again."

"Not goodbye for good, just for now, right?" Gibbs rasped.

Abby smiled. "That's what I told McGee," she whispered. "Guess it's true, but it feels … it feels like forever."

"It won't be," Gibbs reassured her. "We'll be here. I promise."

He leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"C'mon," he encouraged. Smiling, Abby walked out the door, Gibbs following close behind. Whatever lay ahead, as difficult as the path might be, she knew Gibbs would only be a phone call away. Maybe she'd even teach him how to Skype, she thought with a smirk.

Opening the door to his truck, Gibbs helped her climb in before entering the driver's side.

"Ready, Abbs?" Gibbs asked as he put the key in the ignition.

"Yea, Gibbs, I'm ready," she nodded with determination as he turned the key.

 **THE END?**

 _ **Author's Thoughts:**_ _ **So…I'm thinking maybe I'll end the story here. Seems like as good a place as any. It could certainly go into the funeral, and then the end of Season 15 and into Season 16, but I'm not sure it would ever end then LOL. Let me know what you think. Also, the stuff about the bullet from the Hernandez investigation – I had that in mind from the beginning of my story. The fact that the show brought it up in Season 16 and didn't even mention Abby…well, you can imagine how much that bothered me LOL. Anyway, I'd written some of the scene where she gives him back the bullet, but I did tweak it a bit after watching the end of Season 16. I like to think Abby set the wheels in motion for that whole plotline of Gibbs spiraling and thinking about his guilt again. I would think her departure – and what she did for him – would be weighing on him as well. Anyhow – feedback is much appreciated!**_


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